Someone To Watch Over me
by Grissom1
Summary: Sara has someone to finally watch over her...but is it a good thing or not?  GSR...romance, angst, angst, and more angst...LOL
1. Chapter 1

**Someone to Watch Over Me**

**Chapter One:**

**Seek and Find**

_There's a old saying says that love is blind  
Still we're often told "seek and ye shall find"  
_

Sara leaned against the door of her apartment. It had been eighteen hours since she had been home and yet she hesitated at the entrance, trying to decide whether another cup at the café down the street would be better than sitting alone in her apartment waiting for exhaustion to win out and she would sleep until the next shift. The last few cases had seemed too harsh even for Vegas and she felt very much beaten down by the scenes that still haunted her.

It was days like this that she longed for something more than work. She'd turned down an offer for breakfast with the others, not wanting to seem so needy because she knew they'd been offering a lot lately. The truth of the matter was that everyone felt a little beaten down by the sheer brutality of the crimes they came across.

Greg rarely joked while Nick seemed a bit homesick these days for Texas. Warrick's temper flared a time or two when he had to process a crime scene just blocks from his grandmother's home.

Even Catherine felt rattled, calling and checking on Lindsey more often, fearful for her daughter's wellbeing.

Grissom seemed the least affected, grumbling more about paperwork and the sheer volume of cases running across his desk.

Sara wondered if he even noticed the changes in everyone. This morning she had almost asked him to join her for a cup of coffee but her pride could not take another rejection.

Her eyes fluttered in his direction when the gang threw out suggestions for breakfast but he seemed too preoccupied dismissing the offer as his head stayed buried in a lab report.

She hung back with thoughts of chatting with him but his phone rang and then he was sprinting off to talk with Ecklie about some coverage issue, practically walking right past her without acknowledging her presence.

_If I were a body on a slab would you be interested in me, Grissom?_

_Would you hold my hand while scraping under my fingertips and wonder what they would have felt like if they were still warm?_

_Would you stand there with Doc, and let him hand you my heart to weigh and measure?_

_It would seem appropriate because it's belonged to you and no one else…_

_Would you notice the scars on my heart and realize how cruel you've been to me?_

_No, I guess not…_

She scurried away, fleeing from his sight but knew that she could never escape him.

He was always there in her thoughts, her dreams and she would most likely think about him while she lay there in her full size bed, trying to fantasize what it would be like to have him.

She stood there now in her neat quiet apartment and wondered if there would ever be more than this loneliness she felt every time she unlocked the door.

For the life of her, she didn't know why she felt so desolate these days.

With each case, she felt the need to feel close to someone, even accepting a few dinner dates with Nick or Greg.

They were simply platonic encounters but it had been nice until she realized that she did want more out of life than processing crime scenes.

The thrill was gone along with the need to impress Dr. Gil Grissom.

The only reason she came to Vegas was because of this ache she had for an intimate relationship with someone she could trust.

She was sure she could trust Grissom but as months turned into years, it became painfully obvious that he did not have the same yearnings or needs.

She gave up the idea of another cup of coffee, opting for tea as she set the kettle on the stove.

She turned on her laptop, shuffling the stack of mail that was either junk mail or bills. She sighed. Most of her friends kept in contact by email.

Her phone sat silent and she couldn't remember a time when there was a message left.

She stared at the glowing zero indicating the number of messages, as if it were mocking her.

She had good friends.

The problem was that those friends had just witnessed the same horrors as she had in the past eighteen hours and she longed to escape even if it were for a little while.

Each shift had been a bitter reminder of how short life was and for Sara she felt as if she had not really lived at all, her life in a holding pattern of dead bodies.

What was once fascinating was now horrifying at just how cruel life had become. She stared at the faces of the dead, wondering what they were thinking just as the life ebbed from their bodies.

Just for awhile, Sara wanted to feel alive, to know there was more than death that defined life.

_One day we wake up and realize….we haven't really lived at all…_

She understood this even if it did come from a man that kept her heart in a holding pattern, unable to move forward or backward.

The hot shower seemed to help as she slipped on her robe, pulling herself from the warmth to remove the kettle that had been whistling for quite some time.

She made her favorite tea finally settling down in front of her laptop as she scanned through her email.

There was one from an old friend who needed a reference for a job.

She frowned.

The rest were junk email.

She started to delete all of it but then a strange email address caught her eye.

She hesitated, not sure whether she should open it or not but curiosity got the better of her.

"_But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."_

_Sweet dreams my Sara._

The quote was one she recognized immediately. She used to read a little of Yeats while in college.

_My Sara_

The word "my" sent a delicious shiver down her spine.

She had not belonged to anyone in such a long time.

She leaned back remembering the guy who taught her the first thing about heartache.

_Noah…_

He had been quite handsome with blond hair, green eyes and a body rippled with muscles.

She licked her lips at the memory of how his body felt next to hers.

He had been her one temptation in college, forcing her to miss a few classes because she wanted to spend every waking minute with him.

She had been truly tempted and had almost given herself to him.

Even now it was painful to think of him.

She had been so young and naïve without an adult mother to warn her of the games boys played in order to satisfy their needs.

Sara had never paid any attention to boys, mostly because she was too obsessed with grades and keeping her scholarship but Noah had been different.

He was polite and adoring.

He'd accidently ran into her on the front steps of the library, knocking her books from her hands.

He picked them up, introducing himself.

She flashed her Sidle smile but then went on her way.

The next day he sat next to her in class and for the first time she noticed someone else other than the instructor.

He pursued her with a vengeance and she was of course amazed that someone so beautiful would be interested in such a plain, lanky girl pretending to be a woman.

Within two weeks, he was lying on her dorm bed, something no man had ever done.

His hands became a problem and she stayed clear but after another week of his boyish charm, she was lying on the bed next to him.

He kept his urges under control, letting her get used to being alone with him but soon he advanced to the next level, slipping his hands into places no man had ever been.

She struggled from his arms, almost panicking.

It infuriated him.

She tried to explain but he stalked out of the dorm, staying away for almost a week.

His absence sent her into a tailspin of frustration and depression.

She'd never had anyone affect her like that since she'd lost her family, never fully letting anyone in foster care get close to her.

She went to classes, hiding out in the back so that she could hide her puffy eyes and miserable state.

She tried to talk with him but her calls went unanswered.

Suddenly, he reappeared one evening offering her a shoulder to cry on and she took it, clinging to him for comfort while he smiled at her need for him.

He dined her, romanced her and then he groped her mercilessly, forcing her to give in to his wants.

After a few weeks, he decided they needed to move to the next level, citing that most couples were already having sex by this time.

Sara didn't want it to be sex but rather a joining of two persons deeply in love.

When she refused this time, he was quite harsh, breaking up with her and telling her he couldn't remain with a girl who refused to act like a woman much less a young girl who didn't know how to love.

His words had been quite cruel and insensitive to her plight to get him to understand her need to feel loved and cherished.

For weeks, she did not see him, unless he was slipping into class at the last minute, avoiding her at every turn, not giving her an opportunity to talk with him.

He treated her as if she was stalking him and it only made her feel more isolated.

Noah had been the only person she spoke with in class.

The other girls whispered about her, jealous of her intellect as well as her beauty.

Her beauty was something that could easily be seen by others but invisible to Sara.

She saw and felt like an awkward social reject, determined to excel in books, her only solace those days.

Noah's rejection was painful as she sat alone again, far from the others.

She wanted to keep her pride intact but with every day it was getting hard to be without him.

She thought her heart would surely break when a woman called after him and he stopped to talk.

She seductively ran her hand down his arms, licking her lips as she whispered something in his ear.

He smiled, glancing in Sara's direction.

She scurried away like some mouse, too fearful of a confrontation.

The next day the woman stopped him again, this time walking along by his side.

It was clear she desired him and once again he glanced in Sara's direction.

This time their eyes locked.

A tear slipped down her cheeks as she started to turn away.

"_Sara," he called._

_She really had not been prepared for a confrontation so soon._

_She looked quite a mess._

"_Sara, wait," Noah called as his hand grabbed her arm._

_She halted._

"_Sara...don't do this to us," he pleaded. "I can't stand to be away from you but…if you don't want the same thing…if you don't want to be with me…if you don't love me then…"_

"_Love?"_

_He pulled her away from the steady traffic of students._

"_What else could it be? I can't eat…sleep…think…my grades are slipping…I'm turning down…other women because I don't want anyone but…you."_

_He smiled innocently at her as his hands pulled her slowly into his arms. "You do feel the same way…don't you?"_

"_I want you too."_

Noah was about to get what he wanted, her virginity.

She wanted her first time to be special.

She'd imagined all sorts of romantic getaways but none of them involved a dorm room that smelled of smelly socks and spilt beer.

She shook her head at the memory now seeing how gullible she had been.

She was merely putty in his hands as he convinced her he cared for her.

She remembered how she had fallen into his arms, tears falling unmercifully while she offered apologies over and over for her behavior while he stood there and accepted each one without admitting any fault.

He had whispered he'd missed her, craved her and had not been able to sleep although looking back now, she fully understood how it looked and felt to be "sleep deprived" and Noah was none of those things but she didn't notice at the time, too emotional to think clearly.

She'd felt guilty for causing him such heartache and promised to make it up to him.

They were heading into finals.

Noah had never been an excellent student but rather average.

Sara didn't care.

He noticed her.

He wanted to spend time with her, told her all of the things no man had ever said to her and she believed it.

She knew he would be studying for finals but she felt compelled to slip over to his dorm. They shared a class or two together and thought they could study together. She'd been successful at helping him bring up his grade.

She started to call but then wanted to surprise him.

She wore her best outfit, showering over and over and then slipped the condoms into her bag.

She swallowed at what she was going to do.

Most college students her age had already slept with several guys and yet she still remained a virgin.

She spent hours in the library researching the effects of sexual intercourse, needing to know what would happen to her body, what she should expect and how she should react.

She didn't know if Noah was experienced and she wanted more than anything to please him.

Secretly she hopes he had not been with anyone but his good looks reminded her that he probably was quite experienced.

The thought now would have put on the brakes for Sara but at that time, her inexperience only made her feel more awkward and ugly, with no one to tell her how important it was to give one's self to a husband who would be her mate for life.

She walked to the dorm with purpose, feeling quite giddy at the implication of her actions. She was going to give Noah something she'd never given to anyone else.

She slipped into the back door not wanting to be seen. There were girls coming and going all of the time but yet she wanted their encounter to be private, intimate as best as it could be under the circumstances.

She knew Noah rarely locked his door and so she slipped inside, eager to surprise him.

If she had waited a second more perhaps she would have overheard the soft moans and grunts coming from inside.

Her face paled when she opened the door and spotted Noah having sex with her roommate.

She was shocked at the discovery. Her roommate never seemed to care for Noah. She glanced down at the empty condom wrapper lying near the trash can.

She flew out of the dorm rushing out into the darkness.

She found an empty bench and sat down, letting the tears drop one by one.

He later came to her dorm room wanting to explain but there was no need.

She was through with him.

It had been a harsh lesson to learn but at least she had not given herself to him.

The remainder of the semester was quite strained as she continued to live with her roommate who made a point of letting her know that it had not meant anything to her but merely a need for sexual gratification.

"You should really consider taking him back. I'm not interested…really," she repeatedly said until Sara was certain she would kick her teeth in if she didn't shut up.

Noah persisted for awhile but she refused to have anything to do with him.

She had almost given herself to a man that could not even control his own bodily urges long enough to share his body with someone who really loved him.

It hurt for a very long time but it came to an end when a certain entomologist came to give a lecture that would change Sara's direction in life.

Sometimes, she wondered what would have become of them if she had given in to Noah sooner but then she figured he would have moved on to other pursuits, having gotten what he wanted.

Still, she remembered how nice it felt to lie in a man's arms, to have him whisper his love and his need for her.

_If only I could lie with Grissom…_

_To feel his arms around me…_

_His body on mine…._

She cursed out loud, hating how Grissom always managed to ruin any indecent thought she might conjure up especially if it did not include him.

She stared at the emails.

Her brain told her to be logical about it.

The Grissom of late would not do this.

Her heart told her it was Grissom.

Her heart carried too many scars caused by Grissom and so she was leery.

His exploits with a certain dominatrix was the worst pain.

She had licked her wounds, telling herself that it was the last straw.

Sara Sidle was not going to be used like a door mat.

She pushed herself to find someone else but really there just wasn't enough daylight in her life to find someone.

So now, she sat alone in her apartment much too often, venturing out only when the walls seemed to be closing in around her.

She tried the bar scene and abandoned it the first night. She never cared for the way guys in bars stared at women as if assessing whether they were into one night stands or not.

She definitely was not into one night stands.

It had been so long since she felt any sort of affection she was beginning to reconsider her stand on such a thing, needing some physical contact soon before her job drove her to less attractive diversions such as smoking or alcohol or worse drugs.

Sleep was getting to be a problem, particularly after long shifts such as this. It was hard for her to shut down, her brain still processing and reprocessing crime scenes that seemed stuck on rewind.

When she first came to Vegas, she'd used sleeping pills briefly, trying to adjust to graveyard and the fact that her job brought her in close proximity with the object that kept her from sleeping, Grissom.

Her body never fared well when it was thrown into his path for long periods of time. She wanted him with every fiber of her being but he did not share the same sentiment, looking at her as a prized asset for the lab. Over the last few nights, she had worked just about every case with him in some form or fashion and it was getting to her.

She turned her attention to the screen again.

The email nagged her.

She started to delete the message but then found herself responding.

"_How can we know the dancer from the dance?"_

_Your Sara_

She grinned remembering her own Yeats line and hit the send button but then thought that she had made a huge mistake by letting the person think that she was accepting of the invitation to be "his."

She chastised herself for responding, blaming it on the lack of sleep and the loss of a social life.

Her toes, however, curled at the thought that it just might be Grissom.

_That's impossible…_

Still, it didn't hurt to fantasize.

She pulled the laptop over to the couch as she curled up, sipping on her tea.

She was hungry but knew there was little food in the house and she didn't want to face another delivery guy.

Her stomach growled.

Perhaps one more delivery guy wasn't such a bad idea after all.

A response appeared.

_My Sara,_

"_In dreams begin responsibility." _

_You know me. You know my heart._

She stared at the short response. She swallowed.

"_Take, if you must, this little bag of dreams, Unloose the cord, and they will wrap you round."_

_Sara_

She wondered if he would catch that she had omitted "your" this time in the reply.

A response appeared immediately.

_**My **__Sara,_

_You've taken my line. I guess I will have to jump to the end of my thoughts and dreams._

"_How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and ah, how old my heart."_

_You wound me by omitting the "your" with your name. Are you not mine?_

Her heart beat wildly as she stared at the screen. She had no idea who she was talking with. It could be a prank by a friend or worse some cyberspace pervert but inwardly a tiny part of her heart hoped that it was Grissom.

He'd done such a thorough job of destroying her self confidence when it came to relationships that she wondered if she would spend the rest of her life silently waiting for something that would never happen.

There was a tap at the door and she jumped.

She checked before opening the door slightly to accept the delivery.

She returned to the couch with food in tow.

Minutes went by as she allowed herself to fantasize about having someone to call her own.

She laughed out loud, wiping a tear from her cheek.

It was painfully funny.

She had been miserably lonely and now someone was sending her quotes from Yeats.

How could they have gotten her private email?

It could be anyone but at that moment in Sara Sidle's life, she wanted it to be one person, Grissom.

"_The light of lights looks always on the motive, not the deed, the shadow of shadows on the deed alone."_

_What do you want?_

_Sara_

She slid the laptop onto the table beside the couch as she hunched down onto the couch, curling into a ball. Her body ached to be loved, cherished. She couldn't remember the last time she was held.

If this proved to be a sick joke, she couldn't hurt any worse than how she felt each time she entered her empty apartment.

_My Sara,_

"_I am still of opinion that only two topics can be of the least interest to a serious and studious mood- sex and the dead." _

_I want to see you smile more._

_Smile for me my Sara._

She sniffled as she grabbed the throw pulling it over her body as she closed her eyes.

She was almost asleep when the sound of an incoming email woke her.

_My Sara,_

"_If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise." I suffer when you suffer. Isn't it time we do something about this?_

_Sweet dreams My Sara. Be safe tonight. _

The last line made her sit up.

She always said that to Grissom just as he left the lab.

Despite her curiosity, exhaustion won out.

She lay there on the couch, treading softly on his dreams.

She dreamed of a house with a beautiful rose garden in the front. There were rocking chairs on the front porch, one occupied by a cat.

She opened the door to her dream house and found him standing there.

Just as he turned, the dream was interrupted. Her beautiful house morphed into a bloody crime scene.

A dead body lay on the floor.

She stepped to the fire place intent to take a closer look at the photo but her feet were glued to the floor.

The man's hand slowly moved and she cried out for Doc, pleading with him that there was still life in the bloodied body.

She started to scream just as the man's body was being rolled, his identity almost known but she calmed, feeling a soft hand gently stroking her hair.

She curled into the warmth, the room cool as the autumn temperatures moved in.

A soft featherlike kiss was placed upon her head. "It's okay, Sara. I'm here," he soothed.

She never had such a vivid dream before, his touch almost real.

She struggled to wake, but a soft voice urged her to sleep, promising to watch over her while she dreamed.

"Dream, Sara. Dream of me," he whispered.

She woke with a start not sure what to make of the dream.

Her laptop still lay open.

There was a new message and she opened it quickly.

_My Sara,_

"_Now a soft kiss- aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss."_

_I am yours. Be gentle._

Her hand slipped to her forehead, remembering the feel of a kiss.

_That's impossible…_

_I was dreaming…_

Her C.S.I. training went into high gear as she checked and then double checked for any evidence that someone had entered her apartment but found none.

She shivered, no longer liking this email exchange.

She deleted the message and hurried to get ready for shift.

She started down the hall an hour later but forced herself to return inside, opening the laptop once more to check for messages but then shook her head at her stupidity when there was no further emails.

She kept her eyes from Grissom each time he spoke with her.

It annoyed him to no end but he gave her an assignment and let her rush off to her part of the lab where she felt safe from his verbal assaults that were coated with mixed signals or emotions that only unsettled both of them.

She had seemed a bit strange this evening and he wondered if she were burning out.

She had spent far too many hours on the clock this week.

"Sara," he called.

She turned and finally looked at him.

"Are you okay? You've been working a lot of overtime. We're not that busy…do you want to go home?" he asked.

"What would Yeats say?" she asked.

"Yeats?"

"Never mind. I'm fine."

She forced herself to believe that right until she returned home, rushing to her laptop.

_My Sara,_

"_I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else."_

_You didn't smile today. What can I do to make you smile?_

She hadn't smiled that day.

Was it a lucky guess or were the emails coming from someone within the lab?

She wasn't quite sure how to feel.

Was it really Grissom?

Not knowing was driving her crazy.

_Drop the Yeats crap. Use your own words._

_Sara_

She hit the button and then wondered if she had been too harsh.

Grissom was always quoting someone else. He felt more comfortable using someone else's words.

She slumped back into the couch.

_My Sara,_

_What have I done to make you so angry?_

_G_

She thought she would hyperventilate.

"G" had to be Grissom.

No wait.

"G" could be Greg.

It didn't feel like Greg.

She let out a loud "ugh" as she grabbed her laptop.

_Greg,_

_Cut the crap out._

_Sara_

There was an immediate response.

_My Sara,_

_Do you really think Greg would know Yeats so well?_

_G_

She stared at the screen as she rubbed her eyes.

She grabbed her cell, calling his number.

"Grissom."

"Do you really care whether I smile or not?" she asked gulping for air and blinking back tears as she held her breath for a response.

He cleared his voice. "Sara, I know the hours have been hard. I also know…you're like me. I just don't want you to burn out."

"The lab needs me," she muttered as she glanced at the plant she had wanted to die even though she watered and tended to it every day.

"I need you."

She gulped, not sure how to proceed.

"Night," she finally got out.

She nibbled on the bagel in her hand and then sent an email.

_G_

_Don't play games. You made your point: don't let the lab consume me. See, I didn't read a whole lot into this. You don't have to worry that I'll think you really care._

_Sara._

She closed the laptop.

_He's just afraid you're burning out…_

_He doesn't mean anything by this…_

She took a hot shower then curled into bed.

She should be thrilled he had taken the time to send those emails but it just hurt, deep inside.

She wanted more than what he was willing to give.

The loneliness was impalpable.

She turned her head into the extra pillow, letting the sobs come.

A good cry always seemed to help her sleep.

Hours passed and she felt the warm hand once more stroking her hair.

She shifted in her sleep, trying to scoot toward the warmth.

His hand continued its ministrations, lulling her to a more deep and restful sleep.

A dark figure sat on the edge of the bed, taking in her sleeping form.

He smiled at how easy it had been for him to secretly enter her home.

Of course he had been slipping in and out of her home for years without being caught.

He dipped down and boldly kissed her, his body stiffening at the soft moan that came from her lips.

She wanted this.

Soon, he would have her.

"Sleep my Sara," he whispered as he stole another kiss. He smiled knowing that he could be with her in such an intimate way, undetected by the rest of the world.

She stretched, scowling at the clock as she readied herself for work.

She checked her email just before she was scheduled to leave.

_My Sara,_

_I can't bear to see you so sad. I only want to comfort you. I hope that you slept well. Be safe. Be happy. Know that I watch over you._

_G_

Her legs swooned over the words but she forced herself not to read too much into them.

_Can I do this?_

_Can I put my heart out there one more time and risk it broken by Grissom?_

The answer came when she worked a double, one involving domestic abuse with battered children.

She had stealth her heart against the cruelty, going on autopilot, void of emotion while the case played out with the parents being arrested for doing unspeakable things to their own flesh and blood.

Grissom had stood by her side, offering numerous times to take the lead but she had handled it like a pro until the young girl had been taken away by the service worker and she felt the lump in her throat constrict until there was no room for air.

She bolted like lightning to the showers, needing to wash off the filth that had spewed from the father while the mother had sat there too paralyzed to say anything, the fear still visible in her eyes.

With each question Sara posed, his eyes remained fixed on Sara, determined to make her cower like his poor wife but she remained calm, letting each of his answers bury him deeper and deeper until she was certain he would be sent away for a very long time.

The sight of the caseworker with the young girl was just too close in her memory of her own personal experience with foster care and it had been the pin that pricked through Sara's shield.

She had stood under the water for an hour, trying to regain composure but in the end she slipped to the cold surface of the shower, sobbing for the fate of the little girl.

Another hour and she made her escape from the office, avoiding everyone and everything.

She felt his eyes on her when she slipped on her sunglasses, knowing they would hide just how vulnerable she was in this job.

He had thought to stop her but let her pass, whispering a soft "night."

Once she was in the safety of her apartment, she let her anger and sorrow unleashed, throwing things about, screaming into her pillow at the cruelty she'd witnessed in the case.

There was little comfort for her that the father would probably never see the light of day, knowing the little girl was damaged for life just like she was.

She cried herself to sleep, only waking briefly when she felt strong arms encircle her body.

She leaned into his body, pressing as close as she could.

His lips kissed her gently on the temple.

She tried to turn in his arms but he held her firm.

Slowly the horrors of the shift faded away as she reveled in the security in his arms.

His voice whispered sweet sonnets in her ear.

The next several weeks she received more emails but more importantly, she could not remember a time that she slept alone, feeling his body next to hers.

He was always gone just before she woke but it didn't matter.

Grissom was finally doing something about this.

She almost caught him leaving one evening, rolling over to see the door shut.

It bothered her that he never stayed, letting her wake with him next to her.

She had run after him trying to catch him before he got into the elevator but he was already gone.

He gave her an assignment with him that evening but they weren't alone.

Nick rode with them.

Grissom noticed the change in her.

She seemed happier.

"Anyone for coffee?" offered Grissom as he pulled up to a Starbucks.

He ordered three coffees, his finger slightly touching hers as he handed her the cup.

She smiled and he returned it.

"I'll stop for coffee more often if that gets a smile out of you," Grissom perked.

She gulped.

It was difficult to concentrate knowing the words that had transpired between them.

She wanted to say more but kept quiet, knowing there would be time to chat after work.

**Note from author:**

So how do I say this? This has to be my most strangest idea for a story so things are going to be a little weird….about forty chapters and did I say that it is out…there? It is FICTION….do not consider any part of it anything else but fiction. Don't think you have it figured out…just read and follow along. A word of caution: I am still using my old laptop which does not like me some days so if I don't post daily then you know I am wrestling with my computer. LOL. The story is completely finished so you will get a daily dose and then some.

Take care,

Penny


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

**A Certain Guy**

_So I'm going to seek a certain guy I've had in mind  
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet  
_

_Gershwin_

It was the type of case that bothered everyone on the scene, including the hardnosed officers.

Brass had been there.

He spoke little but spoke volumes with his eyes as he followed a few steps behind.

She hesitated at the door, wondering why he insisted on escorting them to the carnage.

He'd already seen the horror and there was no reason to believe they couldn't find it for themselves.

Still, he followed.

Her eyes drifted back, meeting his briefly.

"Let me know if you need anything," he offered.

His hands suddenly sunk into the pocket of his jacket.

It was a bit cool these nights but they were now inside.

She stopped abruptly, staring at the sight before them.

"What the hell?" mumbled Warrick.

The room was like a meat locker.

"Whoever did this was trying to cover up the time of death," remarked Grissom.

"It's freezing in here," muttered Sara.

Warrick examined the first body. "Gunshot wound to the head. Hands tied behind her back. This was an execution."

Their eyes filtered over the other bodies.

"A family lived here," whispered Sara as her fingers held a family portrait.

"No one lives here now," remarked Warrick. "Even the dog was killed."

"May have killed it first to avoid it alerting the other family members or being attacked by it," commented Grissom as he glanced at Sara who still held the photo.

"Sara…you want to get the perimeter?" asked Grissom.

She stood there unmoving.

"Sara?" he asked once more.

"Shouldn't we…process this first? I mean…there are four bodies and…"

Greg stepped into the room. "You rang?" he announced.

Grissom frowned.

He knew Sara wanted to remain inside despite how it was affecting her.

"Greg, you can take the perimeter," said Grissom, his eyes meeting Sara's briefly, accepting the silent thank-you that shown in her eyes.

He took a deep breath focusing his attention on the bodies.

"I'll take this one," said Warrick as he began with the father.

"I'll take the children," stated Grissom.

Sara stepped over to the far side of the room. "I guess I get the mother."

She focused on the task, shooting off photos then slowly examining the area around the body for any trace evidence.

There were a few small fibers, along with a partial print was found on the woman's arm as if someone had grabbed her by the arm.

She gently rolled the body over.

There was a bullet entry to the head just as the other victims.

She finished quickly, moving to other parts of the room.

Warrick offered small talk.

She responded, needing to keep her heart distracted while her brain processed the crime scene.

Grissom entered into the conversation, talking about his first baseball game.

Warrick chuckled as he added his own memories of learning the game.

"I was the tall back dude…supposed to be able to play basketball but I loved baseball."

"It was the stats," chimed in Sara. "You like to count cards so…"

Warrick tsked at her. "It was the exhilaration you got just when the bat connected with the ball and you knew you were going to trot around all of the bases," announced Warrick.

"I got a new pair of ball socks for each game," said Grissom.

"Mr. Jensen used to treat all of us kids with a free ice cream cone after every game," said Warrick.

"I played," announced Sara.

"Yeah right…softball is not baseball," chuckled Warrick.

"I played baseball," she protested.

Grissom joined in on the laughter.

"Seriously, guys I can play baseball," she insisted.

"What position?" asked Grissom.

"Pitcher," she said proudly.

"I can see that…sort of," teased Warrick.

"The coach had to get special permission for me to play with the guys," she explained.

"Softball too soft?" Warrick asked, his teasing relentless.

"I liked this guy but he…"

"Loved baseball," finished Grissom and Warrick.

Sara grinned. "I was going to say he only had eyes for baseball so I joined his team."

"How did that go?" asked Warrick.

Sara slipped off her gloves.

"Not good….he was the team pitcher."

"Ouch! That is so not the way to get a boyfriend," laughed Warrick.

"Yeah, well, I soon found out that maybe I set my sights too low."

"I get it. You liked someone else on the team…the first baseman?" asked Warrick.

"The coach," she admitted.

Grissom's head popped up. "The coach?"

"I've always been attracted to older men," she purred.

He swallowed. "Besides the pitcher…of course."

"He was two years older."

Hours later the crime scene was finished with little or no evidence to show for it.

She got the water as hot as she dared, stepping into the tub to rid herself of the bitter cold.

Since returning from the crime scene she could not seem to shake the chills.

She knew part of it was because of the case.

A family had been executed.

She remained in the tub until the water turned cool.

She dressed warmly, turning up the heat as she grabbed a throw to wrap around her as she sat down in front of the computer.

A message was waiting for her.

_My Sara,_

_I felt your melancholy this evening. Are you alright?_

The message had just been sent.

_I'm fine. _She sent.

_You're not fine _came the reply.

_Okay, I'm tired and cold._

Her hand propped up her head.

_Can't sleep? _

_No. _She typed.

_Did the bath help?_

She stilled.

How did he know she had taken a bath?

She could not keep from glancing around.

_How did you know I took a bath? _She replied, her eyes darting around the room.

_Sorry, you're just predictable. _Came the reply.

She let the tension seep away.

_Why can't you sleep?_

She waited for his response.

_I'm worried about you. _

_Why? _She typed wondering why he just didn't call her.

_You let things bother you. You wear your heart on your sleeve. I want to protect you…watch over you._

She leaned back in the chair.

_It was hard today…seeing that family…such a waste._

There was a pause but his reply came.

_My Sara,_

_Was it the loss of the family or your yearning to have one of your own?_

Her fingers caressed the keyboard, trying to be honest.

_I don't want to be alone anymore._

His response was instant.

_You're not alone, Sara. I'm with you always._

She rubbed her temple, leery of falling too deeply only to have him shy away once more.

_I don't want to hurt anymore._

She turned away from the computer, leaving it on the coffee table as she curled her body into the couch, seeking warmth.

She heard the soft "ding" of the response but she wasn't ready to read it.

She closed her eyes, fighting back tears.

_What is wrong with me?_

Another "ding" alerted her of an additional response.

On the third "ding" she opened the first email.

_I feel your pain. I'm worried about you. _She gulped opening the other two emails.

_Sara? Please respond._

_Honey, please let me know you're okay._

She typed a response.

_I'm okay. I'm letting the exhaustion talk. Night._

She had no idea why she didn't want to talk with him.

There had been thousands of times she had yearned for a conversation such as this.

It just seemed too good to be true.

_My Sara,_

_If you'll let me, I'll soothe your hurt. Sweet dreams. Tread softly through my dreams._

_G_

She gulped, blinking through tears.

She expected to find it difficult to fall to sleep but she shut her eyes just for a moment and did not wake until several hours later.

There was an email message waiting for her.

_My Sara,_

_When the world seems uncaring and harsh_

_When the tears in your eyes keep on asking me why?_

_I'll always be there._

_G_

She grabbed her phone calling him.

His voice indicated he had not been sleeping.

"Grissom."

"Hey."

"You should be sleeping," he said, easing himself down onto the couch, giving up on his bed hours ago.

"Did you?" she asked.

"Some."

"Gil, thanks for…processing the children."

"You should have taken the perimeter."

"The scene was affecting all of us. I just wanted to help."

There was a long pause.

"Get some sleep before shift," she urged.

"Were you a great pitcher?" he asked not wanting to break the contact with her.

"I struck out a lot of good players," she beamed.

"I bet that sort of dampened your social life," he quipped.

"I didn't care…as long as the coach like the way…I played."

"Did you try out any other positions?" he asked.

She cleared her throat. "On the team or with the coach?"

He rose slightly from the couch. "How old was this coach?"

"He coached while attending the University."

"Too old for a young…girl on a ball team," he declared.

She grinned. "I learned a lot that summer."

He swallowed. "I'm not sure I want to know."

"I learned that some guys are just really good guys. He protected me from the harassment of the other team mates who didn't like a girl on their team. He walked me home, gave me pointers….and then he broke my heart when he told me how much I reminded him of his kid sister."

Grissom smiled. "Did you continue to play?"

"Of course. I set out to prove that I was more than that."

Grissom's smile faded. "You said he was a good guy."

"I did, didn't I," she teased.

"I think you're teasing me."

"I think you should go to sleep now."

"Hey Sara, are you going to show me your fast ball some day?"

"If you're lucky, I'll show you a few other moves."

Note from author:

Thanks so much for my regulars who have returned to read. The story starts out...well kind of nice but then...so stay on your toes and read every line...that's the only clue I'm giving. LOL. P.S. No, you can not recommend psychiatric help for me ...I'm chuckling...because you guys are reading it...LOL...which makes us such geek obsessors for GSR.

Take care!

Penny


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

**The Guy:**

_He's the big affair I cannot forget  
Only guy I ever think of with regret_

_Gershwin_

She smiled when Warrick purposely placed a new "pink" baseball in front of her while the others looked on in confusion.

Grissom tried to cover the smirk.

"What's with the ball?" asked Nick. "Did we miss a memo or something?"

"Our Sara told us last night that she used to play baseball," informed Warrick.

"There's nothing wrong with that," defended Nick as he took a sip of coffee.

"Our Sara played on a guy's team," added Warrick.

"You're kidding?" asked Nick, looking surprised.

"What? You think girls cannot play ball?" she challenged.

Nick cleared his throat and then coughed. "I bet you can do anything you set your mind to, buttercup."

He winked as he took a sip of coffee.

"You're just trying to get brownie points….and pretending that you're sick isn't going to get you any additional points," charged Warrick.

"It might with me," smiled Sara as she returned the wink.

The exchange did not go unnoticed by Grissom.

"Could we get to work?" he huffed.

He glanced at Nick when it came to his turn.

"Nicky, you sure you're up to the field?" asked Grissom.

"A little more coffee and a box of Kleenex and I'm good to go," he lied.

"I'll go with cowboy," offered Sara.

"No cross contamination," warned Grissom.

"Are you talking about crime scene…or Sara?" asked Greg.

Greg quickly shut up at the glare he got from Sara.

"Yes sir…to both," agreed Nick as he gave a devilish grin to Sara.

Grissom's eyes followed the couple until they were out of sight.

Nick insisted on driving while Sara frowned at the constant sneezing.

She handed him a Kleenex.

"It's just a little cold," he admitted.

"And I so don't want you to share," she announced.

He chuckled when she edged closer to the passenger door.

"You and germs," he teased.

"Me and not getting sick because I stay away from germs," she said.

"Then why did you offer to assist me?"

"Brownie points…you earned them."

He grinned, turning up the country and western music.

Sara waved at Vartann as she stepped out of the vehicle grabbing her kit.

Ahead, she caught sight of Doc just as he disappeared into the warehouse.

"I guess we're in no hurry since Doc just got here. I figured the body would have already been moved," sighed Nick as he popped a cough drop into his mouth.

"No germs," Sara warned.

Nick sneezed and she backed away.

"Hey Stokes, haven't seen you out and about," called Vartann.

"Too many hours," he replied.

"Yeah, well, I have a pool game waiting with your name on it."

"Sounds good. I guess you're just glutton for punishment," chuckled Nick.

Sara and Nick stepped into the warehouse.

They followed the sound of voices near the back, circling around stacks of wood and lumber.

"I feel like a rat in a maze," grumbled Sara as they continued through the narrow passageway.

"I love the smell of wood," announced Nick.

"Getting homesick for Texas?" asked Sara.

"All of the time," he admitted.

"You are such a momma's boy. You…"

Sara's words were interrupted by the sound coming from above.

A dark figure jumped across the stack of lumber above them.

Nick and Sara quickly pulled their weapons as shots rained down on them.

Nick pushed Sara against the stack of lumber.

"What the hell!" he yelled.

The figure once more jumped to the other stack of wood, forcing them into the open in order to hide.

A bullet whizzed by their heads, sending debris into Sara's eyes just as she shot off a round.

She stumbled but Nick grabbed her, steadying her.

"Where the hell is backup?" yelled Sara.

"We're sitting ducks as long as…"

The stack of lumber came crashing down on top of them.

Sara's gun slid across the floor as her head connected with the concrete floor.

"Sara!"

She tried to focus through blurry eyes as she saw Nick cover her body with his as the assailant shot once again.

"Nick!" she yelled.

Sounds were muffled as more gunfire erupted.

She gasped when more lumber fell on top of them.

The pressure on her chest was unbearable but she tried to turn in order to see Nick.

"Nick!" she called feebly.

There were footsteps and then the sound of feet running toward them.

The pressure eased as the lumber was thrown to the side.

Moments later she felt hands on her body as the final piece of lumber was removed.

She was relieved to see that it was Vartann and Doc.

"Nick," she managed to get out.

"Sara, it's Doc. Nick is okay. Let me take a look at you," he offered as the medics placed the stretcher on the ground.

"You may have some broken ribs…nasty hit on the head. You're damn lucky you weren't shot."

"How is Nicky?" she begged.

"He's a little worse for wear. A bullet in his shoulder but he's going to be fine."

"He…got shot because of me….covered me with his body," she gasped as she tried to sit up.

"Don't move, Sara. There's blood on the back of your shirt. You may have been shot," he cautioned.

"I'm not…I'm just short winded…from the pressure," she winced when she tried to roll over to face him.

"Slowly," he warned.

Sara sat up once she was thoroughly examined by Doc.

She struggled to stand when she saw the medics working on Nick.

"Nick…Nicky!"

"Sara, I examined him…he's going to be alright," urged Doc.

Her hand held her head, not liking the feel of the rather large knot.

Grissom rushed into the building, slowing when he caught sight of Doc standing beside Sara while they watched the paramedics begin to remove Nick.

She stepped forward, her hand briefly connecting with Nick's as they passed by.

"What happened to being afraid of germs?" Nick groaned.

"Shut up cowboy," she whispered. "You just earned yourself a whole slew of brownie points."

He tried to smile but winced.

"Nick!" she cried.

"It's okay Sar," he managed to get out.

Her eyes followed them until they were out of sight.

She didn't notice Grissom who was trying to make his way to her side.

Doc grumbled when he noticed blood on her hand.

"That goose egg may need stitches," he warned.

"Stitches?"

Sara glanced down at the concrete floor.

There was a large pool of blood on the floor.

"Nick…Nick lost a lot of blood," she whispered.

Brass and Doc exchanged glances.

"Sara…I think we need to get you to the hospital too," urged Doc.

She nodded, letting him guide her away before Grissom could get near her.

She woke later in a stark white room.

Greg sat beside her, with a smile on his face. "Sleeping beauty wakes."

She winced from the pain in her side.

"You have a couple of bruised ribs and a goose egg on your head…only three stitches."

"Thanks Greg."

"The good news is that they're going to release you in a couple of hours if you're feeling okay."

"How's Nick?" she asked quickly.

"In surgery. Grissom just left a few minutes ago to talk with his parents who flew in."

"How long have I been…here?"

"About six hours."

She touched the back of her head and winced.

"Told you so," he quipped.

She started to get up but then realized her clothes had been removed.

Greg grinned.

The door opened and eyes turned to the entry.

Grissom sighed in relief at seeing her conscious.

"Nick?" she asked anxiously.

"Surgery went well. He's going to make a full recovery. I had to leave for a moment so…"

"Greg told me. How are Nicky's parents?"

"Upset…but relieved."

"Did they get the guy?" asked Sara.

"Yes. Both of you were lucky…as well as Doc."

Hours later she sat in the waiting room, hoping to see Nick before being forced to leave by Grissom and the others.

Her head felt like it was going to explode but she didn't dare complain.

She needed to see for her very own eyes that Nick was recovering.

His parents stepped out of the room and she stood on wobbly legs.

"He threw us out," whined his mother.

"Now, darling, he knows you're tired and he just needs a bit of shut eye so he can get some color back…we'll check back in a few hours," assured her husband.

The Stokes spoke briefly with Grissom and Catherine giving her an opportunity to slip into the room.

Finding her seat empty, Grissom knew what she had pulled.

Quietly Sara slipped her hand into Nick's.

"Hey there Sar. They told me you were at home," he said.

"I'm headed there but I needed to see you," she whispered. "I needed to thank you for protecting me."

He grinned. "Be sure and tell my Momma that so she doesn't tan my hide for getting shot."

"Yeah well, I would have been shot if you hadn't covered your body over mine after the lumber landed on me."

Nick groaned when he attempted to move. "I don't remember much."

"Get some sleep. I'll check on you tomorrow," she whispered, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

"That should have brought some color back into my cheeks," he drawled. "And you didn't even worry about catching my germs."

"You're impossible. You know that?" she teased.

"Go home Sara. Hey, you are okay, right?" he asked.

"Just some bumps and bruises."

He closed his eyes, smiling at that. "Not every day I can rescue a ball playing damsel in distress."

Sara grinned as she slipped back into the waiting area.

Greg was there waiting for her.

"I am supposed to take you home," he announced.

Sara's eyes dashed briefly in Grissom's direction.

He was knee deep in conversation with Ecklie and Brass.

Greg boldly wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Greg, I don't need help," she chided softly.

"Pretend you do so I can have something to dream about later," he teased.

She purposely leaned into him and he grinned fully.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I single handedly rescued two girls from a rat in college?"

"Oh this should be good," she teased.

"It is. This was no ordinary rat. It was a sewer rat…the size of a cat," he beamed.

Grissom's eyes caught sight of them. It worried him how Sara leaned on Greg.

He had wanted to say something to her before she left but Ecklie was being impossible.

In less than an hour, she unlocked her door, stepping inside.

Greg placed her medication and release papers on the counter.

"I could stay," he offered.

"Greg, I'm just going to sleep," she replied.

"Sleep is good. You want the right or the left side of the bed?" he asked.

She opened the door and he reluctantly stepped back into the hallway. "Nice try."

"I make a mean bowl of cereal," he announced.

"I bet you do. Night."

She quickly closed the door before he could protest.

She leaned against the apartment door.

Her head did not ache as much but she decided to take her medication to ward off any further pain that might hinder her ability to sleep.

Sleep was something she wanted to do more than anything despite the fact that she had been unconscious for quite some time.

She gulped down the medicine with water and then grabbed a piece of fruit.

Her laptop sat where she had left it.

She started to turn it on but turned toward the bedroom.

She showered, cursing at the pain it caused to wash her hair and then cursing when she tried to dry it, no longer finding the energy to stay up.

Her side was now hurting and she popped another pain pill for good measure.

_No bad dreams…_

_Nick is fine…_

_You saw for yourself…_

_He risked his life for me…_

She swiped at the tears viciously, not able to contain them any longer.

Nick had almost died tonight.

She had hoped that Grissom would have been the one to bring her home but she knew it would be hours of interviews, debriefing and mounds of paperwork before he would be able to shut down for a few hours before shift.

_Shift…_

She had hoped to work, not wishing for the others to work over because they were going to be down two.

The tears slowed as she felt the effects of the pain medicine and she welcomed it.

Her body stiffened when there was a slight dip in the mattress and then warm arms encircled her body.

"Just sleep, Sara," he whispered, placing soft kisses on her temple.

A soft hiccup escaped her lips.

"Nick is going to be fine," he assured her. "Just sleep. Let your body heal."

She leaned back into the warm body.

"Sleep while I watch over you."

"I didn't think you would be able to come," she whispered.

"I'm here. I've always watched over you. Just sleep," he whispered into her ear as he pressed his lips against her temple.

Note from author:

So...the suspense is building...you'll soon know what's going on...and then...well, I'm just going to say...nope, I said I wouldn't give any clues so I won't...LOL

Take care!

Penny


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

**Lost Lamb's Shepherd**

_I'd like to add his initial to my monogram  
Tell me where's the shepherd for this lost lamb_

_Gershwin_

Nick held his side, trying hard not to laugh at Greg's joke.

"Man…stop," he begged.

Warrick glanced at his watch. "We have to get going. Some of us still have to work."

"Yeah, well. Next time I'll try to come up with a better idea than to get shot and have my leg broken to avoid working."

"Good thing Sara didn't get any broken bones," stated Warrick.

"Ribs were pretty bruised," said Greg.

"Man, I thought we were goners when no one seemed to be coming to our rescue. I felt my shoulder sting just when that stack of lumber came crashing down on top of us. I just knew that it was it."

"Wait, you were trapped under the lumber also?" asked Greg.

"Yeah. I hit the concrete…and then blacked out."

"Sara said you shielded her after the lumber fell."

"Great Greg. Ruin my story of heroics. We were zipping from side to side when that bastard kept jumping over us and firing bullets down on top of us."

"Sara was probably just confused….about the sequence of events. She had one hell of a knot on her head," said Warrick.

"She refused to let me stay with her…and I offered to let her choose which side of the bed she wanted," griped Greg.

"Yeah, right, like she would ever trust you to sleep in the same room with her."

"What? I'm a nice guy," whined Greg.

"Take the comedian with you," teased Nick.

Grissom met them just outside Nick's door.

"How is Nick?" he asked looking rather tired.

"Better than you," eyed Warrick. "When was the last time you slept?"

"I got a little sleep," he said. "How's Sara?" directing his question to Greg.

"I delivered her safe and sound to her apartment but she wouldn't let me stay."

Grissom glanced at his watch.

"Want us to check up on her?" asked Greg.

"Could you? I wanted to see Nicky and then I have to get with Ecklie."

"Sure."

She didn't expect him to be there when she woke but it bothered her a little that there was no note left behind.

She dragged herself out of bed, feeling better after a hot shower.

She smiled when she opened her fridge and found a fruit plate, the one she liked made fresh from the deli a few blocks away.

There was also a bouquet of fresh cut wildflowers that sat in a vase on her table.

She noticed her laptop had been moved.

Within a few clicks she was checking her email and grinned when she spotted an email from him.

_My Sara,_

"_I'll say she looks as clear as morning roses newly washed with dew"_

_Thank you for letting me hold you. Rest!_

_G_

She could not stop the smile that erupted despite the pain in her side.

There was a tap on her door and she opened it, hoping that it would be Grissom.

"Hey Greg…Warrick," she said, wincing at the pain from Greg's embrace.

"Sleep okay?" Warrick asked as he stepped into the apartment.

"You had company," Greg noted with a hint of jealousy. "Nice flowers."

He walked toward her laptop but she quickly shut it.

"Sara has a boyfriend," teased Greg.

"No, I don't," she said sliding into one of the stools at the counter.

"Hey cookie, we just came by to see how you were doing. Can we get you anything?" asked Warrick.

"No thanks. I could offer you each a bowl of cereal," she offered.

Both passed.

"We ate at the diner," reported Warrick. "And then we stopped in to see Nick."

"How is Nick?" she asked quickly.

"He's great," assured Warrick. "How are you?"

"I'm good. I should be able to work tomorrow."

"I doubt Grissom is going to let you return to work by tomorrow," said Warrick.

He reached behind her and examined her head.

"Nasty goose egg, you got there," he observed.

"It's just a bump."

"Have you eaten?" asked Greg. "I could run and get…"

"I have something besides cereal," she teased. "I just thought since you said you made a mean bowl, I would find out."

He frowned.

"I have a fruit plate," she added.

She was glad when they left, pulling out the fruit plate and then eating while she replied to his email.

_G,_

"_My heart is ever at your service."_

_Your Sara_

She was never a Shakespeare fan but she learned a little after she noticed Grissom often quoted him.

She didn't like being confined to the apartment but she also knew that she wasn't about to drive with the head injury just yet.

She spent a few minutes on the phone with Nick, glad that he sounded like his old self.

She could hear his parents in the background.

"See you later Nicky."

She leaned back on the couch, flipping through the channels on the television.

Her phone rang.

"Sidle"

There was a slight pause and then Grissom gruffly asked, "How are you feeling?"

She smiled. "I'm good. Listen I may not be ready for the field but…"

"You're on medical leave for at least three days…then confined to the lab for four."

She smiled at the sound of concern in his voice.

There was a bit of silence before he spoke again.

"Sara, I meant to come by but…"

"Greg and Warrick stopped by. I'm fine…really."

There was a pause as if he was trying to come up with something more to say.

"Thanks for everything…last night," she said softly.

His name was being called in the background.

"I've got to go. Get some rest," he urged.

The phone went dead before she could respond.

She sighed.

She wasn't used to being at home for long periods of time.

She clicked off the television and switched on her stereo, easing back into the cushions.

She rose quickly when a song began to play.

"_Someone to Watch Over Me"…_

_I don't have that song…_

She grinned realizing Grissom must have left it.

She closed her eyes, listening to the words, letting it lull her to sleep.

She had no idea how long she had been asleep.

It appeared to be late afternoon already as she slowly made her way to the kitchen.

Her head felt better but her ribs were another matter.

She popped another pain pill as she opened her email and frowned when there were no messages from him.

Within an hour she was going stir crazy, not used to being at home.

She tried to read but she couldn't concentrate, reading the same sentences over and over.

She had little luck with the television, whizzing through the channels in lightning speed.

She considered driving to the hospital in order to spend time with Nick but then realized her car was still parked at the lab.

She knew Greg and Warrick would bring it to her apartment but then they would question her motives and she knew she shouldn't drive for at least seventy-two hours.

She had moments of dizzy spells but it only occurred when she rose too quickly.

She sighed out loud in frustration.

There was a ding from her laptop and she jerked around, regretful of the swift motion.

She cursed out loud at the jarring pain to her side, shutting her eyes to the dizziness.

Slowly she made her way to the computer sitting on the counter.

She breathed in deeply as she checked her email messages, frowning when it was from someone else.

Her shoulders dropped.

She wanted more than anything to talk with him but could not bring herself to call him, knowing that the contact would have to be on his terms.

The last thing she wanted to do was appear to be needy, scaring him away.

She played the disc again, settling back on the couch. The CD was a compilation of songs over a span of sixty years. Some of them she did not recognize but it soothed her to know that Grissom had chosen the music.

She checked on Nick once more but spoke briefly, hearing his parents in the room.

He sounded tired but tried to hide it.

"Hey Sar….you okay?" he asked.

"Kind of bored," she admitted.

She could feel his grin through the phone.

"If they let me out of here soon, you and I can do something together."

"You're not going anywhere for awhile and besides I'll be back at work in two days."

"Take advantage of the time off and do something fun….or at least catch up on some sleep," he yawned.

"Take your own advice," she quipped and smiled when she heard Nick's mother clucking over him about this and that.

"Sar…I don't think I'm homesick anymore," he whispered.

"Hang in there Nick. Remember you're a Momma's boy."

"Yeah. Night Sara."

"Night."

She knew it shouldn't have bothered her but she expected some sort of contact from him.

He had boldly come to her that night, easing into her bed, not sure how he somehow knew that she needed him.

She always felt a connection with Grissom and wondered if he felt the same way.

It was more than coincidence that he appeared when she was at her lowest.

She shrugged off the nonsense, rubbing her temple in an effort to stave off the nagging questions that floated around in her head.

She grabbed her jacket deciding some fresh air would be good for her.

The café was just around the corner and fresh coffee sounded good.

She sat in a booth for quite some time, slowly sipping on her coffee as she fumbled through a newspaper that had been left behind.

A couple sat nearby, their bodies leaning in to one another, their voices low.

Two men sat huddled in a whispered conversation.

She didn't care for the way one of them gawked in her direction as if he were unclothing her with his eyes.

Sara scooted out of her chair, and headed outside.

It was a cloudy day with the sky threatening rain but none had fallen.

She grimaced when raindrops fell just as she rounded the corner.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a figure across the street.

She had no idea why she suddenly stopped to look at the man.

He quickly stopped and turned away. She could not make out his face but he seemed familiar to her.

"This is crazy, Sara. Get out of the rain," she whispered to herself.

She continued but a slight chill ran down her spine when she noticed the man appeared to be following.

"You're imagining this," she said. She purposely stopped, pretending to tie her shoe and then turned in the opposite direction back toward the café.

Her pulse quickened when she noticed the man did the same thing.

She pretended she did not notice.

Besides the café there were no other shops that she could duck into.

She grumbled that she had left her cell phone in her apartment.

She knew a short cut through the alley that would take her to the back of her apartment building.

She sprinted through the alley, trying to ignore the jabbing pain in her side.

She managed to get close to the building but then tripped sending her onto the hard pavement.

She cried out from the fall, trying to scramble to her feet.

"Sara!"

She halted, trying to see through the pouring rain.

A figure approached that she did not recognize.

Her vision was blurry and she tried to wipe the rain from her eyes with her sleeve.

The small cuts on the palms of her hands stung.

She looked again and swallowed hard as Grissom extended his hand.

"I…didn't recognize you," she blurted out.

"Let's get you out of the rain," he said.

His voice sounded odd.

She took his hand and was startled when he pulled her body up close to his.

His hand stroked her hair while his lips kissed her forehead.

"Griss…why were you…"

She didn't finish, feeling his body shiver.

"I'm sorry…I've gotten us both wet."

She tried to hurry toward the apartment but he slowed her, pulling her back against his body.

"Go slow, Sara. It's only rain," he whispered.

By the time they reached her apartment, they were drenched.

She grabbed towels from the bathroom and handed him one.

He seemed different, a bit unsettled as he wiped the rain from his face.

"Do you want some tea?" she asked.

"I…can't stay," he murmured.

"Oh. Why…were you…near my apartment?" she asked slumping into a chair.

"You weren't home….earlier so I…took a walk to the café. I needed coffee and thought that might be where you were."

"Sorry."

"I just wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine."

She could feel his eyes on her.

"You hurt your knee…hands," he said, reaching out to examine the palms of her hands.

"Just a few cuts….just what I get for running."

"Did…you not recognize me?" he questioned.

She smiled. "I thought…I did but then…I guess fear overtook common sense and…"

"You were just being careful. Do you need anything?"

"Work? I would really feel better if I could come back to work."

He winced as he stepped back. "Not yet."

"Griss…are you alright?"

"Old aches," he said as he slowly released her hand.

He stepped toward the door but hesitated. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes."

She didn't want him to leave but she opened the door.

"Get some rest," he ordered.

She nodded.

He started to pass but then shut the door, pulling her into his arms.

She felt her body pressed against the wall.

"Turn in…soon. I'll come back…if you need me."

"The lab needs you. I'll be fine but…you could come…after shift…if you want."

His cheek rested next to hers.

It was an intimate embrace.

Despite the wet clothes his body oozed warmth.

His lips descended on hers in a frenzied manner.

He withdrew slightly, his breathing in ragged breaths.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I…just…" He did not finish as she purposely pulled him back, deepening the kiss.

He groaned at the pleasure, not wanting to release her but he jerked himself away.

She didn't know what to make of the sudden withdrawal.

He could sense her uneasiness.

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead. "God, I want you Sara…but not now…not like this."

"I know…you said you have to go."

"No…I want…I want us…to go slow. I need to make sure…you…" he seemed to be struggling with his words.

Her hand cupped his face. "I'm sure…I've wanted this ever since San Francisco."

He pulled back immediately, the absence of his warmth making her shiver.

He looked as if he were in pain.

"Grissom…is everything okay?"

"I'm tired…so tired Sara."

"Look, I can work. I can help in the lab…just let me…"

"No…not that kind of tired."

"I…don't understand."

He smiled sadly. "I'm tired…of keeping my distance. I want you."

His gaze was intense forcing her to look away but her words were bold.

"You…can have me."

He swallowed hard as he opened the door letting his self out.

She leaned against the door, her limbs still weak from the closeness of him.

"Wow," she whispered.

Note from author:

Yeah, remember I did say to read carefully and let it unfold. The next chapters are shockers...then "huh?" then...well, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Take care,

Penny


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

**That Somebody**

_There's a somebody I'm longing to see  
I hope that he turns out to be  
Someone who'll watch over me_

_Gershwin  
_

She had a fitful night, waking several times.

Her dreams had been filled with a faceless figure looming over her.

There was something familiar about the figure.

She felt soothed by its presence but then frightened when it disappeared and then reappeared in different shapes.

She felt it was a man but she could never make out the facial features.

She rolled onto her side, closing her eyes once more.

There was a slight sound as she felt the bed give.

"It's just me, Sara."

She smiled as she felt his body against hers.

She started to roll over but his body blocked her.

"Sleep," he urged as his lips kissed her cheek.

"I just want…"

"Not yet," he said softly. "I want you to trust me…completely."

"Grissom, I've always trusted you."

He shifted his weight, grimacing from the movement.

"Still sore?" she asked.

"Yes…if we lie…just like this, I think I can sleep," he explained.

"Night," she whispered.

"Night…my Sara."

_So it was you that sent the emails..._

_I'm "his Sara"..._

A delicious warmth spread through out her body.

His lips planted featherlike kisses along her neck.

She sighed at the pleasure, leaning fully into him.

"Is that alright?" she asked quickly.

"Yes…that feels good. I sleep better with you…in my arms."

"So…you have been coming…not a dream."

"Only a few times when I needed to know…to feel…make sure you were okay."

She relaxed in his arms, liking the way his body felt next to hers.

It was a safe and warm feeling that surrounded her, a feeling that had eluded her since childhood.

She was disappointed when she woke to find he was gone.

She rolled over, hugging the pillow he had used.

When she first came to Vegas she had given him a key to her apartment.

She lied, telling him it was just in case she locked herself out or worse, something had happened to her and they needed to get inside her apartment.

He seemed flustered by taking the key but she quickly handed him the papers giving him legal power of attorney for medical purposes, explaining she had no family to act on her behalf.

"_My boss in San Francisco agreed to act on my behalf but now that I'm here…I just thought that you could help me out."_

"_Oh, sure."_

"_Well, okay then. I think I have myself covered in case anything happens."_

_He glanced through the paperwork._

"_It's just a standard form…nothing heroic."_

_His hand caressed the key to her apartment._

_His face reddened as if he were completely embarrassed over the situation._

"_I used to lock myself out a lot," she quickly explained. "My boss was a real life saver."_

_He nodded not knowing what to say._

"_Well, thank you."_

Her phone rang and she crawled out of bed and got it.

"Sidle."

"Sara…this is Grissom."

She knew it was him by the caller I.D. but she said nothing, smiling at the sound of his voice that was filled with concern…and a hint of something else.

She smiled. "Hey."

"Sara, do you mind if Brass and I come over and run through the events…for report purposes?"

"Of course not. Hey Grissom, could you bring coffee from the café. I would really love some coffee."

"The Café? Where is the café?"

She sat up. "The café around the block…you know the one…"

Grissom interrupted. "We'll find it. Ecklie is here. We'll be there in an hour or so."

She showered and then made the bed.

Her head felt much better but the ribs remained sore. It was a miracle she had not been crushed by the lumber.

She smiled when she opened the door and Brass handed her a large cup of coffee.

"Hey kiddo. How are the ribs?" he asked.

"Better."

She was disappointed that Grissom was not with him and Brass caught her disappointment.

"Grissom got tied up with Ecklie and the undersheriff."

"Well, that's never good," she replied.

Brass chuckled. "Let's have a seat and go over some things."

"Is there a problem?" she asked.

"No…no…we just need your input."

"Okay."

"Are you sure you're up to this?" he inquired.

"I'm good…not in the hospital like Nick," she countered.

"I know, I know but you know things have been a little…who am I kidding…it's been hell these past few weeks and now this happened. I just want to make sure you're okay."

She hugged him slightly making him blush but he was used to receiving this show of affection from Sara.

She was the one weakest for him, always partial to the gap-toothed woman whose smile always seemed to warm him on cold nights.

"I would tell you if I wasn't feeling okay…but just you," she teased.

He smiled, knowing that she was telling him the truth.

He'd learned that Sara trusted few people and he was glad to be one of them.

"Let's start from the beginning," he directed.

They sat down across from one another as she smiled but then went into work mode in a split second.

He loved that about her.

"Nick and I entered the warehouse. There was lumber stacked on both sides of the narrow walk way. We heard something above us and saw a figure…someone was walking on top of the lumber. Shots were fired at us as we dodged from side to side. The person kept jumping from side to side, attempting to get a clear shot of us. Nick pulled me out of the line of fire more than once. We both fired off a few rounds. I thought I had shot him but when the bullets kept flying…"

"Actually you did. Ballistics matched a bullet pulled from the assailant to your weapon. It wasn't the bullet that killed him. Mine did," he added quickly.

"He almost killed us. The last time he jumped over to the other side, the lumber slid down on top of us. My gun slid across the floor and Nick shielded me with his body."

"Sara…this is the part that doesn't make sense. Nick could not have shielded you because he was trapped under the lumber. We had to pull both of you out."

She looked confused. "Maybe after he shielded me, the lumber shifted again and it fell on him."

_I didn't hear lumber falling a second time…_

_This doesn't make sense…_

"Your blouse…had blood on the back of it. Doc initially thought you had been wounded…perhaps shot but there were no marks on your body. The blood was typed and…it didn't belong to you…or Nick. There was also blood on the concrete floor where you were found. It also matched the blood on your blouse."

"I don't understand. There wasn't anyone there except the three of us. Nick, me and…the guy shooting at us."

"We crossed checked the assailant's blood to the blood on your blouse and it was not a match. Someone else…was there."

"Jim, I would know. I wasn't unconscious. Maybe…the blood was already on the floor…and I somehow got it on my blouse."

_I don't remember seeing a pool of blood…_

_I'm trained to notice these things…_

_How could I miss something like that?_

_How could Nick have missed the same thing?_

"Jim, I'm positive Nick shielded me. I was gasping for air and Nick covered his body over mine. I heard gun fire and then…Nick cried out. He'd been shot. He fell away… I couldn't see him anymore. I was afraid he'd been killed."

Brass sighed. "Nick's memory is a little hazy. He doesn't remember it exactly like that."

"How does he remember it?" she asked.

"He remembers trying to get off a shot but got hit in the shoulder just before the lumber slid down trapping both of you. He said he passed out and doesn't remember anything until the medics arrived."

Brass finished his coffee. "Sara, if he'd been shot leaning over you then the bullet would have entered his back. Doc checked. Nick was shot from the front."

"I can't explain…the discrepancies."

Brass patted her knee. "It was probably there…maybe with the dim lighting, the bullets flying both of you over looked the blood."

"Could it have belonged to the victim?" she asked. "Nick and I never saw the body…Doc did."

"The blood doesn't match but then again, it could belong to someone involved in the murder…or another vic whose body wasn't left behind."

She nodded.

"Sara, are you okay? You look a little flushed."

"Headache."

His hand slipped into hers and she squeezed it gently before releasing it.

"I have a hard head," she pressed.

"That you do which is why I'm going to insist on mentioning the headache to Grissom."

"But…"

"They can handle the unit. What they can't handle is worrying about you if you come back when you're not ready."

"I am. Look…"

"I have a hard head too," he pointed out.

She frowned.

"Don't come back until you're ready."

He knew she was disappointed in not seeing Grissom.

He'd chastised the man for bowing out at the last minute.

"I heard they were working into a double… but Ecklie can pull from the other shifts."

Later, she picked up her phone and started to call him to assure him that she was fine, knowing Brass might overly dramatize the headache bit but his phone rolled over to voicemail.

"Hey, it's me. Sorry you're working a double. Listen, Brass may have told you…I'm good….really. I'll see you soon."

She closed the phone and then stretched out on the couch closing her eyes.

_He'll come soon…_

The headache returned and she reluctantly took something for it, returning to the couch, drifting off immediately.

Visions of a faceless man reappeared in her dreams but she wasn't afraid.

Instead she ran toward him, hoping to figure out the identity of this person but she couldn't get close enough.

She stirred slightly when a hand gently stroked her hair.

He grinned at how easy it was to comfort her while she slept.

Boldly he lifted her in his arms, carrying her to the bed that was already turned down.

Her eyes fluttered but by then he was lying next to her, his arms wrapped securely around her.

He knew the pain medication would give some much needed sleep.

_I know you, Sara..._

_You know things don't add up..._

_You're working the case even when you've been confined to the apartment..._

He kissed her gently, struggling with his inner emotions as he slipped away.

She didn't know what to think when she woke in her bed rather than the couch, having no recollection of coming to bed.

Her head was still fuzzy and she felt tired as if she had been working rather than sleeping.

She didn't like loose ends and there were just too many discrepancies.

The event was crystal clear in her mind and she knew that it was Nick who had protected her from the assailant.

She could not explain the bullet wound.

The more she thought about it the more her head ached.

Something was amiss and she spent the day going through every minute detail of the case.

The unexplained blood on her blouse bothered her.

She assumed it was Nick's.

It made sense that it was Nick's. His body would have been covering hers.

She could not sleep, tossing and turning.

A phone call from Nick did not help clear up any of the confusion.

He downplayed the hero part as she expected he would.

Nick was the kind of guy a girl could proudly bring home to meet the family.

Sara sighed.

She never took anyone home to meet her family, trying to hide the violent nature of her father.

She was glad when Greg dropped off her car.

The next time she got stir crazy, she would take a drive.

Her head warned her she would not be doing that for awhile.

She felt sorry for the guys.

Greg and Warrick looked exhausted.

"Sorry guys that I can't help…yet," she lamented.

"Just get plenty of rest because you're going to need it when you return," yawned Warrick.

"Did Brass tell you about the results of the blood found on your blouse?" asked Greg.

"Unknown source."

"The blood was unique….whoever had this blood must have some major health issues," replied Greg.

"What do you mean?" asked Sara.

"It's nothing like I've ever seen. There was some unknown substance…mixed in with the white and red blood cells."

"Could it have come from an animal? Wait, maybe someone was experimenting with blood…had a sample…that would explain the blood at the scene."

"If you ask me, I think the blood doesn't have any connection with the case."

Greg's conversation baffled her even more.

She glanced at her watch then checked her email.

She was not used to idle time but she also knew driving was out of the question.

"Okay…I can get a cab…just don't think about the germs," she said aloud.

Grissom's head shot up when he caught sight of her walking down the hall in the lab.

He removed his gloves and came to the door, calling her name.

She turned and smiled.

"Hey, I came to talk with you," she said.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes inspecting her from head to toe.

She felt herself blush from the act since she had purposely taken a little more time choosing an outfit.

Her hair was actually styled and she was wearing makeup, something she rarely did.

To his surprise she was wearing perfume.

Her appearance seemed to unsettle him.

Work and the way she was looking at him was not a good combination at the moment, needing to focus all of his attention on the case before him.

He felt sleep deprived, not able to stop his mind from wondering what would have happened if Sara had been seriously injured in that warehouse.

Worse, he could not imagine losing her.

The thought was too painful to even consider.

"I'm a bit busy," he said as he nodded toward the table.

"Can I help?" she asked.

"Sara, you're on medical leave," he reminded her.

"Griss…you know I'm better. Let me help."

He hesitated as he observed her, grateful to see with his own eyes that she was better.

His sleep had been haunted with being called to a scene to process Sara's body.

He needed a good night's sleep soon and perhaps her little visit would put his fears to rest.

"You can report tomorrow evening," he said as he turned his attention to the evidence lying before him.

She stepped into the room, shutting the door.

He glanced at her action but tried to concentrate on his work.

"Brass came by. He told me that Nick's statement does not match mine."

"It's understandable. He was shot…you suffered a head injury."

She licked her lips as she moved closer.

"My memory…is accurate. I just can't explain the blood."

He took a deep breath. "Sara…Nick was not shot from behind…his wound supports his statement. Look, he said he was trying to shield you as much as possible…when the lumber fell, you lost consciousness…and just…"

"No…Griss, I fired a shot and then Nick…I know what happened."

"Sara, the assailant was killed by Brass. He was cleared today…let's just let it go."

She leaned in close. "You look tired. Are you sure I can't help now?"

He smiled at her gesture.

"Tomorrow."

She appeared to be pouting.

He glanced at her briefly. "Have you been getting enough sleep?"

She smiled. "I sleep better when…I'm not alone."

He dropped the piece of evidence.

"How about you?" she asked.

He cleared his throat. "Me?"

"Have you been sleeping better?"

"I sleep fine."

She looked at the bloodied knife on the layout table. "Sleeping with someone…keeps the nightmares away."

He looked over his glasses.

"I think there's a fingerprint at the end of the knife," she observed.

He checked but then frowned when he found one.

"Night," she whispered as she walked toward the door.

His eyes could not help but follow her.

"I'm glad I gave you that key…years ago. I'll wait up for you."

His jaw dropped at the insinuation.

Sara had never been this bold.

His beeper went off and he quickly turned it off intent to clear up the matter of the "key" but she was already gone.

Note from author:

Ok...several hints were in this chapter...chapter six is coming up and that is the chapter where you get to find out...what's going on...

Take care!

Penny


	6. Chapter 6

Note from author:

I am releasing this early since I am going to be out the rest of the day and most of the night. As I have said earlier, this is purely fiction, nothing more than enjoyment of GSR; the rating should be M+ as you will find out soon. Hang in there and enjoy the story. Congrats to kabcsi who came closest to guessing the identity of Sara's admirerer. Read and let me know what you think. Take care!

**Chapter Six:**

**Watcher of the Lamb:**

_I'm a little lamb who's lost in a wood  
I know I could always be good  
To one who'll watch over me_

_Gershwin_

She sipped on the glass of juice, refusing to take another pain pill, determined to stay awake until he arrived.

She lay on the couch listening to the CD he had left for her.

She sang along to "Someone to Watch Over Me" letting her eyes drift shut.

Her phone rang and she smiled seeing his name on the caller I.D.

"Hey," she purred.

"Sara…I asked Ecklie to loan us someone from swing for another week. I think it would be best if you remained off."

She sprang to her feet ignoring the pain that it caused. "I don't need…a week!" she protested loudly but winced at the sledge hammer that did a number on the inside of her head.

"If you're having trouble sleeping then…"

"I tell you I like sleeping with you and you decide to extend my medical leave?" she griped.

"Sara…I'm your boss…you're my…"

"Don't say it," she spat.

"Sara…" he stopped not sure what to say.

"So this was just a joke…send me emails…"

"Wait. What emails?" asked Grissom.

Sara swallowed. "Quotes from Yeats….sent to me…by someone with the initial "G"."

"Sara, I didn't send you any emails."

There was a long pause.

She didn't know why he was playing this game.

"Do you want me, Grissom?"

Another pause came.

"Sara…I know that seeing Nick shot and then being injured yourself…it rattled you. You're going to feel and think better after you've been off for a week."

She slumped down on the couch, the pain in her chest too painful to endure at the moment.

_You should have known, Sara…_

"Forget the offer, Grissom. Forget everything."

"Sara…"

She closed the phone, pulling up her legs as she rocked back and forth.

The pain was unbearable.

_Why did he do this?_

_He's had second thoughts and now he wants to pretend it never happened._

Her phone rang but she refused to answer it.

She marched over to the stereo, grabbing the CD and slung it across the room.

The flowers were thrown in the trash.

She angrily swiped at a stray tear as she berated herself for falling for his cruel mind games.

He'd back paddled before but not like this.

She heard her cell once more and went to retrieve it but scoffed when it was Grissom once more.

Slamming the phone onto the coffee table, she cursed him over and over.

Her ribs hurt as well as her head.

She closed her eyes forcing herself to calm down.

Hours passed and yet she couldn't sleep, fearful of the dreams that might include a blue eyed person.

"I should have known," she bit out, cursing at how she allowed this man to turn her life upside down.

"It was pity…pity the poor girl…screw you, Grissom," she choked as a sob escaped her lips a few times as she forced herself to lie still, hoping she would nod off to sleep.

A hand stroked her hair and she jerked away, frightened by the touch.

She glared at him, smacking his hand away.

It was unnerving how he managed to get into the apartment without making a sound.

"Go away," she cried.

He glanced around the room. "You're usually asleep by now. What's wrong?"

"I'm not playing your games anymore, Grissom. I'm done!"

Her phone rang and she glanced down at the caller I.D.

It was Grissom.

Her eyes shot up to stare at the man standing before her.

"Someone is using your phone," she said in a hollow voice.

"Sara, listen to me," he began.

She scrambled to a sitting position despite the throbbing pain in her side.

"Who has your phone, Grissom?" she gritted.

"Don't answer it!" he warned.

She opened her phone.

Her eyes grew wide as a voice called out.

"Sara?"

It was definitely Grissom's voice on the other line.

Her eyes shot to stare at the man before him.

She swallowed, feeling the fear slip into her very core.

_This is a dream, Sara…_

_Any minute you'll wake…_

"Yes?" she managed to get out as she stared at the man before her.

"Sara…is everything alright? I've been calling and…I never sent any emails. I don't understand what you meant."

A myriad of emotions flashed in her eyes as she tried to comprehend what was going on.

Sara's eyes stared at the man who looked exactly like Grissom.

Before she could react the man closed the phone breaking the connection.

"Who are you?" she asked as she scrambled from the couch.

"Don't you recognize me, Sara?"

"You're not…Grissom."

She stared intently at the man. "You look like Grissom…but you're not him. That was him on the phone. He'll be over…he'll come," she warned.

He sighed.

His voice sounded like Grissom's and he looked exactly like him.

She backed away, trying not to have a panic attack as she tried to make sense of it.

A sob escaped her lips as she realized she had been sleeping with a stranger rather than Grissom.

"Honey, it's going to be alright. Come and sit down….I'll explain everything," he pleaded.

She shook her head violently.

She glanced at her cell cursing that she had never programmed her phone for speed dial.

"Sara, you know me," he said softly.

"No, I don't! You've pretended to be Grissom. You let me think…why do you look like…him?"

"Honey, search your heart. I've come whenever you needed me. When you were lonely…scared of the dreams…I was here to comfort you. I've never hurt you…have I?"

He hadn't although he had opportunity more than once to physically assault her.

He could have had sex with her and she would have thought that it was Grissom.

He had been the one to stop it from going any further.

She searched her memory for his exact words.

"_I just want…"_

"_Not yet," he said softly. "I want you to trust me…completely."_

"This isn't happening…this is a dream," she whispered.

"Sara, answer my question. Have I ever hurt you?"

She shook her head admitting what could not be disputed.

This "Grissom" had never hurt her.

He took a step toward her.

"Grissom has hurt you. He has done nothing but hurt you over the years. You've offered him your heart and he doesn't want it. Sara, I want it. I want you. I'm right here. I won't leave you alone."

"But…who are you?"

"Someone who has been watching over you. I only want to protect you…take care of you…love you."

_But you're not Grissom…_

She looked horror struck as she stared at the man before her.

She had almost given herself to him the other night, thinking that it was Grissom.

The thought made her sick to her stomach as she covered her mouth.

She stepped back while trying to catch her breath.

"Take a deep breath, Sara. This is not the way I wanted to tell you."

He tried to take another step but she quickly stepped back until she was against the wall.

She glanced toward the door, knowing that she would never make it without being caught.

She glanced at her phone not sure if she could dial for help before he stopped her.

Her only life line was whether Grissom had realized something was wrong.

She boldly took a stance, preparing to fight him off if she had to.

She could handle herself but the ribs and the head injury put her at a disadvantage.

He eased away. "I don't want to frighten you….look I'm stepping back. You don't have to feel threatened. Sara, I won't hurt you…search your heart honey. You know I won't hurt you."

A second ticked by.

"You laid in my arms the other night, offered yourself to me but I couldn't…wouldn't take you until you fully understood. With understanding comes trust. Does that sound like someone who wants to hurt you? Sara, I love you, honey. Take a deep breath…you're having a panic attack."

She realized the truth of his words.

Her chest beat wildly and she was having difficulty catching her breath.

She stared at the man before her.

_I almost gave myself to you…_

She struggled to breathe.

"Deep breaths," he cautioned.

His voice was calming even if it did belong to Grissom.

It was difficult to look at him and not think that he was actually Grissom.

"That's it honey, just long deep breaths. We can talk through this," he offered.

"You sent the emails," she accused.

"Yes."

"You used his initials…so I would think it was him."

"I used my initial…my name is Gracen."

"Are you related to him? A twin?"

"No."

"Sara, could we sit down?"

She shook her head as a tear slipped down her cheeks.

She had so much wanted it to be Grissom.

"Please…honey, don't cry," he pleaded.

He took a step toward her even though it clearly frightened her.

"Sara, I'm the same man that watches over you when you sleep. I'm the same man honey who held you when you cried…over him. I'm right here…don't look at me with your eyes but with your heart. Close your eyes and then step into my arms. I'm still the same, baby. You know the feel of my body just as I know the feel of yours. I've never been happier than when I held you. I've never hurt you."

"But I thought…you were him," she choked.

Her words hurt him and she tensed at the pain behind those dark blue eyes. As a child she feared making her father angry, afraid of his volatile behavior.

"I didn't want to frighten you so I used his appearance. I never intended to do that...but things changed...you needed me before I had a chance to explain everything. I knew you trusted him…that was my deception and I'm sorry but I needed to make you feel safe."

"Used his appearance? This is insane. This isn't happening!"

"Give me a chance," he emphasized again.

"A chance for what?" she cried.

"To explain…to see whether you have feelings for me…rather than him."

"I thought you were Grissom!"

"I never intended for you to really…see me…when I look like him. I wanted your feelings to be clear…not confused."

Her hand went to her temple.

"I know you're confused…just take it one step at a time."

"One step? Take several…get away from me!"

He grinned. "I've always loved your sense of humor in a crisis. Then again, I love everything about you," he whispered longingly. He took a deep breath. "I think I've loved you forever."

Slowly he stepped toward her but stopped. "You have to meet me half way. Come to me sweetheart." He opened his arms wide and waited.

"Are you crazy?" she spat.

"Crazy in need for you. You know I won't hurt you. You know I've done nothing but comfort you…soothe you…love you."

She felt the overwhelming need to flee, her fear reaching an all time high.

"Sara, all of your life you've wanted someone to love you, protect you…I'm here," he emphasized.

He could almost feel her fear.

He backed away, stepping over to the counter and opened a drawer.

Her breath came in ragged breaths as she watched him pull out her revolver.

"You keep it loaded. I'm going to take it out and set it next to you. Take it…if it will help ease your fear."

She couldn't believe what he was doing.

She could easily reach for the gun now before he could get to her.

He stepped back giving her full access to the gun as well as the door.

He opened his arms wide. "Come to me Sara. Let me hold you."

She felt her feet moving despite her brain screaming for her to grab the gun.

She stood directly in front of him, their bodies' mere inches from one another.

"Let me hold you, Sara. Just like…I've held you for weeks."

It was absolutely insane what he was asking her to do.

He was a stranger and yet she was lulled by his voice, and his appearance.

She closed her eyes but then opened them immediately.

He remained unmoving, his blue eyes pleading with her to trust him.

The thought of what she was about to do made her shiver with fear.

Trust was not something she handed out so easily.

There were too many hard lessons she'd learned over the years.

Her foot slid forward as her breathing increased.

She fell into his arms and he wrapped his arms around her.

Gently he kissed her on the forehead. "I know you're frightened but I promise you Sara, I would rather die than let anything or anyone hurt you. Never be afraid to come to me."

Her shoulders shook violently.

"It's going to be alright," he soothed. "You're safe. I know how hard that was for you to trust me. I promise I…." he stumbled and she caught him.

"Griss…Gracen?"

He smiled sadly. "I need to sit down."

She helped him to the couch.

"That's better," he grimaced.

"What's wrong…with you?"

"I was shot."

She tried to jerk away but his hand caught hers.

"I'll answer anything you want me to."

"How did it happen?"

"The warehouse."

Her eyes widened.

"That can't be. I didn't see…you. It was just me and Nick and…"

Fear enveloped her and he felt it. "You're the other assailant. Grissom thought there was an accomplice."

"You and Nick were in the warehouse and some man opened fired. The lumber fell pinning you and Nick so…"

"Grissom was not there…You were not there."

He took a deep breath. "I…looked like Nick…then. I had no choice."

She jerked away and he quickly released her. "Sara…your ribs!"

She cried out as she took several steps away from him.

Sweat beaded on his forehead as he stood once more.

"How stupid do you think I am? This is crazy! You can't change your physical appearance and…"

"Honey, I know it's a lot to take in but…I can prove it…just not right now. It took a lot out of me to change back…to him."

"I don't believe you!"

"Have you come up with any other explanation for how Nick managed to shield you while he was pinned under the lumber? I wasn't about to let that man hurt you any more than he already had. I tried to get there as fast as I could."

"How did you know…that I was in danger?"

"I've always been able to sense you."

"It's my head injury. I'm in a coma and…"

He laughed through the pain. "I love the way you wrinkle your nose….the way your lip curls…"

He didn't finish as he grimaced once more.

"Gracen….are you alright?"

"Sara, tell me you believe me."

She shook her head.

"At least tell me you're not frightened of me…I need you to fully trust me honey."

There was no reason for her to trust him but she did.

She closed her eyes, forcing herself not to look at him.

"Now, ask your heart that again. Do you trust me?"

"I don't understand," she whispered. "I've lost it. The lump on my head…or I've finally gone off the edge…like my mother."

"You are not your mother! She should have taken you out of that hell but she didn't! She almost let him…"

Sara gulped. "How do you know about my mother?"

He took a deep breath. "I've been watching you for a very long time Sara."

She shook her head in denial.

"Sara…you've always been strong…a survivor. You've been through so much. Honey, please understand that I don't want to frighten you."

"If you…if you care about me then leave."

He looked as though she had struck him.

His eyes filled with tears as he struggled to compose himself.

"If that is what you want," he whispered. "But understand this…I can't come back…once you've…banished me. Are you sure? Are so unwilling to try to understand?"

She stepped back as if to let him pass.

He walked past her as he headed toward the door.

"Griss…Gracen…don't go."

He stopped immediately, wrapping his arms around her despite her slight protest. "Sssh Sara. I know none of this makes sense."

He could feel her fear and confusion.

"Even if you sent me away honey, I would still watch over you. You've never been alone Sara."

He held her until her fear subsided.

His hand rubbed her back. "Are you alright?"

"I'm not sure. Am I in a deep coma or…am I going to die?"

"You have a slight concussion and some bruised ribs. I would move Heaven and earth if there was a chance that you were going to die. I couldn't bear to be alone…to be without you."

He kissed her on the forehead and was thankful she did not pull away.

His lips touched hers softly, hesitantly as if he were making sure she wanted to be kissed.

She couldn't pull away even if she wanted to, his kisses were too tantalizing.

She had no idea why she was letting a complete stranger hold her so intimately but she felt safe in his arms.

"Sara, you're safe with me," he assured her and she wondered if he could read her mind.

_This is crazy! _

_I'm in a coma and none of this is real…_

_I've conjured up the perfect Grissom…_

_One that feels and cares and treats me as if he loves me…_

He leaned forward and kissed her, longingly. He waited for her to relax in his arms and then deepened the kiss. It shook her to the very core. She struggled to maintain her composure but it was obvious she wanted a man she did not even know.

"Come…come lie down…with me," he whispered.

The fear returned immediately.

"I…I'm not sure. I need to understand…all of this."

"Just sleep with me, Sara…like we have been. I need to rest," he bit out.

He stood, extending his hand.

_Don't do it…_

_This is not Grissom…_

_You want Grissom…_

Her hand slipped into his.

"That's my Sara," he whispered lovingly.

He pulled back the bed covers.

When she made no move to lie down, he did extending his hand once more for her to take it.

She slid down beside him.

"Just sleep," he urged. "We'll sleep a few hours and then talk some more."

She looked into his eyes longingly.

He swallowed. "Close your eyes honey. See and feel me with your heart…soon I'll change…back to myself."

It sounded and felt like a dream, convinced she was having a reaction to the medication or she really was in fact in a deep coma.

"What do you…look like?" she asked.

"I'm not like him," he said mournfully. "My eyes are not blue and my hair is not…but Sara I do love you."

He closed his eyes, hiding his pain, fearful she would reject him as soon as he transformed.

Her trembling hand cupped his cheek, placing a kiss along his jaw line. She had always wanted to do that to Grissom.

Her fingers sifted through his beard while her lips tasted his once more.

"Sara…I'm not him," he choked.

"I know….but if this is a dream then I want it to be a sweet dream than…"

He pulled her head up and looked intently into her eyes.

"It is not a dream, Sara. I am real! I have dark eyes and black hair. Can't you see me…rather than him? Can't you see how much I love you? Can't you see that I've loved you ever since I found you?"

"Found me?"

"I need to rest," he urged.

Her fingers toyed with his shirt but his hand grabbed hers, placing it over his heart.

"My heart is yours," he whispered.

"My heart is battered and bruised," she replied.

"By him," he emphasized, "but I'll mend it. I'll never let anyone…not even Grissom hurt you again."

He took a deep breath.

"Gr….Gracen, where are you hurt?"

"My…my heart."

She looked confused.

"You said you were hurt in the warehouse…when you resembled Nick. You covered me…shielded me."

She quickly tried to unbutton his shirt but he stopped her.

"It's healing."

"Let me see!"

She pulled back his shirt and gasped at the wound. The bandage was bloodied.

"Gracen, you're bleeding!"

"It's stopped. If I lie here quietly, I can heal."

"You said your heart…you were shot near your heart?"

"It injured my heart but Sara, I am going to heal."

"You need medical care!"

"I can't risk it. I'm not like…you. I can't be exposed. It is forbidden."

"I don't understand. You could die of infection. You could…"

He kissed the palm of her hand. "I can withstand more than you….I will recover. I've had worse."

She looked petrified and he softly chuckled. "My Sara, she can't decide to shoot me or…rescue me."

"I don't…wish you dead."

"By asking me to leave…you almost did."

"Gracen…"

"My heart chose you years ago. To send me away would…kill me."

Now, that she could understand.

Her heart had chosen Grissom the first time she met him and his rejections were a slow death.

"I intend to have you," he announced.

She looked shocked, pulling back so that she could stare at him. "Have me?" she asked nervously.

He smiled. "I see I've managed to frighten you again. I've loved you for a very long time Sara. I want to…marry you…have you as a partner… a mate," he explained.

She felt as though she would surely hyperventilate.

"Deep breaths," he soothed. "You're going to hyperventilate."

"Marry?" she gasped.

He chuckled as he tried to get her to calm down.

"When we're both better and you've gotten to know me better, I intend to properly ask you. I want to marry you, Sara Sidle. I'm glad I chose you as my mate."

"I…we…this…"

She rose out of the bed and he could not stop her this time. "Chose me? When? How?" she questioned in a loud voice.

He sighed. "When you were…seventeen…I chose you….but I didn't join myself…to you until a few years ago…after…Grissom rejected you."

"Joined yourself…to me?" she asked in almost hysterics.

"When my kind…chooses a wife…a mate, we…bind ourselves. I…sort of did it…without your consent…or knowledge."

"What?" she shrieked.

"Calm down…deep breaths. Better?" he asked. "We can choose a partner…but once we have then we're bound…we can't change our minds. It's a lifetime decision."

"What?"

"Sara…I chose you…if you decide you don't want me…love me…then…I don't regret my decision."

"You mean…I could marry someone else…but you couldn't?"

He nodded.

"Why?"

"We mate for life…we are not like humans."

"But…"

"I could never mate again…not that I would want anyone else. I would continue to watch over you….protect you but I could never have you. I've waited…letting you choose but I couldn't bear your sadness anymore. I bonded myself with you so that I could sense when you needed me. Sara I don't want you as a mate unless you are absolutely sure. I only want what is best for you. I want you to be happy…not sad anymore. You've been sad for too long."

He could clearly see the doubt and confusion in her eyes.

"We have a lot to talk about but not now…sleep."

How could she sleep after a revelation like that?

This "being" had just divulged he was in love with her…so in love with her he would never have any other mate for the rest of his life.

He stroked her hair like he'd done every night for the past several weeks.

She closed her eyes and reveled in the feel of her body next to his.

_I'll wake up and this will have been a dream…_

_I'm sure of it…_

Hours passed and she finally woke.

She was surprised that he was still there by her side, sleeping soundly.

She examined his features, taking note of every inch of him.

His eyes flickered open and he smiled.

"Are you disappointed that it's not a dream?"

"That depends," she said.

"Depends on what?" he asked.

"Depends on…your explanation…for all of this."

He grinned.

It was Grissom's grin and she swallowed.

It never ceased to amaze her how much Grissom affected her.

She tapped down her emotions and said softly. "How do you feel?"

"I'm better. And you?"

"Confused."

"You're hungry also," he stated.

"How do you know that?"

"Your stomach growled."

She arched her eyebrow and he chuckled. "Thank you for allowing me to wake up next to you. I never liked having to leave you."

"Why did you?"

"Because I…sometimes I would shift back into myself when I was sure it was safe. I left so you wouldn't wake to find a stranger in your bed."

"You are…a stranger."

"Only because you haven't…known me the way I know you."

"So tell me…everything."

"After breakfast."

She prepared bagels and placed it before him.

He smiled, taking one.

"So…you eat."

"You think I didn't? I'm just like you…but different in other ways."

"Let's start with the differences," she began.

"I can change my appearance," he said quietly. "I don't like to do it but I can. My blood is different, thicker. My genetic makeup is different. I…" he stopped placing the bagel down.

He looked at her. "I am just like him. My anatomy is the same, I need sustenance, food and water, rest and…the only difference between us is that I can change my appearance and I age differently."

"How so?" she said between bites.

"Once I reach adulthood, the aging process stops."

"Stops?"

"We never grow old?"

Her bagel stopped in midair.

"How old are you?"

"Over a hundred."

"Get out!"

He looked shocked.

"No, I don't mean for you to physically leave but…how can you really be…wait you look like him now…when you change…how old will you look?"

He smiled. "I look as young as you. We never grow old, Sara…not like that."

"Are you…I cannot believe I am saying this. Are you an alien?"

He chuckled. "No…nor have I ever seen an alien."

"Then…how did you get this way?"

He took a deep breath. "We are watchers."

"What are watchers?"

"When Satan tried to overtake Heaven, some of the other angels sided with him. They were cast down to earth until Judgment."

He waited to let this sink in. "Some of the angels did not take sides. They did not fight against Satan nor did they help the Holy One. Our Creator sent us here with the others, stripping us of most of our powers, given no instructions as to what our role should be here on earth. We were condemned to live among you until Judgment. For awhile we lived in seclusion but we were drawn to you humans. It had been our job to watch over you, to do God's work but He turned away from us when we did nothing to stop Satan's attempt to take over Heaven. You have no idea how hard it was for the angels to live among you and not be told what to do…so we became watchers, wanting and needing to help."

She furrowed her brow. "Didn't the angels once ask God to come to earth…and be watchers?"

"Yes, but they failed, giving in to immorality, taking human females for wives. Their offspring were giants so our Creator sent the great flood to wipe out the abomination as well as the sinful humans."

He took a deep breath. "Angels do not…procreate. We do not take mates. We were meant to serve humans…only."

"But you said…"

"Our situation was different. He transformed us into human form…with the same tendency toward sin…even though we struggled to overcome it. We had special powers…the ability to change our appearance as well as…no aging. It seemed the more we were among humans the more we wanted to be with humans…live as you….love as you. Several centuries ago, some of us took humans…as mates. When no punishment befell us we…continued until the sect decided…"

"Sect?"

"Even we have a hierarchy of leadership. For awhile I was over the sect. I declared that it was wrong for us to mate with humans…that we were only further condemning us in God's eyes so mating with humans was banned."

Sara sat deafly still.

"It was that way for over a thousand years."

"Wait, you said you were only over a hundred years old."

"A hundred sounded better than...Are you going to hyperventilate?"

Her mouth fell open but then closed.

He waited for her to process what she had been told.

"Why did you change the rule?"

"I found you. I chose to become your watcher…then your mate."

He raked his hand through his hair much the way Grissom does and her stomach knotted.

"One look at you…all wet and hiding in that crawl space while your drunken father yelled obscenities at you and…"

She gasped.

"I've known you for such a long time, Sara. I've watched you grow into a beautiful woman…a woman who loved despite not being loved as a child. I wanted only the best for you. I thought that I could keep in the shadows while you fell in love and gave yourself to someone…but I couldn't. I fought myself for so long telling myself I shouldn't…couldn't have you but my love was stronger than my fear."

"Fear?"

"In order to have you I had to give up everything I had worked for. I withdrew from the sect…and then sought a way to finally let you see me…even though I've always seen you. I wanted to win your love…take you as a mate."

He took her hand caressing her palm.

"I don't believe in…God or Heaven or…"

"You should. While I may be condemned at judgment, your soul can still be saved. I want to protect you for all time."

"This is too absurd."

"You are a smart woman. I trust you will come to the right conclusion."

"This mating… you mean marriage?" she questioned.

He swallowed. "Mating is holier than marriage. You humans have depleted marriage into a piece of paper with no meaning or sustenance behind it. When we…mate…or as you humans call it "marry" we are joined physically and spiritually."

"How?"

He sighed. "Part of you already flows through me."

"I don't understand," she admitted.

"Your Dr. Grissom…took a pint of your blood for his experiments so I took it from him."

"What did you do with it?"

"Merged with you. For your scientific terms, our DNA was merged."

"The scientific part of me is saying that is impossible."

"How do you explain my ability to transform myself to look like someone else…Grissom? The unknown blood source taken from the crime scene…is mine. They can't explain it…it's different than humans or animals."

"Point taken," she breathed.

He grinned as he took a bite of bagel.

"Wait. How did you merge our DNA?"

"Finish eating and I will tell you."

She took a bite and then stopped. "You ingested my blood?"

He smiled as he held up her palm. "For a mating between angels the male would slice the palm of his betrothed, binding their hands together and then they would mate."

"Mated…like in sex?"

"Love, Sara."

"Oh."

"Since you are human the sanctification has been modified…thus the need to share blood prior to mating."

"What if I decide that I don't want to be mated to you?"

He looked down. "Then I would continue to watch over you…let you choose someone else, have children with them and then watch you die."

"You would take another mate then," she added.

He shook his head.

"Why not?"

He started to answer that when there was a knock on the door.

The knocking turned to banging within a few strokes.

A voice called out.

"It's Grissom," she whispered.

"Sara…he won't understand any of this. He can't…see me."

She started toward the door but he pulled her to him, placing a desperate kiss on her lips.

"I should go. It will be easier for you if I go." Gracen slowly got off the couch.

He stood not wishing to look weak but he had not fully recovered from the wound.

He knew he needed to rest in order for his body to fully heal.

They heard the sound of a key being inserted and the door thrust open.

Grissom froze when he saw his own self standing near Sara.

Note from author:

Bet you never thought of that twist...you have no idea what is going to happen next...if I could change he rating to M+ I would.

Take care.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

**Watching Over the Watcher**

_Although he may not be the guy some women think of  
As handsome to my heart  
He carries the key_

_Gershwin_

"Griss…"

Grissom grabbed Sara by the hand and yanked her behind him.

"Sara….stay away from him. He's not me!" yelled Grissom.

Sara winced from the pain of his action which did not go unnoticed by Gracen.

His hand balled into a fist as he glared at Grissom.

"Grissom…this is Gracen. He's…a friend," she explained.

Grissom's eyes shot to Sara and then back at the man.

Gracen tried to step back but Grissom pulled out his gun.

"Grissom don't! He's not done anything."

"Who is he? Sara…why does he look like me?" ordered Grissom.

Gracen held his side.

"Grissom, he's hurt. He's been shot…please put down the gun," pleaded Sara.

"Shot? Sara, gunshot wounds have to be reported."

"He was shot protecting me. He…"

"Sara…don't," whispered Gracen.

"Grissom can help you," replied Sara. "Grissom…he was there when Nick and I…"

Grissom pulled her further away from Gracen.

"If he was there…he was the other assailant," warned Grissom.

She tried to break free but Grissom refused to release her.

"Griss, he hasn't hurt me. Please listen," she begged. She struggled to get free but his grip tightened.

Gracen stepped toward Grissom. "Let go of her! You're hurting her!"

"Stay back!" ordered Grissom.

"Grissom listen! He was there…but at the time he…looked like Nick."

Grissom gawked at Sara.

"I know it sounds crazy…but…"

"Sara…he doesn't believe you…me," Gracen warned.

"Sara, call Brass." Grissom's eyes pleaded with her.

Sara glanced between the two.

She reached for her cell and Grissom released his hold.

He lurched at her when she moved toward Gracen.

"Sara!" yelled Grissom as he grabbed her arm once more.

Gracen lunged at him but Grissom shoved him away causing Gracen to fall back toward the couch.

Blood oozed through his shirt.

"Gracen!"

Sara jerked from Grissom's grasp despite the immense pain it caused and knelt beside Gracen.

"Sara move away from him!"

"Grissom stop it!"

"We'll compare the evidence to his DNA…we'll let the evidence speak for itself."

"He said he was there. I know he was there…but not like you think!"

"Sara, listen to what you are saying. You're not thinking clearly. He couldn't have worn a disguise so that he looked like Nick!"

"He looks like you!" she spat. "Grissom…it's not a disguise…he can transform himself."

He stared at the uncanny resemblance.

"If you think he can change appearances so easily then….let him do it now."

Sara glanced down at Gracen.

"I…can't," he admitted.

"Sara, you are not thinking clearly…you have a head injury. Move away from him," pleaded Grissom.

"If I change…right now…I can't change back. I'll return to my original…appearance."

"What's wrong with that?" she whispered.

"You…prefer…the way he looks," he said quietly.

"I never cared how someone looked…but rather how they were inside."

Gracen smiled sadly. "That's my Sara."

Grissom bristled, angry that Sara trusted this stranger so easily.

"Sara…I'll try…I'm afraid…it might deplete my strength and then I can't heal myself," Gracen warned.

Grissom scoffed at the accusation. "Better do it quickly then. Prove it."

Sara glared at Grissom.

Gracen grabbed her hand. "For you."

He closed his eyes and concentrated.

Nothing happened.

Grissom cursed as he started to reach for Sara again.

Gracen's body jerked as if he were having involuntary spasms.

"He's having a seizure!" she cried.

Both gasped as he changed before their very eyes.

They each grabbed him as his body continued to shake violently.

Within minutes his body stilled.

Sara stared at the body.

She'd never seen the man before.

His hair was jet black and she was sure his eyes matched his hair.

He was very handsome and muscular in stature.

Sara covered her mouth when he appeared to be dead.

Grissom checked for a pulse.

Sara held his hand tightly as she urged him to wake.

"Grissom help me please!" she begged.

"Sara, your ribs," he cautioned.

"Help me or I'll do it myself," she pleaded.

Grissom shifted most of Gracen's weight toward him.

They lifted him gently. Grissom headed toward the couch but Sara protested.

"He needs to lie down."

Grissom glanced toward the bedroom.

Reluctantly he agreed.

They carefully carried him to the bedroom, mindful of his wound.

Once he was there, Sara grabbed a blanket and placed it over him.

"What can we do about the wound?" she asked.

"Sara we need to call the police…and an ambulance."

"No! What do we say? My friend is a shape shifter so be careful when you're poking around on his insides?"

Grissom studied the man.

"Sara…who is he? Better yet, what is he?"

She licked her lips. "Someone who watches over me."

Grissom stared at her. "How long have you known him?"

"Honestly? I think I've known him for years…but he's never approached me…made himself known until…recently."

"He's been pretending to be me?" asked Grissom.

"He used your appearance…so I wouldn't be afraid…let myself…know him."

"How well do you know him?" he challenged, glancing around the room.

His eyes made accusations that she had no intentions of answering.

It was none of his business.

He had made his choice a long time ago.

"I know he won't hurt me."

"How can you be so sure? Sara…you don't know what he is…he's not human…or if he is then he had some form of mutated ability to shape shift. The scientific world will…"

"No one can know," she pleaded.

"You can't let him stay here with you. You don't know what he's capable of doing?"

"He protected me Grissom! He took the bullet meant for me. I should be dead but because of him, I'm alive and he's hurt. I'm not going to turn him away nor am I going to put him at jeopardy. You don't have to stay."

"Do you think I'm going to leave you here alone with him?" he yelled.

Gracen moaned.

"Gracen?" Sara sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand.

Dark orbs stared at her.

"Gracen, are you alright?" she begged.

He attempted to raise his hand in order to cup her face but was too weak.

She squeezed his hand.

"Do you want us to call an ambulance?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Sara…you…can't."

"You're safe with me," she urged.

Gracen looked at Grissom.

Sara glanced between the two.

"Grissom won't tell anyone. You're safe. I promise," she declared.

Grissom's jaw twitched.

Gracen grimaced from the pain.

Sara quickly examined the wound. "You're bleeding!"

Grissom stepped forward and examined the wound. "It looks like the wound broke open."

"Grissom, I have a first aid kit in the bathroom."

He returned with the kit and within a few minutes Gracen was bandaged.

Grissom pulled Sara away from the bed.

"Sara…think about this. I don't think you should be alone with him when you know so little about him."

"I'm not leaving him," she challenged.

Grissom eyed the man. He whispered softly. "Sara….please."

She folded her arms across her body. "I'm staying here with him."

"You have to report to work tomorrow," ordered Grissom.

"You gave me a week off," she gritted.

"That was…before this. You're safer at work than…here."

"I'm taking a week," she replied.

He stepped closer. "We don't know that much about him."

"No."

"I don't like this," he fumed.

Sara glanced at the man in her bed.

"Then get used to it because he is staying in my bed."

The words stung and for a second he flinched.

He'd tried very hard not to read too much into Sara's concern for the man's wellbeing and in fact it was a little ego boost that she was attracted to Gracen because she thought it was him.

Now, however, she sat holding this man's hand, talking soothingly to him.

The man was younger and much more attractive than Grissom.

"I'm staying," he shot back.

"You have to go to work," she replied.

He grumbled, knowing that the unit was already stretched too thin with Nick and Sara still out.

"I'm taking off," he declared.

"The lab needs you," she spat. "I don't."

He gulped for air, not sure why her words seemed to stab him in the chest.

He cursed inwardly. "I'm coming back…after shift. I expect you to report in."

"Grissom, there is no need."

"Yes, there is. You're too close to this thing. You feel you owe him because he protected you. Sara, he could be a very violent man…he could rape you."

"He's not violent…and he's had more than one opportunity to…" she did not finish.

Grissom had already noticed the unmade bed.

Sara was still dressed in her gown.

She had not even noticed her clothing until his eyes raked over her in an accusing manner.

"Tell me Grissom…when did you decide to come and check on me? I talked with you on the phone hours ago."

"I thought you needed time to calm down. I knew you were upset."

"If he had been a violent person I would already be dead. I'll go with my own gut feeling."

Grissom clenched his teeth, guilt eating at his gut as he glanced at the man lying in Sara's bed.

"Are you involved…with him?" he asked.

"Why would that be any of your business?" she challenged.

He looked down at the floor but then held up the bloodied bandage that had been removed. "If his blood matches the blood on your blouse at the crime scene then…"

She quickly snatched it from his hand.

"You don't have a warrant. You're not taking it."

"You said yourself Sara that he was there."

"I was confused."

"How far are you willing to go to protect him?"

"With my life if necessary."

His eyes widened. "I still expect you in the lab tomorrow."

"But…"

"Either you agree to return to the lab or…I'll go to Brass and….please," he added. He didn't like to blackmail anyone.

"Fine. I'll be at work tomorrow."

"You'll check in with me."

"Am I not allowed to sleep?" she asked.

"Check in around 1:00 a.m."

"How do you know I'll be awake then?"

"You've always been awake when I've called you on your night off."

Grissom glanced at Gracen who began to stir.

"Griss…you can leave. I'm fine."

"Does he have a last name?" he asked.

Sara had not even asked. "You're fishing for information so you can run a background check."

"1:00 a.m.," he repeated before he left.

Gracen stirred once more.

Sara sat down on the edge of the bed. "How do you feel?"

"He's worried about you."

"You didn't answer my question," she said.

"He used to sit in his car in your parking lot for hours at a time," said Gracen.

"Why?" she asked.

"He came whenever you worked a bad case."

She was quiet. She had never known that Grissom did such a thing.

"He loves you," he said sadly.

"No, he doesn't."

"I saw it in his eyes. He loves you. He just refuses to do anything about it."

"Why are you telling me…this? Do you want me to be with Grissom?"

"I want you to be happy."

"Even if that means choosing someone else for a mate?" she asked.

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"And you would be fine with this?"

"It would hurt but…Sara, your needs come first…before mine."

"You never told me how you feel."

"It's worse."

"How can I help?"

"I need rest."

"Do you have an infection?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Gracen, you need to see a doctor. You need to go to the hospital," she urged.

"Sara, I can't. They would run lab tests and see that I'm different."

"There are others like you. I can go to them and…"

"No, you can't. You would be putting yourself at risk…of death. My kind turned their back on me when I walked away from the sect."

She licked her lips, not liking that his life was hanging in the balance because of her.

"Antibiotics…would that help?"

"Yes but…I'll be fine…with plenty of sleep and rest."

"Are you sure? I think I could get some antibiotics."

He took her hand. "I won't put you in harm's way…just being with you helps." His hand caressed her palm. Her pulse quickened when his hand caressed her cheek.

"Do I look…alright to you?" he asked timidly. "I mean I am so much different than him but…"

She grinned. "There's a woman at work… her name is Catherine and she would consider you a hunk."

"Catherine Willows…I know her. I know all of them. I've had to in order to keep tabs on you…to make sure you were safe. I envy your relationship with Greg. He always seems to make you smile."

"He's a good friend."

Gracen smiled but it faded. "When Grissom came to San Francisco, I knew you would soon come to Vegas. He stole your heart the first day you met him."

She fidgeted. "He doesn't want a relationship with me. I've been wasting my time."

"He does love you Sara. I'm not sure why he doesn't act on that love."

"Some people can't. I guess he can't at least he's never did in the past. When I got the emails I thought it was him."

"I know. I sort of wanted you to believe that so you wouldn't…be alarmed when I made myself known to you."

"Why couldn't you just introduce yourself years ago?"

"It's not permitted."

"Why?"

"In order for an…angel to have direct contact with a human, it must be sanctioned by Him. Since He doesn't talk with us anymore…I had to wait until you asked for help."

"But I didn't…"

"Yes, you did….as a child."

Sara couldn't remember.

"I stayed in the shadows until I just couldn't help myself...I couldn't stay away. I used Grissom's appearance so I could get close to you. Believe me, I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to confuse you but...at the time I didn't see any other way."

"That was a bit deceptive. Isn't that bending the rules...if angels have any rules?"

"Yes, we do...but I'm only part angel. My mother was a human."

"Where are your parents now?"

He looked down at the covers as he placed his hand behind his head. "They're dead."

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "Angels can die then?"

"Yes."

"May I ask how they died?"

"It was my fault. My decisions put them at risk so they were not protected…they were killed. Sara, this is too painful to speak about."

"I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes. "Lie with me," he whispered.

Sara curled her body up next to his.

His arm encircled her. "Search your heart closely Sara. I want you more than anything but only if you fully understand the consequences of your decision."

"What would be my consequences?" she asked.

"You would live as long as I would. You would see your friends live out their lives and then die. Judgment is still some time off in the future…no one knows when that will happen except our Creator. We have some time yet…here on earth. You and I would be bound together until that time. I would pray for eternity but that is not my decision. Bearing a child is possible but it seems most of us are barren…I might not be able to give you a child. Once we are mated, our bodies are connected. We will feel each other's pain as well as happiness. If one of us should die then the other would die as well. There is also the possibility that by giving yourself to me that you could be condemned as well."

"I'm an atheist. I have no religion."

"Then I'll spend whatever time I have remaining to convince you that there is a God and his Son is your savior. I know. My great grandfather was there at his crucifixion. Even then we watchers were watching how mankind would fare. My great grandfather mourned for the sin He had to bear but He chose to give up his life for you….humans. My great grandfather never forgave himself for not fighting against Satan when he had the chance. He often spoke about how he missed the sound of our Creator's voice."

Both were silent for several minutes.

"Sara, don't hate our Creator for what happened to you as a child. He loves you. His love for you is deeper than the ocean. He mourns for his lost children. He exists. He sent His Son for your salvation. Don't dismiss it so easily."

"I'm not…I won't," she whispered.

He kissed her on the forehead.

She tilted her head up in order to gaze at him.

Her hand felt his forehead. "You're hot. You have a temperature."

"Yes, I do. The infection is worse."

"Gracen…"

"Sleep, Sara. I need to sleep," he said as he drifted off.

She lay there in the crook of his arms, watching him sleep. He was a complete stranger yesterday and now she felt as though she had known him her entire life. She glanced at the clock.

_Why did Grissom never come to my door but sat in his vehicle?_

She slowly slipped from Gracen's arms as she went to the living room. He answered the phone on the first ring.

"I'm still fine," she whispered.

"Is he…still there?" he asked.

"Yes. Grissom, he has an infection. He needs medical care."

"Take him to a hospital."

"You know we can't do that. Griss, he took the bullet meant for me. If anything happens to him...then..." she didn't finish.

He couldn't imagine what he would have done if Sara had been killed.

He'd prayed out loud relentously as he drove to the crime scene, fearing what he would find when he got there.

Grissom was silent for a moment. "I could get some antibiotics."

"From Doc?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Grissom, please."

"For you. I'll do it for you…not him." It came out sounding like a jealous ex but he didn't care. "Promise me, you'll be careful."

"I will."

Note from author:

Well, a little more background info...when I meant rating "M+" it was meant for the entire story...I know this is an unusual story but its GSR never the less. LOL Believe it or not there is smut coming...I am posting early because today is going to be crazy and I'm not sure when I will get another chance so don't disappoint and leave a review for each chapter. Don't make me hunt you down in cyberspace...LOL

Take care,

Penny


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Letting Go of Old Dreams**

_Won't you tell him please to put on some speed  
Follow my lead, oh how I need  
Someone to watch over me  
Someone to watch over me_

_Gershwin_

A few hours later there was a knock on the door.

Sara crept from the bedroom and let Grissom in.

He handed her the medicine.

"Thanks."

He noticed a pillow and blanket was on the couch.

"That's for you in case you're still being stubborn and think I need protection."

He purposely unfolded the blanket, stretching out on the couch.

"I guess you don't care if someone spots your car in my parking lot."

"It wouldn't be the first time," he shot back boldly.

"Why did you used to park outside?" she asked.

He froze for a second not sure how she'd found out.

He had been coming ever since she moved to Vegas but never had the nerve to go to her door.

He closed his eyes, striking the pillow a few times.

"Checking on you."

"Wouldn't you have to do that by coming to the door?"

He was silent for a moment. "I figured if you'd had enough of the job you would leave…by car so I parked next to yours and waited."

"Would it matter if I left? You could just train another person," she said softly.

"I…wanted you," he managed to get out.

"I'm glad you think I'm so smart but there are other qualified C.S.I.s who could replace me."

"No one could ever replace you."

Her heart sped up but she'd been down this road too many times.

"Everyone can be replaced. I think I've recently learned that," she said.

It sounded so harsh coming from her lips and she quickly retreated to the kitchen, not wishing to see his reaction or lack of.

She never thought anyone could replace Grissom but Gracen was proving to be a challenge to her heart.

Her words stung as he lay there not sure what the hell he was trying to prove by staying at her apartment.

His hands were sweaty and his pulse raced at just being near her.

Oh, he'd been near her before in the lab but this was different.

He was in her apartment on her couch using one of her pillows and covering his self with a blanket that smelled like her.

He breathed in deeply.

He'd never been this bold, fearful of rejection, fearful she wouldn't really want him and he could not bear being rejected by the only person he had ever loved.

He thought he had plenty of time but he'd never truly knew what to do about this and now after all these years he was going to be too late, not able to compete with the likes of the man that now occupied her bed.

He gulped for air.

"Night," she said.

"Night."

Grissom listened as she poured a glass of water and then returned to the bedroom.

The shutting of the door made his stomach clench.

"Gracen, you need to take this," she urged.

"Antibiotics…where did you get this?" he asked.

"Grissom got them from Doc."

"I must thank him…he's here isn't he?" he asked weakly.

"Yes. He's on the couch."

"He's worried about your safety. It took a lot for him to come…stay." Gracen looked at her intently.

He took her hand. "Sara…maybe you should give him a chance. He really does…"

She shook her head as she swiped away a tear. "I'm all out of chances. I'm done….with him."

"Are you sure?" he whispered. "Sara, I know your heart. You still love him."

She knew it should feel strange for her to be confiding in someone she had just met, but it didn't.

"I'll always love him…but…"

"He hurts you," he finished.

She nodded.

He caressed the palm of her hand. "Sara, I know how much he's hurt you in the past. I was there, pacing the floor…with you….wanting and needing to hold you so desperately that I wanted to shout in frustration."

She let a single tear escape down her cheek and he wiped it away, leaning forward to kiss where it had been.

"He doesn't know Sara how detrimental his rejections have been. He didn't see how you refused to eat, or stayed awake not wanting to sleep, fearful of the nightmares…and when it got so bad this time…God forgive me I could no longer stand in the wings. I comforted you. I whispered softly into your ear, soothing you as best as I could."

"I thought it was part of the dream…until I felt you beside me and then…heard his voice…but it was your heart…not his. I know that now Gracen."

Tears streamed down her face. "It hurts as if I have a hole in my heart. I've never been worth the risk to him," she cried angrily as she swiped at her cheeks. "I don't want to wait for him to finally give me his love…it's too painful."

"I'm worried about you," he said. "I can feel your turmoil. You're scared."

"He wants me to return to work tonight and I don't want to leave you."

"I'll be fine. I know you…you need to work…but stay in the lab. You're still recovering yourself."

"You took the bullet."

"Gladly. I was so afraid I would lose you. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you."

"You said…that when we're mated…if one of us should die then…"

"We're not mated…yet. Does that frighten you…to think that your life hinges on mine?"

"No. It's comforting in a way. I don't think I would want to live if I lost my spouse."

"My Sara." His voice was like a caress to her heart and she leaned closer, feeling his breath against her cheek. "You love so deeply."

He pulled her into an embrace and she lay there listening to his heart beat.

He closed his eyes. "Search your heart fully…make sure there is room for me."

He drifted off to sleep but she lay there in his arms for awhile.

It was nice to feel so intimate with someone.

Slowly she slipped from the room, trying not to make any noise.

Her apartment was quite small.

She was tempted to crawl into bed with Gracen but it felt odd knowing that Grissom was in the next room.

Guilt descended upon her in waves at her actions toward Grissom and it bothered her.

_You have to get over Grissom…_

_You don't owe him…_

Each time she looked at Grissom she felt a heaviness, a sort of mourning for what could have been.

She tried to walk softly through the apartment but Grissom rolled over.

"Is he…better?" he asked.

"Yes. Grissom thank you for the antibiotics." She looked at him and he seemed out of sorts.

"You can't get any sleep on that couch. You should go home. I'm safe."

Gracen was much too weak to be a threat and Grissom knew this.

He sat up not wanting to leave but it bothered him that Sara had another man in her bedroom.

It was very unsettling to his heart.

"Sara…I'm not sure you should drive still…I can take you into the lab this evening."

"How is Nick?" she asked. "I tried calling earlier but his parents seem to be monopolizing his time."

Grissom smiled. "I think Nick will be relieved when they leave. His mother is rather overprotective of him and she's given the nurses grief."

Sara grinned. "And Nick will let her since he's a Momma's boy."

Grissom returned the grin but it faded. "He's lucky to be alive…so are you."

"I'm good…really."

"Sara…" he struggled not knowing how to ask anything so personal.

"You want to know about Gracen."

"Yes."

She made some tea for them and then sat down across from Grissom as she told him about Gracen.

His face hardened immediately.

"He's a fallen angel, Sara."

"His descendants were sent to earth."

"They're condemned…just as Satan and the others…there is no difference in the eyes of the church."

"I'm not religious."

He shifted on the couch. "Gracen…is dangerous."

"Gracen saved me."

"Gracen chose the wrong side and can't change that."

"Gracen did not choose the wrong side…neither did his father. His ancestors did not choose to get involved in the battle. They did nothing but was still condemned."

"Sometimes doing nothing is making a choice."

"Yes, it is," she retorted.

His eyes dropped to the floor.

"I've never heard anything about "watchers" but I do know that the fallen angels were demonized and…"

"I've heard the stories. Demons do Satan's bidding. They wreak havoc on the earth and try to lure people to follow Satan. I told Gracen I don't believe in heaven…or God."

"Then why would you let him into your home? Sara, he is definitely not human. His blood proves that. If you don't believe what he is telling you then…"

"Gracen was told this by his parents to explain their differences. Whether it is true or not, I'm not sure I care."

He let out a gasp. "It's your soul we're talking about."

"Grissom, you're not even a religious person and now you're concerned about my soul?"

"Sara, God gave us free will to decide…you choose not to decide because you don't believe…Gracen may take that choice from you….he's not to be trusted. No fallen angel is to be trusted."

"I trust him."

"Why did you let him get near you?" he asked softly.

It was her turn to look away. "I'll admit he used your appearance in order to get close to me but it was only…"

"When you were with him did you think it was me?"

"Yes," she breathed. "But then I realized it wasn't you."

"How?"

"He didn't hurt me."

He swallowed. "I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you."

"Griss,…it's okay. We can be friends…that's what you always wanted…the safety of friendship."

"Is that what you want?"

She gulped in air, not believing they were finally having this conversation.

"Like you said, sometimes doing nothing is making a choice. I think you made your choice a long time ago."

He leaned closer. "I…wanted…to."

"Gracen gave up his position…in order to come to me. He thought I was worth the risk."

Grissom's eyes widened at the implication.

_She heard me with Lurie…_

Grissom set the cup down on the table.

"You've always been more than a friend," he pressed.

"I believe those were my words," she threw back at him.

"Yes…they were but I feel the same way."

"You never showed it."

"No…I didn't."

She took a deep breath. "I think we're better as friends."

_Show me you're willing to fight for me Grissom…_

His gut twisted.

_I guess I'm really too late…_

"If…that is what you want," he said quietly.

_Just as I thought…_

_You're not willing to fight for me…_

She struggled with her emotions, taking the cups to the kitchen.

While she never wanted him to risk his job, she wanted to feel that she was just as important.

"I'll be at work this evening," she said, her voice absent of emotion.

His chest hurt as he struggled to remain calm.

"I'll drive you."

She kept her back to him. "Griss…go home."

She heard the opening and closing of the door.

She turned and he was gone.

She covered her mouth to stifle the sobs.

_Why couldn't you fight for me Grissom?_

_Am I not worth the effort?_

She leaned against the counter for support as she cried.

Gracen appeared.

"Sara?"

She turned and faced him.

He opened his arms and she ran to him.

He soothed her as he spoke softly to her. "I didn't mean to complicate your life. Your relationship with Grissom means a lot to you. I won't come between it."

Her tears slowed. "You haven't come between us. We were friends before and we're friends now. It's all he ever wanted."

"I feel your sadness. Are you alright?"

"I will be."

"I think it would be best if I left," he said.

"Why?" she cried as she wiped her eyes, angry that she had broken down.

"I think you need time to sort through your feelings," he said as he leaned against the door frame.

"I don't want you to leave! Please Gracen, don't leave…here."

He sadly smiled. "I won't be far. I just think you need space."

"I just found you…or I just realized you were here. I still have questions…I want to spend time with you. Please don't go," she begged.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He pulled her close to him as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Gracen…do you have a last name?" she asked.

"Merci."

"Gracen Merci," she whispered.

He smiled. "My father used to say that surely God would give me 'grace and mercy' with a name like that."

She leaned forward and kissed him.

It was a soft peck on the lips but then she purposely opened her mouth and he took full advantage, leaving her breathless as his lips left hers, scorching her skin until she was pulling at his shirt but his hands quickly stopped her.

"I want you….but not until…I can't," he bit out. "It has to be…right."

She groaned.

His hands cupped her face. "Your heart needs time to mend…from him and then…we can be joined Sara."

"No sex before the marriage," she griped.

"No making love…Sara this is serious. You have to be…fully committed. Once you've taken my blood into your system, there will be a period of adjustment…maybe days before we are ready to consummate…join together."

"Adjustment? Could my body reject…your blood?" she asked.

"No," he grinned. "There will be this slow buildup….of desire…of craving to…join with me. It will consume your every thought."

"Sounds like extended foreplay," she quipped.

"Making love…will be very intense…more intense than anything you've ever experienced. Your body will crave mine for several days until…"

"A cooling off period…the ride down from the orgasm?" she teased.

"Sort of," he frowned. "But we'll always desire one another."

"That's good," she whispered.

"Sara…there is one thing. Once my blood enters your system, you must stay close to me so we can…when you're ready."

"Nothing like being frustrated…for too long."

He grew angry. "If we don't complete the process then you could die. Understand? This isn't to be taken lightly. Sara, this is a very important ritual."

"I'm sorry. The whole thing makes me…a little nervous…and…frustrated."

He smiled. "I can feel your desire, Sara. I can't wait to make you mine but you have to be sure. We have to plan…prepare."

"I feel like I've always known you." She eyed him "Are you doing anything to make me feel this way?"

"I'm not permitted to do such a thing. I wouldn't anyway. Sara, I feel familiar because I am. I have always been here even though you could not see me."

"I wish I had seen you," she said softly.

"It was hard keeping my distance."

"You should go back to bed," she said.

He nodded. "Come with me?"

"I think I'll take a shower…a cold one," she admitted.

He grinned. "You have no idea how many of those I've taken because of you."

She returned the grin. "It does do the trick."

She started toward the bedroom but halted.

"Have you…ever been with someone…intimately?" she asked.

"No."

She looked surprised.

"Like I said earlier, we hold such things as sacred…kept only for our mates…not for whoever will soothe a craving."

"I like that," she said softly.

He took her hand and kissed the palm, grinning when she shivered. "I am experienced in other ways."

It made her lick her lips. "Yeah, you are."

Later that evening there was a knock on her door.

Grissom stood there.

"I'm early…I forgot you might not be ready," he explained.

"Not yet," she said as she looked around the room for her shoes.

Gracen stepped out of the bedroom.

Grissom tried to remain calm. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better. I wanted to thank you for the antibiotics."

"I did it for Sara," he replied.

Gracen smiled. "A good reason."

"I thought I saw a shoe sticking out from under the couch," noted Grissom.

She looked under the couch, pulling out the shoes.

"Thanks," she said as she slipped them on, trying not to lean too far and injure her ribs.

She knew Grissom was watching her every move.

"It was nice of you to pick up Sara…so early," commented Gracen.

"Old habit," lied Grissom.

"Sara…I'm going to go to my house," began Gracen.

Sara looked between the two men before stepping closer to Gracen. "I thought we agreed…"

"I need clothes."

She grinned. "Yes, you do but…you shouldn't go by yourself. You're still weak."

"Since it's my fault that I goaded you into changing back…why don't we go there now? There is still plenty of time before work to give you a lift and then bring you back," offered Grissom.

Sara glared at Grissom, knowing his true intentions.

_You just want to know where he lives…_

Sara scowled but Gracen extended his hand. "Thank you."

She felt nervous sitting beside Grissom while Gracen sat in the back seat.

Grissom pressed a button. "Like music?" he asked.

Gregorian chant music floated in the air.

Sara glared at Grissom while he gripped the steering wheel ignoring her.

"Yes, I do. I especially love this kind of music. You were once a choir boy," announced Gracen.

Grissom looked surprised that he would know this.

"You were?" asked Sara.

"Yes…I was," he admitted.

Gracen smiled. "I used to sit in the balcony of your church when you were a small boy in the choir and listen."

Sara's head jerked around. "You knew Grissom when he was a boy?"

"Yes, I did. Your paths have crossed a few times. Grissom and his mother attended an art gallery at the same time you did. You went with a class…remember?"

"Yes, I do," she admitted.

"You wore this flower printed dress," said Grissom. "You wanted to stay and look at this particular painting but the teacher insisted you move on so you snuck back. I believe you got in trouble for slipping away from the others."

"How…did you know that?" asked Sara.

"Even then...I noticed your beauty," stated Grissom boldy but then added, "Even then I didn't think someone so young...would want someone so old...like me."

Note from author:

Grissom is going to have to step up to the plate if he is going to win Sara's hand before it is too late...the question is can he do it in time?

Take care!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

**Setting the Record Straight**

Sara was speechless but Grissom spoke up. "Memory is a gift. I remembered Sara the moment you mentioned the art gallery."

"I thought she had made an impression on you," said Gracen.

Sara refused to look toward Grissom.

"Turn right," instructed Gracen.

Within a few minutes they were turning into Gracen's driveway.

It was a huge house, set away from the other houses in the neighborhood.

"My family has lived here for many years," he explained.

It was incredibly beautiful.

He unlocked the door and stepped inside. "I'll just be a minute," he explained. "Sara…would you like to help me?"

Grissom glanced around, as uneasiness crept over him.

They ascended the stairs slowly. Sara quickly wrapped her arms around him providing him with her support.

"You shouldn't be climbing stairs," she scolded softly.

"I used to slide down the banister as a child," he said. "My mother used to scold me…like you are now."

He stopped midway trying to catch his breath.

"Gracen," she worried.

"Just give me a minute," he gasped. He looked into her eyes, her concern obvious.

"I won't overdo it," he whispered. "I promise."

They walked down the hall and then stepped into a large bedroom.

Gracen went to the closet and pulled out an overnight bag filling it with clothes.

"Since my parents died, I haven't liked staying here. That will change if you decide…it will feel like a home again."

He finished packing and then pulled her into his arms. "Sara…I want you to take a month…to be sure."

_A month…_

_Can I make my decision by then?_

She'd waited for such a long time for Grissom to admit his feelings and now Gracen was wanting her to act within a month.

"I'll stay…at your place for a few days and then I need to come back here."

"But…"

There were footsteps coming toward them.

"I don't think it's Grissom," said Sara.

A woman appeared in the doorway.

"You're back," she huffed.

Gracen looked displeased at the woman standing in the doorway.

She was quite beautiful making Sara feel a bit uneasy as she eyed her up and down.

"Sara, this is Vivian," gritted Gracen.

"Hello Sara, we've known you for years. Gracen has given up a lot in order to…"

"Vivian, why are you here?" he interrupted.

"Waiting for you…why else? I was concerned about you."

"Thank you but it's not necessary."

"You look ill," she said suddenly coming to stand near him.

"We have to leave," he said as he attempted to take the overnight bag but Sara grabbed it.

He refused to let go of the handle.

"What happened?" Vivian asked, sounding concerned.

She reached out to touch him but he stepped back instantly.

Her eyes flared in content but cooled the moment she realized Sara was watching her.

"I'm going to be alright," he said.

"I can still inquire about you, can't I?" she asked mournfully.

"I was...shot but I'm better."

"Did they do it?" she asked quickly.

"No."

They started toward the door but Vivian blocked him. "Could I speak privately with you?"

"No. I keep nothing from Sara."

"I guess she knows then that we were intended to be mated. It was our parent's decision to…"

"You and I had a choice…I made mine."

Vivian glanced at Sara. "Very well, I only wanted to make sure before…you made a mistake."

Gracen stepped toward Vivian. "I've already chosen Sara. I am bound to her."

Vivian gasped. "When?"

"Vivian…I told you years ago I had no intention of going through with the ritual with you."

"But you never said you had…begun the ritual," she cried.

"It was none of your business. I was not bound to…"

"Pure bred is better than…"

"None of us are pure breds anymore which is the reason we are able to feel…procreate…it is our human nature that gives us these pleasures."

"It's not a pleasure, it's a curse," she cried. "I'd rather not feel…especially when my intended has chosen someone beneath him."

"I will not have you talking about Sara like that. I am beneath her. It is our angelic heritage that curses us. I seek to rise above that."

Vivian laughed through her tears. "We will never rise again. Our Creator decreed that. We are a dying breed. You can't hope to take a human for your mate in order to get an heir. The odds are against you."

Gracen caressed Sara's hand. "If the Creator gives us an heir then glory will be to Him since only He can grant us this…not ourselves. Please move away Vivian."

"I could give you an heir. I'm not sterile."

Sara felt a twinge of guilt for Vivian's pain.

"Vivian, I've made my choice."

"I can't...won't protect you from the council. They're quite angry at your actions. It will not please them to know that you intend to follow through with setting me aside," she spat.

"They already know this. I told them of my intentions….you've known for some time. Besides, I didn't expect you to be so noble as to uphold the family name…the name you were to become."

Just as they reached the top of the stairs, Vivian grabbed his arm. "Gracen, you'll be sorry for this."

He brushed her hand from his arm and it infuriated her.

Grissom noticed the woman at the top of the stairs as he watched them descend the stairs.

She appeared to be upset as she attempted to detain Gracen.

"Gracen…you may have bound yourself to her…but she's not bound to you yet. That could be your downfall."

Gracen turned and glared at the woman. "Don't threaten Vivian. I protect what's mine!"

"You used to protect me," she mourned.

"Yes, I did. Even though I told you years ago, you've remained under my roof, under my protection…as well as your family. You've taken full advantage of this…but it ends now. I expect you to move out by the end of the week."

"You can't mean that!" she said coming toward him.

"Move out or…I'll have your things removed myself," he called over his shoulder.

He gripped Sara's hand firmly, feeling her discomfort.

He took the stairs rather quickly and regretted it once they reached the bottom.

He was breathing rather hard as they stepped outside.

Grissom started for the car but Sara called him back quickly. "Grissom!"

Gracen leaned against the door, his breath coming in gasps.

Grissom grabbed his other side as they got back into the car.

"I'm sorry. The woman rakes on my last nerve," he bit out. "I needed to get out before I said things that….shouldn't be said."

He leaned back in the seat, closing his eyes as he tried to concentrate on getting control of his breathing.

He felt Sara's hand caress his cheek and then slide across his forehead.

She oozed fear and he grabbed her hand bringing it to his lips as he kissed it.

He waited for Sara to inquire about Vivian but she said nothing.

He smiled sadly at her.

Little was said in the car as they drove Gracen back to Sara's.

They helped him back inside the apartment.

He was grateful to stretch out on the couch.

Grissom stepped outside into the hallway giving them some privacy.

"We'll talk when you get home," he urged.

"I take it you went against your parent's wishes…to come to me."

"My father was upset but he understood. My mother was afraid for me, knowing the sect would disapprove of my actions and pronounce me as an outcast."

"What does that mean…to be an outcast?"

"It means I cannot expect to have their protection from humans…or demons."

A shiver ran down her spine and he quickly rubbed her back.

"Sara, I don't need their protection. I never have. Vivian just said that to rattle you. Some of us…are not nice."

He brought her chin up so that they were eye to eye.

"Vivian wanted us to be mated…now there is no chance for that. I would do it again even if it means you decide you…don't want me."

She sighed loudly. "Well, I wasn't expecting to see an ex…but then you've impersonated mine…wait I guess Grissom doesn't count because he was never mine…I'm…"

"Overtalking," he finished with a grin. "Vivian was an ex…on paper. I'll rectify that."

"Paper?" she asked.

"The sect kept a record of betrothals…to see who was available."

"Weird."

"There's not that many of us remaining," he explained. "Some do not want to mate with a human."

He caressed her cheek. "We've held up Grissom long enough. Be safe."

He kissed her lightly on the lips.

Grissom turned his head not wishing to see the display of affection.

As they walked back to the Denali, he noticed she seemed a bit off.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

"Yes," she said softly.

"Friends…help one another," he offered.

She looked at him.

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes."

"I just want to learn more about…them," she said.

"I think I know someone who may be able to help," he replied.

"Really…but Grissom we can't let anyone know…about Gracen."

"Father Brannigan would never disclose any information," explained Grissom.

"Father Brannigan…a priest…your priest?"

"I don't attend mass anymore but I've confided in him a few times," he shared.

She was surprised by his honesty.

"We have another hour before work. Would you like to swing by there and talk with him?" he asked.

"You usually get to work early," she hesitated.

"Old habits can be broken," he replied.

She grinned. "Griss they would think you had died."

"Let's find out."

She felt nervous walking into a church.

She followed Grissom to the front and a priest appeared.

"Hello Gil, what can I do for you? I hope this is not a business call," he said.

"No, it's personal. Could we talk with you in private?"

Father Brannigan motioned to another priest.

"He's learning the ropes…new priest," he explained.

As soon as they sat down in the office, Grissom began.

"Father, what can you tell us about "the watchers?"

Father Brannigan squirmed.

"Father, we know there is a sect here. We know that they do not consider themselves as fallen angels but rather…angels waiting for judgment."

"You know more than you should," he replied. "The sect has been here for over a thousand years. They contacted the church but the Pope refused to allow them access. We have been mandated not to trust them. They are fallen angels whether they wish to acknowledge this or not."

Sara shifted in her seat. "Father Brannigan, some angels sided with Satan whereas there were some that did nothing- they did not fight with Satan nor did they defend God."

Sara stole a glance at Grissom, "The angels that did nothing have tried to remain as watchers over mankind. It is these angels that I wish to talk about. They intermarried with humans and had offspring that are half angel, half human and…"

"They are fallen angels no matter how far the generation spans."

"In the Bible God allowed some Jews to take wives or husbands of other nations…they were forgiven," said Sara.

"You are talking about humans to humans…not angels to humans. The Book of Enoch documents the catastrophe that occurred when the fallen angels took females as wives. No good came of it."

"But…like I said some of the angels that you insist on classifying as "fallen" have intermarried and their offspring are normal…not evil. Wouldn't that imply God has given…some reprieve?"

"I can't answer that. I can say we will all face judgment one day. As I understand it, this sect does not allow…angels to…mate with humans."

Sara looked to the floor.

"Angels were intended to be servants of humans. They are not equal. They could not have the same emotions as we do or the ability to procreate."

"But they do now. Surely if they can then your God sanctioned it…doesn't all life come from him?" asked Sara.

"All life comes from Him but He also can take it away the offspring of the fallen angels. He gives all humans free will. Those women chose to procreate with evil and they were struck down. No human should trust a fallen angel."

"What if…the entity has become more human than angelic?" she pressed.

"Only God knows that."

Grissom cleared his throat. "What can you tell us about the human women who have married…bound themselves to angels?"

"There is little research since they do not wish to communicate with us. We have learned there are few births between the unions…most of the fallen angels are sterile."

Sara looked confused. "There are only male angels?"

Father Brannigan answered. "Yes… then over the centuries there were some females born to the mixed unions but most of them have been sterile."

"They have to have a human female in order to reproduce which is why some go outside the sect and take a spouse in order to get an offspring and then return to the sect," added Father Brannigan.

Sara leaned forward. "Wait, angels mate for life…if one dies then the other dies."

Grissom's head shot toward Sara as she continued. "You make it sound like they take a spouse, get an offspring and then dump the spouse. It doesn't work that way….there is no returning to the sect. Since the sect forbids…taking human females outside of the sect, the angel is banished from the sect. He is considered an outcast."

"I guess I've learned something," sighed Father Brannigan. "Sara…how do you know so much about fallen angels?"

"Research…sharing of information," she said.

It wasn't exactly a lie. She had been researching on her own as well as sharing information just as she did now.

"What is the mating…or should I say "this ritual process?" asked Grissom trying desperately not to sound so pathetic.

"We don't have that information," said Father Brannigan.

The men looked at Sara.

Sara stood. "Neither do I," she lied.

Grissom and Father Brannigan exchanged looks.

"Be careful with fallen angels. They can and will deceive you. There is no good in them."

Sara waited until they were outside. "That…was bullshit. Gracen is good."

"Maybe he is only…good to…you because he wants something," stated Grissom.

Sara leveled her shoulders. "If Gracen wanted sex…he could have already gotten it," she snapped.

It was a direct hit but she didn't wait around to see how much it hurt him.

Sara put on her sunglasses and walked away.

Once they were in their vehicle, Grissom finally spoke.

"Maybe he wants…an heir," he said.

She breathed deeply. "Then he could have gotten it from Vivian…the woman at his house. They were betrothed to one another but he broke it off."

"Why?" asked Grissom.

_Because some men find me desirable…_

_Some men want me…_

_Some men aren't like you…_

She gripped the seat, not wishing to lash out but it was too late.

"He loves me…**me**, Grissom!" she yelled.

"Sara…"

"Don't! I don't want to talk about this anymore. I appreciate the help but…you don't know Gracen the way I do…you want to find him at fault…I don't care! I…love…him."

Her impulsive declaration caught herself by surprise.

_I do…_

_I never realized it until this moment…_

_I love Gracen…_

"I didn't know that you believed in love at first sight," he whispered.

"I don't," she lied.

"Then...how could you love him...or are you confused?" he asked as he gripped the steering wheel, not wanting to see her reaction.

"I've been with him for weeks, Grissom. I know him...I know his heart. I know he's never hurt me and he'd never going to."

He was silent for the remainder of the ride into work.

She seemed deep in thought for most of the night, sorting through evidence on a case that belonged to Warrick.

Her head hurt as she tried to sort through the theological mumbo jumbo as well as her own feelings toward Gracen.

Warrick kept a watchful eye on her as she rubbed her temple for the second time in less than an hour.

"Hey cookie, how is that headache?" he asked.

"Headache?" she replied.

"You…keep rubbing your temple as if you're in pain," he commented.

"It's fine…I've just got a lot on my mind," she breathed. "How is Nick?"

"He's good…still doesn't remember the way things went down…your version has him a hero…he really wants to remember that," chuckled Warrick.

"He was a hero…trying to cover me each time a shot rang out."

"You both could have been killed," warned Warrick.

"How is that case…coming along?" she asked.

"Nothing makes sense…no connection between the assailant and the victim found in the warehouse. Nothing on the assailant…no fingerprints, previous record...no driver's license…regular John Doe turned hit man."

"Always in Vegas," she yawned.

"Take a break…or Grissom will have my hide," he ordered.

"Thanks Rick," she said as she slipped off the gloves and threw them in the trash.

"I'm going to get a cup of coffee," she said.

She took the cup and sat outside on the steps. It was a clear night with a slight breeze.

The door opened and then Grissom appeared, sitting down beside her.

There were only inches between them but it felt like a wall as he turned to talk with her.

"Warrick said you have a headache."

"I don't…it's just a headache," she breathed.

"Are you feeling okay?" he inquired.

"I can work," she protested.

"Okay," he said softly.

Both sat there, enjoying the cool evening, each looking up at the stars.

"I worry about…you," he said gruffly.

"I'm good…to work," she urged.

"I can still…see you in that lecture hall. You wore your hair in a ponytail."

"I was nervous…asked too many questions."

He smiled. "I hung on every word."

"I was trying to get up the nerve to ask you to dinner."

"We settled on a cup of coffee…and dinner."

They each smiled.

_Don't let your heart go down this road again, Sara…_

_Don't let him hurt you… _

Her smile faded immediately.

She started to get up and she teetered on the edge of the step.

He quickly caught her, pulling her to him.

Her hands landed on his shoulders in an awkward intimate embrace.

"I've got you, Sara," he whispered.

She quickly broke the contact. "I need to be more careful."

She disappeared into the building while Grissom remained.

He had no idea how he was going to get her away from Gracen but he wasn't going to be too late.

He was going to do something about this.

Note from author:

That's the spirit, Grissom! Is everybody too busy to read? I have been dodging this and that in order to post. I hope that everyone is still reading along. Let me know since things are going to be changing fairly quickly.

Take care!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

**Falling or Fallen**

He drove her home that morning knowing that Gracen was now staying at Sara's.

He wanted to confront her once more about her personal involvement with him but she had already heard the facts.

Sara was an atheist and did not seem affected by the fallen angel theology.

At the moment he couldn't bear the thought of her crawling into bed with Gracen.

He still did not know if Gracen had already initiated the mating ritual and what it pertained but he was going to find out.

He felt Sara knew more and the only way he was going to find out was be direct.

Once they reached her apartment, she started to get out but he quickly reached for her hand.

"Sara…what has Gracen told you about the mating process?"

"It's like marriage except that the couples are bound together until death."

"How is that possible? I mean that's intriguing…a shame they don't share their secret with humans to reduce divorces. Maybe Catherine would have thought twice before getting involved with Eddie."

She grinned. "It does make you think."

"So…how does the process work?"

She rattled off the process not seeing his face fall as she talked about the euphoria that she would feel once her blood was mixed with Gracen's and then the consummation bonding them together for life.

He cleared his throat. "So…angels don't believe in premarital sex."

"No."

_Well, that is sort of a relief…_

"We can do…other things until then," she shot back and then slipped out of the vehicle.

"What other things?" he said aloud, feeling his stomach return to knots.

She unlocked the door and smiled when she heard music.

"I guess I didn't break the CD," she quipped.

"I found it lying on top of the plants. Strange place to keep a CD," he remarked as he sat in the chair near the stereo.

She dropped her things onto the counter and grabbed a glass of juice.

"How was your night?" he asked.

"Good," she managed to get out as his arms enveloped her.

It felt great to feel hugged.

It felt even better to come home and have someone waiting there.

He softly kissed her on the neck.

She let out a moan and he chuckled.

"You are so sensual, my Sara."

She turned, placing her hand on his chest. "How do you feel?"

"Much better. The antibiotics are helping."

She opened his shirt and examined the wound which did look much better.

She kissed the injured area.

He closed his eyes and groaned. "Careful not to make me take a cold shower."

"I'll take one with you," she offered.

He stepped back. "Make a decision soon…for both of our sakes."

Sara grinned but it faded quickly. "Tell me about Vivian…and the sect."

He returned to the chair but pulled her into his lap.

"Vivian's parents convinced my parents that it would be good if we were betrothed to one another."

"How did you feel about it?"

"Honestly, I never thought about taking a mate. I was content to work within the sect…I ignored my father's request for years. I was too busy…with work." He smiled. "Especially after I found you. I'd not taken on a watcher in over a hundred years. It was not normal for a person in my position to do field work…I usually delegated to someone else…but there was something about you that tugged at my conscious. I kept going back, drifting into your life from time to time, checking up on you. The day I found you huddled in that damn crawl space, I knew I would be your full time watcher…it just took me some time before I accepted my fate."

He closed his eyes. "I can still see you now, afraid you were going to make a sound giving your hiding spot away. Your father kept yelling for you. He was such a drunken fool! He had been given a beautiful child and yet he acted as though he…" he stopped not wanting to bring up those painful memories for Sara. "You were so frightened."

She swallowed. "My father had been on a drinking binge for days. He hadn't come home that night so my mother went to look for him. She expected to get a phone call some day that he'd drunk himself to death or…killed someone."

Gracen pulled her closer.

"I heard him when he came through the front door, yelling for my mother. I tried to explain that she had gone looking for him but he flew into a rage, throwing things. He…hit me and I ran out of the house. There was no place to hide…except for the crawl space underneath the house."

He kissed her on the head. "You were so afraid of spiders…and him."

"I was more afraid of him. I just knew he would find me and…Mom was not there."

"I heard you whispering a prayer."

Sara turned, her cheeks wet from tears. "I…forgot….about that."

"Sometimes in the worst times, humans cry out to the Creator…he hears you. I heard you."

_How did I hear her? _

_I never heard anyone before?_

_I heard the prayer and came…_

"Gracen?"

"Hmmm?"

"Were you there?"

"The moment I heard the prayer I came. I was right outside the crawl space entrance."

"I heard voices…Dad was talking to someone."

"It was me…I told him I was admiring his Inn and wanted to stay a few days and paid him cash on the spot. He took off with the money, no doubt to buy more alcohol."

"I didn't come out until Mom got home," said Sara.

He kissed her on the lips. "I wanted to take you in my arms and hold you…protect you from that monster. He didn't deserve a daughter like you. I watched over you...outside the opening...until your mother came home."

"I feel safe…in your arms. I don't remember feeling this safe before," she yawned.

"You're safe, my Sara," he said as he rubbed her back. "Let me put you to bed."

He started to lift her but she protested. "You're still hurt."

"You're light as a feather," he whispered.

She struggled out of his arms but took his hand and led him to the bedroom.

"I'll shower and be back in a minute," she said as she grabbed her gown.

She was back within a few minutes, her hair still wet from the shower.

"You feel ice cold," he murmured.

"I took a cold shower," she admitted.

He pulled back the covers.

"You didn't sleep?" she questioned, noticing the bed was still made.

"I was waiting to sleep with you," he replied.

She took her place in the bed, giving him room to lie beside her. She gasped when he eased his body over hers, keeping his full weight from her with his arms. He gently nudged her legs apart, letting his body press deep into her. Her eyes widened at the feel of his manhood pressed against her opening.

Gently he lowered his weight, letting her get used to the feel of him.

"Is this alright?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered.

His hand stroked her hair. "I want you to get used to me…to the feel of me so close to you."

She nodded as she took in a deep breath.

She'd never been with a man before despite the near fatal attempts in the past.

"When we consummate our joining, our hands will be locked…like this," he showed her, taking her hand, his fingers intertwining with hers.

He held her in place for a moment and then released her, opening her hand to display her palm. "I'll slice the palm of your hand…right here…mine as well and then we'll clasp them tightly together…like I showed you."

"Even though each of us…has taken each other's blood?"

"You will have to ingest my blood first…I've already done that," he explained.

She bit her lower lip. "Gracen, I've never been with anyone."

He grinned. "I know…Hank Pettigrew was almost a problem."

"Grissom sort of diverted that disaster."

"And a fire alarm," he added.

Sara swallowed. "I thought I was destined to die a virgin. I mean I finally decide to just…do it with someone and then that damn fire alarm goes off. We stood outside in the rain for hours before we were permitted to go back inside and then Grissom called….ordering me back to Vegas."

"I knew about the fiancé. I couldn't let you…it would have devastated you."

Her eyes grew wide. "Did you have something to do with the fire alarm?"

He nodded as his eyes grew dark. "I wasn't going to let you give yourself to someone like him…I wanted to choke him with my bare hands but I knew I couldn't so I pulled the fire alarm."

"By the time we got back into our rooms, Grissom paged me to come into work…even though it was my night off."

"Hank purposely took you to the Vineyard…a nice romantic getaway…since his fiancé had to work that weekend. I hounded Grissom…until he made the call."

"How…did you hound Grissom?" she asked perplexed.

"He couldn't see me of course but I stood over him….whispering what Hank intended to do…with you. He'd found out abbout the fiance as well but didn't know how to tell you...I just sort of helped him get you away from Hank."

"So…if you hadn't done that then Hank and I would have…" she stopped, not finishing her statement.

Sara looked embarrassed.

He kissed her lightly on the lips. "I'm sorry but I couldn't let your first time be with someone…like that...especially since you were not married to him."

Sara's eyes misted. "Thank you. After I found out about her….I was sort of relieved. I didn't really have any feelings for him but I needed to…start somewhere. Grissom and I…" she stopped, not bothering to finish her statement.

He pulled her closer, pressing her head onto his chest as he stroked her hair.

"Sara, you should only give yourself to someone who has given their life to you. Hank…was too much like Noah…a user," stated Gracen.

"You…were…there too when I walked in…on Noah?" she whispered.

"Yes," he kissed her temple. "I didn't like being so cruel."

"Cruel?" she questioned.

"I nagged you…urged you to go to Noah's room so you would see what kind of man he really was."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"I wanted to comfort you, Sara. Even though you couldn't feel me, I sat beside you on that bench….while you cried," he whispered. "My heart ached for you."

Both were silent for a moment.

"What happens…after I ingest your blood?" she finally asked.

"Once you've taken my blood into your system…your senses will be on overload…you will see and feel things that I've endured…it will be painful at times while other times it will be blissful."

"Was it that way for you…when you ingested my blood? Did you see and feel things that I've endured?"

"Yes," he bit out.

She stiffened but he continued to stroke her skin with his fingertips.

"I know everything, Sara about your past just you will know mine."

He purposely rolled over nudging her legs apart as his body pressed into her.

"Once you're ready for this…"

"How will you know?" she asked.

He chuckled. "I'll know. You'll practically throw yourself at me."

"Aren't I already doing that?" she asked.

He kissed her on the nose. "Much worse…you'll be driven."

"What about you?" she challenged.

"Someone has to keep a level head…actually I'll be driven as well but not enough that I would lose control. Once we are joined…make love the tension will ease. Our bodies will truly be one even after the intercourse."

He shifted his body and she felt his need for her.

"Sara, are you afraid?"

She shook her head.

"Gracen…if you don't move, I'm liable to…shift myself and…"

He pulled away just as he kissed her.

She expected it to be a light kiss but he plunged deeper and deeper and she instinctively arched her body toward his.

"Gracen…." She did not finish as he kissed her again and again.

She tried to shift him back on top of her but he grabbed her hands pressing her into the mattress.

He released her lips, both of them gasping for air. Their bodies shuddered from the sexual tension.

"Soon my Sara. Soon," he whispered as he rolled to the side but pulled her into his arms.

"Wow…that was…" she gulped for air.

"Wait until our joining," he said, kissing the palm of her hand.

He looked down and she was fast asleep.

She rolled several hours later and found Gracen absent from the bed.

She rose, grabbing her housecoat as she padded into the living room.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked.

"Yes, I did," she said with a smile.

"Good, because I let you sleep a little too late. Grissom will be here soon to pick you up."

She glanced at the clock and then rushed back to the bedroom to shower and get ready.

She returned a half hour later to be handed a cup of coffee.

"I have something for you," he said.

"Something for me?"

"Yes…it's a gift…whether you decide to follow through with…this or not."

He handed her a jewelry box.

She opened it and gasped at the necklace.

"This has been handed down for centuries in my family. It is said it came from Heaven…I want you to have it."

"Gracen…"

"Sara…whether I continue as your watcher or become your mate, I would be honored if you would wear this. It would mean so much to me. It belongs to you…no one else."

"But…"

"Please."

He placed it around her neck.

"I have one just like it…see."

He displayed the gold chain hidden underneath his shirt.

"My parents wore them….then they were passed to me."

"Thank you," she managed to get out.

She was ready when Grissom arrived to pick her up.

He said nothing to Gracen but it was obvious there was tension between them.

Once they were in the Denali, Grissom began with small talk.

"You look rested," he commented.

She glanced at him. "You look…tired."

"I had some work I had to do…didn't get much sleep," he admitted.

"The person from swing seems to be doing a good job. Greg has not complained."

"Greg likes her."

"Oh."

"She's doing a good job," he finally added. "Nick is getting out of the hospital. He won't be able to return to work for a few more weeks."

"I heard his parents are leaving as soon as he is discharged," added Sara.

"He's been pushing to be released…I think he's ready to be motherless again," grinned Grissom.

Sara laughed.

"Anymore headaches?" he asked.

"No….they're gone."

"How is Gracen?"

"He's better…much better," she replied.

"I guess you're getting to know him better."

"Yes, I am."

He noticed a glint around her neck.

It was rare for Sara to wear any jewelry.

Once they arrived at the lab, they headed toward the door but he stopped her.

"New necklace?" he asked as he examined it.

"From Gracen," she said softly.

"It's beautiful…is this part of the mating ritual…a necklace instead of a ring?"

"I…don't think so. He said it's been handed down in his family and he wanted me to have it."

"If it's been handed down in the family, I guess he considers you family."

_He intends to take Sara as a mate…_

_Over my dead body…_

She tucked it under her blouse, not wishing the others to see it but it was hard to conceal.

The others noticed it immediately, inquiring about the mystery man.

Catherine promptly spit out twenty questions in a matter of minutes and Sara was relieved when Grissom directed her to the lay out room to help on his case.

She pulled on rubber gloves and stared at the contents on the table.

"This is the warehouse case," she commented.

"Yes…I thought you needed an excuse to get away from Catherine. I'm sure Greg wouldn't mind some help," he explained.

She noticed her blouse covered with Gracen's blood.

She swallowed as she remembered the events.

"Are you okay?" he asked quickly, picking up on her distress.

"Yes," she said softly. "Mind if I help?"

His eyes raked over her.

"I'm fine…really. Maybe fresh eyes…would help," she offered.

"Examine the contents found on the assailant," he directed.

She took the labeled bag and dumped out the contents.

An hour passed and nothing new had been discovered until she looked at the photo of the assailant.

She stared at it intently.

"What is it?" asked Grissom.

"I recognize him…but I can't remember where I've seen him," she said.

Grissom made his way over to her side. "Doc still has the body…maybe seeing him up close will jar your memory."

She stepped into the hallway but stopped when she noticed he was following her.

"I can do this on my own," she said.

"Yes, you can but you're still technically on restrictive work duty…I'm restricting you to viewing the body of someone who almost killed you and Nick….unless I come along."

She smiled briefly. "Let's go see John Doe."

Doc was pleased to see her, taking a moment to discuss her ribs as well as her head injury.

"I see the goose bump went down…ribs still sore?" he asked.

"Yes but they're better," she confided.

"I didn't like it when Gil said you needed antibiotics but still insisted on returning to work so soon," Doc griped.

"I don't like to sit idle…besides Grissom has me on restricted work…lab only…no fieldwork yet."

"Good. Let me know if you're still not feeling well in ten days and I can extend the prescription."

"Thanks Doc."

Sara's eyes flitted toward Grissom briefly but then focused on the drawer being pulled out displaying the body.

Sara stared at the face for several minutes.

"The cafe...he was there a lot…when I got coffee," she blurted out.

"The cafe near your apartment?" questioned Grissom.

"Yes."

"I guess we're headed to the cafe for coffee…and find out if anyone else recognizes him."

"He had a mug with their logo so he's been there a lot," she added.

They each grinned at one another.

"Do you two want to get back to work?" teased Doc.

As they walked down the hall, Sara pulled Grissom aside. "Do I get to go with you?"

Grissom contemplated for a moment. "Since you'll be with me…and the fact that they have decent coffee there, yes."

"Griss…there's something else," she said once they were in the Denali.

"Do you remember something else about the man?"

"Something that happened…after the warehouse incident," she said. "I went to the café to get a cup of coffee…I thought I saw someone following me…so I ran down the alley but then it was only you….Gracen as you," she clarified.

"Was Gracen following you then?" he asked.

She thought back to their conversation.

"_You hurt your knee…hands," he said, reaching out to examine the palms of her hands._

"_Just a few cuts….just what I get for running."_

"_Did…you not recognize me?" he questioned. _

_She smiled. "I thought…I did but then…I guess fear overtook common sense and…"_

"Yes…and no. Gracen said he was following me….but I think there was someone else. This John Doe…sometimes he didn't sit alone. He had someone with him. I don't know Grissom. My head was…not right then. It could have been my imagination."

"We'll find out. Let's question the employees of the café and then talk with Gracen. Maybe he remembers something about that day. He may be able to help us."

They stepped into the café and spoke with the manager. She recognized Sara as well as John Doe.

"They usually came in right after you did," she commented.

"Can you describe the other man?" asked Grissom.

"Black hair...tall, nice looking young man," she replied.

Grissom smiled inwardly.

_Gracen…_

The manager then added, "Of course the burn mark on his hand was incredible…not sure how he got it."

Grissom frowned realizing it was not Gracen she was describing.

"Anything else?" questioned Sara.

"He wore this gawdy ring…fake if you ask me. He came in here yesterday with a woman this time…very pretty. They seemed to be having a heated discussion…about religion."

"Did you happen to catch anything else they said?" asked Sara.

"I just kept hearing her screech about grace and mercy. I stay away from religions and politics," she huffed.

"Grace and mercy?" asked Sara.

"Yeah. We get all kinds debating this and that."

They took their coffees and stepped outside.

Grissom noticed Sara was quiet.

"Did any of that ring a bell?" he asked.

"Grace and mercy," she whispered.

He looked puzzled, wondering if she was reconsidering her views on religion.

"Gracen's last name is Merci. Gracen Merci," she repeated.

"Sara…we need to talk with Gracen."

Note from author:

Well, we are about to find out who tried to kill Sara... Sara is going to be making her decision soon...

Take care!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

**Trusting the Watcher**

Grissom pulled into the parking lot of her apartment and got out but Sara stopped him.

"I can question Gracen," she said.

"Not without me. Sara, this is a murder investigation in which two of my people were seriously hurt. I'm allowing you to be present only because…I think you need to hear what he has to say and second, I don't want to be yelled at by you."

Her mouth curved into a slight smile.

"If he's sleeping then we are not waking him up. We'll have to wait," she warned.

They started toward the apartment once more and she stopped him again.

"Gracen is not involved in this case," she said.

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

Her hand immediately went to the necklace.

"I don't need convincing," she said as she turned toward the apartment.

He grabbed her hand and held it.

She stared at the contact and he finally released it.

"Sara, whether you think he's involved or not, we have to do this by the book. I'm conceding…on your part…for him."

"How is that?" she challenged.

"I could get Brass to bring him in for questioning."

"For something I may or may not remember correctly? I thought we were going to ask for his help…not interrogate and accuse him of anything?" she seethed.

"I just want you to understand that he might be implicated…I just want to prepare you."

"You think I'll find out my latest boyfriend is a murderer!"

"Your last one turned out to be a snake in the grass cheater."

She fumed, ignoring the jab as she got into the elevator.

"I always thought Hank was beneath you….you deserved someone better than him," said Grissom quietly.

"At the time he was the only person willing to...make me an offer."

"That's no excuse...to give yourself to someone...just because they make you an offer."

"No, it's not. It's not like I sleep with just anyone," she spat.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply..."

"We didn't…" she didn't finish.

"You didn't sleep with him," he said aloud.

"No," she breathed.

"You haven't slept with Gracen," he added.

"Not yet," she snipped just as the elevator opened but Grissom grabbed her, forcing her to stop. "Sleeping with a fallen angel is dangerous!" he cursed.

"I can make my own decisions...something you have trouble doing," she said calmly causing him to release his hold on her.

She took the keys and started to unlock the door.

"I mean it. If he's asleep then we're leaving…or waiting."

"Are we going to stand out here all night?" he grumbled.

Gracen was surprised when the door opened and Sara stepped in.

"Short night?" he asked as he headed toward her but stopped when Grissom stepped inside.

"Gracen, we need to ask you a few questions," stated Grissom, feeling the need to take the lead, the reluctance evident on Sara's face.

"Of course," he replied.

Gracen and Sara sat down on the couch while Grissom took the chair.

"What would you like to know?" he asked.

"Sara…recalled a day when she felt someone was following her and she tried to run through the alley but you caught up with her…or I should say I did…you were impersonating me," gritted Grissom trying to remain calm about the deception.

Gracen glanced at Sara. "Yes, I did. I felt uneasy about her after the warehouse incident. Even though I was wounded I still tried to remain close."

"Were you the only person following Sara that day?" asked Grissom.

"No."

Sara looked shocked as well as Grissom.

He expected Gracen to lie.

Gracen took a deep breath. "After the warehouse incident, I was afraid Sara had been targeted by… someone in the sect." He turned and faced Sara. "I followed you to the café but…Sara, you would not have felt my presence…I made sure of it. You were being followed by someone. He started following you as soon as you left your apartment. Your instincts or training picked up on it. When you ran down the alley, I wanted to go after him but I couldn't risk letting you go off by yourself. I didn't know if he was working alone or had someone else waiting to get to you so I ran after you…taking the form of Grissom. I knew you would stop…running from me if you turned back and saw that it was Grissom."

"I tried to run back to the apartment but you told me to walk…it was only rain," she said softly.

He smiled. "Someday we will play in the rain," he offered. "Rain is cleansing."

He quickly returned to the subject.

"My wound was bleeding so I needed for you to go slow. I didn't want to tip them off that I was injured. It took a lot out of me to transform into Grissom…so I kept his form…needing to conserve my strength."

"Do you know who was following her?" asked Grissom.

He sighed. "I think Vivian's family or even Vivian herself hired someone to hurt Sara and he was stalking Sara that day. He was probably working with the man who tried to kill Sara and Nick in the warehouse."

Sara sat quietly but Grissom jumped up and grabbed Gracen by the collar. "You've known about this all this time and didn't say anything? He could try again!"

Gracen pushed Grissom away as Sara stepped between them.

Both waited until they had calmed down.

"The persons trying to harm Sara were human…they are no match for me. I already know he frequents the café….he met Vivian there the other day. When he returns or shows up, I'll be waiting. I've already put a call into Vivian and her family. I don't intend to let this go unsettled."

"What do you plan to do with him…with Vivian?" asked Grissom.

"I'll make sure everything is done legally…he will be prosecuted through your court system. As for Vivian, she is an angel and must be handled through the sect. While I have been ousted, I can accuse her of attempting to harm a human. She will be declared a fallen angel and be banned from the sect. She will have to seek protection from…him…the unholy one."

Sara's eyes widened at the implication.

"You were ousted from the sect. Have you sought shelter from Satan…the unholy one?" asked Grissom.

"No…nor will I ever do that. I am still loyal to my Creator. Vivian will have to make her own choice…if she has not already done so."

"Once a fallen angel…always a fallen angel," Grissom remarked.

He couldn't help the dig knowing that it bothered Gracen.

"Tell me, Grissom. How religious are you? When was the last time that you prayed to our Creator? Are you still angry at God for taking your father away from you and leaving you with a deaf mother?"

"It seems you were checking up on me as well…why was that?" asked Grissom.

"I checked on anyone who crossed paths with Sara. It was my job…as her watcher…to protect her with my life."

"You keep reminding her of that…as if you expect repayment…perhaps you're trying to persuade her to do something," he spat. "Angels are supposed to protect people…not harm or use them."

Gracen was taken aback. He started to say something but then stopped looking remorseful for the confrontation.

It was not in his nature to fight with a human. He never liked doing it unless it was absolutely necessary.

An angel was not to harm a human and yet there were times when the line was crossed.

It had sickened him, not wanting to fall further in damnation, if that were possible.

Gracen raked his hands through his hair, trying to slow his anger.

Sara knew Gracen was getting upset.

Grissom was already fuming and she did not want it to continue.

Both had good intentions but they were doing nothing but butting heads.

Grissom started to ask another question but Sara intervened placing her hand on each of their chest.

Both felt the electricity flow between them.

Both took a step closer toward one another.

She waited another moment and then softly asked Gracen a question.

"Gracen, do you know the name of the accomplice?"

He glanced at Sara and then directed his response to Grissom. "If I tell you, will you give me your word that Sara will be taken off this case…remain in the lab until this man is apprehended?"

"Wait…"

Grissom interrupted Sara. "You have my word…and you also have my promise that if you withhold any information, I don't care whether you are a **fallen** angel or not you will be charged with obstruction of justice."

Gracen glared at Grissom not liking the threat but he answered, "Chris Randle."

Grissom grabbed his phone and began talking with Brass. He stepped away so Gracen could not overhear the conversation.

Sara folded her arms.

Gracen took the opportunity to try to smooth things over with Sara.

Hesitantly, he stepped toward Sara. "Sara, I wanted to protect you…nothing more."

She put up her hand to stop him.

She was angry at him but not for the reason he thought.

She took a deep breath and then calmly responded.

"I know," she said softly. "I don't like it…but I understand why you did it. Don't do it again. We share…everything."

His eyes lit up, grateful for her understanding.

"Okay. Vivian can't stand you and wants to get rid of you. If she manages to kill you before we're mated, I'm available again. Sara, I would rather sleep with Satan himself than touch that woman."

Sara grinned. "You didn't have to share so much."

Grissom had turned just in time to read Gracen's lips. He turned away to hide his pain.

_They plan to be mated…_

_She'll be bound to him forever…_

_If that happens, I've lost the only woman I've ever loved…_

He took a moment to recover.

"Gil? Is there an address on this Randle guy?" asked Brass.

"Hold on," he managed to get out.

"Do you have an address?" asked Grissom.

"Randle has been staying in various places…no set place. I know Vivian instructed him to do this so I can't catch him but I will. She thinks I'm incapacitated right now so he won't be on his guard as much."

"You've been searching for him at night…while I work," stated Sara.

"Guilty…but I did rest," he added not liking the way she glared at him. "Sara, I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

"I believe you," she said softly.

Grissom pulled Sara to the side.

"I'll go into the bedroom and let you talk," stated Gracen as he disappeared.

"Sara, he's known about this and yet he didn't tell you. He can't be trusted," whispered Grissom.

"He explained. He wanted to protect me…handle it," she explained.

"Do you care for him enough to risk your life?" Before she could answer he added. "Sara, you don't even know him."

"I know him well enough to let him into my bed."

He felt his gut twist again.

"If Gracen wanted to hurt me, he could have already," she whispered.

"Sara…step back and review the facts. Your training will tell you…warn you that he can't be trusted."

"My heart tells me I can."

"Did your heart tell you I could be trusted? That I wouldn't hurt you?" he gritted.

She swallowed. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I don't want to see you hurt anymore….because I love you!" he agonized.

Note from author:

Is it too late for Grissom to declare his feelings?

Take care!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Catching the Watcher With the Lamb**

She pretended he had not just proclaimed his love for her but opened her door wide.

Months perhaps even weeks ago it would have meant something to her but she shielded her heart from Gil Grissom, not wishing to have it scarred any further.

Gracen was everything she ever wanted.

"Shift has been over for the past hour," she stated, her voice cool.

He tried to recover quickly not wishing to hide his pain that his declaration meant nothing to her.

"Think about what I said. I'll get with Brass and see what he can find out about this Randle guy. If you or Gracen spot him, call it in….immediately, Sara."

She nodded.

He started to leave when she stopped him.

"Hey Griss….get some sleep. You're exhausted. You say things you don't mean."

She closed the door before he could respond.

He thought about banging on the door and having it out with her but it was futile with Gracen in the next room, probably in her bed waiting for her to join him.

He balled his hands into fists.

Gracen stepped out of the bedroom. "Ready to sleep?"

She shook her head.

"Ready to shower?"

"Gracen, have you told us…me… everything?" she asked.

"Yes, I have Sara. I kept that from you because you had enough to worry about and I wanted to handle it…myself."

"You can't bypass the police…interfere with a police investigation."

"Sara, if those men had killed you I would have fallen lower than Satan. I would have obliterated them from the face of this earth."

"I don't want you taking revenge…getting into trouble. Let Brass….and Grissom handle it."

"I'm sorry. The human part took over. I'll try to be more angelic."

Her mouth curved. "Can we…practice like we did…yesterday?"

He grinned. "Come…let me feel you beneath me."

She swallowed.

Grissom listened outside the apartment door.

Their voices were muffled but he heard the sound of a door shutting.

_They're in the bedroom…_

_Doing what?_

_No intercourse before mating…_

_What the hell were the other things she mentioned?_

He was in a foul mood when he met Brass in his office.

"Anything on Randle?" he asked.

"His prints are not in the system but we managed to pull up a copy of his driver's license. You can show the photo to Sara…and what's his name….oh yes Grace and mercy," chuckled Brass.

Grissom did not react but grabbed the photo and looked at it.

"Does he look familiar?" asked Brass.

"No."

"Say…tell me about this new fellow of Sara's. He's got quite a name, Gracen Merci," said Brass, no longer kidding.

Grissom did not respond but continued to look at the photo.

"It must be serious for you to look so shitty," remarked Brass.

"He's dangerous," whispered Grissom.

Brass stepped closer to the desk. "I ran a check…nothing on the guy except he lives in a huge mansion…nice driver license photo. What do you know about him?"

"He's Heaven sent," griped Grissom as he walked out of his office leaving Brass to wonder what the hell he meant.

He tried to sleep but could do nothing but toss and turn.

He had hoped that by declaring his love for her, she would have said something.

_Did it mean anything to her?_

_Does she have any feelings for me?_

_Am I making a fool out of myself?_

_Even if I am, I can't let her go through…with mating with him…_

The next evening he came by the apartment to pick her up.

He meant to call first but had lost track of time.

He knocked on the door but no one came to the door.

He knocked once more, hearing a muffled sound from within.

He quickly pulled his revolver as he unlocked her door rushing inside.

The stereo was on and the apartment was in disarray as he made his way to the bedroom.

He nudged the door open, feeling his heart sink at the sight.

Sara moaned as Gracen's body lay on top of hers. It was unclear whether they were wearing any clothing. Gracen was shirtless, his body along with a blanket covered Sara's body.

Gracen continued to assault her with kisses.

"Soon, Sara we won't have to stop. I'll take what's mine and bind us together forever," he whispered.

"Gracen…you need to stop," she gasped.

Fearing she was in trouble, Grissom started to step into the bedroom but halted when she gasped, "I don't want to have my first orgasm with you not inside me."

The click of Grissom's gun caused Sara to scramble upwards but Gracen held her in place.

"It's okay. It's just Grissom. He arrived a few minutes ago. You're safe."

Grissom stepped out of the bedroom shutting the door.

Sara looked mortified.

"How…how long has he been standing there?" she asked.

"Long enough to hear that you were about…"

Sara threw the blanket off as she hurried to get dress.

"I knew it was Grissom as soon as he opened the door," he explained. "We were not in any danger."

It did not ease the tension or the anger he felt from her.

She glared at him as she threw off her gown and then began to dress quickly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tempted you right before work," he said.

He waited until she was fully dressed, swallowing at the sight of her long slender legs as they slipped into a pair of black jeans.

"You should have told me…Grissom was there," she spat.

He was surprised she was angry that Grissom had seen them in an intimate encounter.

"Why? Sara, he knows we're sleeping together. People do things when they are in bed together. I'm only trying to prepare you."

She closed her eyes fighting off the effects of her near orgasm.

He had managed to find the right spot to nuzzle, and then slowly grinded into her.

Her eyes rolled back inside her head at the sheer force it took to keep from yanking her panties to the side and force him inside her.

She'd never experienced this kind of foreplay before.

She knew they had crossed the line several minutes before being interrupted by Grissom.

He had to physically grip her hands in his to keep her from touching his manhood, whispering it would be their undoing.

"_Not yet," he urged._

"_I want you," she begged._

"_Sara…not yet. We're not prepared. We have to stop."_

"_Don't move…I think I'm coming…Gris…" _

She had not finished, gritting out later that she was too sensitive.

He had eased up, letting her cool off a little before settling between her legs once more just before Grissom arrived unannounced.

"Sara…you didn't answer me," he said forcefully.

"It wasn't right," she grieved.

"How so? Would it hurt you to see him with another woman? Would you care if you saw him in bed…in the throes of passion with someone besides yourself?"

"It…just wasn't right."

He took a deep breath as if her responses pained him.

"Did you feel guilty for getting caught?"

She brushed her fingers through her hair, unable to find her brush.

"My sex life is private," she fumed.

He leaned over and picked up the brush off the floor. "I'm sorry if this was embarrassing for you. I'm not ashamed of my feelings for you. I want you…soon. It's frustrating getting so close and then having to stop. We need to complete the ritual soon or _we need to be apart for_ _awhile_…you just have to make up your heart. Are you going to mate with me…or try to have a relationship with Grissom?"

She started to leave the bedroom but he stopped her.

"It was love…not sex," he urged. "Did I stop in time?" he teased.

"Barely," she admitted.

He grinned slightly.

"And...it was love...not sex," she added.

"Sara… Grissom needs to come to terms with this also. He still loves you. You need to urge him to move on…let go. I think he will do that if you tell him that we are going to be married…a term he will understand."

_He really loves me?_

_I'm not sure he's capable of love…_

"He understands about mating," she blurted.

"How?"

"I uhm told him. I wanted his opinion…about this."

_He hates me…_

_He considers me a fallen angel…_

_I'm not like them…_

_Or am I?_

He swallowed, unsure why he was so upset.

Her reaction was normal but it nagged at him that she almost called out Grissom's name.

He acted as though he had not heard it, not sure why he didn't just confess to her that he had heard the slip, letting her understand how painful it was for him.

"He thinks I'm condemned…a fallen angel. I'm not an angel or a human…I'm not accepted….period. Sara that is what you are going to face if you decide to mate with me. Honey, I would never jeopardize your soul…I want you to live forever…if not with me then…in Heaven."

She felt the necklace on her neck.

"Promise me you'll consider everything."

"I promise."

He glanced around the room.

"Are you going to search for Randle?" she asked.

"Yes…._but I'm also going to go…home_."

"Promise me you'll be careful. I'll see you after shift."

He pushed her against the wall as he pressed his body into hers, kissing her until she tugged at his shirt but he stilled her hands.

"I love you, Sara. I love being with you…already part of you runs through me. I'll cherish it always….no matter what decision you make, you'll always be a part of me. Be safe…stay close to Grissom tonight."

"We'll continue this later."

He didn't answer but she didn't have time to discuss it at the moment, needing to get to Grissom.

She stepped into the living room but Grissom was not there.

She knew he had gone back to the Denali and was relieved that he had parked right in front of the exit so she could easily get in without being spotted or worse nabbed by someone.

She had felt protected within the walls of her apartment but out in the open, made her suspicious of the least movement.

As soon as she slipped into the seat, he started the vehicle.

She buckled her seat belt and folded her hands into her lap.

He glanced at them, remembering how her hands were clasped in Gracen's while she was on the verge of an orgasm.

_Gracen…_

_Not me…_

_She offered herself before and I should have acted…_

While he was only in the room briefly it felt like eternity, seeing and listening to the sounds of their foreplay.

It had been horrible.

He felt betrayed and hurt.

His heart still thudded loudly and he was sure that his face was red from embarrassment as well as anger.

He'd never felt such pain before.

_I don't think I can go through this…_

_It was better being alone…_

_She's always had the ability to hurt me more than any other…_

He wanted to lash out at her but he had no right to be angry.

They were never together.

She could give herself to anyone and he had no right to complain.

Gracen wasn't just anyone.

He was a fallen angel.

_Why the hell did she have to pick him?_

_I hated Hank but Gracen?_

_I loathe him for what he is about to do to Sara…._

He was clearly upset and so she kept quiet, not wanting to make matters worse.

Sooner or later they would have to discuss it but clearly he needed to calm down.

His hands continuously gripped the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry…I came into the apartment," he finally said.

"Why did you?"

"I knocked but there was no answer. I heard…a noise…coming from the bedroom. There were clothes…on the floor...your apartment is usually neat and tidy."

"You thought I was in danger," she clarified.

"Yes," he said sadly.

"Grissom, I…"

"Do you really love him, Sara?" he asked, his voice sounding odd to both of them.

Her hand shot to the necklace as she closed her eyes. "Yes, I think I do."

"You think?" Grissom nearly veered off the road.

"Sara you are playing with your life here!" he yelled as he gripped the steering wheel.

"I know what I am doing. I'm falling in love with…Gracen Merci. I'm going to marry…mate with him. I want you to be okay with this...because we're friends."

"We are not friends!" he yelled at her.

She jerked away as if his declaration had physically hurt her.

Note from author:

Ouch, well, that didn't go well...

Take care!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**No longer Watched**

He had meant to explain his outburst but then his phone began to ring.

He glanced at Sara.

"Grissom."

"Did you show Sara the photo of Randle?" asked Brass.

Grissom shuffled through a folder and pulled out a photo.

"Do you recognize this man?" asked Grissom.

Sara snatched the photo from his hands.

She studied it and then handed it back to him. "He was in the café with the other man."

"Jim…positive I.D. Is there an address on his driver's license?" he asked.

"He hasn't lived there in over a year. Are you okay? You sound a little off?" asked Brass.

"We're turning into the lab now. Keep me posted," he said.

She shot out of the vehicle as soon as he stopped.

He sighed in frustration, wiping his sleeve across his forehead.

"You look bad," said Catherine, startling him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you," she confided.

"The warehouse case is breaking," he shared.

"We know…Greg overheard you barking out orders to Vartann and then Brass earlier. Don't you think you need to ease up a little?"

"I'm sorry. I'm on edge. This guy is still out there."

"Are you talking about the accomplice or Gracen Merci?" she asked.

"Both," he fumed.

She whistled. "Merci has you rattled. I guess he is making a move on Sara."

Grissom got out of the vehicle. "Not now, Catherine."

Catherine grabbed his arm. "Sara…is falling for this guy. If you have any feelings for her you need to act quickly…or it may be too late."

_Tell me something I don't already know…_

"I need to get to work," he said as they stepped into the lab.

It bothered him that Sara refused to make eye contact with him, gripping her pencil until it snapped.

Greg smirked and handed her another one.

"A little on the edge?" he whispered.

Sara refused to talk, swiping the pencil from his hand.

"Just trying to be helpful," Greg offered.

He began handing out assignments when his cell phone went off.

He thought it was Brass but the caller I.D. showed it was from Gracen.

"Grissom."

"I found Randle," he said.

"Where?"

"He's at the café. The waitress is trying to keep him there. I don't want Sara anywhere near this place. Keep her with you. I know she'll be safe with you."

"Don't interfere," warned Grissom.

"I won't unless he tries to leave then I'll stop him."

Sara's eyes stared at Grissom.

He closed his phone and then headed toward the door.

He fumed when Sara followed.

"Is there a break? Has Randle been apprehended?" she asked.

"He's been spotted," he admitted as he began spouting off details to Brass in order for a patrol unit to be dispatched to the area.

"Is Gracen involved?" she asked.

"He…called it in."

She continued to follow him but he halted. "Sara, you are not to leave this lab. Understood?"

"Why can't I come with you? It's our case."

"You were only assisting. It's safer if you remain here."

"Gracen got you to agree to that, didn't he?"

"I would have restricted you to the lab."

_Sara, I care just as much as he does…_

"Fine. What do you want me to work on?" she asked.

"Help Catherine."

"Oh yippee," she griped and it made him grin slightly. "I'll let you know as soon as he is in custody."

She felt distracted trying to focus on reviewing the evidence in the layout room.

"Is something wrong?" asked Catherine.

"No…just…"

"Going over the same spot over and over," chuckled Catherine at the embarrassment on her coworker's face. "Got boyfriend problems?"

"No."

Sara glanced at her watch.

"No word…on this Randle guy?" asked Catherine.

"Apparently not."

Greg skidded into the doorway.

"Grissom wanted me to come and get you."

Sara hurried toward the entrance of the lab.

She halted when two uniformed officers led Randle down the hall.

He sneered at her as they passed.

Brass followed as well as Grissom.

She opened her mouth but then halted when Gracen appeared with Vivian beside him.

Vivian glared at her as they approached.

"Sara…my office," said Grissom softly.

"Can I come too?" asked Brass.

Grissom glanced at him and continued walking. "You have an interrogation to do."

"And miss out on all of the fun in your office?" teased Brass.

Brass winked at Sara as he opened the door of the interrogation room and then closed it.

Sara remained, immobile until Grissom's hand took her by the elbow and led her toward his office.

She glanced back and saw Gracen with Vivian following them.

"Griss, what is going on?" she whispered.

He didn't answer but waited until they were inside his office and then shut the door.

"Gracen, I do not have to be here!" yelled Vivian.

"Keep your voice down," warned Gracen.

"Why? It appears that some humans already know about us….whose fault is that?" she snapped.

Gracen forcibly shoved Vivian into a seat.

She huffed but did not try to get up.

"Randle was caught alone…with an envelope containing twenty five thousand dollars in cash along with a key. I compared it to the one I have…and it belongs to your apartment," explained Grissom to Sara.

Sara swallowed as she glanced at Gracen and Vivian.

"Vivian, I warned you about trying to hurt Sara," gritted Gracen.

"As you humans would say, you have no proof that I was involved," she smiled.

"I know you did it," said Gracen.

"Prove it…by their standards," she spat.

Gracen grabbed her hand intertwining his fingers with hers.

Sara thought it was odd that he would touch her much less hold her hand.

"Stop!" she begged.

"Were you involved?" he asked.

Vivian tried to break free.

"Vivian, as your intended I demand you tell us…now!"

"Yes! I did it! You were mine. We are betrothed. You had to bond your blood with hers…like she is worthy to receive yours…to mate with you."

"I'm going to report this to the sect. You know what is going to happen," he warned.

"Do you think that I care? I fall further and further every day…because of her. She took you from me!"

"Vivian…you've known…about my feelings for her…for years."

Grissom's eyes shot to Sara and then back to Gracen.

"You never acted on them. You stood in the shadows and did nothing while she…lived a life without you. Ever since you chose to act on those feelings you haven't been the same. You've neglected your work…it used to mean something to you. You made a difference and now…you want to fall…for her. Nothing good will come of it."

The air felt stifling in the room as Sara stood quietly.

Vivian lurched at Sara but Grissom blocked her.

Gracen jerked her back into her seat.

"Our parents decided for us… betrothed us together…but you and I both know that it is no longer binding within the sect. We have the right to choose…who we take as a mate. I do not want you. I made that clear well before I divulged my feelings for Sara. Even if Sara were not in my life, I would not choose you. I do not love you…nor will I ever love you. My heart has always belonged to one person…Sara."

Sara swallowed.

Gracen didn't like being so harsh but he had no choice. "I hoped that in time you would have removed your name from mine in the book of betrothals but you've refused. By attacking Sara, you have attacked me. Her blood flows in me. I have the right to have our names stricken from the book…we are no longer betrothed. Your family has no right to use my family's wealth or stature to further your selfish and greedy gains."

He held up her hand. "Our ties are broken…forever."

"No!" she pleaded as she tried to hang on to his hand but he yanked it away releasing her hand.

"Gracen….don't!"

"It should have been done years ago. It's finished now."

The moment their hands were separated, Vivian cried out as if in pain.

Gracen's hand trembled but then balled into a fist. "We could have done this…without the pain but you've refused…now it's done."

Vivian cradled her hand as if she were in pain.

Sara couldn't help but notice how Gracen's hand shook uncontrollably.

"It will pass," he said softly. "Vivian and I…our ties are broken…both physically and spiritually."

He knew none of it made any sense to Sara. He stepped closer. "When two angels are betrothed,...Vivian and I…were linked spiritually. It was to prepare us…for when we decided to fulfill the ritual. I never felt anything for her…but I felt everything when I was around you. By taking her hand like that she could not lie to me…nor could I to her. By withdrawing my hand…I've broken all physical and spiritual ties with her. It's painful but it was necessary since Vivian refused to release herself from me so I've done that for her."

"Could you be released…from me?"

"Only in death. I ingested your blood because I knew in my heart that you were the only person for me."

Sara smiled slightly, knowing that Grissom had overheard the declaration.

Gracen took a deep breath and then looked at Grissom. "Grissom, you don't have any proof that she gave the money to Randle…even if you did the sect would never allow a…fallen…angel to stand trial. I assure you she will be punished…by the sect…not me."

"If Randle implicates her then she will be arrested," warned Grissom.

Vivian smirked.

Gracen rolled his eyes. "No doubt Vivian disguised herself when she met with Randle…his eye witness testimony will be flawed."

Grissom's phone rang.

"Grissom."

"Are you having fun in your office yet?" asked Brass.

"Not as much as you. It would seem."

"Randle claims he was paid by Angelina Jolie to off Sara. He said she promised him a role in one of her upcoming movies."

Grissom closed the phone. "She pretended to be Angelina Jolie…Randle will most likely head to the psyche ward."

"Can I leave now?" bit out Vivian.

"Next time Vivian you attempt to harm me, I won't be so…forgiving," warned Gracen.

"Forgiving? You forcibly broke your betrothal to me…you've shamed me! Now no angel will want me…the almighty Gracen Merci has declared I am not worth…having," she cried.

"You brought that on yourself. I gave you years to release me and you didn't so now it's done."

A loud sob escaped Vivian's mouth. "What makes her so special?"

He stepped aside, hoping she would pass.

Vivian glanced down at her hand. "Gracen," she pleaded.

"It's done."

She slammed the door on her way out, grumbling when an officer was standing nearby to escort her out of the building.

The three of them stood there for a moment in silence.

Gracen took a step toward Sara but then stopped not wanting to talk further in front of Grissom.

"I'll talk with you later," she managed to get out.

Gracen's hand caressed her cheek briefly and then he left.

Sara and Grissom remained.

"We should get back to work," she said in a strange voice.

"Sara…are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes. I guess I can do field work now."

"Are you up to it?" he asked.

"My head is clear…clearer than it has been in years. I think I can drive myself…also."

She fled before another word could be said.

Note from author:

That sort of sounded final...


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**Waiting for the Watcher**

A sense of uneasiness swept over her as Sara unlocked her apartment.

She'd had a strange feeling ever since Gracen had left the lab.

Her heart thudded out of control as she opened the door.

He sat there in the chair and the sight of him eased her worries.

"Hey," she whispered.

He extended his hand and she dropped her things into the floor, coming into his arms, needing to feel his warmth.

"You're shaking," he said as he rubbed her arms.

"Gracen…is everything okay…I feel…strange…like something…is off between us."

He kissed her lovingly. "You look tired."

"You didn't answer me," she pressed.

"I'm sorry for what Vivian tried to do," he said softly but then added, "I didn't like being cruel...even if it was to Vivian."

She settled into his arms.

Gently he stroked her hair as she closed her eyes.

Hours later she woke in bed.

She grumbled when it was just a few hours before work.

_Why did I sleep so long?_

_I always sleep better with him._

He was gone.

She called out for him but there was no sound.

She jumped out of the bed, searching the apartment but Gracen had left.

A note sat on the counter.

_My Sara,_

_There are some things that need to be done before we can move forward. Be safe at work. _

_All my love,_

_Gracen_

She read the note over and over, ignoring the small voice inside her head that told her things were not right.

She showered and dressed, tidying up the apartment as she counted down the time before she could make a decent entry into the lab.

_Early but not too early…_

She found herself on the couch only to slide over to the chair and then back to the couch.

Nothing seemed comfortable.

She stepped into the bedroom, throwing open the closet to make sure his things still remained.

_Get a grip Sara…_

_He doesn't have to be with you all of the time…_

_Stop being so needy…_

It was difficult to put into words.

From the moment Gracen divulged his identity, she had felt a sense of security. Feeling "safe" was a rare feeling for her, always on her guard, fearful of the shadows. She knew it was a result of her childhood when she had to hide in the shadows from her drunken father.

Gracen's very essence soothed her soul, giving her a peace she had not thought possible. What had transpired earlier as well as his abrupt departure left her feeling unsettled.

Most good things never lasted and she feared it was going to come crashing down any minute.

By the time she drove to the lab, she was a nervous wreck, not sure what to make of her behavior.

Grissom felt her uneasiness as he watched her from across the break room.

She sat in idle chat with Warrick and Greg but it was obvious her mind was elsewhere.

She'd checked her phone at least a dozen times, not sure if Gracen even had the number.

She knew Gracen had called Grissom but she wasn't about to sink lower in her desperation and ask for it.

It would certainly tip him off that something was wrong.

_Why didn't I think to get his phone number…_

_Wait, does he even own a phone?_

_Of course you ninny, he called Grissom…_

_He called me but his number didn't come up on caller I.D._

_Calm down, Sara._

_Everything is alright…_

_No it's not…_

_Something is wrong…_

_Terribly wrong..._

_I just don't know what it is but I can somehow feel it..._

Suddenly she realized why she felt different.

Gracen was not with her, physically or spiritually.

A sense of loss rushed over.

Grissom watched her demeanor from across the room, not sure what to make of her behavior.

"Earth to Sara," called Greg.

"Hmmm?"

"I asked you if you would like to go to the diner for dinner?"

"Dinner?"

She was used to eating with Gracen.

This evening had been the first time she had to eat alone and she could not bring herself to face her old seat at the counter where she ate alone for so many years.

"No…thanks."

The others stood glancing toward Grissom.

"You coming?" asked Catherine.

"I'll pass."

Sara placed her coffee mug into the sink.

"Sara…I didn't think you would have heard already…about Randle."

She had no idea what he was talking about.

"The coroner confirmed it was a suicide…not foul play."

She sucked in air. By her expression, he realized she had not heard yet.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were quiet because of…Randle."

"No."

"Sara…"

"I've got some errands to run during dinner break."

She drove like mad to her apartment, rushing inside to find it empty. He'd been there because there was a salad in the fridge marked "You need to eat."

She flipped open the lid but then closed it.

"Gracen, where are you?" she said out loud.

She drove by his house, knowing that she was going to be late getting back to work but she hoped she would catch a glimpse of him.

There were no cars parked out front.

The house contained a three car garage and so he could easily be at home but she wouldn't know it unless she went and knocked on the door.

She told herself over and over to get back to the lab but she found herself ringing the door bell a little too much.

The door finally slung open and Vivian stood before her.

She glared at Sara.

Sara looked shocked.

Vivian's snarl turned into a cruel smile. "What? Do you think he really meant it? You haven't won…anything!"

Sara straightened her shoulders. "You're not betrothed to him anymore."

"No…I'm not but then I don't see you living here."

Sara turned on her heels and left.

She practically ran into the back door of the lab, trying to catch her breath.

Grissom glanced up, irritated that she had disappeared and he'd spent his dinner break worrying. "Sara….you help Warrick…in the lab."

The hours were grueling as she watched every hour slowly tick by, flying out of the lab in order to rush home.

_Surely, he'll be there…_

_He's finished his errands…._

_He came back, Sara…_

_He left the salad for you…_

_He'll come back again..._

She wasn't prepared to come home to an empty apartment.

She slipped off her shoes and sank onto the couch.

An hour passed and there was still no sign of Gracen.

She reached for her laptop and shot off an email.

_Gracen,_

_Call me…please…_

_Your Sara_

Another hour passed and then her phone finally rang.

It was Grissom.

"Sidle"

"You feel up to working in the field?" he asked.

Of course, she didn't.

She was too preoccupied with thoughts about Gracen.

The next several hours became a blur.

It did help take her mind off things as she processed the crime scene.

She looked over her shoulder a few times but Brass was nearby.

It was even good that Grissom was not there, not feeling up to a confrontation.

She trudged into her apartment, not bothering to look for Gracen.

She knew he was not there.

She felt his absence as soon as she unlocked the door.

She went through the motions of preparing for bed, showering, brushing her teeth, slipping on her gown and pulling back the covers but she could not bring herself to lie in the same bed that she had shared with Gracen.

Her phone rang and she cursed thinking it was the lab.

"Sidle," she said harshly.

"You didn't eat," he said softly.

She tapped down her emotions trying to remain calm.

"Gracen…I've missed you."

She felt his smile through the phone. "That's good."

"Are…you…I'm about to turn in," she said hoping that the phone call meant he would be there soon.

The need to feel his arms around were overpowering her pride not to beg if he had other plans.

"You should eat something then turn in. I can feel your exhaustion."

"Really? You can feel my emotions?"

"Yes….I felt how upset you were when you came by the house today and Vivian opened the door. She was getting her things. I'm glad you didn't run into any of her family."

"Where were you?"

"In my father's study."

"You knew I was there and…you didn't….have I done something…wrong?"

He paused for a moment. "We need some space. You need space. I'm giving you space…so you can sort out your feelings."

"I don't need…to sort out my feelings," she almost pleaded.

"Sara…the other day…when you were teetering on the edge…you almost said Grissom's name."

"I didn't! If I did…it was a slip…I swear I wasn't thinking about him."

"Perhaps not but your heart was."

"I'm sorry, Gracen. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am so sorry," she sniffled.

He smiled. "I know, Sara. You wouldn't intentionally hurt me."

"I know you're angry and you have a right to be but…"

"I'm not angry," he emphasized. "I'm not doing this to punish you or sulk. I'm stepping back…letting you think clearly."

"I could…with you…here."

"No, you couldn't. I would be too tempted to…do what we've been doing and honey that is just confusing you….and hurting me."

"Come over and…"

"No."

She gulped.

He almost gave in when he felt how she struggled to keep her composure.

"Night," he whispered.

She hung up the phone not wanting to hear the click, cutting off his connection.

There was an email the next morning waiting for her, wishing her well.

She responded not wanting to sound so miserable but she was.

The past few weeks had been the best she had ever known.

Her loneliness had disappeared and for the first time in her life she felt loved.

She never realized how much she disliked sleeping alone.

She was awakened by her own scream that evening.

She'd sat there shivering and gasping for air as she glanced around the room.

Lately Gracen had been able to chase away the monsters by softly talking to her, soothing her into a deeper, restful sleep.

Now, it was as it was before and the loneliness seemed to choke down her spirit with each hour that passed.

Gracen Merci was definitely giving her space.

She thought it would swallow her up.

She avoided Grissom although they worked a case together, being ever professional.

He didn't like the way she looked and wondered if perhaps they had initiated the mating ritual leaving her sleepless and tired.

He gritted his teeth at the thought of Gracen making love to Sara.

He caught sight of her a few times.

She seemed to have a far off look these days.

He snapped at her when she did not answer him about her report.

Her head turned as if she was in pain but it was brief.

She stormed out of the break room returning shortly with her report.

On the third day, she was on the verge of tears, not able to control her emotions.

Gracen had sent a few emails as well as called another time.

"Have dinner with me?" she pleaded.

"Sara…"

"Gracen…" she didn't know what to say, a memory flashed briefly of her standing in Grissom's doorway as she asked him to have dinner only to be turned down.

It had been painful. She felt the same feelings of inadequacy swell up within her.

_He realizes he doesn't want me either…_

She closed the phone, not wanting to drag out the pain.

She went into work early, not having anything else to do. She saw an assignment that had been slipped in Grissom's mailbox.

He was surprised to see her there so early.

"I can take that," she offered.

He glanced at the details.

"This is a two person case."

"I don't mind," she stated.

He knew she just wanted to get out of the lab.

"Let's go."

It wasn't a difficult case but rather a slam dunk case but still the evidence had to be documented and processed.

She cursed when her trembling hands smudged a fingerprint.

She acted as though it was the end of the world.

"Grissom…oh God….I've…destroyed the fingerprint."

Any other case he would be angry since crucial evidence had just been lost at their hands but there were finger prints everywhere.

"Be more careful," he said trying hard not to sound too harsh.

"Did you see what I did? I lost a print…I smudged it."

"Sara, there are prints everywhere. These guys did not bother to wear any gloves. You were lucky…this time."

"I've never done that before. I've always been…so careful."

"Like with your relationship with Gracen?" he spit out before he could stop himself. Her lack of sleep was indicative that she'd been doing "other" things rather than sleeping and he wondered if Gracen was just as tired.

"What...do you mean?" she barely got out.

"How are you sleeping these days?" he gritted.

He didn't know what to say when she stepped back as if he'd struck her, tears glistening in her eyes.

Before he could say anything she bolted from sight.

Note from author:

Ouch...that didn't go well...big chapter coming up... I'm getting snowed in also...

Take care!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

**Angelic Plea**

_Why did I say that?_

It shocked him but he was angry that she had trudged into work the last three nights, looking as if she had not slept nor rested.

The rest of the shift went downhill from there.

She avoided him like the plague and then glared daggers at him if he came within a few feet of her.

He was actually relieved when the shift ended.

She returned to her empty apartment, tossing the soggy salad out, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

There was an email for her but she slumped down on the couch, trying to get up the nerve to open it.

_Go ahead Sara Jane and open it…_

_He's going to let you down easy…_

_While you fall hard…_

She finally clicked on it.

_My Sara,_

_You're not taking care of yourself. I'll call you after shift._

_Yours,_

_Gracen_

Her phone rang at that moment.

She picked up the phone without saying a word.

"Sara…get something to eat and then sleep. I'll be over in a few hours."

The phone clicked before she could reply but she didn't know what to say.

She was a mess and she knew it.

Since Gracen had made himself known to her, she had finally felt wanted and loved but more importantly cherished.

She knew her feelings for Grissom had not changed.

Her heart still fluttered every time he entered the room but she wasn't about to fall victim to his cruel ways any more.

Grissom's track record spoke for itself.

"_In order to have her, I had to risk everything… I couldn't do it."_

Gracen Merci had risked everything.

She opened the fridge, staring at the few contents and dismissing her options.

She'd not eaten much in the last few days but she wasn't hungry.

There was a beautiful crimson bottle in the back.

She'd not seen it before and knew Gracen had recently placed it there.

She took the bottle and examined it, opening the top.

She froze.

It was a vial of blood.

Her heart thudded loudly.

_He's preparing for the ritual…_

_Letting me decide and then…_

She showered and then slipped on her gown but she could not bring herself to sleep.

She was too anxious to talk with him.

Thoughts of Grissom swirled around in her brain.

_Once I choose there is no going back…._

_If I don't choose Gracen then I give up the only man who ever loved me…_

_If I don't choose Grissom then…._

_He can't hurt me anymore…_

She rubbed her temple, exhausted beyond thinking clearly.

There was a tap at the door and she forced herself to walk rather than rush to open it.

Grissom stood there.

"May I come in?"

"Yes. Look, I know I screwed up today. It won't happen again. I've just not been…" she stopped, licking her lips. "I wouldn't blame you if you reprimanded me."

"I didn't come for that."

"What did you come for?"

"Us."

She swallowed, glancing toward the fridge, knowing what Gracen had already offered her.

He had never hurt her.

"There's no need to do this. Grissom, I'm really tired."

"Are you saying…you don't want to consider…a life with me?"

_Did you ever consider one with me?_

_I've offered and pleaded for years…_

_You never showed any interest until Gracen came into my life…_

_You just want Gracen out of my life…_

_If he were gone would you be here?_

_Not likely given your track record…_

"You're…not worth the risk," she bit out.

He stepped toward her and she braced herself.

"So you've chosen Gracen?"

She looked down at the floor and folded her arms.

_Gracen is safety…_

_He's warmth…_

_He's comforting…_

_Gave me space when he thought I needed it…_

_I know I never want to be alone again…_

_If I choose you…you'll just break it again…_

"Yes," she said closing her eyes, feeling very lightheaded.

_I would have given you my heart Grissom…_

_Instead I'm giving my tattered heart what it needs…_

_Love…love that you're incapable of giving…_

She felt arms try to encircle her and she stepped back, not wanting the contact.

"Grissom, leave. You're too late…you've been too late. I love Gracen," she said feeling a twinge in her chest as she kept her eyes shut, not wanting to see whether her words even affected Grissom.

They tore through her, piercing her already battered heart.

This was it.

She was letting go and it hurt to the very core.

She felt her body sway a bit as she waited to hear him leave.

"Sara, open your eyes honey," whispered Gracen.

His voice shocked her.

She opened them, searching around the room but Grissom was not there.

He never was.

"Forgive me...for the deceit but I needed to make sure. I wanted to give you more time but honey you…haven't slept or eaten."

He started to hold her but she shoved him away.

"I don't like games! Don't play with…my heart. It's too…"

Her fist hit him, attempting to shove him away but he ignored the blows.

He grabbed her, pulling her into his arms. "I'm sorry. This is not the way I wanted to do this but I couldn't stand watching you…hurt yourself. You're so self destructive when it comes to matters of the heart."

"That was cruel and…" she didn't finish, bursting into tears.

"Sssh Sara. It's going to be alright."

"How is it? I…trust you and you…just leave…me. You controlled all of the shots…just like him!"

"You're right," he said trying to lift up her chin so that they were eye to eye.

He pulled her toward a chair, forcing her to sit in his lap as if she were some child that needed consoling.

She scrambled to get out of his lap but he held her firmly, rubbing her back while he repeatedly gave his apologies.

"I promise Sara…I will never take on his form again."

He let her calm down before explaining how difficult it had been for him to stay away.

"It took most of my strength to stay away even though I felt your turmoil. I almost came…just to sit near you…but I was afraid you would sense my presence…after all of these weeks."

"The vial…"

"I came here a few hours before shift ended and left it."

"Is that…intended for me?"

"Yes. I'd hoped…prayed…that you would…turn Grissom away."

_Just like he did me…_

"How…do I…how long before it has to be used…"

He hushed her with a kiss.

"When you're ready, I'll show you," he urged.

He kissed her on the top of her head.

"You're exhausted…come let's get you something to eat and then…"

She halted. "Just sleep."

"Alright then," he said softly giving her full control.

She thought she would fall asleep immediately but she couldn't seem to shut down.

"I promise I'll be here when you wake," he vowed.

She shifted in the bed and snuggled into his shoulder. Her hand clamped onto his shirt in a grip and it pained him to see how fearful she had become in just a few days.

"I hated leaving you. I know you felt…abandoned…again. I did not like deceiving you but I had to be sure. I didn't want to let you go on hurting. If you wanted Grissom then I was going to slip out of your life…return to the shadows to watch over you."

"I didn't need space," she sniffled.

"I know that now but honey, this is a huge decision and I feel like I'm pressuring you…especially with me so close."

"I want you."

He smiled kissing her on the top of her head.

"I know that now."

Hours later she woke still wrapped in his arms.

"Good…evening," he whispered.

"What time is it?"

"An hour before shift," he said.

She groaned. "I need to shower and get dressed."

"I'll have breakfast ready by the time you get dressed."

"Toast," she yawned.

He rolled over to pin her down.

"You feeling okay?"

"Yes."

He stroked her hair. "Marry me Sara Sidle."

She grinned. "What happened to joining…for life?"

"I wanted it to feel right….to you. Marry me," he urged, kissing her on the nape of her neck.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

His lips devoured hers.

He shot out of the bed and returned dropping to his knees while he placed the ring on her finger.

"So even humans…will know that we belong together."

"What about…the joining ritual?" she asked.

He took a deep breath. "If you're ready, I'll…we'll begin after shift…but Sara, you'll need to take some time off…later."

"I'll submit my leave request to Grissom."

"You won't be able to ask for specific days just yet but you could at least give him a heads up."

She nodded.

"Go…shower…before we start something," he teased.

She followed him as he walked through the lab making his rounds.

Grissom finally stopped in the middle of the hall to glance at a lab result handed to him by Hodges.

"Griss, could I talk with you?" she whispered.

He turned and felt a sudden twist in his chest at the sadness in her eyes.

His heart thudded loudly.

"Yes…come with me," he said as he headed to his office.

Once inside, he shut the door.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"I'm going to need some time off," she began.

"For how long?"

_How long should I ask for?_

"I'm not sure…maybe a week."

"When do you need to take off?"

_I have no idea…_

"I uhm…soon…maybe in a day or so."

He frowned. "You can't be more specific than that?"

Her eyes shot to the floor.

He found it hard to breathe.

"You're going…to…go through with it," he bit out.

"We're getting married."

"Call if for what it is Sara. You're going to join with a fallen angel."

"Fine. Then that is what I'm going to do."

"Your leave request is denied."

"What? I have more leave on the books than anyone…except you."

"You've already taken time off. Nick is still not back and…"

"Swing is helping out."

She wanted to scream at him for being so unreasonable.

"Three days. Surely I'm entitled to three days."

He didn't want to give her any time off.

She reached for the door knob and he grabbed her hand.

"Is there anything I can say to dissuade you…Sara, please."

"Grissom…you've had years…you didn't even acknowledge you had feelings…until Gracen came along….it was like that with Hank. You only want me when you think someone else just might want me."

"I'll admit I never…"

He growled when there was a tap at the door.

It was another C.S.I. from swing.

She flew passed them, refusing to look back.

He grabbed his phone and dialed Gracen's number.

"I want to talk with you…it's urgent," said Grissom.

"Is it Sara? Did something happen?"

Grissom rattled off directions as he hurried out of the building.

He was surprised when he arrived to find Gracen already in the church, sitting down in one of the pews.

"Sara told you what we were planning," said Gracen.

"Yes, she did."

Grissom sat down and looked toward the altar.

"How much do you know about me?" asked Grissom.

"I checked up on you a few times."

"Why?"

"I already told you. Your life had crossed paths with Sara."

"Why?"

Gracen leaned back. "I don't know."

"I think you do know."

Gracen bristled. "No, I don't."

"Gracen…you say you're not fallen…but an angel. I…need help…from you, an angel."

Gracen swallowed. No human had ever acknowledged his angelic heritage. "What do you need?"

"For you to finish what you began," he said.

"I don't know what you mean," stated Gracen.

"You were intended to watch over Sara, protect her for our Creator which you have done….but he did not give you instructions…he did not tell you to take her as a wife. You are her angel…you were not intended to be her husband. I love Sara…you know that. I was intended to be her husband. Deep down, I think you've sort of known that. It's the reason you've checked into my life, seen where I was…what I was doing."

Grissom took a deep breath. "Please…I am begging you. Don't do this. If you are truly an angel, then prove it. Show me by your actions. Show me by giving Sara back to me and I swear I will never hurt her again. I will never let anything come between us. I will put her needs above my own."

Grissom's face was wet from tears. "You asked me when I last prayed? I've been praying again…praying that I won't lose Sara…because she is the most important thing in my life."

"Grissom, she made her choice."

"She's confused….still hurt. I was too blind to see how much my rejections hurt her. I know now! She didn't respond to you…until she thought it was me. She wanted it to be me…but then when you showed her it wasn't, it hurt her even more to think that I didn't do those things…I didn't say those things. You made it worse between us whether you want to admit it or not but you've driven her from me. Please Gracen! Do what God intended for angels to do and that is to help us in our time of need. I need you to help me!"

Gracen looked torn as he shifted in his seat. He'd worried that by using Grissom's appearance he had done just what Grissom was accusing him of doing and it had never set well with his conscious. Still, Sara had chosen him and he knew that his human side longed to have her.

Grissom was fearful he would leave so he pressed further. "You don't know for sure whether you are condemning her by taking her as your own. If you truly love her can you risk her soul? Can you do that to her for a few years here…on earth?"

Gracen looked toward the altar. "When he cast us down, he stopped talking to us. My…grandfather begged, pleaded for centuries to hear our Creator's voice again but He is silent."

"Is it silent or do you ignore it?"

Gracen's head fell into his hands. "You don't know what you are asking of me."

"Yes I do. I'm begging you to return to your role as watcher and let Sara live out her life…with me."

"You'll hurt her! Day after day she sobbed herself to sleep because of your actions!"

"I know and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to undo the pain I've caused."

"I asked her to marry me and she said yes. To go back now and…I won't hurt her. I won't be like you."

"Gracen, search your heart and…soul. You know I love her. You know that if you'd not made yourself known to her she would still…want me. Give her to me….let me marry her."

Gracen shook his head as he sobbed softly. "She's already a part of me. I feel her through my veins."

"You are an angel. It is your job to…to love and protect her."

Gracen's hands coiled into a fist.

Grissom shifted his approach.

"Gracen…you…are not human. You are….an angel. Your actions decide whether you are fallen or not. I am begging you to help me….as an angel. Give me another chance…with Sara."

Gracen closed his eyes trying to breathe through the pain of what he was about to do.

"I'll…go back…tell her that we can't….I'll try to explain." His hand held his chest as if he were in pain. "I swear Grissom if you hurt her I'll personally take you to hell."

Note from author:

Is he angelic or fallen? How do you think Sara is going to react... It's cold and very busy here...keep warm wherever you are and don't forget to leave a review.

Take care,

Penny


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

**No Going back**

She dropped her keys onto the counter later as she stepped through the door.

She'd felt famished and picked up something to eat, hoping to share it with Gracen if he were awake.

She turned and smiled when he stepped out of the bedroom but her smile faded the moment she saw his overnight bag in his hand.

"What are you doing with your bag?" she asked softly.

"Come here, Sara," he said softly.

She immediately went to him, fearful that something had happened to him.

"I've…"

"Gracen, you're shaking. Are you alright? Come and sit…"

He started to reach for her hand but knew if he touched her it would be his undoing.

There was no way he could let her go when she was in his arms.

She waited for him to say something but he remained quiet trying to find the right words to explain why she would never see him again.

He wasn't sure how he would continue to look over her, knowing that he had once held her and for awhile she had belonged to him.

He closed his eyes briefly and felt her move closer.

"Look, I know you're concerned about me but…don't be. Grissom and I talked."

She didn't want to lie to him but she didn't want to come across that this was only going to complicate her life more.

"I can take three days off…more later. We're a little shorthanded and…"

"Sara, Grissom needs you."

"He can get along…the lab can get along without me for three days," she assured him, stepping toward him but feeling a little sick to her stomach when he stepped away.

_Please don't treat me like Grissom did…_

_Please don't pull away…_

_I don't think I can bear for you to do that…_

_To be like him…_

Fear engulfed her.

She saw the look in his eye.

She'd seen that look before and she swallowed.

It was the look Grissom gave when he was about to rip out her heart.

She stared at the overnight bag, her eyes accusatory.

"Why?" she cried, knowing that he was leaving her.

He took a deep breath. "I can't risk…it."

She braced herself on the counter. "You did," she whispered. "You gave up your position…you came to me. You…made me fall in love with you. I don't understand."

Her voice was pleading as she attempted to touch him but he was out of reach.

She swallowed, letting a small sob escape her lips.

"Why?" she yelled this time.

It was killing him to see the tears streak down her face, knowing that it was his fault.

"It's not… right. You don't belong to me."

"I do!"

"You don't. Sara…you're confused. In a couple of weeks, all of this will be…"

"No it won't! Just a few days away from you and I…couldn't function…I…I…I compromised a crime scene. Gracen, please!"

"I'm sorry," he said as he headed toward the door but she blocked him.

"Why now? You gave me an engagement ring and then…Grissom has something to do with this, doesn't he?"

"He loves you Sara. When you're thinking clearly, you'll see that. You belong to him, honey…not me."

"No! He threw me away! He never loved me. He…never wanted me. Gracen…"

She felt as if she couldn't breathe, gasping for air, trying to remain calm as she pleaded her case.

She'd made her decision!

She'd made it when Grissom had spent years leaving her in agony, giving her a few scraps of attention or a simple touch here and there.

The thought of going back to her pitiful life was too much to bear.

"You said you've always been with me. You know then what he did when…I got involved with Hank."

"_I am so sorry," said Sara trying to catch her breath. _

"_I paged you two hours ago." _

"_Right. Uh, it's my day off. I was up in Pahrump at some vineyard. You told me to get a life, remember?" _

_She had tried to make light of the events giving him a smile but it was lost on his expression. He did not return the sentiment._

"_Did I?" _

_Her smile faded as a silence passed between them._

She gulped through tears. "He pulled away after that…leaving me alone…again. He doesn't want me but he doesn't want me with someone else."

She took a small step toward him. "Gracen, let's…let me show you how much I…"

She attempted to hold him but he shrugged her away. "Sara, no!"

It was the first time he had ever raised his voice.

She flinched.

"Just like that? You get me to love you and then you…decide…that I don't know what I want. I want you! Why can't you believe me? What do I have to do to prove it?"

She tried once more to touch him and he jerked away.

She felt as if she couldn't take in enough air as she pulled off the engagement ring and handed it to him.

It hurt him to see the ring removed.

Her hand remained outstretched with her palm open displaying the ring.

"Take it…back," she choked.

He shook his head. "It's yours."

She tossed it on the counter and then proceeded to remove the necklace but this time he stopped her, risking physical contact with her.

"Don't! That is yours…it belongs to you," he said, not sure how much more he could endure.

She shook her head. "You…don't want…me…so I don't want them."

"Sara…"

She removed the necklace and then in one swift motion snatched the engagement ring from the counter and shoved it into his hand.

She turned her back toward the kitchen, not able to bear to watch him leave.

He placed the jewelry on the counter, refusing to accept them.

He started toward her but then rushed out, shutting the door behind him.

He leaned against the door. "Forgive me, Sara," he whispered.

He could hear her sobbing as he struggled not to go back.

He hurried away, trying to stifle his own as he tried to put some distance between them.

She slid down into the floor, trying to breathe through the racking sobs.

"I thought you were different."

_He took my blood…_

_He can't have another lover…_

_But why did he do this?_

She gritted her teeth. "Grissom!"

She lay there in a pool of tears.

"I made my choice…I chose…he can't take that from me!"

_The vial…_

She slung open the fridge, finding the vial still there on the shelf.

_I don't know what to do…_

_He never said…_

She opened the vial, closing her eyes tight as she swallowed the contents.

It was sweet but then it turned bitter as she felt her stomach clench.

She gagged but covered her mouth, breathing in deeply through her nose.

An explosion of colors danced before her eyes catching her off balance.

She grabbed the counter trying to keep from falling.

_What have I done?_

Visions flashed before her eyes of another time, another place.

Images appeared of persons she'd never seen before.

It was as if she was spiraling through time, the intensity of the images too harsh to bear.

It continued for several minutes and then stopped.

She clutched her stomach as the pain continued again.

_Just Breathe…_

Her body trembled violently.

Frantically she looked around for her cell phone, spying it on the end of the counter.

She reached for it, but collapsed from the pain in her stomach.

She gasped for air, trying once more to grab the phone.

Her trembling fingers tried to dial it.

Her body shook uncontrollably and the phone slipped from her hand.

She cried out, reaching despite the urge to clutch her abdomen.

Her trembling fingers dialed the first number that came to her.

Her body shook uncontrollably as the phone lay there in the floor beside her.

A familiar voice called out but she couldn't respond.

By the time the pain subsided, the connection was broken.

She tried to dial 911 but the pain hit again causing her body to jerk in spasms.

The phone slid across the floor.

"Gracen!" she cried out.

Pain like she had never felt hit her and she screamed.

Grissom called out once more but panicked when the phone went dead.

He tried to call her back but there was no answer.

He rushed out of his townhouse and jumped into his vehicle, speeding down the street.

He tried once more to reach her and cursed.

_What happened?_

_She sounded…hurt…_

_What if Vivian or her family decided to finish the job?_

He covered his mouth at the implications.

_Please God, don't let her anything happen to her…._

_Please…_

Gracen leaned against the building, trying to breathe through his tears.

There were few times in his long life that had brought him to tears and all of those times encompassed Sara.

He felt a jolt and he froze.

"Sara?"

_Something is wrong with her!_

_I can feel her…._

He rushed back to the apartment, swinging open the door quickly.

He gathered her into his arms. "Sara?"

His eye caught sight of the vial.

His eyes widened in disbelief.

"What did you do?" he whispered.

He grabbed the vial and found that it was empty.

"You took all of it!"

She cried out in pain and it shook him into action.

He held her shaking body firmly.

"Listen to me Sara. Try to relax. Take my hand….hold on to me."

When she did not take his hand, he quickly grabbed hers.

"I've got you, Sara," he cried as he rocked her back and forth.

Slowly he felt her squeeze his hand.

It was slight but it was enough to give him hope.

She could hear his voice and respond.

"Squeeze my hand when the pain comes," he whispered into her ear.

She did and he kissed her feverishly.

"That's it, Sara. That's my girl."

Pain eased but then there was a tightening in her chest as if the life was being squeezed out of her.

She gasped through the pain. "I can't…breathe."

"Yes, you can. Force yourself to relax. Listen to my voice."

Softly he stroked her hair as he soothed her, telling her the pain would subside.

Her body eased and he quickly lifted her, carrying her to the bedroom.

Grissom cursed when he was caught by the second light.

He contemplated calling Brass for back up but could not afford to get him or the police involved.

He slammed his fist onto the dash and then sped off as soon as the light turned.

Gracen released her hand briefly to run to the bathroom for a washcloth.

Her pain returned but he quickly grabbed her hand.

She clung to him, feeling her body begin to convulse.

"What's…happening?" she begged.

"Sara…you weren't supposed to take all of it at one time," He grieved. "Your body is having a hard time…handling all of the changes at once."

"Didn't know," she wept.

"Sssh, it's okay."

With each scream, he held her closer, his tears blinding him.

The pain subsided briefly.

He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, checking her pulse.

He kissed the palm of her hand as he wept.

"Why did you do this?" he pleaded.

"My choice!" she cried. "My choice…not Grissom's."

She gripped his hand tight but then went limp in his arms.

He stroked her hair pulling her closer.

"I didn't want to do it. I wanted you…but Grissom… I would rather give you up than harm you. I would rather give you…to him than risk…" He sobbed as he shouted up to Heaven. "Please talk to me. Please tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it. Take my life, send me to Hell but please…please don't punish her!"

He screamed in frustration at the silence.

He stroked her hair once more, placing a kiss on her lips.

"I love you, Sara. God forgive me but there is no turning back now."

Note from author:

Do you still think Gracen is evil? Do you think it's too late fore GSR? What? We're barely into the story...hang in there. Did anyone forget the angst alert... Don't worry, they are together within a few chapters...but you can't imagine what is going to happen in the meantime...

Take care!


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

**Saving The Lamb**

She slowly stirred.

Flashes of light returned and her body stiffened.

He kissed her on the lips and she grabbed him, fearful of the visions.

The visions were horrific.

She saw a battlefield where thousands of bodies lay, some being eaten by vultures while others lay moaning trying to brush off the rats that were biting them.

Another vision flashed of thousands of people running from a tidal wave only to be engulfed in the water.

"You're witnessing my past, Sara…what I've seen. Don't be afraid."

He rubbed her back. "I saw yours. I saw everything you endured," he cried. "Hold on to me."

He could already feel her body tensing as the pain descended again.

She cried out.

"I've got you."

"Gracen…I feel like my insides are being torn apart."

"Rearranging…blending with my genetic makeup."

"It…hurts," she cried.

"I know honey. You were supposed to drink it in small increments. I'm so sorry, Sara. I should have warned you."

There was a knock on the door and Gracen cursed.

"It's Grissom."

"Gracen…something… is… wrong."

"Sara!"

Her body began to convulse violently.

"Grissom!" cried Gracen.

Grissom fumbled with the lock and ran into the bedroom.

He was horror struck at what he saw.

"What did you do to her?"

"Grissom, help me hold her down. She's convulsing. Her body is…please help me!"

Grissom grabbed Sara as they both urged her to relax.

The convulsions stopped as she lay there lifeless.

"We need to get her to a hospital," grieved Grissom.

"We can't. They won't be able to help her…I can. I know what to do."

Grissom stroked her hair and she moaned slightly.

"What happened?" Grissom yelled.

"Grissom, I broke it off but she took the vial…on her own."

"What was in it?" he asked. "Maybe Doc can help…"

"The vial was for the ritual…it contained my blood."

Grissom's eyes widened, trying to control the anguish and anger that was about to explode.

"In the ritual she is supposed to ingest a small amount over a period of several hours. Sara took the entire vial."

Gracen grabbed her hand and kissed it. "Her body is going into shock…there are too many changes…occurring at one time. I swear," he cried. "I forgot about the vial. I didn't think she would…do this."

He slumped to his knees beside the bed still holding her hand. "I left her in tears. She felt so rejected…I could feel her pain….but I left her anyway. I felt…her the moment she drank the vial…something shifted inside of me…screamed at me to get to her because something was wrong."

"Is there anything we can do?" begged Grissom.

Gracen shook his head. "It's done…we have to wait," Gracen looked at him.

Grissom gulped through his tears. "What can I do…to help her?"

"I'm not sure if the convulsions will come back."

"Is she out of danger?" asked Grissom.

Gracen opened his mouth to speak but couldn't.

He gulped through a bout of tears. "This could be fatal…I'm not sure her body can withstand so many changes at once."

Grissom checked her pulse.

She moaned and Gracen squeezed her hand tight.

"I'm sorry Sara…please, forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. Believe me Grissom, if I had known..." his head dropped as he cried. "I had no idea…I didn't think she would do…such a thing," he cried.

"She chose you…wanted you," cried Grissom.

She stirred, clutching at her stomach.

"What can I do?" asked Grissom.

"Sit next to her…in case the…"

Her body began to convulse again.

They each held her down while softly talking to her.

"It's almost over honey. Grissom and I are both here…feel us. Grissom take her other hand."

He did so immediately. "She's hot…she's burning up," mourned Grissom.

"Her molecular structure is changing as we speak."

Grissom stifled a sob. "This is my fault. I shouldn't have…pushed you to break it off with her. She never would have done something so desperate…so irrational…as this."

"We both wanted what was best…for her," Gracen said quietly.

"Do you love her?" asked Grissom.

"Enough to give her up," he cried. "God forgive me Grissom but I love her…I never wanted to hurt her…and I have."

Both stood vigil over her.

Hours passed and she finally slipped into a deep sleep.

It relieved both of them to know that her pulse became strong once more.

"I think the worst part is over," sighed Gracen.

"Have there been many documented cases…like this?" Grissom asked.

"Centuries ago, humans tried to…gain supernatural powers by ingesting our blood but…it drove them insane."

Grissom frantically looked at Sara.

"They didn't know how much blood to ingest," he countered. "Or how to administer it. It is supposed to be a slow build up. Sara's body needs time to rest…before the ritual is completed. Grissom, it has to be completed now…there is no other choice."

Gracen looked at Grissom. "I know this must be painful for you to hear."

"I want…I need to know she's going to be alright," he grieved.

"In a few days her body should begin…to feel the need to join with mine. There is one final blending of blood." Gracen turned Sara's palm over. "Her hand will be sliced here…just as mine. Our hands must remain locked together while we…consummate our joining."

It was too painful to hear.

He could feel Grissom's anguish, knowing he would feel the same way if he were to have to give Sara to someone else.

"She'll stop aging. She will look and be like this forever…or until judgment."

"She can still be killed," said Grissom.

"Yes, our bodies can withstand more than humans but we can die."

"If you die, she dies?"

"Yes...once we complete the ritual."

"If she dies, then…"

"It is the same."

Gracen looked down at the floor. "The fallen angels…are not like this. They are not bound to one female. They crave sex and exploit human females. Since the flood they have not been able to reproduce but…we can."

There was a long silence and then Gracen spoke. "The final step has to take place…or Sara will die. Her senses will become hypersensitive causing her system to go into shock…her organs will stop functioning…."

"If the joining isn't complete will you die as well?" asked Grissom.

Gracen shook his head. "My tie with Sara will be broken. If she had chosen you…then I would not have been able to choose another mate until…her death…but I would never have chosen another…my heart was freely given to her. I didn't want it back. The joining has to take place…before it affects me. The blending of our blood one more time will prevent Sara's system from shutting down rejecting what has already been changed."

"Does this process have to be repeated?" Grissom asked.

"No…just once."

Grissom was quiet for a moment. "Then she could be released…if she wanted…no longer bound by…the ritual…marriage."

Gracen glared at Grissom. "No. Neither of us will have any desire for anyone else. There will be a constant craving for one another…which cannot be denied. Despite what you think of us…at least we remain together forever…which is more than you can say about your idea of marriage."

"I wasn't insinuating…I just want to understand what Sara's life will be," Grissom said sadly.

Gracen's anger slowed. "This is why I wanted Sara to be absolutely sure about…us. It is irreversible."

_I've lost her…_

_She'll give herself to him, give him children while I grow old and die but she'll remain…_

"Gracen, promise me, you will always put her needs above your own," pleaded Grissom.

"I promise. I'll make whatever sacrifice I have to keep her safe and happy. Grissom, you won't have to worry about her. I know you're concerned about her soul but I will convince her…I will make sure she believes in your savior Jesus Christ so that her soul is safe at judgment. I may be condemned…but she won't be. I promise."

Grissom nodded.

Gracen sighed. "I don't know how she is going to feel when she wakes. This is supposed to be a time of…happiness…of further bonding but she…was so devastated by my actions…I'm not sure how this is going to affect her. She needs to be stress free…to not feel torn."

"You think I should go?" asked Grissom.

"No, she loves you, Grissom….but she needs to know that you accept and is happy about her decision. It will help her go through the final transformation."

"Then I will be happy for her…I'll do whatever it takes to make it easier for her," he agreed.

"Thank you."

She stirred, her eyes sliding open briefly.

"Honey, open your eyes," Gracen whispered.

She stared at Gracen. "You scared us," he said with a slight smile.

"Us?" she croaked.

"Grissom and I have been watching over you," he explained.

She tried to raise her hand to her head but felt it being held.

She turned and saw Grissom.

"How do you feel?" Grissom asked.

"Confused," she whispered.

Grissom glanced at Gracen.

Gracen gently yanked on her other hand. "Sara, what do you remember?"

"Pain," she said suddenly.

Gracen squeezed her hand. "Is there any pain now?"

She shook her head.

Gracen caressed the palm of her hand and then leaned down, kissing her on the forehead.

Her hand felt different as Gracen caressed it.

It was then she noticed her engagement ring was gone.

She gasped when she was flooded with the memory of what happened.

She tried to jerk her hand away from him but he firmly held it, kissing each individual finger.

"Any pain?" Gracen asked anxiously.

She could barely breathe realizing the enormity of her actions.

Gracen picked up on her distress.

"Grissom, could we have a moment alone?" asked Gracen.

"I'll be in the living room if you need me," said Grissom as he released her hand.

Sara's eyes followed him out of the room.

Once they were alone, Gracen sat down on the edge of the bed.

His fingers nudged her to look at him.

"I need you to tell me everything you're feeling. Alright?"

"I'm fine…now," she managed to get out as she tried once more to pull her hand away.

"Don't pull away from me, Sara," he urged. "I need to feel you…just as much as you need to feel me."

"I'm okay. I did something stupid. It won't happen again."

"You chose me," he said quietly.

A single tear slipped down her cheek and then another.

"You didn't choose me."

"Oh Sara, that's not true."

Her sensory nerves seemed to be pulsating.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

She jerked her hand from his and then doubled over from the pain.

"Sara!"

Grissom reappeared.

Gracen held her firmly. "Hold onto me, Sara. You're part of me now. Let me help you through the pain."

She gritted her teeth as her hand clutched at him.

"I've got you," Gracen soothed. "Just close your eyes and listen to me. Breathe in deeply."

She did as he instructed and he rewarded her with a kiss on the forehead.

"That's my Sara," he whispered as he kissed her on the lips. "Breathe in and out. The pain will ease up. That's it…that's my girl."

She relaxed as Gracen's hand stroked her hair.

Gracen glanced at Grissom. "She's better," he assured Grissom.

Grissom reluctantly stepped back into the livingroom.

He leaned forward, his cheek touching hers.

Her eyes fluttered open. "Why didn't….you …want me?"

He cradled her in his arms.

"I want you Sara! I was afraid I was thinking only of myself…not taking your needs into account. I may be condemned…I don't want that for you."

"He talked…you into doing that…didn't he?"

"He begged…pleaded with me. He said he never knew how much he had hurt you until now. He wanted…another chance. He promised me he'd changed."

_He really was too late…_

She closed her eyes reliving that moment when she had asked him to have dinner with her and he had refused.

She opened her eyes, wary of their circumstances.

Gracen had rejected her.

By using the vial she had forced him to go through with the ritual.

It was not what she had wanted but she had reacted without thinking of the destructive effects of her actions.

"You turned me away…just like…him."

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

She nodded, her eyes avoiding his.

"Sara, look at me," he pleaded.

When she refused, he tilted her chin forcing her to look at him.

"I've wanted you for so long."

It did not remove the doubt.

He swallowed. "I've never been…loved…like this. You…chose me, Sara. I'll never be worthy of such love."

He stroked her hair as he rocked her back and forth.

She took a deep breath. "Tired."

"I think Grissom wants to see you before he has to leave," whispered Gracen.

"No…I don't…want…"

"Sara, we've talked. He accepts your decision. He…wants you to be happy with me."

Gracen called Grissom before she could protest further.

He stepped back into the room, not sure where to stand.

"I'll just be out there," said Gracen as he smiled back at Sara trying to reassure her.

Grissom hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed.

He slowly took her hand. "You scared the life out of me…and Gracen."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what…I was thinking," she sniffled.

"I do. You love him, Sara. You made your choice...the right choice. He's going to make you very happy. You are going to have a wonderful life."

He gave no hint that he didn't believe his words and it seemed to put her at ease.

"I...still…want to work at the lab," she got out.

"That's good cause I don't think we can ever replace you," he managed to get out.

She closed her eyes.

"Sara? Are you alright?" he asked suddenly, his hand caressing her cheek.

She nodded, her chest tightening at the sight of his pained expression.

"You'll always be more than a boss…to me," she choked.

"Good…cause I'm going to be watching over you," he vowed.

She squeezed his hand lightly before releasing it.

"So tired," she murmured.

"I think you should rest. I've got to…go. I'll check up on you later. Okay?"

She nodded.

He started to get up but kissed her on the forehead, letting his lips slip down and kiss her lightly on the lips.

He'd never allowed himself such pleasure and his heart lurched at the sheer closeness of her.

"Rest," he urged, caressing her cheek briefly and then he was gone.

Her chest heaved as she watched him leave.

_I'll watch over you, Grissom…_

She woke an hour later, jerking to a sitting position but Gracen pulled her back down.

"Lie still," he urged.

"Dream," she panted.

"How do you feel?"

"Hungry."

"I'm going to release your hand. Tell me if you begin to feel ill again."

He slipped his hand from hers and went into the kitchen, grabbing the food that had been delivered a few minutes ago.

"It's soup from the café," he said helping her to a sitting position and then handing her the cup.

She drank slowly, keeping her eyes fixed on the cup.

"Finish the soup and then I'll lie down with you again."

He was pleased she handed him an empty cup.

He molded his body next to hers.

"Just rest. I'll be right here."

"Kay," she managed to get between yawns.

His fingers stroked her arms, sliding down her side to land on her hips.

She scooted closer to him, her breathing shallow.

"If the pain returns, I can help…ease you through it," he whispered.

She nodded, settling back into his arms.

"In a couple of hours, you'll feel stronger."

His hand slipped into hers.

"Grip my hand. Okay?"

"I feel fine…great…floating," she murmured.

"It won't last long, honey."

She closed her eyes and felt the mixture of sensations swirling within her.

"Gracen…are you sorry I did this?"

"Sara…don't say things like that. This is all I ever wanted."

She gripped his hand tight, gasping through the pain.

"We need to let your body…rest…recover. It may be a few days."

She gritted through another onslaught.

"I'm not leaving….I'll be right here," he soothed.

She panted, gasping through the pain, "Don't ever leave me."

"I won't," he assured her with a kiss. "I promise."

Note from author:

Still think Gracen is evil? Not a chance...he's an angel in progress...remember I love twists and turns...this story has alot of them. We can go faster if the reviews can come in quicker. I am going out of twon over the weekend...posting times will be off but I plan to continue to post regularly.

Take care!


	18. Chapter 18

**Note from author:**

**I decided to post another chapter to relieve some of the reader's stress. LOL I am going out of town so posting will be sporadic but you will get a chapter daily. Please be kind and leave a review for each chapter! Some of your answers will be in this chapter but as you will see there is loads of angst coming...but GSR as well...uhm...they will be together in a sense...**

**Take care and enjoy.**

**Chapter Eighteen:**

**Giving The Lamb Away**

Catherine placed her hand on Grissom's shoulder.

"How are you?" she asked.

"I'm…" he didn't finish as he picked up his field kit.

"Listen, Ecklie has sent over another person. He's worked with us before so I expect you to leave on time. Okay?" she asked.

He smiled sadly.

"You uhm going to tell us why Sara is not working? You just said she wouldn't be coming in for awhile?"

"She's not feeling well. I was there earlier…before shift," he explained.

"Mom has Lindsey. I could go by there after work and…"

"No. She's not alone…Gracen is with her."

Catherine nodded.

"They're….going to be married," he gulped.

Catherine looked shocked. "I knew it was getting serious but I never dreamed…so soon."

"She loves him," he said softly.

"He's handsome and…wealthy…a good combination but…he's not you," she added.

Grissom grinned slightly. "I just want her to be happy."

"Are you sure you're alright with this? I mean I've seen the way the two of you look at one another…maybe…"

Grissom shook his head. "She's made her decision."

"But…"

"I've chosen to support her decision. I hope everyone else will," he said.

He called Gracen every few hours checking on Sara's condition.

She was still weak but seemed to be making some progress.

It was good news but his heart ached knowing that once she was better they would consummate their joining.

He didn't want to know when it happened.

Another shift came and went.

The others grew concerned.

"Maybe we should go over there and…" Grissom interrupted Greg.

"I've spoken with Gracen and she is better," he urged.

It had been forty-eight hours since she had ingested the blood.

Gracen had called him a few times letting him know that the pain had subsided and it appeared she would make a full recovery.

It had eased his mind but then thoughts of their joining hurt him to the core.

As the hours passed, Grissom felt more and more depressed, agonizing over the loss of her.

He didn't know how he would react when she returned to work, knowing she now belonged to someone…for life.

He was surprised when his phone rang that evening and it was Sara.

"Grissom."

"Griss…I need… you," she managed to get out.

His pulse quickened, not sure what prompted the call but he'd immediately picked up the distress in her voice.

"Sara…I'm on my way. I'll be there in a few minutes."

The phone clicked and he hurried, speeding to her door.

_Why didn't you ask for more information?_

_You don't know what you're walking into…_

He started to use his key but she opened the door.

She looked quite pale as she let him in but then shut and locked the door.

"Sara…"

"Gracen is gone," she blurted.

_Why would he leave her at a time like this?_

She reached for the counter but his arms caught her.

Gently she brushed his hands away as she slowly made her way to the couch.

"Tell me…what happened," he said.

"I've been sleeping on and off…but I thought I heard him talking with someone earlier. I thought it was you so I drifted back to sleep. When I woke, he wasn't here."

"Sara, maybe he went to the store or…"

"No…he said he wouldn't leave me. He hasn't. He refuses to close the bathroom even…he wouldn't have left…me."

"How long…do you think he's been gone?"

"Five hours…maybe seven. I've been awake for five hours and he hasn't returned."

_Something is definitely wrong…_

_Gracen would not have left her for this period of time…._

"I've tried his cell phone and there is no answer. I'm worried," she breathed.

He took her hand, not liking how cold it felt. "I'll call Brass and have him check at the main house and then put out an A.P.B."

She nodded.

"You need to remain in bed," he softly scolded.

"Something is wrong…he wouldn't stay away this long."

He didn't want to scare her.

She seemed way too fragile as he stared at her.

_Christ if anything happens to him…_

He stepped away from her as he phoned Brass.

Brass wanted to know more than what Grissom was telling him but he personally went to the home finding it vacant.

An A.P.B. was then put out.

All of this took place during a span of an hour.

_Eight hours and no word…_

He glanced down at Sara huddled beneath the blanket he had retrieved from the bedroom.

He sat down on the edge of the couch, taking her hand.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sh….shaky," she admitted.

_Shaky from the effects of…_

_You have no idea how to help her…_

_Try the basics first…._

His hand caressed her cheek.

"When was the last time you've eaten?" he asked.

"Twelve…hours ago," she whispered.

He prepared a sandwich along with a glass of milk.

She seemed better sitting up while he checked in with Brass.

"Any news?" asked Grissom softly.

"None. Gil, maybe he got cold feet and…"

"Gracen would never leave Sara this long. Something is wrong. We need to find him!"

"Am I missing something here? You make it sound like it's a matter of life and death," grumbled Brass.

"It is!" seethed Grissom.

"What are you not telling me Gil? Is Sara alright? Has someone kidnapped her?"

"No…but it is a matter of…" He stopped trying to figure out a way to express the urgency of the matter. "Sara's been…poisoned and Gracen…has the antidote."

"Christ, is she at the hospital?"

"No…she's here with me. We're at her apartment," said Grissom trying to control his temper.

Time was slipping away.

"Shouldn't she…"

"They can't do anything for her…Jim, please! We have to get to Gracen. He is the only person who can save her."

"Look, we didn't go inside the house…but searched the grounds. I'll go back…"

"Be careful. Gracen has enemies. If you spot anyone else there, call for back-up."

He closed the phone and turned to find that she had disappeared from the room.

Hesitantly he stepped to the doorway of the bedroom.

The bathroom door was shut and he could hear water running.

_She's taking a shower…_

She reappeared, donning a pair of slacks and a blouse.

"I'm feeling better," she announced.

_For how long?_

An awkward moment passed between them.

"Look, there's no need in you staying any longer."

"I'm not leaving you."

"I can't sit here and wait…I'm going to look for him."

"Sara, I can't let you leave. If someone…if anything happened to Gracen then you could be a target as well."

"He's not….dead. I would know," she said softly. "Something is preventing him from coming to me."

"Jim is going back to the house…he's going to search it…maybe Gracen…"

"I want to help," she insisted.

"You can help by staying here, honey."

She took a deep breath, not sure why she suddenly felt claustrophobic.

"Sara?"

"I need to get out," she breathed.

She flew past him but he caught up with her at the door.

He grabbed her hand, pulling her away from the door.

"Grissom let go of me."

"Honey, I can't let you leave. If Gracen returns, you need to be here."

"I need to find Gracen!"

"We'll find him," he urged.

She cursed when she felt the effects once more, closing her eyes, using the wall as support.

"Sara!"

She tried to escape but he caught her pulling her into his arms.

She struggled but his grip was too tight.

"Honey, stop!"

"I need to…get to him. You don't understand," she cried.

He stroked her hair, pulling her closer. "I understand. Your body…needs to…complete the joining. Gracen explained everything to me. We'll find him, Sara. Just hold on."

"I feel…this pressure…that's building…wanting to consume me," she gritted.

He stroked her hair, soothing her as he gently whispered, "I promise I'll find him, Sara."

Vivian stood in front of Gracen as she smiled at his predicament.

"You should have…joined with me," she whispered in his ear.

"I will never do that," he vowed.

She gulped. "No, you won't."

Gracen glared at Darius as he entered the basement.

He was one of the few fallen angels who dared come into their area.

Most stayed clear knowing that they would need explicit permission from one of the sect members.

Gracen's eyes stared accusingly at Vivian.

"That's right. I gave Darius permission…I let him into your home. Do you want to know the full details how he took me on your bed? The bed intended to be ours one day?"

"I never slept in that bed again after I found you in it one night," growled Gracen.

"Pity. It's not nice to piss off…a female…jealousy can be…such a huge emotion," Darius said as he stood in front of Gracen.

"Well, Gracen. Imagine my surprise when your intended offered herself to me. It's been awhile since I've had a virgin. She needs a little practice but…she wasn't bad…but I've had better."

Vivian glared at Darius but he just laughed it off as he stepped away to check upstairs.

Gracen looked at Vivian.

"That's right. I gave myself to…a fallen angel…Darius. I'm no longer bound by our stupid rules."

"You've surely condemned yourself!"

"We are already condemned! You've pined away for years for your little Sara and now you'll never have her. You'll never know what it's like to lie with someone, feel yourself join with them."

"And you did? Men like Darius have no need for just one woman…he'll use you and then toss you aside."

She laughed. "Then I'll get another one…and another. I can have as many men as I want."

"But you'll never have what you want…will you, Vivian? You'll never be satisfied. The emptiness will always be there…a hunger you can't erase. It was our joining ritual that separated us from them. They constantly hunt for sexual pleasure but find no release from the need. We do…but then you gave that up…for him."

She gritted as she slapped him. "Your Sara will die a slow painful death."

She turned when she heard Darius and one of his men running back into the basement.

Darius grabbed Vivian, jerking her around. "The police just left. They're already looking for him!"

"You're a fallen angel…you can handle them," she spat.

He jerked her further away from Darius. "I won't be told what to do by the likes of you."

"You…agreed! You said you would make him pay," she screamed.

"Yes, I did," Darius glared as he glanced as Gracen. "Take care of it!"

The demon grabbed the sword and sliced it across Gracen's body in one swift move.

Darius grumbled. "You idiot!" He huffed. "What good is he to us now?"

Vivian stared in shock as Gracen's organs fell to the concrete floor.

Her eyes locked with Gracen's.

She felt herself being pushed to the floor, her body sprawled in the blood.

"Darius, stop. Get me out of this…blood."

"You wanted to have a blood ritual with Gracen…then you'll have it."

She gulped trying to scoot away but his powerful hands grabbed her ankles, yanking her back so that she lay at Gracen's feet.

She looked away at the sight of his organs lying next to her.

"You want me to hand you his heart?" offered Darius.

She quickly shook her head.

Gracen was relieved knowing that he would die within minutes.

"Can I have her?" begged the demon.

"She is nothing to me," Darius declared as he left.

Vivian screamed as the demon tore through her clothing, raping her viciously.

Gracen closed his eyes from the sight.

He knew he had to hang on for Sara's sake.

The demon chuckled as he watched Vivian huddle at Gracen's feet sobbing for forgiveness.

He whispered it just as the demon slammed the blade of the sword, beheading Vivian.

Gracen's body slumped.

"Two for the price of one," he chuckled as he ran out of sight.

Brass and Warrick pulled into the driveway.

"Look, we have no legal right to enter the house…so here is where you can stay or…"

"If Grissom needs us to find Gracen then I'm coming," stated Warrick.

Brass glanced at Warrick. "You might want to look the other way," he warned.

He intended to break in but frowned when he found the door unlocked.

"Find a way…to the basement area," he instructed.

Several minutes passed and then Warrick called out.

"In here!" he called.

Brass pulled his gun as he descended down the steps.

"Oh Christ," he muttered as he saw Vivian's body lying on the concrete floor.

He recognized Gracen.

He flipped open his phone and called Grissom immediately.

"Grissom, we found him along with Vivian. They're dead."

Grissom glanced at Sara nervously.

"Wait…he's moving. It's impossible," said Brass. "His insides are lying on the ground and…"

"Jim, listen to me," he whispered, turning his back from Sara. "Gracen is different…supernatural…of sorts. Get him…upstairs into a room. Call Doc immediately."

"We need to call an ambulance…"

"Listen to me…you're right. It's impossible for him to survive that kind of injury…unless he was different. He can't go to a hospital because he's different. I know this sounds crazy but Sara's life depends on helping Gracen. Call Doc. Have Warrick help you…but hurry. Check the perimeter. Whoever did that may still be there. Call for back-up…but don't give any details…just that Gracen Merci was assaulted in his home…nothing more. I'm on my way."

He started to close the phone but then added. "Jim, no one sees Gracen except Doc. Don't call an ambulance."

"But…"

"Jim, please. Have Doc do what he can for Gracen."

"Get the hell over here fast."

He had no choice but to bring Sara.

Her hands began to tremble but he took one, caressing her palm as he drove.

"We're going to Gracen's house," he instructed.

"You found him?"

"Sara, I need you to follow my instructions…explicitly."

She nodded.

"Good."

Doc had already arrived.

Grissom and Sara rushed into the house.

"Warrick…I want you to sit with Sara…don't let her out of your sight. If she…if she gets ill, send an officer to get me," he ordered. "And Warrick…don't tell her about Gracen."

Grissom rushed down the hall.

He stepped into the room, catching sight of the lifeless body.

"What is he?" asked Doc. "From the blood loss and… he should be dead."

"We put his organs back inside…he's a mess," said Brass.

Gracen opened his eyes and was relieved to see Grissom. "Grissom! Please…you've got to listen to me."

"Sara is safe…she's in your office," he said.

"I'm dying," he managed to get out as he glanced at the two men.

"They're friends…they can be trusted."

"I don't have much time."

"Sara…is going to die also, isn't she?" grieved Grissom.

Brass and Doc looked shocked at the question.

Gracen cried out from the pain. "There's only one thing…we can try. It's never been done."

"What?" asked Grissom.

"You…have to ingest my blood…you have to join with Sara."

Doc immediately went on the defensive. "He's kidding right? Gil, you can't do that!"

"Listen to me! There isn't much time. When you were in San Francisco, you and Sara…shared each other's blood."

Grissom looked confused but then remembered the incident.

"Sara and you…were talking about the dangers of…contamination in a crime scene. You sliced your thumb and she did the same….then took a sample to place in a mock crime scene."

Grissom's eyes widened. "We joined our thumbs together…Sara had heard about a sorority that was doing it and so I challenged her to do it. I knew she had a thing about germs and contamination. It was the first bet I'd ever lost."

Doc frowned. "I'm surprised Sara let him do that."

"What has that got to…"

Gracen held up his hand to stop Grissom. "Each of you still have a trace of one another's blood in your system…it is there but too weak for your human science to pick up. Sara's system should not reject you…as long as part of me…is in you. Grissom, I'll instruct you on the dosage…there's not much time left. Once…I'm dead…Sara will die within a few hours."

Gracen took a deep breath. "You'll have to deceive her…you'll have to convince her that you're me."

"You mean…I can shift…change my appearance…"

"No. You won't possess that ability. Tell her I had to change…my appearance…to look like you… in order to get past the police…take her back to her apartment. You'll…need this."

He tried to remove his necklace but couldn't. Grissom removed it from him.

"Put it on. Remember what I told you about the process. You have to convince her, Grissom. She won't let you touch her unless…she thinks you're me."

Gracen grabbed Grissom, pulling him close in order to whisper in his ear.

His words were too soft for the others to hear.

He released Grissom and took a gulp of air.

Gracen grimaced as he pointed to a box on the small table beside the bed. "You need the vial. You must consume this much. Use the other contents in the box as I've instructed before. Do you remember…"

"Yes, I remember."

Grissom took the vial and then glanced at the contents in the box.

"Take the blood…over the next three hours. I'll try to…hang on."

Gracen looked at Doc. "You need to fill this."

"You've got to be kidding?" huffed Doc.

"Doc, please!" griped Grissom.

The blood poured from the wound. Within seconds, the vial was full.

Gracen closed his eyes trying to conserve his energy.

Doc took the vial. "He really expects you to ingest his blood…Gil, you can't be serious?"

Grissom mentally measured the vial and then took some of it.

"I guess if he eats bugs then…what's a little…vampire blood," quipped Brass.

"He's not a vampire," Grissom bit out. "He's an…angel."

They gawked at the body on the bed.

Grissom fell backwards, crashing into the wall.

Brass and Doc grabbed him, pulling him over to a chair.

"Just…don't let Sara…in here. Don't let her find out," he gritted.

"Gil, you don't know what this is going to do to you," worried Doc.

He grabbed Doc's hand. "If it will save Sara..." he didn't finish as he closed his eyes, amazed at the flashes of images.

Sara slipped out from behind the desk, "we've been here for over two hours," she spat. "There's no sign of Gracen."

"Cookie, Grissom has everything under control," he assured her.

"Look, I can't sit here any longer and do nothing!"

She started for the door but Warrick blocked her.

"Rick, get out of the way," she warned.

"Sara…"

Grissom appeared in the doorway. "Sara," he called.

She rushed to Grissom. "We're going back to your apartment…Gracen will meet us there."

"Gracen? He's okay?"

Grissom caressed the palm of her hand. "I'm fine, my Sara," Grissom whispered for her ears only.

Sara's eyes widened.

"Come…with me," he urged.

She did not question when he opened the back passenger side of the vehicle, stepping aside for her to get in. She slid in and he joined her.

Doc started the vehicle, pulling out of the driveway. "Sara…Grissom told me about Gracen…still don't believe it but I've been instructed to take you to your apartment. He'll handle the police…and Brass."

Sara leaned back into the seat.

"It won't be much longer," Grissom urged.

Once they arrived, Grissom escorted Sara inside the apartment as Doc drove back.

Sara curled onto the couch grateful to be home.

Grissom took the remaining contents of the vial.

He sat down taking her into his arms.

"I'm sorry, I had to take on…Grissom's appearance but…I had to in order to get past the police."

"Why?" she challenged.

"I'm wanted for questioning…Vivian's body is in my basement. She was beheaded…by Darius…a fallen angel."

Sara lurched forward.

"I'm…fine…but…Sara, I can't transform…back. I'm too weak. We can't wait much longer…we have to join."

She swallowed. "You mean…you'll have to keep…his appearance…while we…"

"Yes," he said eying her reaction.

"We'll wait."

"No! We can't."

Grissom pulled her into his arms, his lips devoured hers.

Her breathing became sporadic as a slow burning began in the pit of her stomach.

She pushed him away, easing back into the couch.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Something is…different," she said. "You don't…feel…your kiss is different."

Note from author:

Can Grissom convince her? You know what they say about a kiss... yeah, you knew there would be a twist...

Take care!


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

**Shepherd Saves the Lamb**

Grissom tried to remain calm. "Sara, I know it's difficult for you…to let me…while looking like him. Close your eyes…listen to your heart."

She looked fearful, not sure of what they were about to do.

He stood and extended his hand. "Come with me."

She took his hand following him to the bedroom.

"Lie with me, Sara."

She curled her body up next to his.

Her hand rested on his chest.

It was then she noticed the necklace.

He rolled over on top of her.

"I won't take you until you're ready. I know you've never said it but it frightens you…giving someone complete control over your body," he whispered. "I won't do anything that you don't want. I know…what your father tried to do…but your mother stabbed him before he…"

Her breathing came in gasps as if she were having a panic attack.

"Sssh, Sara. To think about previous…hurts causes the sensations you felt to resurface…put it out of your mind."

She nodded as she clung to him.

"Close your eyes, my Sara."

He stroked her hair as he kissed her lips, dropping down to her nape.

She became fully aroused.

"You have to want me…completely," he whispered. "Fully."

She nodded.

Her head turned to the side and she noticed he had purposely placed an ornate knife and a ribbon piece of rope beside the bed.

"I went to…get these earlier. I had no idea I would run into Darius and Vivian."

"Your injuries…"

"I'm…fine. The police swarmed the house and…your Brass can be a bit…overbearing at times. Grissom convinced him I didn't kill her…but we couldn't convince him to just release me so I changed my appearance to resemble Grissom and walked out the front door. I'm sure Grissom will get an ear full from your friend Brass but…Sara, we decided it would be easier…it was a matter of time before we would have to join or…"

She kissed him, rubbing herself seductively against him.

He growled as he struggled to maintain control of the situation.

She pulled at his clothing but he held her back.

"Griss..please," she begged.

He stilled. "Gracen…I'm Gracen…not…"

"I needed…to check…make sure…."

"I know this is hard for you. I wish I could transform but…I can't…I can't risk not being able…"

"Sssh…make love to me Gracen."

His phone rang.

He pushed himself away.

"You wanted me to call you when…he's dead. Gracen is dead," said Brass.

Grissom shut his eyes for a moment. There was no more time remaining. He had to be convincing.

"Thank you…Grissom. Sara won't be coming in for several more days. I'll answer any further questions…in a few days."

Grissom closed the phone.

He turned and was not prepared to see the tears on her cheeks.

"Sara?"

"Why do…I feel…such a loss?" she cried.

"Sara, there's no more time, honey."

She gulped. "It…doesn't feel the way…you said it would."

"It will! Everything is a little off…because you ingested it too quickly."

"Okay," she whimpered.

"Sara, I want you to close your eyes…feel me…just me, okay?"

She felt the bed shift as he left briefly but returned to her side of the bed.

She did not protest when he removed her clothing sliding his naked body between her legs.

"Just like we practiced," he whispered. "You've felt me before."

Her breathing picked up and there was a slight hitch in her voice when she whispered. "No clothing this time."

He smiled. "No more barriers…no more waiting. You're mine, Sara."

Her movements were frenzied as she touched him everywhere.

She wanted him inside her but he quickly stopped her.

"Not yet, Sara. Remember…one last blood joining," he whispered.

She opened her eyes when she felt him rise off her.

He took the knife slicing the palm of her hand.

It stung and she tried to pull back.

"Just a little more pain, Sara…then bliss, I promise."

He sliced his, then joined his hand with hers wrapping the ribbon around them.

Between the two of them they managed to tie it tight.

"Joined, my love…forever," he soothed.

It felt electric as their blood merged.

She relaxed in the bed, pulling him on top of her.

He grinned when he felt her arch toward him.

He continued his onslaught of kisses, dipping between her breasts.

She groaned when his lips suckled softly on her breast.

"I love you, Sara," he whispered.

"Gracen…something…doesn't…feel…"

He positioned himself, plunging deep inside her while their hands remained tied together.

He tried to remain still giving her body time to adjust. There was a stinging sensation followed by a feeling of fullness. He was quite large and she wasn't sure whether her small frame could handle him but with one final plunge, he was buried fully inside her.

His lips left featherlike kisses along her cheeks, her nose and then her lips.

He waited for her to respond. "Open yourself for me, Sara."

Her lips opened and he drank deeply, almost giddy with the feel of himself so deep within her.

He moved gently, slowly, swiveling his hips before burrowing himself deep inside her once more.

She gasped from the assault but she bucked her body toward his in a frenzied state.

His head reeled from the sensations, never feeling this intimate with anyone.

He kissed her just as he felt her body go through the first wave of orgasm. Her moans almost caused him to go over the edge but he slowed, forcing himself to bring her to another orgasm and then he climaxed.

He kissed her lovingly on the lips as she settled beside him.

"That…was…incredible," she gasped.

He smiled. "Only with you."

He closed his eyes for a second.

_Please let this work…_

_Please don't take her from me…_

He was still shaky from the effects of Gracen's blood.

Doc had cursed each time he drank it but there was no choice.

He was not about to lose Sara if there was a chance to save her.

He would gladly be bound to her for life.

He would gladly risk his life in order to have her.

_Thank you, Gracen…_

_Thank you for revealing her previous hurts and fears so that I could be convincing…_

He opened his eyes immediately when he felt her move away from him.

He smiled when she straddled his midsection, rubbing against his shaft.

He immediately hardened and she took him inside her.

For the next few hours, they made love, trying various positions as they continued their lovemaking.

He finally pulled her to lie beside him.

"Rest…just for a little while," he whispered, kissing her on the temple.

She smiled, scooting as close as she could to his body.

"I love you, Gracen," she whispered keeping her hand entwined with his.

He gulped through the pain.

He lay there listening to her soft even breathing.

_It's been more than four hours…_

_She's not…dead…_

With each passing hour, he felt hopeful.

He could not bring himself to sleep, watching over her.

His hands stroked her hair as he dipped down and kissed her forehead.

"Just sleep, Sara….I'll watch over you," he whispered.

He didn't remember when he finally drifted off to sleep.

When he woke, she was still snuggled in his arms, their hands still bound.

Gently he undid the binding and bandaged their hands, marveling at the identical cuts.

She woke and stared intently at him.

His eyes sparkled as his lips came down on hers tantalizing and teasing before settling fully and dipping deeply.

Her hands caressed his arms and then slid to his chest.

Her body stiffened and he suddenly felt afraid for her.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

Her eyes widened as she gulped, "Where is Gracen?"

"Sara…"

"I don't know why I didn't see it before...there's no scar...Gracen had a scar...even when he looked like you! You're not him! Where is Gracen?" she cried.

"Sara…"

Sara scrambled out of the bed, grabbing her robe.

"What have you done?" she cried, her hand covering her mouth as she tried to cover the sob that threatened.

"Sara, Gracen…is dead."

"No! If he dies, then I die!"

"He was dying honey. He had me…ingest his blood….Sara he wanted to give you to me…to give us another chance."

"You're lying! Gracen is not dead. He said…He didn't lie to me."

"No, he didn't honey. He found a way to save you. He gave you to me…to ensure you…"

"I'm not someone's property! I didn't want you!" she yelled. "I wanted Gracen. I chose him!"

It hurt like hell to hear her words. "I love you, Sara. I made love to you…I joined with you."

"I don't want…to be joined with you."

He stepped toward her but she backed away.

"Don't! Don't come near me!" she cried.

"I didn't want to tell you like this," he mourned.

"You said he was alright," she cried.

Grissom raked his fingers through his hair. "Brass and Warrick found him. He was dying. He did this to save you."

"Gracen…is dead?" she asked as if she were having a difficult time comprehending his words.

"Sara, come and sit down. You've been through a lot and…"

"Get out!" she yelled.

He stepped out of the bedroom still pleading as she tossed out his clothes and then slammed the door.

There was a loud crash inside the bedroom as she tossed things about, through a fit of rage, finally slumping into the floor as she sobbed uncontrollably.

His hand grabbed the doorknob but he forced himself to give her some time to come to terms with Gracen's death.

He dressed but there was no way he was going to leave her.

His phone rang.

"Grissom."

"You forgot to check in," said Brass.

"I…she found out…that I'm not Gracen."

"Did you…did you do the ritual?"

"Yes…it's been several hours and there's no indication that it didn't work…but I'm not leaving her."

"Need anything?" he asked.

"Food…and a drink," he added.

"You are going to tell me the full story, right?"

"Yes."

"Gil, the press is going to be all over this especially the way they were killed."

"Tell Warrick to…"

"He's not talking to anyone until he's talked with you."

"Warrick is the lead investigator on the case…only."

Brass was quiet a moment. "Murder or…murder suicide."

"Murder, Jim. Both of them were murdered."

"If the media turns this into a blitz then Ecklie will wonder why you are not on the case or better yet why you have Warrick and not Catherine."

"I can't leave Sara."

"I'll cover."

There was a slight pause and then Brass spoke, "I take it she's upset?"

"Yes," he breathed.

"I'll be up soon. I won't stay…just drop and run."

"Thanks, Jim."

An hour later there was a tap on the front door.

Brass handed him the bags.

"Enough supplies for a few days. Just give me a call if you need anything else."

"Thanks, Jim."

"You look…exhausted."

"I didn't sleep much."

Brass smiled but then covered it glancing toward the bedroom. "Get some sleep."

He put away the food and then tapped on the bedroom door.

He didn't wait for an answer, but walked in.

The bed had been stripped, the linens thrown in the floor.

"Sara, you need to eat," he said softly.

"You don't dictate…what I do," she said huddled in the floor, holding a pillow to her chest.

"Sara, please. You can't go without food. You have a long recovery."

When she did not budge, he left but returned with a plate of food.

"I'll come back later…I'll be just outside the door if you need me," he said softly.

"I want…to see Gracen," she got out through bouts of tears.

"Sara, you can't leave here….not for several days…until…the urge subsides. Warrick is doing the investigation. Doc was there...he tried to help Gracen." Her cries tore at his heart. He raked his hands through his hair. "Sara, he hung on long enough…"

She buried her head into her knees.

He tried to comfort her but she scooted away when he came near her.

He retreated to the living room and cringed when he heard the plate hit the bedroom door.

He opened the bottle of champagne and took a gulp.

_Welcome to forever…_

Note from author:

Well, they are together and will have to be together...leave a review so we can proceed.

Take care!


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

**Shepherd Protecting the Lamb**

He dozed a little on the couch, rigging the door so that he would awaken if she opened it.

He didn't want to be thrown out of her apartment until he was sure she was going to recover.

Gracen could not be precise since their case was unique but he felt it would be safe after seventy-two hours.

_I don't feel any different…_

Words failed to describe how it felt to make love to Sara.

He had never felt so connected to anyone in his life.

It was sort of like a craving that intensified until it became almost painful to endure.

Already he felt the craving begin again and it would be a matter of time before they would have to "join" again.

Even in his teenage years, he'd never experienced such a sexual drive as this.

He could think of nothing else as he lay there remembering how it felt to be inside her.

He moaned at the prospect of having to be the one to initiate it.

_She needs some time to adjust…_

_She just learned of Gracen's death and now we'll have to join…_

_It'd have to be painful to endure such a thing…_

_To join with one while loving another…_

His body began a slow hum of pent up energy.

He tossed and turned then rose, reaching in the fridge for a cold drink of ice water.

He intended to do everything in his power to let her be the one to initiate it this time, although, he knew it would only hurt her further.

His eyes flew up when he heard the bedroom door open.

Turning he glanced over his shoulder, to see her standing there in a gown.

"Why are you still here?" she asked.

"I can't leave you...just yet." He cringed at his own words and he knew it did little to break the ice that was forming around her heart. "We have to finish this," he said sadly.

"I don't want to finish this," she choked. "I would have preferred…you took that choice from me!"

He flinched. "I couldn't let you die!"

"You didn't want me but you didn't want anyone else to have me!" she yelled.

"That's not true," he said quietly.

She needed something to throw in his face at the moment so she chose to return to the same worn out excuse of Hank Pettigrew.

"When Hank and I went away for the weekend you drug me back…because you knew….you knew what we were planning to do so you…used my job as your weapon to force me back early."

"I needed you."

He flinched once again at his choice of words but then added, "Hank didn't deserve you."

"Hank was a distraction. A distraction that I chose…to get away from you. But of course you calling me back did the trick."

"Sara, he was only using you. He was already engaged to someone else while he was trying..."

"At least he tried to fuck me, Grissom. At least he wanted me!" she spat.

"Would it have made you feel better if I had waited to let you find out what kind of snake he was?" he asked.

"Gil Grissom to the rescue...to save me!" she seethed. "Did that make you feel justified in spurning me again? Hank was out of the picture for good. You knew I wouldn't go back to him after what I learned so there was no need for you to sacrifice yourself…for us."

"It wasn't like that!"

"I don't care. Do you hear me Grissom? I don't care! I was through with you."

Her hand went to her face.

He was there instantly.

"What's wrong? Are you in pain?" he grieved.

His hands on her skin made it worse as she fought the urge to pull him into her arms.

"I'm…not in…pain," she gritted.

He'd never felt so frustrated in his life.

_Frustrated…_

_Oh shit…_

Without invitation he grabbed her into his arms, his tongue dove into her mouth while his hands fumbled with the gown.

He tried to force himself to stop but couldn't, the need to be inside her overwhelming.

He gasped when her hand unzipped his pants, pulling out his shaft.

He had just enough time to lift her onto the counter.

She moaned when his fingers slipped into her opening.

She bucked, already having a full blown orgasm.

He shoved himself inside her as he pumped wildly, each screaming at the intensity of the joining.

He held her, not wanting to withdraw.

Gently he carried her to the couch, sliding on top of her.

Within a few hours they had made use of most of the furniture in the apartment.

The other times were slower, more intense, each savoring the feel of one another's body.

He never cared for carpet burn as they lay sprawled on the living room floor.

He grabbed a blanket, wrapping it around them, cocooning their bodies together.

"This won't last," she bit out.

"Sara, we're joined…for life."

"In a few hours, the need…for sex will ease…and then…I want you to leave."

He brushed her hair away from her face. "Sex...or love. What does the evidence tell you," he whispered.

She burst into tears but quickly swiped them away, angry for the weakness. "I closed my eyes and I imagined it was Gracen."

His chest constricted in pure agony.

It would have been less painful if she had just stabbed him in the chest.

He jerked away from her, slipping into the bathroom, bracing himself against the counter.

He took a cold cleansing shower, grateful that Brass had remembered to bring him some clothes.

He stepped out of the shower, the towel wrapped around his midsection.

The door opened and she leaned against the doorframe.

"Why did you do this?" she asked.

"Do you have to ask?"

"You…did this…because you didn't want Gracen to have me."

"Sara!" he yelled in frustration but then stopped himself. "I'm not fighting with you."

He gawked when she removed the gown, stepping into the shower.

He was frozen in place as he listened to her shower.

He told his body to go to the living room to get his clothes but his body remained frozen to the spot, needing to be near her.

She boldly stepped out of the shower and stood in front of him.

"Do you want to fuck me Grissom?"

He swallowed. "No."

"Then, you will never touch me again because that is all it will ever be."

He shoved her against the wall, forcing her to allow him entrance between her legs.

"Look at me Sara!" He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest. "I've always loved you. My heart…has always belonged to you," he choked. "It's love…not sex."

He stepped away from her but her breathing was already coming in gasps as she pulled him back.

"Sara…no….not like this. We…"

Her mouth covered his, her tongue seeking his, stoking the fire higher and higher.

They tumbled onto the bed, their bodies entwined once more.

It angered him, that her eyes remained closed.

"Open your eyes," he ordered, withdrawing his shaft.

She moaned trying to force him back inside.

"Sara…open….your…"

She pulled him down on top of her and he sank deeply, agonizing over the sheer pleasure of it.

He could not deny her as he plunged deeper and deeper.

Both climaxed simultaneously.

The tears returned as he held her tight, refusing to release her.

Grabbing the blanket, he covered them.

She beat on his chest while she sobbed but he refused to let go.

Her sobs were replaced by whimpers and then hiccups.

He glanced down and saw that she was asleep by sheer exhaustion.

He wiped at his eyes.

"I'm sorry Sara…that I'm not him. I couldn't let you go…neither could Gracen. He saved you," he cried. "I'll watch over you now. I promise I won't hurt you."

He glanced around the room and sighed.

The plate along with the food still remained where she'd thrown it.

The heap of bed linens still lay in the floor.

They were sleeping on the mattress covering with a single blanket.

He thought to grab some pillows but her head rested peacefully in the nook of his shoulder and so he did not budge.

She cuddled closer to him and he rubbed her back.

"Sssh, Sara. It's okay. I'm here," he soothed.

"Gracen," she mumbled in her sleep.

He continued to stroke her hair. "Just sleep, Sara. I'll watch over you," he whispered.

He'd just gotten to sleep when his phone rang.

He rolled over and answered on habit.

"Grissom."

"Where the hell have you been?" yelled Ecklie.

"Conrad, I'm sick."

"There's a lot of that going around. Warrick and Brass disappeared for hours and then you call in…where are you?"

"Ecklie, I'll be in when I can. I think I have enough leave accumulated to cover a few days," he threw out.

Ecklie cursed. "Why the hell isn't Sara working?" he griped.

"I've already notified you that Sara is on medical leave until further notice. I will not have you harassing her."

"Get me doctor statements," he retorted.

Grissom hung up the phone.

His job was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

He wanted more than anything to show Sara that he'd changed.

There was no way he was going to hurt her this time.

His lips pressed gently against her forehead.

He glanced down to see Sara looking up at him.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he said softly.

She started to get up but his hand gently pressed her to stay.

"Sara, I know…this is hard for you," he began.

"You…pretended to be…Gracen. You should have let me decide."

"Decide on what?" he said raising his voice.

"I had a choice. You made it for me! You're just trying to control me…well, I won't have it," she said shoving his hand away and getting out of the bed.

He closed his eyes, counting silently, fighting the urge to strike back.

He picked up the plate and the food, taking it to the kitchen.

He found the laundry room and threw the sheets into the hamper.

He returned to the bedroom and heard the shower.

He fumbled through drawers and then her closets, before finding a clean set of sheets, making the bed by the time she got out.

She glanced briefly around the room.

"Another ten hours, Sara," he said mournfully. "Then…I think it will be okay for…"

"You can leave then. This is over."

A bowl of cereal along with a small bowl of fruit was sitting on the counter.

"I made you breakfast. I'll shower…leave you alone," he said softly.

When he returned some time later, the contents were gone and he hoped she had eaten.

He'd not been able to keep anything down, his stomach in turmoil.

He felt the makings of a migraine but stayed silent, keeping his distance.

He chose one side of the living room while she chose another.

He was glad his side contained the couch.

He stretched out, closing his eyes.

She eyed him from across the room.

Every time she thought about their bouts of lovemaking, she felt a small tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach but squashed it down, not wanting to stoke the desire for his body so soon.

She knew she would have to have him in a few hours.

Just watching him lie there on the couch was sending indecent thoughts flittering through her brain.

He could feel her staring at him.

"Is there anything wrong?" he asked softly.

"No."

His eyes opened and returned the stare.

"You don't have to come in tomorrow night," he said.

"What if I decide I want to come in?" she challenged.

He sighed loudly, "Sara the decision is yours. If you want to take some time off…for bereavement then do it. If you'd prefer to work then I'm fine with that also."

"I may stay off."

"Good. I think you need the rest."

"I don't care what you think…I can work."

_She's trying to goad me into a fight…._

_I'm not biting…_

Lunch time came and went.

Each fixed their own, sharing equal time in the kitchen.

He nibbled at his sandwich but he really had no appetite.

His stomach felt knotted, not giving any relief since his last attempt to eat.

He threw away the contents but drank several glasses of water.

She disappeared into the bedroom and he left her alone.

He knew she expected him to leave but he worried about her.

She seemed to be faring much better than he but he worried what she was keeping from him.

She mourned for Gracen and burst into tears often especially after they'd made love.

He rubbed his temple, the migraine still threatening and he knew he had not brought his medicine.

Sooner or later, he would need to return to the townhouse. Ecklie would have his hide if he didn't come into work that evening but frankly he didn't much care. He just wasn't up to it.

He stretched out on the couch, closing his eyes in an attempt to rest. He breathed in deeply and smelled her. Her scent was all over him.

He gulped as he swiped at his eyes.

Sara was the only thing he'd ever wanted and now he'd had her.

Each hurtful word that came from her lips was meant to make him bleed.

He felt quite battered at the moment, needing and wanting to avoid another confrontation but already his body was yearning for her and he wondered if she felt the same.

The tossing of an object against the wall confirmed his answer and he sighed.

_I don't know how to help you, Sara…_

_Gracen is no longer here to comfort you…_

_I'll comfort you if you'll let me…_

He felt her sit down on the couch and he opened his eyes.

She glared at him.

"Do you think…after time that we can hold out for more than eight hours?" he asked.

"I don't like it either," she spat.

"Sara, I didn't mean it like that. I was only thinking about work…how we would…do this…and work…especially if we pulled a double," he reasoned.

She threw off her gown and he swallowed.

She was wearing nothing underneath. "I don't want to be tied to you…every eight hours."

He looked away. "We'll work something out," he said quietly.

She glanced at the couch briefly, dismissing it as a place for sex. She didn't much like the idea of him returning to her bed.

She already felt the tears stinging in the back of her eyes, threatening to fall.

Her only weapon against her feelings of loss was anger and she chose to take it out on him.

"Just…tell me…show me…what…you want," he managed to get out.

She wanted it to be impersonal, a means of gratification, a way of scratching an itch without the feelings being attached.

He stood, waiting for her to decide but already the urge was seeping up higher and higher until she was pulling off his shirt as he undid his pants.

He had no idea where she was guiding him to, following her while lips were locked, hands groping and then he found himself in the laundry room.

It was different. They'd never done it in there.

There was no place to lie down so there was little choice but to stand, pressing her against the wall or maneuver her on top of the washer.

She could sense his dilemma.

She grabbed his erection and pulled him into her, raising her leg so that he could obtain deeper penetration.

She leaned against the wall and within a minute they had picked up a heavy rhythm that made both of them gasp from the sheer joy of it.

It felt unbelievable as they continued on and on, not wanting the feeling to end.

Minutes later they finally could not withstand the pressure and climaxed.

He tried to hang on but then sunk as deep as he could before pulling her tight into her arms and planting a kiss on her temple.

She jerked away, stepping back while trying to control her breathing.

He shuddered at the sight of fresh tears on her cheeks.

"We should do it here more often," she breathed.

"It was…felt…incredible…better than…"

She quickly interrupted him. "Something so dirty…should be with other things that are dirty."

She kicked at the crimson stained sheets that had been stripped from the bed earlier.

She had lost her virginity to Gil Grissom.

"You didn't deserve to be my first," she cried. "I wanted to give myself to Gracen."

She flew out of there leaving him rather unsettled.

He further angered her when she heard him washing the sheets.

He cringed when he heard the slamming of the bedroom door followed by sobbing.

Note from author:

I think Sara is going to make Grissom pay for the last five years...in blood...and sweat...LOL Sorry for the late posting but we just got home a little while ago and then my computer decided it like the time off too much and wanted to drive me insane.

Take care!


	21. Chapter 21

**Note from author:**

**This is a very long chapter-more like three in one. The reviews have been getting slower and slower. Either the readers have lost interest or they are just too busy with the holidays. As I stated at the end of the chapter, I may put this on hold until after the holidays.**

**Chapter Twenty One:**

**Shepherd Needing the Lamb**

His hand caressed her stomach as he gently pulled her close.

She was beyond exhaustion as she finally closed her eyes and slept.

He wasn't sure how much sleep she was getting but she seemed restless unless his body was lying next to hers.

Their "joining" had been rather painful this time.

It had begun with the usual verbal assault followed by intense sexual pleasure.

He'd struggled with his emotions each time he saw her eyes closed.

He wanted to force her to open them, to see who was bringing her to the brink each time but then he knew he could not force her heart to feel things it didn't.

She took his breath away each time her dark eyes opened just after they'd made love.

They were dark and brilliant and so full of passion.

Her eyes would search his as if expecting him to be someone else and then a tear would slip down her cheeks, only to be followed by another and another.

It was that moment that he'd wanted to change places with Gracen Merci.

He would give anything to give her what she desired.

She clung to him in her sleep, fearful to be left alone.

He knew she thought it was Gracen that held her and briefly he pretended to be.

Whispering the words, Gracen had told him to say to be so damn convincing that she would give herself to him.

"I'm here, my Sara," he whispered.

"Don't leave," she begged.

"I won't."

He knew she was not awake, but rather responding in a dream state when she was still holding Gracen.

He clung to her for as long as he could before slipping from the bed to finally leave.

The moment the door shut, she woke with a shudder, the intensity of his departure settling within her very core.

She rose immediately, not wishing to be away from him, deciding to go into the lab even though she didn't think she had it in her to face death so quickly.

She broke down in the shower, slipping down onto the stall as she cried at her predicament.

She had Gil Grissom.

He was bound to her forever.

The irony tore through her as she laughed bitterly.

"I wanted him to want me...love me...without being forced."

Gil Grissom had sacrificed himself for her.

He did the honorable thing be rescuing her from the mess she had gotten herself into.

Yes, she had chosen Gracen out of a fit of pain but her heart had never conceded.

The moments before their joining, her heart had shuddered at the prospect of losing Grissom, letting his name slip from her lips.

Oh, she loved Gracen.

She was sure of that but her love for Grissom could not be squashed and worse she didn't want it to be squashed.

She'd uttered his name and then lied about it, not wanting to hurt Gracen when he had given up so much to have her.

But the irony! Oh the irony of finally waking to the sunlight pouring in through the room and then realizing, she was actually with Grissom.

During the entire ritual, she had fantasied about Grissom, decieving her heart that the man who was taking her virginity was Grissom and not Gracen.

Oh the fantasy would be just for one night, she'd told herself.

It would be her secret sin to bear.

A sin she was willing to commit if it would keep her heart from shattering into tiny pieces.

But then the truth was shown in the light and she felt dirty and ashamed for what she had done.

Gracen had given his life for her and she had repaid him by turning the ritual into something very unholy, almost sadistic.

The news of his death had been too much to bear.

She'd told herself that once she had gotten the fantasy of Grissom out of her system, she would divulge the truth to Gracen.

She would confess her sin to him, knowing that he would know how to cleanse her soul from such a blight.

He would forgive her, she was sure of it and she would spend eternity making it up to him.

Now, he was dead and she was left with her sinful action.

She swallowed more tears than she cared to count.

She couldn't make them stop these days.

The one man who had loved her with all of his being, who had sacrificed everything for her was dead.

A heaviness settled within her being as she struggled to maintain her composure.

She lashed out at Grissom at every turn, wanting him to feel the same anguish.

Her guilt seemed too much to bear when she lay there beneath him, watching as he climbed higher and higher, letting go just as she did.

Oh how she wanted him to love her the way Gracen had.

As she turned off the water, she sobbed once more, knowing that she did not deserve to be loved and perhaps that would be her true pentence.

In the meantime, she mourned for Gracen while her heart longed to be with Grissom, the man she tortured because he had saved her.

Sara Sidle was tired of being a survivor.

Eyes shot up when Grissom walked through the halls.

He glanced down at himself, not sure why there were stares but he tried to avoid the others, heading straight for his office so he could review the messages.

He'd made it half way there when he heard Ecklie's voice yelling at him.

Minutes later he was sitting in Ecklie's office while he was being reminded of the office policy against departmental relationships.

"Imagine my surprise when I drove to Sara's apartment, concerned that she had been ill for several days and then finding your vehicle. Imagine my further surprise when I heard certain noises coming from the apartment while you were in there. Imagine…"

"What do you want Ecklie?"

Ecklie stared at Grissom.

He looked rather worn down and ill.

"I…we can't have…this type of conduct going on…the lab's reputation…"

"My resignation will be on your desk within the hour," Grissom said as he rose and then headed to the door.

"Don't be so…sacrificial, Gil. I didn't say I wanted your resignation."

"You have it none the less."

Grissom opened the door but Ecklie practically ran around the desk slamming the door shut.

"There is no need…sit down," grumbled Ecklie.

"Conrad, I have cases that need to be assigned…and work to do so get to the point of this conversation. If you don't want my resignation then what do you want?"

"Sidle. Sidle can be reassigned to another unit and…"

"No."

"Gil, you can't possibly think you can have your cake and eat it too?"

"You're punishing Sara. I did this."

"Look, the graveyard shift needs you as supervisor. Sidle is expendable."

"No. You reprimand me…only…or I resign."

"You can't expect me to just leave her on graveyard and…"

"If Sara moves to another shift that will be her decision only because she wants to…not yours or mine."

Ecklie's jaw twitched.

"I expect her back on the job immediately."

"She's entitled to bereavement leave...she was engaged to Gracen Merci and he's dead."

Ecklie scoffed. "Some engagement! She may have worn his ring but we both know who she was fu..."

"Careful what you say," warned Grissom.

"Come, come, Grissom. It doesn't take the second best lab in the country to know who she was banging inside her apartment."

Grissom grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall.

"I take full responsibility for what happened..."

Ecklie yanked away from his grasp.

"You mean to tell me that the holier than thou Gil Grissom took advantage of a bereaving woman? She's been trying to get into your pants for years!"

"I wouldn't listen to gossip...besides what she does outside this office is none of your business."

"It does when she's sleeping with her boss!"

"I slept with her," he corrected.

"You make it sound like she didn't want it? Good God Grissom, are you implying you raped her? It didn't sound like rape to me," he huffed.

"My...our private life is going to remain private."

"Not in my lab!"

"Do you want to pull out skeletons?" threatened Grissom.

Ecklie stared at Grissom in content but cleared his throat. "Fine. Two weeks suspension without pay with a written warning in your file," he sneered.

Grissom handed him the assignments. "These are yours. The top one is priority rush job. There are insects on the body. Be sure to document your time line regression thoroughly."

"Wait! You can't leave!" he bellowed.

"You just suspended me. I'm not permitted to work while suspended. I'll bring all of the cases on my desk and leave them on yours."

He started to walk out of the door but Ecklie caught him.

"Get to work Grissom. The written warning remains...don't think that I won't be watching Sidle...if she slips up, she will not be given any special treatment when it comes to disciplinary action."

"Sara is a good worker...I won't have you railroading her...because of what I've done."

He opened the door and headed to his office.

Catherine was already there.

"We were getting worried when you didn't come in early."

"Migraine."

"I know. You look like shit. How do you feel?"

"Exhausted."

"Gil, is everything alright? Ecklie was down here prowling around."

"I handled it."

"He mentioned…something about us losing another person."

"He changed his mind."

Her hand rested on his arm.

It felt comforting.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"Catherine, thanks. I have a bug case I need to get to."

"If you need me…"

"Catherine…could you…watch over Sara. I'm not even sure if she's coming in or not but if she does…Gracen Merci…died."

"Warrick…told us. He said not to ask too many questions…let it go. Sara needs to heal…and not be reminded of it."

_I'll always be reminded of it…_

_Every time I touch her…_

_She'll be thinking of him…_

_Wanting him…_

"Gil, are you alright? You're a little green," she said.

Sara glanced down the hall and saw Catherine with Grissom.

A rage of jealousy shot through her as she saw Catherine's hand resting on Grissom's arm.

Grissom patted her hand. "You're just afraid I'm going to hand you the bug case…don't worry. I'm on my way."

He glanced down at the end of the hall and saw Sara.

Catherine noticed the heated exchange.

"I guess she decided to come in," whispered Catherine.

"I've got to go. Take Greg's assignment and give it to Sara…so she can work solo. She would probably prefer to work solo…don't you think?"

She stared at him. "You have it bad."

"What?" he asked his eyes on the floor.

"Love sick." It wasn't said in a harsh or teasing way. Her hand caressed his arm. The comfort felt good.

"Yeah, I guess I am. I hope it doesn't last long."

He started to walk away but she stopped him. "I know this may sound bad but maybe you should…make a move this time…don't wait until…"

Warrick appeared. "Doc just called. Sara demanded to see Gracen's body."

"Poor kid," whispered Catherine.

"The body isn't there," stated Warrick.

"What do you mean?" asked Grissom as he looked back to see Sara talking briefly with Greg.

"Some family member with high connections got the body released...for religious purposes. The body was cremated."

"Do you think she should be working?" asked Catherine.

"If she wants to work...then let her," stated Grissom as he started toward Sara but she took off in another direction.

He did not pursue her, knowing he was the last person she wanted to see.

He took off for his vehicle, grateful for some solitude.

He usually had someone to work with him on cases like this but he needed to work alone, trying to put his mind off how miserable he'd made Sara.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up to see Brass.

"Boy, Catherine wasn't exaggerating when she said you look like shit."

"Mind giving me a hand," he said wearily.

"Why are you working this solo?"

"Stupidity."

"Trying to avoid Sara?"

He turned and tried to refocus on his task.

"When do I get to hear the rest of the story?"

"Beer after work…but not today…later," Grissom offered.

"How about a pint of blood," he chuckled.

Grissom sneered. "Never mind."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…anything by it but you look rather pale…it wouldn't hurt to have Doc check you out."

He had been feeling tired but then he'd also been on a recent marathon of sex with Sara.

He sighed.

Perhaps she was right.

It was just sex and nothing intimate but even when he let himself think such a thought, he dismissed it, knowing how he felt.

He'd never loved anyone except Sara.

Love was an emotion that he stayed clear of, seeing firsthand how his mother mourned for his father after his death.

He swore he'd never allow himself to love so fully, so completely only to be devastated.

He realized now that he had no control what his heart decided.

He loved Sara even if she was determined to cut him to shreds with her words.

He rushed, forcing himself to finish the job in record time.

The shift was almost over and he knew that it had been more than eight hours since he had been with Sara.

His phone rang and he breathed in deeply.

It was Sara.

"I'm on my way back to the lab."

She didn't say a single word but hung up.

He logged in the evidence in record time, signing out as his eyes scanned the parking lot.

His phone rang once more.

"I'm waiting," she huffed. "My place."

He smelled horrible as he trudged to her door.

Already he felt the need as well.

He knocked and it only infuriated her.

"You have a key, use it," she snapped.

"I didn't want…to intrude."

"Like you've done before? When I was almost on the verge of a mind blowing orgasm with Gracen and you just came in?"

He said nothing as he headed to the bedroom.

She followed, already tense from the waiting.

She gawked when he stripped his clothes and then headed for the bathroom, turning on the shower.

She gave him five minutes before joining him.

By that time, he was as frenzied as her needing to be inside her.

After the first orgasm, the pace became slower but more intense.

The second orgasm was just as shattering as they held onto each other, letting the water cascade over them.

She looked up and saw that his eyes were closed as his hand caressed her back, his lips kissed her forehead.

She gulped from the sight of his beautiful body pressed firmly against her.

Her hands refused to release him just yet as she caressed every inch of his chest, planting soft kisses here and there.

Her eyes remained shut, not wanting to see the depths of the blue in his eyes as she initiated another bout of lovemaking.

They continued despite the chill of the water. At some point she shut it off.

Once they were done, she slipped past him, drying herself with a towel.

He dressed, grateful he had left a few things there.

He stepped out of the bathroom, noticing she was huddled in the bed with the covers pulled up tight. Her hair was still damp.

He started to leave but halted when he heard the first sob.

He knew she had not intended for him to hear it but he had and it tore at him.

Despite her attempts to push him away, he molded his body next to hers as he softly stroked her hair.

"Ssshh Sara. Just sleep while I watch over you," he whispered.

"You're not…him," she wept.

"I know, Sara. I'm sorry," he choked.

It made her sobs increase as he continued to stroke her hair, his lips consoling her.

"He didn't deserve to die like that. He deserved better. _So much more than me,_" she wept.

He clutched her tighter, feeling her anguish.

She finally drifted to sleep, eventually rolling over in her sleep and snuggling up close to him.

He rubbed her arms, pulling up the covers before closing his eyes.

He hadn't meant to sleep for so long.

He opened his eyes and found that he was still in her bed.

He struggled out of the covers, trying to slip on his shoes while making his way to the door.

She sat in the chair with a magazine in her hand.

He glanced at her as he reached for his jacket. "I'm sorry. I intended to…."

"Leave without saying anything?" she accused.

The streaks on her face told him she'd been crying for some time.

_I should have left..._

_she couldn't sleep with me here..._

"What do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave as soon as we…I didn't want to leave you…like that."

"I didn't want you…period."

_It's the pain striking out…_

"Then you're saying you want me to leave next time…as soon as we're done."

"Yes."

He swallowed. "Okay," he said dejectedly.

He grabbed his jacket and was gone immediately.

She burst into tears, throwing the magazine at the door.

She had no idea why she was so mean to him but she did not know how to deal with her emotions.

Brass came to the townhouse one evening for a beer.

He glanced around the place and looked at Grissom.

"Where's Sara?"

"She's at her apartment."

"Oh. I just thought…."

Grissom finished off the beer and then poured a glass of scotch.

"Hard stuff, huh?"

Grissom sipped on the alcohol as he told Brass everything about his involvement with Gracen and Sara.

"The guy actually got close to Sara by pretending to be you and then she's pissed at you for pretending to be him…in order to save her life?"

"She chose him…not me."

"The only reason she chose him is because you wouldn't make up your mind. You wanted her but felt you couldn't have her….for some twisted reason."

Grissom grinned sadly. "I guess it was…sort of twisted. All I ever had was my work. It became my life…then Sara showed up and…"

"I remember the lecture you gave Lurie. Sara heard it too."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he grieved.

"Why? So you could run to her and deny it only to walk away again. I figured the two of you just needed to stay clear of one another."

"I never realized how…sad the state of my life had become until that case."

"So…now what do you plan to do?"

"What can I do? Sara loathes me…but she tolerates me…because we're bound."

"Then I suggest you try to…change her mind. By the way, you really need to see Doc. You look bad, buddy."

They managed to get through the week without working a double.

It helped but the tension from the verbal assaults as well as her melancholy affected both of them.

Doc knocked on his door and he glanced up, midway through a report that was due.

"Jim wasn't kidding when he said you didn't look good."

"Hi Doc," he replied.

"When you're finished with that report, I expect you in my office for a thorough exam."

"Okay," sighed Grissom.

"You must really feel bad if you've given in so easily."

An hour later, he sat in the morgue while Doc examined him.

"You're very anemic," he observed. "Any other side effects from exchanging blood with a certain angel?"

"Can you give me something?" he asked, not wanting to rehash the past. Despite the hell Sara put him through he would do it again.

He would walk through hell for her.

Each time he made love to her, he felt he was teetering between heaven and hell.

"You should be in a hospital with numbers like this," Doc griped. "Of course you won't do that because they will run tests and see that you're different."

"I'd like to refer to my situation as unique…not different."

Doc sat down and looked at him. "Catherine has been concerned that you're not sleeping enough."

Grissom leaned back, looking quite haggard.

"How are you sleeping?" he asked.

"I slept earlier…it was better."

"Anything you did differently?"

He looked down at the floor.

"Gil, Jim and I are the only ones who know…about Sara and Gracen. You need a spring board…someone to talk with…bounce things off. You're in unknown territory. Like you said your situation is unique."

"I stayed at Sara's apartment. Sara and I…it's better if I'm near her. I sleep and feel better."

"Have you told her this?"

"No."

"Why not?"

He stood. "I've got to get back."

"I'll give you something for the anemia. Check back with me tomorrow. I need to monitor that."

"Thanks Doc."

He tried to do what she asked, leaving after they had joined.

"Joined" seemed to set better with him rather than the word "sex."

If she burst into tears, he stayed, holding her, comforting her as best as he could and then would force himself to leave after she had fallen asleep.

It wreaked havoc on his sleep habits.

The anemia got worse and he struggled through shifts.

If Sara noticed, she said nothing, now choosing to remain silent and he was at least grateful that the cruel barbs had stopped.

Doc was concerned about the anemia, almost pleading with him to check with a specialist but there was no way he could so Doc inquired for him without sending a sample of his blood.

It didn't help and he continued to worsen.

He tossed Greg the keys, letting him drive one evening.

Sara said nothing as she got into the vehicle.

It was the first case they had worked together.

She didn't seem to mind so much since Greg would be with them.

Grissom leaned back in his seat, resting as Greg drove.

Greg's constant chatter with Sara made him envious of their relationship.

They rarely talked these days and if they did it was only to confirm position and length of foreplay.

He picked a part of the crime scene for himself, thankful she was nearby.

Her presence seemed to help as he focused on his work.

Greg continued the bantering.

His flirtatious behavior toward Sara never bothered him until now.

He'd not been jealous in a long time and he caught himself yelling at Greg to get to work.

Greg was shocked into silence, retreating to another part of the house.

"You had no right to do that!" she spat. "I didn't see you yelling at Catherine when she was falling all over you recently."

"Sara…it's…look, things affect us differently now. It bothers me…when Greg does that…and you seem to enjoy it. I'm sorry Catherine's actions bothered you. I'll remember that the next time Catherine…comes around. I'll stop her….for you."

The conversation ended and he was back at work.

She stared at him awhile, not sure what to make of his behavior.

She started to say something when Brass stepped in.

"Anyone for dinner at Frank's when this is over?" he asked.

Brass looked directly at Grissom but then turned when Grissom glanced in Sara's direction as if wanting her to decide.

"Food is good," she muttered.

Greg chimed in about being famished.

Within a few hours they were seated at Frank's.

She started to sit with Greg but then remembered their conversation and sat beside Brass.

It made him feel better with her choice, giving her a smile but then she purposely began a discussion with Greg about a recent movie he'd seen.

Grissom hunkered down in his seat, trying to ignore the conversation.

Sara and Greg were deep in conversation while Brass looked at Grissom.

"Any improvement?" Brass asked softly.

Grissom shook his head while he munched on some ice.

Their food arrived.

He couldn't remember when he managed to eat a full meal.

He picked at the food but with each bite, the abdominal pain was unbearable.

He grabbed his ice water and drank it, munching on a piece of ice which seemed to help.

Sara continued talking with Greg who had turned to look at Grissom.

"Are you anemic?" asked Greg out of the blue.

"Why do you ask?" asked Brass glancing at Sara.

Greg grabbed Grissom's hand and looked at it closely.

"Not to embarrass you but there's something wrong with your nails," he pointed out. "You've seemed tired lately…you're munching on ice like it's candy and you seem…like you're in pain. You should see a doctor immediately. Classic symptoms of anemia."

She suddenly took a good look at Grissom.

It was the first in a long time.

He was rather pale, haggard to be exact and his eyes were not their brilliant blue but rather a dull gray.

"Glad that you noticed, Greg," muttered Brass as he glared at Sara.

_I knew something was different…._

_I just didn't….care…_

She was silent for the rest of the meal, listening to Greg followed by Brass as he talked with the undersheriff.

As soon as they returned to the lab, Grissom took off for the morgue.

Doc was already waiting on him.

"Abdominal cramps?" he asked.

Grissom nodded. "My stomach…is usually upset…knotted…but not like this," he admitted as he sat down.

"Gil, maybe a blood transfusion would stop whatever is happening," offered Doc.

"No! I can't risk that," he said.

The door opened and Sara stepped in.

"I asked Sara to come so I could check her also. If you both have similar blood then maybe we could find out the reason why your system is having a hard time."

Sara sat down and let Doc examine her.

They waited while he ran a blood sample while neither looked in the other's direction.

Doc returned, scratching his beard.

"This is odd. Sara's is fine. In fact she's in perfect health…for weird blood."

"What's wrong…with Grissom?" she asked.

"Chronic anemia," announced Doc. "We've tried everything and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I still think a blood transfusion would help."

"No," Grissom repeated.

"This problem is escalating. It's going to start affecting Grissom's organs…primarily his heart."

"Gracen..." she stopped for a moment and then continued. "Gracen said that he could withstand…pain more than humans."

"You and Grissom are no longer human. You're not angelic either. You're some sort of hybrid."

"What about…a transfusion…between Grissom and myself?" she asked.

"That's a possibility," said Doc.

"No, it's not," Grissom griped as he got up. "It could deplete her system. I'm not going to risk that."

Doc frowned at his friend's stubbornness. "Gil…"

He was already gone.

Doc threw up his hands. "So much for trying to help him."

"How long has this been going on?" she asked.

"Weeks…you didn't notice?" asked Doc.

"No," she admitted softly.

Doc looked surprised since Sara was usually so observant.

She was startled when there was a tap on her door and instead of Grissom, she found Brass.

"Mind if I have a few words with you?" he asked.

"Sure," she replied opening the door wide to let him enter.

"Doc just called me about Grissom."

"I know…he's not feeling well."

"He got into this mess...because of you."

Sara bristled. "It was his choice…not mine. I didn't…"

"What did you expect him to do, Sara? You didn't see how frantic he was to find Gracen for **you**. Did you just hear me? He wanted to find Gracen since **you **had chosen Gracen but it didn't turn out like that. It was Gracen's idea for him to ingest the blood. Grissom didn't hesitate…he did it. He didn't have to but Gracen was dying. They both wanted to save you so Grissom followed Gracen's plan…even if it meant risking his own life. If you weren't so damn busy punishing him for the stupid mistakes he's made in the past, you would see how much he loves you. He's risked everything for you."

She swallowed. "Why did he do it?" she asked in anquish.

"Sara! Do you even have to ask such a thing? He loves you. Is that so hard to believe?"

"He didn't before. I offered myself over and over and he rejected me...rejected me until I thought that there was something wrong with me...there was! He didn't love me! He didn't want me!"

"He saved you, Sara. He risked his life for you. If that doesn't scream love then I don't know what does."

She sniffled. "He didn't want me to lose my soul...he wanted to save me...but not for the reasons you think," she wept.

Brass growled as he pulled her into his arms. "You can't be serious, Sara. You just can't believe that he did it because he loves you. He's always loved you…but he's also been too damn afraid to make a move. Poor sucker must have been treated worse than me. I still look…and chase….just hadn't found anyone…worth catching….again."

He leaned forward kissing her briefly on the forehead and then left.

At the end of the shift, Grissom arrived just as he always did.

He went through the routine of slipping out of his clothes and then showering.

He was surprised she didn't join him but then again, they were slowly beginning to go for longer periods of time.

She sat on the edge of the bed, having showered before he arrived.

He didn't know how to act since he was used to her initiating the contact.

He was fearful of rejection having gotten nothing but brutal barbs since their joining.

"If you're not ready, I can leave and come back," he offered.

"How do you feel?" she almost whispered.

"I'm…I'm fine," he stammered.

"Would you prefer to sleep awhile?" she asked.

"I'll…come back. Just call me," he said.

Her hand reached out to grab his as he passed but she recoiled, not sure if he wanted to be touched.

"You can stay," she offered trying to sound forceful.

He wasn't sure how to read her behavior.

It wasn't hostile but he wasn't about to let his guard down.

He was too tired to be wounded by one of her barbs today.

"I don't mind, Sara. I'll go and…"

"It makes sense for you…to stay," she said pulling back the covers.

He remained still, waiting for words that would slice like a knife but there was none.

Her hands gestured for him to take his side of the bed, not sure he understood that she wanted him to stay.

He trembled like a wounded animal and she was guilt ridden for being so hateful.

His eyes were distant, his complexion pale.

He kept to the edge of the bed giving her plenty of space.

"Are you cold?" she asked.

"Cold?"

"Yes….cold?"

"I uhm…"

She rolled over, startling him as her body leaned over him, fumbling with something under the bed.

"Sara…what are you doing?"

"Turning on the heating pad…the mattress covering is a heating pad. If it gets too hot, you can turn it down," she explained.

"Oh…thank you."

He closed his eyes when her breast lay over his chest while struggling to reach the device.

"There," she announced as she pulled herself back into place.

He had liked the physical contact.

Minutes passed as they lay there not touching.

His eyes shot open when she rolled once again to face him.

"How does it feel?" she asked.

"Feel?"

"The heat?"

"Oh…good."

Once again he waited for a cruel response but there was none.

He closed his eyes once again but stiffened when she scooted closer.

Her head landed in the crook of his arm with her hand settling on his chest where his lay. Her fingers toyed with his until slowly her hand slipped into his.

It felt cozy lying there with the heat soothing his aches and pain while Sara lay curled beside him.

The urge began. He could already feel it but she remained still, almost asleep so he was not about to wake her. He could reign in his urges for a little while. Her head tilted upward and he knew she was looking at him but he refused to initiate it.

The slow steady hum of the urgency increased.

She licked her lips, planting them on his cheek.

They were wet and moist.

His other hand stroked her arm.

Her lips moved from his cheeks to his lips and he groaned from the pleasure of it.

"I'm sorry…I had to wake you," she whispered.

"I wasn't asleep," he confessed.

Despite waiting until neither could resist, their joining was slow and sensual.

Once they were sated, he struggled to get out of the bed, reaching for his pants.

"Griss…sleep," she said with a yawn.

Her hand yanked on his.

He slid back into bed, surprised that she curled into his side, letting her arm drape over his body.

It was an intimate gesture.

The warmth of the pad did wonders for his back and he moved in closer to Sara, closing his eyes as she peeked at him once more before drifting off to sleep.

It was hard for her to admit but the only time she didn't feel the weight of her guilt was the time they were together.

Lying in his arms was soothing, removing the fear of night terrors that had returned with a vengeance.

For now, she could sleep because he was with her.

"Just sleep, my Sara. I'm here. I'll watch over you," he whispered as her whimpers lessened by his soothing voice.

When she woke, he was gone.

Note from author:

I think everyone is too busy with the holiday to continue reading so I may put this on hold until after the holidays. Merry Christmas!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**The Lamb is Jealous**

She was angry that he had left when she had offered to let him stay with her.

_It won't be any different this time…_

Her demeanor was cold as she passed him in the hall that evening.

He had wanted to thank her for letting him sleep over but his hands were filled with evidence from a case Ecklie had forced him to come in and work.

It was the second bug case they'd had that month.

He'd just gotten to sleep when his phone had gone off.

Sara had not even budged but he'd managed to catch it on the first ring.

There was little time to waste since he had to complete the time line regression on the bugs which would take up most of the shift.

He was glad they were now able to go for more than twenty-four hours without having to join.

He had Catherine hand out assignments trying to finish his case.

He caught sight of Sara several hours later and called out to her.

"Sara."

She glanced at him briefly but then dismissed him to return to her lab report.

He walked up to her, pretending to be interested in the report as well.

"Sara, about…earlier…" he began.

"Don't expect the offer to stay next time," she spat.

If he were going to hurt her she certainly was going to strike first.

He stepped back letting her pass.

It angered him that she had played him for a fool, letting him think that she had warmed to their situation.

It hurt him but he quickly recovered, returning to his own case.

There would be time later to lick his wounds in private.

She kept to her desk, working on her case until the need for coffee arose.

She double checked to ensure Grissom was not in the break room before entering.

She grabbed her coffee mug and filled it full cursing under her breath at her predicament with Grissom.

Nick glanced up. "You too?"

"Me what?" she asked.

"You usually don't act this way unless you've tangled with Grissom. Hodges was just in here a minute ago whining about Grissom's wrath."

Sara took a sip of coffee not wanting to admit that it had been Grissom.

"If you ask me, Hodges should have put a rush job on Grissom's case. The man never goes off unless he's exhausted."

It was a true statement.

Grissom rarely lost his temper.

"I wish I had taken that course last year when they offered it so I could help Grissom."

"It's a bug case?" she asked.

Nick nodded. "Ecklie called him even though he's supposed to be trained to do time line regressions also. Grissom was pretty upset about it. He didn't get much sleep."

_He left because he got called out?_

_I didn't hear the phone ring…_

Nick looked up and frowned when he saw Sara sprinting out of the break room.

She searched for him for several minutes but then slowed when she heard his voice.

It was rather loud as he was confronted by Ecklie.

"Gil, the undersheriff is about to chew me to shreds. When are you going to give us a definitive time of death?"

"Conrad, I'm going as fast as I can."

"I shouldn't have to remind you that the victim was a close personal friend of the undersheriff's. He doesn't want the husband to walk on the charges."

"That's not up to me. I merely provide the evidence."

"We just need to make sure we get the guy…understand?"

"I'll let you make that call once the tests are done and I've given you my report."

Grissom stalked off to the layout room.

She slipped into the room noticing how tired he looked.

He glanced up and sighed.

"Sara…I can't leave this…right now."

"I'm not here…for that. Want some help?"

"No."

"I've been doing my own…research on time line regressions…textbook studying but…I could try," she offered.

He wiped his forehead with his sleeve.

He had no idea what kind of cruel game she was playing this time with his heart.

He'd not recovered from the last stab and now here she was offering help.

He was too wiped out to turn down help, even if it were coming from Sara.

He directed her a few times, pointing out certain cycles, clarifying things she was looking at.

He was pleased with her help.

Once they were done, he looked at the totality of the evidence.

"Ecklie is not going to like this," he muttered.

"Then let him redo it," she snorted.

"Thank you," he said softly as he gathered up his report.

He was surprised when her hand settled onto his arm.

"I didn't know you were called into work," she said.

"I tried not to wake you," he said softly.

"I did...when you left," she admitted.

"I'm sorry."

"Did you...want to stay?"

"Yes, " he replied but then his pager was going off and he grumbled.

"Ecklie."

"Talk later?" he asked.

She nodded.

Grissom grinned slightly but then headed down the hall to impart his report to Ecklie.

One glance and Ecklie threw it back at him.

"Recheck it," he demanded.

"I double checked every stage as I went. It's accurate," said Grissom.

"I don't care. Do it again."

"The report would read the same," replied Grissom.

Grissom refused to take the report from Ecklie, moving into the break room for a glass of water.

Ecklie pursued him.

"Gil, we can't afford to be sloppy on this," he gritted.

"I wasn't. If you question my methods, then do it yourself," said Grissom as he drank the water.

"Look, stop trying to rush out of here so you can go bang your employee and…"

Grissom hit him without blinking, his fist connected with Ecklie's nose.

He cursed out loud as Grissom picked up the report that had been dropped.

"I gave you the evidence. What you choose to do with it is your business."

Ecklie screamed obscenities at Grissom who walked out of the break room.

Grissom refused to look at anyone as he made his way to his office, closing the door in order to lean against it.

His legs felt like lead as he tried to make it to his couch.

Darkness overtook him as he felt himself falling.

"Have you seen Grissom?" asked Brass.

Sara looked up from her locker.

"He was going to give his report to Ecklie and then leave," stated Sara.

Nick and Brass glanced at her.

"His vehicle is still parked out back….we thought he might be in here…" Brass was interrupted by Hodges who ran into the locker room.

"Grissom punched Ecklie…gave him a bloody nose," announced Hodges.

Greg glanced at Sara as she scrambled out of the locker room.

She saw a flurry of people standing outside of Grissom's office.

She pushed her way through the crowd to find Doc hunched over Grissom.

"Give him some air!" bellowed Doc.

"Doc, what happened? What's wrong with him?" fretted Sara.

"I just got here. He's not responding," whispered Doc.

The team glared at Ecklie as he stepped out of the men's room still holding his nose.

"What? He hit me! I never laid a hand on him," he griped.

One of the techs yelled an ambulance had been called.

"Sara, he can't go to a hospital. We've got to get him conscious," Doc urged.

"Gil…Gil, you need to wake up," she urged.

He lay there lifeless.

Sara stifled a sob. "Doc…maybe we should let them…maybe…"

Her lips pressed against Grissom's forehead. "Griss…please. I need you to wake up."

His eyes opened but then closed.

"Grissom, now!" she said more forcefully.

He stared at her face.

"Someone called for an ambulance the medics are…"

Grissom struggled to get up.

Doc and Sara helped him to his couch.

He sat up while Doc checked his blood pressure.

"Grissom, you need to get that pressure under control or they are going to hall you away."

The medics walked in but Grissom held up his hand. "That's not necessary." He pointed to Doc. "He's my physician…I don't need your services."

"Sir, we're required…"

"Did you hear this man? I'm his physician…you are E.M.T.s…with no medical license."

The men stepped back. "Is there anything we can assist you with?"

"I appreciate you coming but I'm going to be fine," said Grissom.

The E.M.T.s stepped out of the office.

"The rest of you need to go about your business," yelled Doc.

The crowd slowly dispersed but the team remained huddled around the door.

"Sara, go reassure the guys…Catherine," whispered Doc.

She glanced at Grissom briefly and then left.

"What happened?" asked Doc.

"I felt tired…and then I just blacked out."

"Gil, you need to take some time off. Stay at home, in bed…and rest…nothing more….than you have to," he added.

He nodded but then admitted. "I…don't think I can…walk out of here."

"Warrick…Nick," called Doc.

They immediately came in.

"We need to get Grissom home," Doc ordered.

The men lifted Grissom, assisting him to the Denali, placing him in the back seat. Nick and Warrick jumped into the vehicle.

"We'll have you home in a few minutes," assured Warrick.

He leaned back grateful.

"Don't worry about the lab," said Nick. "We can handle things."

"Thanks Nick."

He was glad to stretch out in his own bed, murmuring his thanks as he dozed off immediately.

"You think that it's okay for us to leave him alone…like this?" whispered Nick.

Grissom's phone rang and Nick grabbed it.

"Grissom?"

"I'm sorry Ms…but Grissom is asleep. Could I take a message?" asked Nick.

"Who are you?" asked the female.

"I'm a friend. Listen, Grissom is sick. We brought him home and…"

There was a click on the other end.

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Some female."

"I didn't think Grissom knew any females besides…the ones as work."

Nick smiled. "I bet there's a lot we don't know about Grissom."

"Well, we're off the clock. I don't mind hanging around for awhile just to make sure he's okay," said Warrick.

"Me too," added Nick.

The two men looked at one another. "You think he has food?" asked Nick.

"Better yet, what does he keep in his fridge?" asked Warrick.

The two men had almost finished their sandwiches when there was a knock on the door. Nick opened the door and stared at the dark haired woman.

"I'm here to see Grissom," stated Lady Heather.

Nick glanced back at Warrick.

Neither knew what to do.

Heather spoke up. "Grissom and I are friends. I called earlier and you stated he was brought home…he's sick."

"Yes ma' am he was but…"

She did not wait for him to finish but went straight to the bedroom.

"Ms. Kessler, wait!"

She opened the bedroom door and sat down on the bed.

She smiled when Grissom's eyes opened.

"I heard you were sick," she explained.

Her hand caressed his cheek.

He turned to look at Nick and Warrick who stood at the door.

"It's okay guys. She's a friend," he offered.

Nick and Warrick exchanged glances as they left the door cracked.

Minutes passed and yet Heather remained in Grissom's bedroom.

There was another knock and Warrick answered it this time.

"Uh Sara…shouldn't you be at home," said Warrick.

"I came…to check on Grissom. How is he?" she asked.

"He's sleeping," stated Nick. "I'll tell him you stopped by."

"I'm staying. Look guys, Grissom took care of me when I was sick…so I'm going to do the same," she stated. "Where is the bedroom?"

Warrick and Nick exchanged glances.

"Uhm…"

"Just point me in the right direction," she stated.

Sara turned and saw Heather heading to the kitchen.

She bristled.

"She came by to see Grissom," whispered Nick.

"I thought you said he was sleeping," replied Sara.

It was obvious that Sara was jealous.

Warrick looked nervous. "Sara…"

Heather glanced at them. "I was just going to fix some tea. Would anyone like some?"

Sara watched as Heather moved about the kitchen, familiar with the layout.

Sara swallowed. "How is Grissom?" she asked Heather.

"He's resting. I have some herbal tea I want to make him."

"I'm sure he'll like that."

"You must be Sara," stated Heather as she leaned on the counter.

"Yes."

"He said you would show up soon. He's quite tired, can't you wait?"

Sara had not come for that.

She wasn't sure how much Heather knew about their relationship.

"I just want to see him," stated Sara.

"I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that. He's sleeping and I won't allow him to be disturbed."

Her posture was in a territorial manner letting Sara know that she was the lady of the house.

The hair on the back of Sara's neck stood on end.

Sara started to reply but Nick's hand on her arm silenced her.

"Sara, maybe we should go…since Heather has everything under control."

She turned on her heels and left without another word.

Nick and Warrick stepped out onto the front steps and watched as Sara sped away.

"That was awkward," sighed Nick.

"Can you imagine how awkward it would have been for Grissom to wake up and find Heather on one side with Sara on the other?" chuckled Warrick.

"That is one problem I wouldn't mind having," stated Nick.

Sara threw her keys on the counter as she paced back and forth.

It had been hard watching Heather move about so freely in Grissom's home.

It was obvious she had been there before.

Sara slumped down in the chair, grabbing a pillow from the couch.

_What did you expect, Sara?_

_He's been involved with Lady Heather for years…_

Hours passed and she tried to ignore her body as she struggled against the urge.

_You can fight this, Sara…_

_Just ignore it…_

Grissom was not accustomed to having someone in his home.

He woke to find Heather sitting in a chair in his room.

It startled him at first but then he remembered talking with her just before he went to sleep.

He glanced at the clock suddenly concerned.

_Where is Sara?_

Already his body needed Sara. "Heather, thank you for coming but I'm fine."

"You're not supposed to be up."

"There's something I need to do. I need to see…someone…Sara."

"She was here earlier but I sent her away. Besides, I can provide you with anything you need."

"I need Sara."

_I need Sara like I need air to breathe..._

_Where is she?_

Note from author:

Cat fight anyone? I gauge the number of readers by the number of reviews. If you are reading, please continue to drop a line to let me know what you think. Thanks in advance...and a sincere thanks to my regular readers who never let me down.

Take care!


	23. Chapter 23

**Note from author:**

**Sorry for late posting but just got back from an out of town visit with Peggy47. Humorous thing is that I left myself logged onto fanfiction on Peggy's computer so she posted a review under my ID, Grissom1. LOL! Of course I am relieved she didn't figure out she could have gone into the next chapters and taken a sneak peak and added a comment here or there. LOL! Great visit Peggy. Be back soon! **

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

**Lamb in Need of the Shepherd**

Grissom swallowed. "You sent her away?"

"Yes, she wanted to come in here but….Grissom are you alright?"

He quickly grabbed his keys as he tried to leave but Heather blocked his door.

"Your workers told me about your condition. You can't leave."

"Heather, it's a matter of life and death that I see Sara."

"Then she will have to come here," she demanded.

"She can't do that. I come...to her."

"She was here before. She can come back. Besides Gil, she is your subordinate."

He tried to get past her but she refused.

"Heather, listen to me. I have to see Sara!"

"Call her. Tell her to come here."

Grissom cursed as he dialed Sara's number.

He worried with each ring.

Already his body was getting hypersensitive.

"There's no answer. I'm going over there," he grumbled.

"Grissom, you shouldn't be up. You need to…"

There was a knock on his door and he rushed to answer it.

He was relieved to see Sara.

"I just tried to call you," he breathed.

She glanced at Heather.

"Heather, Sara and I have something we need to discuss in private. Thank you for coming but…"

Heather eyed both of them but then grabbed her jacket.

"Call me," she said softly.

"Thank you Heather."

As soon as Heather left, Grissom pulled Sara into the house.

"I didn't know you were here earlier," he tried to explain as he hastened her along.

She nodded, unable to speak, the urgency rather painful.

He grabbed her by the hand and led her to his bedroom.

She glanced at the pictures on the wall, the furniture they passed as well as the layout of the house but it became a blur with the urgency of the matter.

As soon as they entered the bedroom, she was already dragging her feet.

Heather's perfume floated in the air.

_There's no reason to be jealous, Sara…_

_He's bound to you…_

_He would never desire her…_

_Not anymore, anyway…_

Heather had definitely been in Grissom's house, knowing the layout intimately.

_Just like she knew you intimately…_

_She's even been here in your bedroom..._

_Does she know that she will never have you again?_

He pulled back the covers fully.

"I didn't realize it had gotten so late," he explained.

"I tried to wait. I didn't want to come back until…she left…so…I waited down the street…but then you called. I couldn't answer…my phone…because of low battery," her words tumbling out as she recoiled at the stench of Heather's perfume.

She swallowed, unshed tears threatening to fall.

_Have you made love to her here, Grissom?_

_When I longed just to talk with you?_

_When I wanted companionship…_

He hushed her mind with a kiss, trying to ease her pain and discomfort.

Within minutes the edge was removed by their sudden coupling.

He kissed her cheeks tasting the salty tears.

He stroked her hair as he eased himself into her once more riding out another surge of ecstasy. Finally, he rolled to the side but pulled her close against him.

He never thought he'd be lying in his bed with Sara beside him.

He wanted to explain Heather's presence, feeling Heather's presence had done damage to their already fragile relationship.

For the moment he wanted to relish the feel of her so close to him, his exhaustion eased by the rest he'd gotten.

He remembered their agreement and loosened his hold on her, expecting her to flee from his bed as well as his house but she remained.

Her back was to him and he wondered what she was thinking.

He wanted to spoon his body up next to hers but fought the urge, thinking she would only pull away. There would be no need for one another for several hours.

"Does Heather….know?" she whispered

He propped up his head with his hand.

"No."

"I haven't told anyone," she said.

"Only Jim and Doc….know. Warrick…some of it."

It had been the most excruciating thing she'd ever endured coming back to the townhouse, knowing that she would have to face Heather once more.

Heather knew Grissom in a way she had only dreamed about.

All those nights of wondering whether Grissom spent his nights alone were answered.

_Of course he didn't._

_He had Heather…_

_If he loved her why did he agree to be bound with me?_

_Guilt perhaps…_

"How…did Gracen die?" she asked out of the blue.

Grissom cringed. He could still see Gracen's midsection stapled to hold in his organs. He was in agony but he refused to succumb to the pain in order to save Sara.

"Vivian…made a deal with a fallen angel."

"What kind of deal?"

"She gave herself to him so that he would kill…Gracen."

"How?" she persisted.

"Sword."

Sara gulped. "I felt an overwhelming sadness…is that when…he died?"

"Yes. Brass called…told me."

She nodded. "Do you think…where do you think…if there is a soul…where is he now?" she asked in a childlike voice.

"I think he is in Heaven. He fulfilled his duty as…an angel."

"I've researched...spoke with...some priests...angels do not have souls. How could he be in...Heaven?" she questioned.

He breathed in deeply. "He was half angel...half human. To be even half...human, one would have to have a soul," he said softly.

His hand went out to stroke her hair but halted, suspended in midair as he recoiled, needing her to talk with him.

"Was he…in a lot…of pain…before he died?"

He didn't want to lie so he avoided the question.

"I wasn't with him."

"But…when you found him…was he?"

"Sara, he loved you very much…he held on so he could save you."

She still lay there not sure whether it was time for her to leave or not.

He'd already released her some time ago and yet she couldn't move, not wanting to leave him but more importantly not wanting to be alone.

She was tired of being alone with the guilt that seemed to be threatening to take the very air she breathed.

"Griss?" she whispered.

"Yes, Sara?"

"Are you afraid to die?"

"No," he replied but then asked, "Are you?"

"Yes," she admitted.

_She's afraid I'm going to die…_

_If I die then…_

Her body trembled.

He inched closer wanting to hold her.

"Sara, I'm not going to die," he vowed.

"I just want to live…before I die," she said mournfully. "I feel like I haven't even lived...just existed."

His hand went out to touch her but she slipped out of the covers and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked.

"Yes….Sara…how do you feel?" he asked not liking the emotions that seeped through her words.

She reached for her clothes, pulling them on, not used to being the one that left.

He quickly grabbed his robe.

She was already out of the bedroom and was half way down the hall when she halted.

He stopped just a few feet from her.

"Sara? Is everything alright?" he asked as he felt her uneasiness.

"May I stay?" she whispered.

His heart skipped a beat. "Of course."

He thought she would turn around but instead she continued to the living room.

"Are you not tired?" he asked.

"I'll sleep…here," she said sitting down on the couch, her voice so soft he had to strain to hear it.

She stared at the gas fireplace and he turned it on.

She extended her hands as if she were trying to warm them.

He grabbed the blanket he kept draped over the couch, placing it around her shoulders.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "You can go back to bed."

He stood there not sure whether she wanted him near or if she wanted to be alone.

_If she wanted to be alone then why did she ask if she could stay?_

"Mind if I sit here with you?" he asked.

She shook her head.

He sat down on the couch.

He leaned back to rest.

"You…should be in…bed," she said suddenly remembering Doc's words.

"Do you…want me to leave you alone?" he asked.

"Gracen…Gracen…" she swallowed. "Gracen said he would never leave me alone."

Grissom scooted over and pulled her into his arms, kissing her lightly on the forehead.

"He wanted to be with you, Sara. He tried very hard….to stay."

_You never did…_

_You never even invited me inside your home…_

_You never wanted to spend any time with me until…Gracen appeared._

She closed her eyes, as he felt her exhaustion.

He stretched out on the couch, pulling her thin body against his as he covered them with the blanket.

He expected her to object but her arms clung to his neck as if in desperation.

She fit so perfectly in his arms as his lips kissed the traces of tears.

It was nice to just hold her as his hand stroked her hair.

"Why…did you…prefer Heather…over me?" she asked.

His heart thudded out of sync.

He looked down at her tear streaked face. Dark haunted orbs stared up at him.

"I didn't," he managed to say.

"Do…you know how many times…I came here…knocked at your door…but was never…invited inside?" she cried.

"Three times," he said. "I remember every incident. I cursed because I couldn't…invite you inside."

"Why…not?"

"The first time…I had been called out. I was on my way out when you showed up. The second time….I wouldn't…refused…because I was grappling with needing to have surgery…hearing loss."

"Catherine told us. I came because I was afraid for you...but you wouldn't let me help you."

He nodded.

"The third time?" she asked.

"Heather was here. She was very upset…I…was trying to help her….and I knew you wouldn't understand if you saw Heather...here."

A glimpse of pain and jealousy flashed in her eyes.

"I never liked being…alone. Heather used to come…and we'd play chess. She's a good friend, Sara," he whispered.

"I could…have…been a good friend," she sniffled.

"You were always more than a friend…more than I could ever dream…of having."

"You could…have…had me," she cried.

"I know. It was always a constant battle…walking the tight rope…being your boss…and wanting to be something so much more."

"Was…is worth it? The choice you made?" she asked.

"I guess you were right…not making a choice…was making a choice…but Sara I never meant to hurt you. I never considered myself good enough."

"After…years…of asking and waiting…I didn't think I was good enough…for you."

Her simple acknowledgement tore at his heart.

He could just imagine how retched she must have felt standing there at his doorstep only to be turned away…by him.

He frantically tried to recall that exact evening.

It was just a few hours before shift and he'd slept little, listening to Heather as she spoke about being discarded by her family.

The knock had come at a rather hard moment when Heather had clung to him in tears. She was a very strong woman but for her to break down warned him how fragile she was at that moment.

The minute he saw Sara, he knew she would think something was going on.

Heather had spilt a glass of wine on her blouse. He had offered her a t-shirt to wear while letting it soak and she had returned wearing nothing but the t-shirt, her slacks left lying on his bed.

He groaned.

He felt it would have been disastrous if he didn't get rid of Sara.

He had lied, telling her he had been called in.

She offered to work with him but he had refused, citing her over time was already a problem and it was just the first part of the month.

She had looked dejected as she left never telling him what prompted her to come by.

The next day he had inquired and she had said something came up and she needed some time off.

"You took a couple of days off," he said.

"Funeral," she whispered. "My….mom…died."

Grissom looked shocked. "I'm sorry Sara. I didn't know."

He rubbed her back, planting kisses on her forehead.

He felt like a complete jerk knowing that when she needed him most, he had chosen Heather over Sara.

If he had known about her mother, he would have gone to her later and tried to explain.

"The guys…later hooked me…up with Hank. I figured it was probably the best after…" she stopped willing herself not to cry anymore. "I went to the lab…convinced you wouldn't turn me away if I was already there but you never came in. Dispatch said they never called you."

"Heather had some falling out with her child. Her husband had done the same thing years ago because…of who she was. She felt…completely….alone."

He gulped.

_Now I understand what Gracen was trying to tell me…_

_Sara is truly alone…_

_Her mother died and she had no one…_

Sara's mother had been her last link to her past, the only family she had remaining and she had died with Sara seeking comfort from him.

"Sara, I know you won't believe this…but I swear I will never put anyone…before you again."

A single tear slipped down her cheek and he quickly swiped it away.

There was such a deep sadness within her that made his heart ache.

He needed her to feel safe with him but more importantly he wanted her to understand how much he loved her.

It hurt him when word around the break room consisted of rumors about Sara and a certain paramedic.

Hank's name became a regular word associated with Sara's.

He pretended it didn't bother him but it hurt like hell.

Now, he didn't blame her for wanting someone else.

She had come to him in a moment of need and he'd chosen to discard her.

He could only imagine the pain she felt when she had caught him in the lie and yet she had never let on the next day.

He had felt a sense of betrayal when he'd heard about the "Hank" fellow but now he was ashamed.

She deserved to have someone other than him.

He stroked her hair as he whispered his apology over and over.

His breath on the nape of her neck sent chills down her spine.

His lips kissed hers as a gesture of comfort but it only ignited the slight fire already stoked.

She closed her eyes accepting the comfort, her body responding with each touch.

Her body cooled when she felt him rise from the couch.

She sat up immediately, embarrassed that she had so easily responded to him.

It certainly wasn't an urge but rather desire.

She was startled when he spread the blanket onto the floor and then while on bended knee he extended his hand encouraging her to join him beside the fire.

Her hand slipped into his and she was guided onto pillows he grabbed from the couch.

The next hour, he explored and caressed every inch of her body.

Each touch eased and soothed her heart.

He wasn't doing it because there was a need but rather because he wanted to touch her.

His hands were gentle as he cupped her face, kissing her softly, lightly at first until she responded.

He slipped off her clothes, smiling as she lay back on the pallet, the fire no longer needed since both were quite warm with desire.

He removed his robe, easing his way between her legs, mindful of her reaction, ensuring she wanted this as much as he did.

He eased into her but remained still while he kissed her fully on the lips.

"Make love with me, Sara," he whispered. She arched her body toward his and he plunged. It was the most exquisite feeling either had ever felt.

Their lovemaking was slow and gentle and nurturing.

Afterwards, they remained entwined by the fire.

He kissed her on the temple as his hand caressed her cheek and he was thankful that it was dry.

"I'm glad you stayed," he whispered.

He closed his eyes relishing the feel of her next to him.

"I feel…better…when we're together," he admitted.

"You do?" she asked.

"Yes."

_Maybe he'll want me... not just desire me..._

_Maybe he can love me..._

There was a silence and he feared he was being too pushy, trying to guilt her into spending time with him.

"I could…stay," she whispered. "Or…you could stay…at my place…afterwards."

His hand slipped into hers as he leaned back trying to see her face.

"Would you…consider…staying here?" he asked.

She struggled with a reply.

"You…could come and go whenever you like…but if you wanted to stay…be with me…you could," he offered.

"'Kay," she managed to get out.

He was surprised she accepted so quickly.

His hand stroked her hair.

Gently he leaned in kissing her softly on the lips, frowning when he felt the first signs of fresh tears.

He knew that it took quite a bit of trust to accept the invitation.

He also knew that she was still getting over the loss of Gracen but he prayed she loved him.

His fingers swiped at a tear. "Sara...what's wrong?"

She refused to answer but held him tight.

"It's okay, he soothed. "I'm here...just sleep. I'll watch over you."

Outside a figure stood in the dark, sneering at the sight of the couple in front of the fire place.

Darius flipped the cigarette butt into the bushes.

Note from author:

I bet you wished Gracen was still around to watch over our little couple. Yeah, more angst is headed our way...

The cat fight is a chapter or two to come...and then of course we will hear more about Darius.

Take care!


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four:**

**The Lamb Becomes the Lioness**

Grissom rolled down his sleeve as Doc looked at the report.

"I'm better," announced Grissom.

"Not according to the numbers," stated Doc.

"I feel better."

"Well, there's no improvement but…you're not worse."

Doc looked at him. "Following orders?"

"I rode in with Sara. Brass is going to give me a lift home."

"I've been a bit concerned about Sara," stated Doc.

Grissom froze. "Why? Is her numbers…"

Doc waved him to silence. "It's not her health. She's…been quiet. The others have noticed…David caught her during a melt down at a crime scene. She pretended she wasn't crying but David knew better."

"Gracen's death…was hard on her."

"Just make sure she takes care of herself. We don't need both of you sick."

He slipped out the back and into Jim's car.

Brass glanced at him.

Most of the drive consisted of several calls for Brass.

Just as they neared the townhouse, Brass finally said, "I heard…that Heather and Sara came to visit you."

"Yes."

"So…no body lying around…I mean I can't imagine Sara and Heather…in your house…"

"Heather is just a friend. Sara understands that."

"She must be some friend….looks like she's still here," snickered Brass.

Grissom frowned when he recognized the vehicle in his driveway.

"I don't see her anywhere so she must have a key to the place," accused Brass.

"She knows where I keep the spare," explained Grissom.

"I hope Sara knows where it is."

Grissom frowned.

Of course in her haste to run out before being late for work, he'd forgotten to give her a key to his house or to even mention the spare key he kept hidden.

Grissom stepped inside the house and stopped dead in his tracks.

The aroma coming from the kitchen smelled wonderful.

Heather appeared around the corner.

"I was hoping you would be home soon. I expected you to be in bed."

"Heather…this is very thoughtful…but you shouldn't have."

"Grissom, you're in no condition to cook and I know how you like a home cooked meal."

"I like food," he countered.

"You like…rich delectable food."

Dinner was served by candlelight.

He smiled when she held up her glass of wine.

"We used to do this…a lot," she purred.

"I remember. I gained weight," he frowned.

She took a sip of her wine. "How do you feel?"

"I'm good. Sara and…"

"You've been spending a lot of time with her."

"I didn't think anyone noticed."

"I'm sure I'm not the only person who's noticed."

Grissom took a drink of the wine. "It's no one's business."

"You've changed," she observed.

"Yes, I have."

"Grissom…the other morning…you acted as though…Is there something between you and Sara?"

"That's personal," he countered.

"We used to talk about…such things."

He sighed. "Heather…"

Her hand landed on his and it made him uncomfortable.

Her fingers rubbed against his.

"You seem…distressed," she whispered.

"I am…by your actions."

"I just want to comfort you. Will you let me?"

He withdrew his hand, wiping his mouth on the napkin. "I think you've had a little too much wine."

"I think you're afraid to see where this could go…let me show you, Grissom."

He stood suddenly, feeling a bit ill.

A strange feeling seeped through him and he glanced at the clock nervously.

_She's in the middle of shift…_

_I can't call her and tell her to come home so we can…_

_She must be feeling the same…_

_But this is different…_

Heather watched as he stood there waiting for the sensation to ease.

"Is there a problem?"

"No….I just… need to…."

He didn't finish.

Heather locked her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace while she attempted to kiss him but he turned his head.

"Heather, stop."

"Grissom…just relax."

He felt a burning sensation in the pit of his stomach and he gritted from the pain.

He quickly stepped back reaching for the table for support but already Heather was supporting his weight.

"Let's get you to bed," she soothed.

_Maybe if I lie down, I'll feel better…_

The feeling worsened as they made their way to the bedroom.

He slumped down on the edge of the bed.

Heather's fingers removed his shirt in lightning speed. She reached for his belt but he refused.

She stepped back.

"I'll let you finish," she whispered and disappeared into the bathroom.

He stripped down to his boxers, easing himself onto the bed, not sure what to make of the latest illness.

It was similar to the sensation he got when his urge for Sara became overbearing but was different.

_It's not time…_

_We've gone longer than this…_

_Besides she's working…_

_I'm just tired…_

_If I rest…_

He closed his eyes, and sighed when the pain began to ease.

Heather slipped off her clothing replacing it with the transparent gown.

She smiled as she opened the bathroom door.

_Now, to rid you Grissom of her…_

Sara picked up her kit, relieved they were finished.

She had meant to call and check on Grissom but the hours had gotten away from her and she feared he was already asleep.

She froze when she felt the first jolt, grabbing the railing, not sure what to make of it.

Brass noticed her immediately.

He hurried around the police officer, grabbing her arm. "You okay, kiddo?"

"I'm not sure. Something is off…not right."

She held up her hand, feeling a tingling sensation near the scar.

She swiped her forehead, not sure what to make of the sudden apprehension she felt.

There was a strange need to get to Grissom.

Her eyes widened. "I need to see Grissom."

She started for her vehicle but Brass caught her arm, leaning in to whisper, "Under the statue there's a spare key."

She hurried to her vehicle, taking out the evidence and handing it to Warrick.

Without another word, she sped off.

"Is something wrong with Grissom?" asked Warrick.

She had no idea what she would do when she arrived, trying to calm her nerves but the sensation was overwhelming.

_Something is definitely wrong…_

He'd never given her a key to his house.

_I'll knock…_

_What if he can't come to the door?_

_Brass told me where to find a spare key…_

_Why didn't Grissom tell me?_

She dialed his number, holding her breath as she prayed he would answer.

Grissom's eyes shot open when his phone went off.

He reached for it.

"Grissom"

"Griss?"

"Sara?"

"Are you alright?" she gasped, relieved that he answered the phone.

"I'm…." he didn't finish as he gawked at Heather.

He disconnected the call, not wanting Sara to hear what was going on.

"Grissom!" she yelled, fearing something had happened to him.

She zipped through a red light intent to get there in record time.

"Heather, what are you doing?"

"I'm seducing you," she announced.

He swallowed. "I want you to dress….now!"

His breathing sped up.

He glanced at his attire and then Heather's.

"Heather…please," he said as his stomach churned. "Sara…is on her way. I don't want her to see us…like this."

"Then send her away. Simply call her and…"

"No!"

"I take it Sara is still throwing herself at you."

He reached for his pants but she tossed them across the room.

He struggled to get out of bed but Heather straddled him.

"You care for her?"

"I love her," he clarified.

"I recall you've avoided her…for years."

He refused to look at her, trying to wait until the pain subsided.

He grew alarmed when he felt the covers being pulled back.

"Heather I said stop!"

She halted but leaned down until they were a mere inch apart.

"I know I affect you, Grissom. The pain you're feeling…will go away. I promise. Just respond…let me…"

"I don't want you," he bit out.

"The only reason you want Sara is because you're bound to her."

He looked shocked.

"You didn't think I would figure this out? There is very little that I don't know about…matters of a sexual nature. The bond…can be broken. You don't have to be tied…restricted to her."

"How do you…"

"I've had my share of fallen angels…even the ones that think they are special…above…carnal pleasure. They created the blood bonding to entrap their mate."

"I wasn't trapped. I wanted to be bound with Sara."

"Forever Grissom? To never have the pleasure of another's body? To be stuck with…her…Sara?"

"Yes…God, yes."

There was a slight misting of her eyes as she shifted on the bed.

There was the sound of the click of the front door.

He turned his head. "Heather, please. I don't want her to see us…like this."

Heather shifted her weight and he struggled to move her but it made things much worse.

His hands were now on Heather as if he was pulling her on top of him.

Heather smiled as Sara stood in the doorway.

Accusing eyes looked at the two.

Grissom practically shoved Heather over as he struggled to go after her.

"Sara…Sara wait!" he called as she turned on her heel.

Grissom chased after her, managing to catch her in the hallway.

"Let go of me, Grissom."

"I know this looks bad but…"

"You're right, it does."

He glanced down at his attire, rolling his eyes at the awkwardness.

"I didn't know…we had dinner," he began. "We have dinner once a month…just friends…getting together. I got…sick and…I had no idea Sara. I came to lie down and the next thing I know…Heather is…"

He knew it sounded pathetic.

"I didn't plan this. I don't want her…I want you," he got out.

His trembling hand cupped her face. "Please, Sara. I wouldn't…we're bound. I couldn't…"

It wasn't coming out the way he wanted it and he felt quite retched.

She'd made it halfway to the door when he caught her once more.

"Sara…please don't. I'll talk with Heather...this won't happen…again."

Already the urge was returning.

Neither liked the timing.

He grabbed onto her hand, fearful she would only try to run again and for the life of him he just didn't have it in him to go after her.

The moment Grissom touched her she felt the tingling sensations in the pit of her stomach.

Grissom felt it as well.

"Stay…please."

"Do I have a choice?" Sara threw out.

"Of course you do," sighed Heather.

Both looked at her.

She grabbed her purse from the chair and turned, caressing Grissom's cheek as she leaned in to whisper in his ear. "When you're ready to break…the urge…let me know. You don't have to be bound to her."

Sara's eyes locked with Grissom's.

_You said you didn't tell anyone else..._

She felt a bit of betrayal at the sight of Heather so close to Grissom.

Heather intentionally caressed Grissom's cheek once more before turning to look at Sara.

She sneered at her as she passed but was surprised when Sara's hand connected with her face.

Heather was startled by the strike as well as Grissom who grabbed Sara's arm when it swung back to strike her again.

"My my, the jealous one….but then he never really wanted you before," Heather spat.

Despite Grissom's efforts, Sara's hand connected hard with Heather's face once more sending her hard into the wall.

"In case you're confused, that was not foreplay," Sara seethed. "Get out of my sight or I'll shove my shoe up your…"

"Sara!" Grissom reprimanded.

Sara forced herself free from his grasp as she stepped away from both of them.

Heather rubbed the side of her face and merely smiled at Sara as she left.

Grissom was still shocked that Heather knew about fallen angels.

_She may be able to give us answers that we need..._

He couldn't think about that at the moment, needing to clear the air with Sara.

His hand went out to touch her but she smacked it away.

"Don't," she warned.

She glanced toward the door but knew it would be futile to leave; the urge would just force her to return within an hour.

"Would you come to the kitchen…so we can talk?" he pleaded.

He hesitated as he moved toward the kitchen, not sure she would follow but she did, feeling trapped by their need to join soon.

She slid onto a bar stool at the counter.

He quickly grabbed two glasses setting them on the counter while he reached into the fridge for some orange juice.

Sara glanced around taking note of the table with the white tablecloth and candles.

There were two wine glasses sitting on the table.

Grissom handed her a glass.

He quickly caught sight of the unspoken accusations.

"Heather…insists on…formal…dining. It never bothered me," he explained.

"I guess her attire didn't bother you either," she retorted, snatching the glass from his hand.

"I had no idea….she's never acted like that before. Sara, if I had known…"

"You didn't notice the way she was looking at you? The way she touches you?" Sara spat as she took a gulp of orange juice.

"Sara…"

She set the glass down with a thud, coming around the counter and began searching the cabinets.

"What…are you doing?"

"I need…a drink."

"Sara…"

She opened the fridge and found the almost empty wine bottle. "Quite a bit of wine…you drank."

"I like wine with dinner…yes, this looks bad but…"

Sara yanked on the cork and reached for the wine glass pouring the remaining contents into the glass.

"Cheers," she mumbled as she turned up the glass but sputtered, never liking the taste of wine.

She poured the contents into the sink and began searching the cabinets once more.

"Would you…stop so we can…"

She pulled the bottle of vodka up from underneath the sink.

"Just what I need," she announced as she poured some into the orange juice, using her finger to stir the contents.

She reached for the glass but his hand caught hers.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"Why are you sorry? Sorry that you got caught? Sorry that you couldn't…finish it? Sorry you're bound to me? Sorry…"

He forcefully pulled her into his arms. "Don't fight…before we…make love," he begged.

"Is it really love Grissom? Do you have any idea how much I would have wanted to spend an evening with you…like this? You easily spent it with her…not just tonight…but several times in the past while I couldn't even get you to have breakfast at Frank's with me. Why?" she cried in frustration.

"Because I'm a damn fool, Sara," he growled as his lips devoured hers.

Her mind screamed to push him away but she couldn't for the life of her.

She needed to feel connected to him.

He pawed through her clothing, pulling off layers as he tried to coax her toward the bedroom.

"I'm not going near that bed…not after…" she choked, feeling the sense of betrayal all over again.

"Sssh Sara. I couldn't do it. The moment she touched me I felt ill." She tried to push him away but he held onto to her. "I became ill…that it wasn't you. I desire only you…need only you. Sara…let me inside you."

She gave him access and he sank deeply into her core.

The couch was put to use as he tried to show her how much she meant to him but for her it was simply a means of avoiding the pain and she pointed that out the moment they climaxed.

It hurt him but he knew he deserved it.

She reached for her clothes but he grabbed them.

"Grissom, give them to me," she demanded.

"You're angry…you have a right to be," he said. "Sara, I won't do this again. I won't compromise…our relationship."

"I didn't know we had one," she spat.

"Don't say that," he said quietly as he let her take the clothes from his hand, sensing she was too angry to listen to reason.

She flew out of the house slamming the door in the process.

Grissom's head landed in his hands.

She opened her car door and then fumed when she realized she had left her keys inside the house.

She leaned against the car, trying to calm down.

_Just go and get them, Sara…_

_The sooner the better._

She didn't bother knocking but hoped that he would be in another part of the house.

Quietly she picked up the keys from the counter.

She gasped when she turned around finding Grissom on the floor, his body in an awkward position as if he'd tried to get up but failed.

She gathered him into her arms. "Grissom!"

"You…came back," he gasped through the pain.

"I'm calling Doc," she urged as she tried to pull out her cell phone.

"Help…me…get back on the couch."

He grunted as he fell back onto the couch with Sara's arms still wrapped around his waist.

She reached for her cell but he stopped her.

"Dizzy…spell…my fault. I got up too quickly…trying to come after you."

She started to get up but he grabbed her hand.

"Please…don't leave… me," he gasped.

His condition worried her.

She caressed his cheek. "I'm not. I'll be right back."

She ran to the bathroom, wetting a wash cloth and then returned, wiping the cool cloth across his face.

"Thanks," he sighed.

"I think I should call Doc."

"There's nothing he can do."

She sat with him, her fingers on his pulse.

"I'm sorry, Sara….so very sorry," he murmured.

Something rattled within her heart and she drew in a deep breath.

"Just sleep," she urged.

"I don't want to be…alone."

"You're just tired," she whispered. "You'll feel better in a few hours."

His hand clamped down on hers as if he was afraid she would leave the minute he fell asleep.

"I won't leave…just rest," she soothed. "I'll be here when you wake. I promise."

Note from author:

That a girl, Sara. Of course this fight isn't over...

Take care!


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five:**

**The Lamb saves the Shepherd**

She waited until he fell asleep before calling Doc and filling him in.

"He should have been in bed," huffed Doc. "What the hell did he think he was doing…with her?"

_My thoughts exactly…_

"The dizziness could have been a result of the wine. Do you know how much he ingested?"asked Doc.

"Maybe a glass or two…I'm not sure. He's sleeping right now. His pulse is steady…now."

"Sara, his condition is worsening."

"I…know."

"He should consider…you both should consider…blood transfusion."

"I'll talk with him," she promised before hanging up.

She yanked the sheets from the bed and replaced them with clean ones, then sprayed the entire room with disinfectant eliminating the scent of Heather's perfume.

She fumed when she found Heather's gown in a drawer in the bathroom and tossed it in the trash.

Within a few hours, he stirred, panicking when he saw that she was not in sight.

"Sara!"

"I'm here," she called as she walked around the couch.

He seemed relieved to see her.

"I thought you…left," he admitted.

"I keep my word," she said and saw the twinge of guilt cross his face as he fell back onto the couch.

"What…what have you been doing?" he asked.

"I sterilized your room," she announced.

"My room?"

"It was dirty…from her filth," she spat.

He closed his eyes, fearing another bout of barbs and he didn't have the strength to hear it.

Instinctively his hand slipped into hers, their palms connecting the way it did on their consummation.

The connection sent a chill down his spine.

"Do…you…feel that?" he whispered.

"Yes," she admitted.

"It's almost as if…we're connecting…joining. Sara…when we joined…I hated deceiving you. I wanted you…to want me."

She swallowed feeling the guilt rise up within her almost choking the breath from her. "I did…I said your name…"

"I thought you said it was just a test? I was afraid you'd found out."

She shook her head. "I…wanted…you. I called you by name…it wasn't the first time I did that. Gracen…Gracen left for a few days…wanting me to make sure I knew what I wanted."

"You chose him," whispered Grissom.

"I chose him…because he was safe…compared to you. He'd never hurt me."

He nodded in understanding. His regret was written on his face.

"I couldn't bear to…see your tears after we…I knew you wanted…him…not me."

"I cried because I wanted you…when I should have wanted him. Gracen…gave up everything for me….sacrificed everything…and I betrayed him."

He tried to pull her to him but she refused.

"I betrayed...him," she repeated. "I didn't want to love you. I wanted to love Gracen but...I couldn't. I thought that once I joined with Gracen, all of the pain and the indecision would go away...and within a few hours I would be rid of this love for you. You know its funny...I didn't know what was worse...loving you...or not loving you. I felt as if my heart would surely break so I...I pretended it was really you, Grissom. I looked into your face, called out your name, gave myself to you...to you!" she cried.

"I told myself that...I could get through it if I gave my heart that one memory. I deceived the one person who had never hurt me...loved me for a memory."

"Sara..."

"I planned to confess to Gracen... tell him what I did. I knew he would forgive me...but I didn't get to," she choked. "It was really you and he was dead...dead because he chose me."

"Sara..."

"I got your bed ready. You can sleep better in there rather than out here."

"Sara, please..."

"Don't...say anything," she choked.

She wrapped her arm around his waist and helped him to the bedroom.

The covers were already pulled back.

Once he was settled, she sat down beside him.

His hand fumbled across the bed covers and found hers, slipping his hand into hers.

"You haven't slept any?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I couldn't."

"You look tired. Come and lie here…"

"I…can't," she pleaded.

He nodded sadly.

"I'll check on you…later," she said as she fled the room.

She kept her promise, slipping in and out of the room, unable to shut down.

He'd slept most of the day but it had been fitful, waking every hour to see if she remained.

Finally, she sat on the bed, slipping her hand into his while her other hand stroked his hair.

"I…said I wouldn't leave," she lamented.

"I know…I dream…you have and then…I didn't mean to hurt you…again," he grieved.

"Just sleep," she crooned.

There was a tap at the door later and she froze, not sure whether to open it or not.

She glanced out the window and saw that it was Doc.

"Hey," she said as she opened the door.

"You know your car is a dead give away," he announced.

She frowned. "I guess it is."

"How is he?"

"I'm not sure."

Doc followed her to the bedroom.

Grissom woke just as Doc sat down on the bed as Sara slipped into the other room.

"You're not Sara."

"Nice to see you too, Gil. How do you feel?"

"Tired….weak," he admitted.

"Gil…I think we should consider the transfusion," stated Doc.

Grissom shook his head. "Not…yet."

"When…after you lapse into a coma?"

"We don't know what kind of effect it would have on Sara. I want to wait," emphasized Grissom as he glanced toward the door.

"How is she?" asked Doc.

"I don't know," sighed Grissom. "I'm worried about her."

Sara appeared with a tray.

"Wish I could be served in bed," huffed Doc.

Sara handed Doc a cup of coffee.

"How is he?" she asked.

"He's getting worse," announced Doc making Grissom glare.

Sara's hand slipped into his and Grissom could sense her fear.

"I'm going to be alright," urged Grissom as his fingers caressed the palm of her hand.

"Are you going to stay with him?" asked Doc.

"Yes."

"You have to work," grieved Grissom.

"I called Catherine already. She's got it covered."

Sara walked Doc to the door. "Doc…could you talk with Catherine….explain."

"You lied?"

"I know she'll understand. I just didn't want him to argue about it…he's too weak."

"I'm glad you have your priorities straight. I'll make sure Catherine fully understands."

Grissom smiled when she returned to the bed.

He'd managed to eat part of the food.

"Let me hold you," he whispered.

She shook her head as she took a deep breath. "I...I'll just be out there if you need me."

"I'm sorry you hurt Sara," he whispered. "Please lie here with me. Let me hold you."

She shook her head. "I'll take the couch."

He refused to release her hand forcing her to remain. "I know you regret loving me but I am so very thankful...I do love you."

It hurt him when she acted as though the words were never spoken but he didn't push.

"I'll check on you in a few hours," she said getting up.

"Take a pillow…there's an extra blanket in the closet," he offered. "You could use one of my t-shirts."

She took the items and then left him.

He rolled to his side in order to watch her disappear down the hall.

The couch was much better than hers but it wasn't a bed and she shifted a few times trying to find a comfortable spot.

She pulled up the blanket, closing her eyes from the exhaustion.

Her fingers traced the scar on her hand.

_He's dying and it's your fault..._

She hurried to the kitchen, searching for the items she needed.

Grissom struggled to sit up, glad to see that she was awake.

He was alarmed when he saw a knife in her hand.

"Sara…what are you going to do?"

"We have to do this…again," she said. "We have to reconnect…bind our hands and…"

"We don't know this," he said afraid he might infect her. "Maybe we should wait…find someone who may know more about this…._Heather knows more. I'm sure of it."_

"Our blood is the same...mine is healthy...yours is not. The anemia is worse...much worse. We need to at least try this."

"Sara, this could affect you."

"We're bound...it already affects me."

Grissom pulled his hand away. " I don't want to ...risk your health."

She swallowed. "You risked yours...by ingesting Gracen's blood. You're sick...because of me."

He squeezed her hand. "No, Sara. We don't know that."

"Do you trust me?" she whispered.

"I trust you. Sara…"

She sliced her hand before he could finish.

Blood pooled in her palm.

He extended his palm but her hand trembled when she attempted to cut his palm, guilty for getting Grissom involved in the mess.

Grissom took the knife, cutting his hand in one swift move.

Their eyes remained locked as they were bound again.

The moment their palms connected, it was like flashes of light exploding around them.

His head dipped down and he kissed her softly.

She meant for them to lie together but he whispered, "Let me love you, Sara."

"There's no need," she replied.

"I need you," he said softly. "I've always needed you...wanted you...loved you. Sara, please let me show you."

Her heart fluttered as he positioned himself, easing gently into her until he was fully submerged inside her.

Her body fit perfectly to him and he groaned from the sheer pleasure of feeling her surround him completely.

Their joining was done with a gentle purpose, giving in to the buildup rather than trying to ride it out.

One slight thrust and a guttural moan escaped her lips sending him into a frenzy as he purposely guided them to their first orgasm.

It was one of many as they continued until both were completely exhausted.

Her head rested on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms in a protective hug.

Their hands remained bound, neither wanting to break the connection just yet.

Her eyes drifted to his.

"I love you, Sara," he whispered, pressing his lips to her temple.

They were still bound when she woke, her head still resting on his chest.

His mouth was just inches from her temple and she grinned hearing the soft snoring sound.

She stayed still letting him sleep until he finally woke on his own.

"How do you feel?" she asked anxiously.

"Better," he assured her.

Her smile warmed him. "Just go back to sleep," she whispered. "I'll watch over you."

He shifted so that he was facing her.

His eyes closed but then opened the moment she moved.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised.

His hand snaked out, pulling her to his chest.

"Is this alright?" he questioned, releasing her slightly.

"It's fine, Griss. Just rest," she whispered.

She stayed by his side, not wishing to leave him, fearful of his condition but as hours passed he seemed stronger.

His breathing was much better and he slept peacefully.

Eventually, she unwrapped their hands, slipping out of bed a few times to fix something for them to eat, forcing him to remain in bed.

He obeyed, liking the special attention she gave him.

Both took advantage of the time, sleeping for long periods of time.

He finally woke, rolling on top of her.

He tried to correct himself but her arms circled around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

He smiled when her tongue teased, dipping in and out, causing him to harden instantly.

"I can't resist that," he warned.

"Then don't," she moaned.

Later she stepped out of the shower and smiled when he remained on the bed, still half dressed.

"I feel better…much better," he said with a grin.

She smiled but then it was lost when his phone rang.

He grabbed it without thinking.

"Grissom." He leaned back on the bed, trying not to look in Sara's direction as Heather inquired about his health. "I feel better."

The faint sound of a woman's voice could be heard on the other line.

Sara slipped out of the room, sure that the voice belonged to Heather.

"I'm glad you're better," Heather purred.

"I need your help," he said softly.

She smiled. "So, you've decided to take me up on my offer."

"Heather….what do you know about…joining…angels and humans?" he asked.

"What would you like to know?" she asked.

"I'd like to know as much as I can," he said, relieved that Sara was now gone from the room.

"Over dinner…I think I can be persuaded to…enlighten you," she offered.

"Dinner? Again?" He didn't want to have dinner with her again but hoped she would give him the information over the phone.

"My place…this time. You won't be sorry," she said. "Gil, this is your last chance…to know what you've gotten yourself into. It will be my only offer."

"Okay," he agreed. "I'll have dinner with…you, Heather."

Sara's heart sank as she overheard the conversation.

She grabbed her things and fled.

He couldn't believe he was agreeing to meet with Heather after what she tried to pull but he needed the information.

He vowed to protect Sara and without knowledge of what they were dealing with, he felt defenseless.

Heather lifted the cup of tea to her lips.

"Did he agree?" asked Darius.

"Yes….of course."

"Get him out of my way or I'll remove him…permanently."

"Why…Why is she so important to you?"

Darius grinned. "Why Heather, I'm going to do you a favor. With Sara gone, you can have Grissom all to yourself."

"Why do you want her?" she pressed.

"Because Gracen wanted her…gave up everything for her. He found a way to save her so I want to have her…for myself. His blood flows through her."

"If it was Gracen's blood you desired, I understand you wasted most of it on his basement floor."

He smiled. "I have plans for my Sara."

Note from author:

Well, you knew Darius was going to resurface.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six:**

**Shepherd Harms the Flock**

Doc checked and rechecked his blood count.

"What did you do?" asked Doc.

"We…repeated…sliced our palms and then joined again. I guess her blood did help."

"Well Sara's numbers are still the same...so I guess you found a miracle cure for the anemia. Are you keeping a journal of this stuff?"

"Yes. Doc, I may have found someone who knows about…the process."

"Can they be trusted?"

"I used to think so," he said.

The team was surprised when Grissom showed up for work that evening.

"We were told you were gravely sick," stated Catherine.

"I was…but I'm better. I'm getting my energy back…every hour."

"Good to know. Ecklie wanted your hide after what you did to him."

Nick smiled when he got his assignment. "It's my lucky day. I get the pretty girl," he drawled as he looked at Sara who had not even acknowledged Grissom's presence when she entered.

Grissom watched as they sat down at the conference table, not sure what to make of Nick's arm wrapped firmly around Sara as he leaned in and whispered something in her ear getting a hug in return.

"You look better….I think," commented Catherine as she noticed the look of jealousy in Grissom's eyes.

"I feel better…I think," he sighed.

"So how are things with you…and Sara?"

He turned his attention to the other assignments in his hand, leaving her to grumble as she finally sat down at the table.

Grissom couldn't help but feel Sara's eyes staring at him as he ran through the cases.

His eyes met Sara's but she turned away.

He called for her to remain, letting the others leave before speaking.

"You left quite suddenly," he whispered.

"I had…things to do," she lied.

"Thank you for taking care of me. I feel great," he said with a smile.

_Why did you agree to have dinner…with her?_

_After everything, you still…have this urge for her…_

"Have dinner with me," she blurted out.

_Show me Grissom, you've changed._

His face paled.

She had no idea what she was asking of him.

"Sara…I can't. I have to meet someone."

"Heather?" she asked.

_She won't understand…_

_She'll think I'm doing this because I'm attracted to Heather…_

_I'm doing it to protect her, us…our future…our family…_

"No," he lied.

She knew it was a lie the moment it left his lips and it hurt her to the very core.

"I need to get to my case," she said emotionless.

"Could we meet later? Come to the house after shift," he offered.

"Sure," she lied.

Two could play at this game except she wasn't going to play by his rules.

He fidgeted when he rang Heather's doorbell and she opened the door in a rather seductive gown.

"I'm glad you came," she said with a smile as she embraced him briefly.

He bristled, stepping out of her arms. "I wanted to talk…nothing more."

"Really, Grissom. You act as though I'm going to sexually assault you. I promise I will only do what you want me to do."

"Then that will be talk…only," he declared.

"Very well. Let's see," she purred.

He ventured inside, hesitating a moment before letting her lead him.

Sara sat across the street in her vehicle.

She gripped the steering wheel as she watched Heather fall into his arms.

_I should have known…_

_Even though we're bound, he still seeks her out…_

Once inside she offered him a drink.

He chose coffee, feeling as though it was going to be a long night.

"Heather, tell me…what you know," he asked.

"You're not bound…to her," she said as she poured herself a glass of wine.

"Yes, I am."

"What your…angel didn't tell you is that this craving…you feel…for her…will cease if you abstain…it's like being thrown into a drunk tank…going cold turkey from a drug. Once your body has it out of your system, then you are no longer bound."

"What…about…if I die…then…"

She smiled. "It's works like any drug…or addiction. If taken over a long period of time, it's difficult to go without it. Persons who have bonded for a long period of time…do die if the other spouse dies…we used to call it grief…but…it is a form of…withdrawal. The longer you remain with her the more likely the certain death sentence will occur."

"So…if we…remain apart…get through the withdrawal symptoms then…she won't die if something happens to me?"

"No," she said taking a sip of tea.

Her eyes drifted up to his. "Why…her?" she asked.

"I love her," he said simply.

"You crave her. You'll think clearly once the affects of Gracen's blood wears off."

His eyes widened. "How do you know Gracen?"

Her eyes shot to the floor. "To know the sect, one had to know Gracen Merci."

"Did you know him personally?"

"No. He did not care for my establishment."

Grissom sat down, feeling rather tired.

"You're tired. Why don't you lie…"

"No…thank you."

She smiled. "I used to think you craved…me. You looked forward to our dinners together."

"I enjoyed our friendship."

"It could be more than that," she offered as she sat near him.

"Heather…I don't want to lose our friendship…but I won't compromise my relationship with Sara."

"Relationship? Grissom, for the past several years you've come to me when you were…down, needed a shoulder…I hardly categorize using another person's body for carnal pleasure…"

"It's not sex…it was never sex. Sex without love…is sad. You should know that."

She did.

She turned her head concealing how painful his words had hurt.

"Are you sure…it's not Gracen's blood…the illusion of love…"

"I loved her before I ingested his blood."

"You felt a connection with her," she spat as she set the tea cup onto the table and leaned forward.

The outfit displayed way too much cleavage as she eyed him. "Both of you are…disjointed from the rest of the world...thus the connection. If you really loved her, you wouldn't have waited years to do something."

"I was a fool. I was afraid of getting hurt. Sara will not hurt me."

"Hasn't she? She was going to give herself to Gracen but then fate stepped in and he was killed."

"It wasn't fate. I don't believe in fate."

"None the less Gracen is dead and you took his place in order to save Sara…how noble. Tell me, if her life had not been in danger would you have bound yourself to her?"

"Yes. I wanted to marry her."

Heather pressed. "Love isn't difficult, Grissom. It's either there or it's not. I hardly believe you've cared for her all of these years and yet…"

"I've loved her since the day she walked into the lecture hall. I've wanted her the moment she smiled at me. I've yearned for her ever since my name left her lips. If you want to call it desire then do …but my desire was fueled by love…not lust."

His words hurt but she continued hoping to dissuade him.

"You spoke of your concern…always your concern for the choices she was making. Really, Grissom, she's a grown woman…if she can't make…"

"She made choices because I was too much of a coward to do anything…to take a risk and…"

Heather slipped to the seat next to him. "Grissom you've always been fearful of letting someone get to truly know you. You're afraid they won't like what they find…you're different. I think you would have dismissed any romantic notions of Sara years ago if you were like other men. I think you would have seen that you did not belong with her. There were doubts…don't deny them. You didn't have a chance to make a choice. You saw she had gotten herself into trouble and you acted on impulse not wanting to see her hurt. That's admirable Grissom…but that's not love."

"I think I know what love is. I saw it every time I hurt Sara and yet she forgave me…gave me another chance."

Heather scoffed. "That's not love. She wanted what she couldn't have…tell me, now that she has you…how has that been? If it were not for the urge, would she desire you?"

Doubt flashed in Grissom's eyes.

Heather smiled. "I thought so." She retrieved the cup of tea and took a sip, feeling quite smug at the chink in Grissom's armor.

"She's…afraid…I'll hurt her. I'm not going to do that…not anymore."

"What do you plan to do?"

He looked confused.

"You don't have to remain bound to her."

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

Heather's hand trembled slightly and he caught sight of it.

He glanced around. "What do you know about a fallen angel…named Darius?"

The cup slipped from her hand, crashing into tiny pieces at her feet.

She bent to pick up the pieces. Grissom bent down to help her.

"Heather…what are you afraid of?"

"You."

He looked shocked. "I've never hurt you."

"No," she admitted. "You've shown me nothing but kindness…gentleness. Grissom, your actions…hurt me…will hurt me."

"I don't…understand how my actions have or will hurt you."

"You should have left Sara…to live with the consequences of her actions."

"And risk losing her? Letting her die? If she dies…then bound or not, it would surely kill me."

She smiled sadly remembering a time she once felt that way toward a man.

"You didn't answer my question. What do you know about Darius?"

"He's a fallen angel."

Grissom eyed her. "Why does his name make you nervous?"

"He's quite cruel."

"How do you know of him?"

"Men like him…fallen angels like to frequent establishments…like mine. They get off being in control, degrading women…Darius was especially good at it."

"Did he hurt you?"

_Far worse than you can imagine…_

"We have an agreement. He doesn't frequent my establishment for…favors from time to time."

"Have you recently done any favors for him?"

Heather licked her lips and poured herself another cup of tea.

"I keep away from Darius just as you should."

She turned and smiled at him. "Are you going to stay…away from Sara?"

"No."

She looked a little nervous. "Why not? If you do then…"

"I could never deny her….much less myself. I've already wasted too much time."

"There is another way….to break the ritual."

"What is it?"

"Having sex with someone else."

"That will never happen," vowed Grissom.

Heather stepped toward him. "One time…is all it would take…then the urge would be over and both of you would be free…"

"I won't…do that. I won't break my vows."

"Vows? You didn't marry her Grissom," huffed Heather.

"In…my heart, I did. We're bound…forever. I won't touch anyone else. I won't…do that to…us."

Heather hid her disappointment but a slight smile crept across her face.

"Sara…may feel different….given the chance she might just…do that."

"She won't…I know she won't hurt me," he said trying very hard to sound convincing.

"Are you sure about that? You said so yourself she's not…satisfied…with you."

"I didn't say that."

"You forget I can read you like a book, Grissom. It's obvious she's not satisfied with you. Besides, she chose Gracen…over you. Given the chance, she might choose someone…again."

It was his biggest fear.

"She…would choose me," he said softly.

"You don't sound so convincing," she purred.

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

"Sara's been…doing her own research. Her name has popped up in closed circles. She offered money for information. She probably already knows…how to…break the ritual."

Grissom became angry. "What if she does? She's not going to just throw herself at the first man and…"

"Already your voice gives you away, Grissom. Her infidelity is what you fear the most."

Grissom looked to the floor.

He could not bear the thought of losing Sara.

Even when she lashed out with the hurtful barbs, he couldn't bear the thought of never having her again.

The moment his body slipped into hers he felt complete, whole, a fullness he'd never known before.

He knew he would never feel this again with anyone else.

Without Sara, he would surely die. He didn't need to test that theory. His heart was sure of it.

"I trust her," he said as he hurried toward the door.

"Gil?"

He stopped and looked back.

"You'll…know if she has. She'll no longer feel the urge for you."

He started to leave but then halted. "I feel ill whenever you're near...is that part of the joining?"

She sighed. "Yes, it's quite cruel. When you're mated, you have no desire for anyone else because of the pain you experience...guilt for being with someone else. A side effect of the ritual. Angels can be just as cruel as the fallen ones."

"Because they believe in mating for life? Because they found a way to force these human bodies to remain faithful? I don't consider that a side effect...but a relief."

She snorted. "You are such a fool, Grissom. The ritual doesn't change human nature. She will tire of you and you will be destroyed by her actions. If you change your mind, I'll be here."

He stepped back into the lab with only a minute to spare, grabbing his messages as he searched for her.

She sat in the break room with Nick. They were whispering softly to one another.

He watched as Nick's hand reached out and tucked a strand of Sara's hair behind her ear.

He couldn't make out Sara's face, unsure how she felt about the intimate gesture but his gut twisted when her hand slipped into Nick's.

He slowed, not sure if he wanted to enter the break room.

Nick brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

He felt the strong urge to slam Nick's body through a wall.

His hand clenched into a fist and he started to confront Nick when he caught sight of Sara's face.

While she tried to wipe them away quickly, tears streaked down her cheeks.

His anger disappeared immediately.

He wanted to comfort her and his feet hurried toward them.

Her head turned and she caught sight of him.

She swiped at her cheeks with both hands and fled the break room.

Nick turned and scowled at his boss.

"Is Sara alright?" asked Grissom.

"How was dinner…with Heather?" Nick growled.

Grissom's shoulders slumped, realizing that Sara knew about the lie.

"It wasn't dinner. I went there to get…this is none of your business," glared Grissom.

"No, it's not…but it is Sara's and she…deserves better than you!" barked Nick.

Grissom stepped back, feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness.

His hand caught the end of the chair.

Nick suddenly became concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Nicky, I wasn't doing anything…only trying to get information…I wasn't…I wouldn't hurt her," he grieved.

"Well, you did…whether you meant to or not. She said you lied to her intentionally."

He groaned.

_She knew I was going to see Heather…_

"I did….only to protect her…not to hurt her."

"Explain that to Sara."

He nodded.

"You might want to sit down…before you fall down," warned Nick.

He felt hands shoving him into a chair.

"Mind if I have a word with Grissom?" asked Brass to Nick as he stepped into the doorway.

Nick glanced at his boss. "You okay? You need anything?"

"I'll be…fine, Nicky. I'm sorry…I was short with you."

"Rest. Doc was looking for you earlier," said Nick as he slipped out of the room.

Brass sat down across from Grissom.

"Nick...is right. You look a bit pale."

Grissom wiped his forehead. "I'm…good."

"Glad to hear it because Sara looked pissed. What did you do?"

"I lied to her."

"Got a death wish?"

Grissom grinned slightly and then grimaced as he got up. "I guess I do."

He went through some paperwork, signing off on a few cases.

Catherine leaned in the doorway. "Trying to make yourself sick again?"

He glanced up.

"Gil, you need to go home."

"Do I look that bad?"

"You look…tired…worried."

He leaned back in his chair. "I…am."

"Anything I can help you with?"

He sighed. "No…thanks. I think I'm done for today."

Once he arrived at the townhouse, he called her and was surprised when she answered immediately.

"Sara….I need to talk with you," he began.

"I'm really tired, Grissom."

"It won't take long…can I come over?" he asked.

"No."

"Would you come here?"

"If you want to talk then talk," she demanded.

"I went to see Heather because she knows about fallen angels. I went there for information, Sara…nothing more. I didn't think you would understand if I told you I had accepted an invitation for dinner at her place after what happened earlier. I didn't want to go but it was the only way she would give me the information. I swear…nothing happened."

Sara was quiet for a moment.

"How was dinner?"

"I never stayed to eat. I just want…to protect you…us. I don't know how to do that unless we have more information…know what we're dealing with."

There was a silence.

"Sara?"

"I'm here….you could have told me what you were planning to do."

"I know. I'm sorry. I won't do that again," he urged.

"You've…been saying that a lot lately."

"I'm not good at relationships, Sara. I'm trying…I am," he sighed as he slumped down on his couch.

"How…are…you?" she asked.

"Tired…worried…nervous," he admitted.

"You should have remained at home…you're still recovering," she chastised. "Why are you worried….and nervous?"

"I'm worried that I caused the tears on your cheeks. I'm nervous…because I think you're tired of…me doing that."

"You're right, I am tired."

"Sara…"

"Get some rest, Grissom."

"Can I…come over?" he asked.

"I think you… I need some time to think."

"I just want…to see you," he pleaded.

"We'll see each other soon enough."

They would have to join soon.

_Would you want to see me, Sara…_

_Rather than need to see me?_

"Sara…"

"Space…I need space right now," she gulped not sure why she felt off.

"You think space will fix this? Sara, if we don't address some things then…"

"You know I don't like Heather and yet you go to her…for help…for information…for whatever."

"If this is about the dinner dates, Sara I tried to explain them…I only went for…"

"Information. You told me…and I sort of understand…but to trust her…her of all people."

"Heather has never hurt me," he urged.

"I'm sure she hasn't…unless she got carried away with a whip," she lashed out for some unknown reason.

"We never did anything like that," he griped.

"Look…this isn't going anywhere…let's just hang up."

"Oh so you can just attack me and then hang up?"

"I didn't lie to your face today. I need to trust you, Grissom. I need to feel…" she stopped.

Her emotions were out of whack for some reason.

"To feel what?"

"Just leave it alone, Grissom. I'm tired and I need to sleep."

She hung up ignoring his protests.

She rolled onto her stomach, glancing at the clock as she tried to get some sleep.

There was a knock on her door and she sighed, figuring Grissom had decided to come anyway.

She gathered her robe about her body and opened the door rather irritably.

She gasped when Gracen stood there.

Note from author:

Well, there is a Christmas part in this story but we just didn't get to it...LOL. It's not until around the mid thirties. Have a wonderful Merry Christmas!

Take care!


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven:**

**Wolf in Lamb's Clothing**

"Gracen?"

"May I come in?" he asked.

She flung herself into his arms as he grinned wickedly. "I take that as a yes?"

"Yes," she breathed, still reeling from his presence.

He pulled her into his arms whispering softly. "I've come for you."

Her body stiffened.

"I don't understand," she managed to get out.

"I gave you to Grissom with the promise he wouldn't hurt you. He has. No more."

He closed the door behind them allowing her the chance to step out of his arms.

"I don't understand. Grissom said you're dead…you died."

"I'm an angel…death has no hold on me," he said with a smile.

"Where have you been? I…Grissom…and I…"

He chuckled at her loss for words.

"You gave me to Grissom," she finally stated.

"Yes, I did and what does he do? He runs straight to Heather Kessler when he should have been with you."

He pulled her over to the couch. "I had to save you so I made Grissom take my place. Now, I intend to take his."

She looked shocked. "I don't understand…any of this."

"He broke his promise. He vowed he would stay away from Lady Heather. He's been with her trying to find a way to break the ritual."

"He went there to get information so he can better protect us. Gracen, I believed him when he said he is only trying to get information from Heather…nothing more."

"Did he tell you that she gave him the information?"

"No."

"Sara, I'm not going to leave you bound to him. He is not worthy of you."

"But…you said…the ritual cannot be broken."

"It can."

She looked confused.

He pulled her into his arms and she felt her stomach lurch.

She struggled out of his arms.

"Sara…you belong to me. I intend to have you."

"But…"

"Come here," he ordered.

She shook her head.

He stepped toward her pressing her body against the wall.

"Grissom is just a human…with angelic blood flowing through him…he is not like us. Wait until you have me..." his lips devoured hers as his hands pinned her arms against the wall.

She struggled to get free but he was too strong.

He released one hand and yanked her blouse, sending buttons flying in the air as his hand cupped her breast pinching it hard as his mouth dipped down.

She cried out in pain as he bit into her shoulder.

"Stop it Gracen! Please!"

He laughed viciously as he licked the blood from his lips.

"You taste angelic, Sara. It's a pity Grissom took you first."

She tried to shove him away but it was futile.

His mouth came down hard over the bite mark, deepening the puncture wounds. She felt a slight rush as he sucked on the open wound.

She gasped from the pain in her shoulder when he withdrew his mouth.

Her stomach lurched at the sight of blood on his mouth.

Her eyes shot open as the realization struck her.

"You're not Gracen!"

He chuckled. "No, I'm not."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Darius."

Her eyes widened in fear but then anger took over.

"You killed Gracen!"

"Maybe...maybe not."

She tried to slap him but he shoved her against the wall.

"I like a girl who likes it rough," he said cruelly as he yanked her legs apart. "Now, let's find out what Gracen saw in you."

He tried to kiss her but she jerked away.

He forcibly held her in place.

She gagged at his assault.

He pulled back smirking and she spit in his face.

He glared at her for a second and then bit down hard once more on her shoulder.

She cried out in pain.

"Pain turns me on, Sara."

"Let go of me," she warned.

"You can't hurt me," he chuckled. "You are just a…"

She thrust her arms back, mustering enough strength to shove him away.

"I'm getting tired of looking like Gracen….here let's try this," he said as he transformed himself to look like Grissom.

She tried to run to the door but he caught her shoving her to the floor.

She hit the floor rather hard.

He flipped her over and then sat down on her, pinning her hands above her head.

Sara shut her eyes not wishing to see Grissom's face.

"What's the matter Sara?"

"Show me your real face, you bastard," she spat.

"My, my, you are a spitfire. No," he growled. He ripped at her clothing as she tried to buck him off.

She screamed and he clamped his hand down over her mouth.

"I'll kill anyone who comes to your rescue. Do you want that?"

He yanked off the rest of her clothes, feasting on her body.

He leaned down and bit into her thigh as she cried out in pain.

She tried to scoot away but he yanked her back, spreading her legs as he knelt there in front of her.

His hands grabbed her waist, his nails digging into her delicate skin.

His mouth descended to her sex but he halted immediately.

"You bitch," he scowled as he leaned back.

As soon as he released her, she scrambled away but not before his hand grabbed her by the hair on her head.

"This isn't over, Sara," he whispered as he tongued her cheek and then forcibly shoved her against the wall, her head connecting hard.

She slipped to the floor, letting the darkness overtake her.

She woke later to the sound of her cell phone.

Cautiously she sat up, her head still fuzzy from the hit.

She reached back feeling a sticky substance on the back of her head.

The phone stopped but then started again.

Fear engulfed her as she remembered the attack, quickly checking to ensure the door was locked before grabbing her phone.

Her voice croaked out her name.

"I've been trying to reach you," barked Grissom.

"Griss?"

"I'll be there in five minutes," he said.

"No! No…you can't," she said trembling, still trying to assess her injuries.

"Sara…punishing me…by withholding…only punishes yourself."

"What?" she mumbled, not sure if the head injury was more than what she initially assessed.

"I'm pulling into your parking lot," he said.

"Oh God…no, you can't," she whispered.

"Sara? I can't hear you," he grumbled.

The phone clicked.

"Grissom? Grissom?" she yelled.

She grabbed the torn clothing lying on the floor.

She tried to wrap the robe around her again but it had been ripped.

Quickly she tossed the things into the hamper.

"Stop, Sara," she said out loud. "Tell him what happened."

She covered her mouth to stifle the sob. "I can't. He'll go after Darius…Darius will kill him."

She looked down at her battered body.

"Trace…everywhere," she murmured. "They can't…do anything…he's…a fallen angel."

She forced herself to take a deep breath. "Get control, Sara. He didn't rape you. You've been beaten before…this is nothing. This is nothing," she repeated.

Her body was black and blue but she hoped it would heal quickly.

She just needed to hide the marks from Grissom.

Quickly she locked the bathroom door and turned on the shower.

She viciously scrubbed her skin, needing to get the stench of him off her body.

The bite marks were swollen and already they appeared to be infected.

She heard the sound of footsteps and then someone's attempt to open the bathroom door.

Her initial instinct was panic, not sure if Darius would have been able to get back into the apartment.

_I invited Darius in…_

"Sara, let me in," Grissom ordered.

"Just a minute," she called.

She stepped out placing a bandage on the two bite marks then grabbed another robe wrapping it around her before opening the door.

He grabbed her, pressing her against the wall.

She stiffened immediately.

He attempted to kiss her but she turned her head.

"_It wasn't Grissom…it was Darius," _she mentally told herself.

He stepped back, his breathing ragged.

"What's wrong? I don't understand. You…don't seem…you should need me…by now," he accused.

"I do…I…" she swallowed.

"What's this?" he asked eyeing the bandage on her shoulder.

"Accident…park," she lied.

He stepped back further and then gasped at the bruises on her body.

"What happened?"

"I…fell," she stuttered through the lie telling him she had gone out jogging and had fallen, praying he wouldn't examine the injuries too closely.

"All of this…from a fall?" he questioned.

"Down…an embankment," she quivered.

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, honey," he soothed as he stepped toward her.

She forced herself to remain still, closing her eyes as he kissed her.

This time she opened her mouth, accepting his warmth.

He guided her to the bed, being mindful of the injuries when he pressed his body into hers.

Within minutes, he was struggling to maintain control, needing release.

"Sara…you have to come…now," he panted. She couldn't. She had forced her body to allow him to make love to her but she was far from reaching an orgasm. "Sara!"

She forced her body to mimic his, gasping out when he plunged deeply, not from pleasure but from pain as he rubbed against the bite mark on her thigh.

She was relieved when she felt his orgasm but then gritted her teeth when she felt him moving inside her again, knowing that she would have to endure another bout of lovemaking.

Minutes later, he rolled over to his side, still gasping for breath.

She lay on her side, pulling the covers up to hide the marks.

He propped himself up as he looked at her.

"Maybe…Doc should examine you," he said as he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

She closed her eyes, fearful he would see the horror she'd endured reflected in them.

His hand cupped her head, pulling her tight against his body.

"I thought…you weren't coming…or answering your phone because you were still angry," he admitted.

"Angry?"

"About Heather," he said as he tried to look down at her but then froze at the sight of blood on his hand.

"What?" she asked.

"My God Sara what did you do to yourself?" he grieved as he scrambled to sit up.

She flinched when he examined the cut on her head.

"That needs stitches," he breathed.

"It's fine," she choked. "It will heal quickly."

"Let me examine you…"

"Gil…don't," she choked.

"Sara...this needs medical attention," he urged as he caressed her cheek.

"We're different…remember," she sniffled. "It will be better…after I rest," she said wincing as she turned on her side, not able to lie on the other side because of the bite mark.

Grissom slipped out from the bed covers. "I'll let you sleep," he offered as he reached for his shirt.

She rose immediately, "You're going to leave?"

"You said…you wanted…space."

"Stay!" she almost begged.

"Sara, are you alright?"

"Stay," she pleaded.

He returned to the bed, easing his way beside her.

Her arms clung to his neck as he rubbed her back.

"Are you sure nothing else is wrong?"

She trembled. "No," she moaned as she tried to find a comfortable position.

He was still concerned when she argued about working that night.

"Your shoulder seems to be hurting quite a bit. Let me take a look at…"

"It's fine," she bit out.

He stiffened. "I'm just concerned."

The last thing she needed was for him to see the infected bite marks.

They were definitely human and she didn't know how he would react to her lies.

The topical antibiotic crème had little effect on the infection but she didn't want to go to Doc and ask for anything stronger.

There would be questions that she was not prepared to answer.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," she said.

He returned to his side of the bed, still trying to honor the "space" request but she pressed her body tight to his.

When he woke she was no longer in the bed but he heard movement in the bathroom.

She just about bit his head off when he attempted to enter it.

"We've shared a bathroom before," he griped through the door.

"You can have your turn in a minute," she gritted as she examined the bite marks. Both were quite infected and burned immensely.

"Maybe you should stay home," he offered after he'd dressed and saw a tinge of pain in her eyes.

She adamantly refused but then refused to let him examine her injuries only frustrating him further.

"I've seen your body plenty of times, Sara. There is no need for modesty," he barked.

The bruises were still quite visible and if he was given a full view she was sure he would know the truth.

He'd been too needful when he saw her nude body briefly in the bathroom and she was not about to let him find out.

She would do anything to protect him from Darius, knowing that no human was a match for a fallen angel.

"I still haven't forgotten about Heather," she finally said needing some way to distract him.

It did the trick, sending him into his own tirade at her inability to trust which only ended up in a further tirade from her.

"I need to trust you, Grissom! I don't feel..." she stopped not liking the way she felt at the moment.

The memory of what Darius almost did made her stomach lurch.

"Safe?" Grissom finished. He stepped forward linking his hand into hers. "You're right. You have a right to be angry."

He offered her a solo that night but surprisingly she asked to work with him, needing to be near him.

He didn't know what to think of her odd behavior.

They took the more difficult case, having it drag over into the next shift by a few hours.

He met her in the locker room, having used the lab's showers.

She rubbed her shoulder but then stopped when he appeared beside her locker.

"You want to get something to eat before we go to your place?" he offered.

"My place?"

"You seem to prefer your place…over mine," he reasoned.

"No…your place," she said shutting her locker. She stood slowly. "Griss…could we get some of my things…first?"

"Yes…of course."

They took separate cars to her apartment. He let her go ahead while he spoke with Brass about the case.

It gave her some time to collect a few items placing them in a bag before he arrived.

He picked up the bag, noticing it was rather heavy.

He said nothing as he carried it to his car.

She slid into the passenger seat, leaning back.

She didn't realize she'd dozed off until he gently nudged her.

"Sara…we're here finally," he said as he stared at her.

"I'm sorry. I must have dozed," she said as she started to open her door.

He said nothing as he unlocked the door, letting her in first.

He had squirmed in his seat most of the way home, already needing to be with her.

He hurried through his food while she seemed to pick at hers.

"Sara…hurry up," he urged as he unbuttoned his shirt.

"Why?" she asked irritably.

"I need you," he said as he pulled her from her seat, his lips covering hers.

He pawed at her blouse as she went through the motions, not sure what to make of her lack of desire.

Once he climaxed he remained inside her, stroking her hair as he kissed her.

He thrust upward, feeling his desire return and she grimaced as he began the process again.

She was relieved that he fell instantly asleep and she was able to slip into the bathroom.

She examined the bite marks, cringing at the oozing infection.

She knew she would have to see Doc and no doubt Grissom would find out.

At shift, she started toward the morgue to see Doc, needing relief from the pain.

Her phone rang and was surprised when she did not recognize the caller I.D.

"Sidle."

"How are the bite marks?" asked Heather.

She recognized Heather's voice immediately.

"How did you know?" she spat.

"Darius likes to gloat. I've seen how destructive fallen angel's can be. I can help you."

"Why do you want to help me?" she asked.

"Fine. Help yourself. What did Grissom think about your little tryst with Darius?"

"It wasn't a tryst," she seethed.

"Imagine my surprise when I overheard Darius talking about how sweet you tasted. It's just as well. Sooner or later, Grissom would have broken the ritual."

"It can't be broken."

"Come come Sara. We both know how noble Grissom is but he never really wanted you. He was willing to try to settle for you but then he never was quite finished with me. Now that he knows how to break the ritual it is a matter of time before he does that. Oh, he said it was for both of you but since he didn't share it with you, I imagine he's going to try it himself."

Sara leaned against the wall.

There was a long pregnant pause. "Okay, Sara since you're too proud to ask, I'll tell you. There are two ways to break the urge to mate…one is by withholding- very painful since it's like going through detox or…having sex with someone else."

Sara swallowed. "Having sex with someone else?"

"That's right. You no longer have the urge….say Sara, do you still have that urge or did Darius take the edge off?"

_Darius did not rape me…_

_I would know…_

"So….are both of you jumping each other like two rabid rabbits?" Heather purred.

"What about the bite marks?"

Heather clucked her tongue. "I'm sorry. I'm all out of information today. I guess you'll have to wait."

"Heather…don't mess with me," warned Sara.

"Is it getting painful? Good…next time be nice and I might tell you."

The phone clicked.

She was startled when the door swung open and Doc stood there.

"Oh…Sara. I thought I heard a voice. What can I do for you?" he asked.

"Doc…I need your help," she whispered.

Doc examined the wounds. "These are human bite marks."

"I know."

He gritted his teeth. "Human saliva can be filled with germs but…this…did Grissom…"

"No! Grissom would never…," she licked her lips. "And you can't tell him about this."

"Sara, what happened?"

"Doc…please," she begged.

She winced when he inserted the needle into her shoulder. "I'll need to monitor this…but then you probably already know this," he griped.

"The shoulder is worse than the thigh," she gritted.

"Any other injuries?" he asked.

"My head…is better and the bruises are almost gone."

He cleared his throat and stepped closer. "Why didn't you report the assault?"

"I couldn't," she mumbled.

"Sara…were you raped?"

"No…No," she said as she got out of the chair adjusting her clothing.

"Sit back down," he ordered.

"I have to get back to work," she explained nervously.

"Just as soon as I draw some blood," he stated.

She turned her head, tired of the sight of blood.

"I'll let you know what I find out," he said softly.

"Thanks Doc."

She started to leave when he called her back.

"Letting someone get away with this only allows him to do it again," he warned. "And next time it could be worse."

Note from author:

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas...I did but I am so stuffed and sleepy. LOL


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight:**

**The Shepherd's Jealousy Harms the Lamb**

Grissom glanced up when she stood in the doorway.

"I was looking for you earlier," he stated as he looked over his glasses.

"Paperwork?"

"A lot," he admitted.

"So…I guess you're going to stay over?"

"Yes…but you could go on…get some rest."

The thought of returning to her apartment alone made her physically ill.

"I could help," she offered.

"Sara, go home."

"Mind if I stay?"

He looked confused, not sure why she was abandoning the "space" issue.

He set his pen down and started to reply but his phone rang.

He grumbled when it was Ecklie.

"I'll be there in a minute."

He fumbled through some files, grabbing one. "This may take awhile. I'll see you later."

Hours late he hurried to her apartment but frowned when he didn't see her car.

He called her cell and grumbled when it rolled over to voice mail as he drove toward the townhouse, intending to catch a shower before trying to locate her.

It wasn't that he was in need of her but something felt off.

He showered, and grabbed something to eat while he contemplated catching some much needed sleep.

Her disappearance still nagged at him.

His phone rang and he grabbed it immediately.

"Grissom."

"Sara has a secret," purred Heather.

"If you know, then how is it a secret?" he challenged.

"She knows how to break the ritual. The question is…has she done anything yet. Of course, only you can answer that Grissom."

She hung up before he could reply.

He closed the phone but then flipped it open again calling Sara's cell.

She answered this time.

"Sidle."

"I need to talk with you…now," he gritted.

"Griss…I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"Why are you so angry?"

"Why didn't you tell me you knew how to break the ritual?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" she shot back.

"Answer the question," he ordered.

"Grissom…I'm not having this conversation with you right now," she breathed.

"Where are you?"

"I needed…"

"Space," he griped. "One minute you tell me you want space and then you don't…now it's back to that."

"I'll see you soon."

"Sara…"

She closed the phone, lying back on the couch, wincing as Doc prepared the injection.

"You should have told him," scolded Doc.

"Doc….please…just do it," she begged.

He injected her once more. "Sara, you know I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to treating you…I've already given you more than the recommended dosage," he warned.

The shot did little to take the edge off the pain.

She had appeared at the morgue, looking quite pale.

"The bite marks are getting worse," she grimaced.

She felt the sting of the needle and then the burning sensation eased a bit.

"Sara, I'm not sure if the infection is the reason for the change in your blood work. I'm merely guessing."

He examined the wound in her shoulder again.

"You have to tell Grissom."

"No."

"Don't get up. Stay for awhile so I can monitor your condition," he ordered. "I'll call my wife and let her know where I am."

"I'm sorry Doc. I'm taking you away from your family."

"You're family too," he said as he patted her knee.

Grissom returned to her apartment once more, even going to the door just in case she had hidden her car from him but she was not there.

His temper was at a slow boil as he entered the lab that evening.

He'd tried to call her once more but it only rolled over to voicemail.

He grabbed his messages and headed straight to his office but slowed when he caught sight of Brass talking in a hushed tone with Sara.

Her arms were folded in a protective stance and it appeared the conversation was getting heated.

Sara cursed under her breath when she saw him approach.

"Jim…I mean it," she warned.

"Look Doc didn't tell me anything except you was in over your head. That makes it my business," he said.

"Doc had no business saying anything," she seethed.

"Is there a problem?" asked Grissom.

"Just talking," stated Brass.

"It sounded heated…for just talking," countered Grissom.

"I need to clock in," stated Sara.

Grissom wanted until she rounded the corner.

"Don't look at me," griped Brass. "I know nothing…yet."

"Is there something you should know…or that I should know?"

Brass started to reply but stopped. "Talk to your better half."

He assigned her with him even though he could have handled the case on his own.

She scanned the details of the case.

"This shouldn't take long," she commented.

"Are you going to tell me what you and Jim were talking about?"

"No."

He gritted his teeth but said nothing more.

She disappeared after shift and he wondered where she had gone in a flash.

Already he felt the need for her as he stepped out into the parking lot and noticed her car was gone.

He yanked open his phone.

"Sidle"

"I'll meet you at your apartment," he said hastily.

She glanced at her watch and realized how long it had been since their last coupling.

"Your place," she bit out.

She hung up before he could say anything further.

"Doc, I have to leave," she said rolling down her sleeve.

"No, you're not. Sara, I need to treat this or…

"I have to," she pressed.

"Sara…"

She hurried out of the door without looking back.

Grissom was pacing by the time she entered the house.

He pulled her into his arms immediately, pushing her against the wall.

"You…keep cutting this short," he said between kisses.

She tried to pretend that she desired him as he fumbled with her blouse, oblivious to the reddened skin around the bandage because of his need.

He entered her swiftly, wrapping her leg around his waist so he could get better penetration.

Her thigh ached with each thrust.

She was relieved when he finished, letting him continue until he was fully sated.

During their second bout of lovemaking, they had eventually found their way to the bed and now he lay there with his weight pressing into her.

He shifted, lifting himself as he tried to control his breathing.

She tensed when he rubbed against her shoulder.

"Does this still hurt?" he asked as he started to touch it but she pulled away.

He leaned back staring at her.

"Your face is not flushed," he accused.

His eyes widened as if something registered.

He pinned her hands to the bed.

"What have you done, Sara?" he bit out.

She struggled, not like being restrained.

"Grissom…let me go," she pleaded.

"You don't…feel it anymore…do you?" he barked.

She shook her head slightly as she let out a soft sob.

"Who did you fuck?" he glared.

"I…"

He shoved her into the mattress causing immense pain to her shoulder.

"Stop it!" she cried.

"I should have known," he cursed as he stood there physically shaking with anger.

He never believed he would ever be enough for her. "Get out! Get out of my sight!" he bellowed.

"Grissom…"

He yanked her by the arm, pain shooting through her injured shoulder as he pulled her out of his bed, tossing clothes at her.

She slipped on her clothes in record time, grabbing her shoes that were tossed in her face.

"Would you let me…explain?" she cried.

She trembled, fearful of his anger.

He forcibly grabbed her by the arm again even though she tried to resist, her hip making contact with the table in the hallway causing the family portraits to crash to the floor.

The breaking of glass did not deter him as he continued dragging her toward the front door.

Her thigh felt as if it were on fire as it bumped into the furniture and wall.

"Gil, please," she begged, digging her heals into the carpet.

"Why did I get involved with you?" he yelled. "I knew you would do this! I was right! You're not worth the risk!"

He pulled her resisting body as she pleaded with him to stop but he continued toward the door until she became dead weight, forcing him to turn around to glare at her but he halted the moment he realized she was unconscious.

"Sara? Oh Christ, Sara?"

Her limp body lay on the floor.

He scooped her into his arms, stepping over the broken frames as he made his way back to the bedroom.

His gut twisted at how cruel he had been to her, the clutter on the floor evidence of his violent behavior.

He'd never been this violent before and for a moment he thought he would vomit.

His heart thudded loudly as he checked her pulse, finding it strangely erratic.

It was then he noticed the soiled bandage on her shoulder.

_I didn't even think about her wounds…_

_What was I thinking?_

_I wasn't..._

_I was too blind with jealousy..._

His eyes took in the reddened area around the bandaged wound and knew that it was infected.

His hand slipped up the skirt she was wearing locating the other bandaged area.

Her cell phone went off and he grumbled but then grabbed it seeing that it was Doc.

"Sara?"

"It's Grissom. She…Doc I need your help. Sara passed out and she's not responding," he grieved. "Can you come? Hurry!"

Minutes ticked by while he waited for Doc to arrive while trying to arouse her.

He was relieved when there was a tap on his door and he rushed to answer it.

Doc's eyes darted to the broken glass on the floor but Grissom ignored the accusatory look.

"Is she conscious?" Doc asked.

"No. Doc, she fell several days ago. The injured area looks infected," he grieved displaying the two bandages.

"Did she tell you about these?"

"Yes. She fell down an embankment in the park and…"

Grissom stopped as he watched Doc remove the bandage from her shoulder.

His eyes widened at the sight of the wound.

"That's…that's a bite mark," Grissom managed to get out.

"She came to me when the infection got worse. I've been treating her but it's not improved."

"Did she…did she tell you how she got them?"

"By the faded bruises, I suspected assault but she never reported it…I guess she was afraid to report it…thinking that perhaps through trace they would notice the changes in her genetic make-up. I tried to get her to tell you but she was adamant that you couldn't know."

"Was she…raped?"

"She denied it…but I'm not sure. She's been pretty rattled about something."

Grissom covered his mouth with his hand.

_She wanted to explain and I wouldn't let her…_

"Gil…I'm not sure if it's because of the bite marks but her blood make-up has changed."

"In what way?" he asked sounding alarmed.

"It's like a new blood type was merged with hers."

He swallowed.

"I could continue to give her the injections but I'm not sure I should. I just don't know."

"What can we do?"

"Let her sleep….wait and see."

He nodded numbly.

His phone rang and he answered it quickly realizing it was Heather.

"Heather, I need your help," he panted.

"The bite marks getting to be a problem?" she asked.

"How did you know?"

"That's not important."

"Sara is unconscious. We can't wake her. Heather, please," he begged.

"I could be persuaded to help on one condition," she sighed.

"And what is that?" he grumbled.

"I want you Grissom. You let me show you how you should be loved and I will tell you how to help Sara," she griped.

"You know I can't do that, Heather. A true friend would not make such a demand," he spat.

"I'm the best friend you will ever have," she said softly. "You just don't know…how much."

_Darius wants to kill you…_

_I won't let him…_

"The bite mark came from a fallen angel, didn't it?" asked Grissom.

"Yes."

"Could it have…would it have…changed her desire for me?"

Heather smiled. "She got more than just a bite. So…she put the information to use…rid herself of you."

"No…she didn't…"

"Grissom…come to me," she almost begged.

"NO! I want Sara. Can't you understand that?"

"Why would you want her now? She's been with a fallen angel…he left his mark…two in fact."

"Who?" he barked.

"Ask Sara."

"Darius," he gritted.

"Grissom…she invited him into her home…she accepted him. You are free."

"Sara would not have done that! I don't want anyone else but her. I still have the same urge…for her."

"That's…impossible."

_Sara's infidelity would have broken the urge…_

"Grissom…"

Darius grabbed the phone.

"Heather?"

The phone went dead.

He tried to call her back but there was no answer.

He contemplated going over there but did not want to leave Sara.

There was no way he was going to have sex with Heather but as the hours dragged by and there was no improvement, he was reconsidering his options.

Finally she woke, her hand slowly coming to her shoulder.

"Sara?" Grissom whispered.

She edged away from him, remembering his violent outburst and cruel handling.

Doc stepped to the side of the bed.

"How do you feel?" Doc asked.

She looked confused as she tried to sit up.

Grissom attempted to help but she flinched from his touch.

Doc eyed Grissom as he stepped between them. "Sara, you've been unconscious for quite awhile. Grissom called me when you fainted and couldn't get you…"

She threw back the covers attempting to stand but Doc blocked the motion.

"Not so fast," he chided. "I want to examine your wounds and see if there's any improvement."

She felt quite retched but she wanted to leave, not wanting to stay where she was not wanted.

Going back to her apartment was out of the question since she feared Darius would return.

Doc pulled off the bandages giving Grissom a view of the wound which angered her.

"Sara…there is no improvement," Doc said softly. She knew by the look on Grissom's face that Doc had told him the truth about the wounds.

"It feels better," she lied. "I just overdid it…needed rest."

She tried to get up once more but Grissom blocked her this time.

"Honey, you're not getting out of bed," he ordered softly.

"_I was right. You're not worth the risk!"_

"I'm going home…Doc can…drive me."

Grissom's heart thudded loudly.

He knew if Darius was behind this then he would surely try to get to her again.

"You can't…stay alone," Grissom blurted.

"I won't."

Grissom swallowed. "I'll stay with you," he offered.

"No."

She removed the covers once more and sat up.

"If you would give me a few minutes Doc, I'll be ready to go," she stated.

"Uhm…okay."

Grissom glared at Doc.

"She's not leaving," Grissom demanded.

"You're not the boss of me," Sara miffed. "Doc…I just need a minute and then I'll be ready."

Doc pulled Grissom out of the room.

"She's right, Gil. You can't force her to…"

She screamed out the moment she tried to walk across the room.

She went down hard, hitting her side on the small reading table by the bed.

Grissom tried to lift her but she swatted at his hands. "Don't….don't touch me," she cried.

"Sara, let me help you back into the bed," offered Doc.

"I can't move," she cried. "It hurts…I don't want to move."

"The leg?" he questioned.

She nodded as she rubbed her thigh.

"Let me take a look at it," he soothed.

He lifted the skirt, not liking the discoloration that was now spreading.

"Sara, on the count of three, Grissom and I are going to lift you onto the bed," Doc instructed.

She didn't want Grissom touching her but she had no choice.

Quickly Grissom gathered her into his arms and placed her back in the bed in one swift motion.

She cried out in agony.

"I'm sorry," Grissom grieved.

Without asking, he shifted her so that she was on her side.

It eased the pain some.

"Is the pain better?" asked Doc.

She nodded even though her hands clutched the covers.

Neither believed her.

Grissom raked his hands through his hair.

He felt helpless.

His phone rang and he answered it, stepping into the other room.

"Heather…I tried calling you back," he whispered. "Sara is worse. I need…"

Heather rattled off the antidote.

"Gil…I expect repayment," she said before hanging up.

Darius's finger slipped down Heather's battered cheek.

"Now, was that so hard?" he sneered.

"You're…despicable."

"I get what I want. Sara is fertile…I can…"

"No fallen angel has ever been able to reproduce."

"They are fallen just as much as I am….as well as you…dear mother."

"You won't get away with this," she warned.

Silas chuckled as Darius stepped out of the room.

"He's just like you," she spat.

Silas towered over her. "No, he's not. He'll never be as good as me. He's too soft like you and besides, your sniveling son didn't do this."

He slipped out his knife, slicing her throat as he kissed her on the cheek.

He chuckled as he watched her try to stop the flow of blood.

"Don't worry dearest. I just didn't want you to try to warn them," he sneered licking the blood from the blade of the knife. "Not as sweet as Sara, I bet."

Grissom grabbed Doc. "I have an antidote."

"Where did you get it?"

"From Heather Kessler."

"Are you sure…she can be trusted?"

"Do I have a choice? Does Sara?"

Doc glanced back into the room. "No…you don't."

He took the instructions. "It will take me about an hour to make this," cautioned Doc.

"I'll watch over her," whispered Grissom.

"What uhm happened between the two of you?" asked Doc.

"Doc…Sara needs that antidote…now."

Doc let it go as Grissom returned to Sara's side.

He gently pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Sara. Please forgive me."

Note from author:

Some of these chapters are going to bring up questions that will be answered in the following chapters so hang in there! You'll get to know Silas later...as well as more about the other fallen angels.

Take care!


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine:**

**Sacrificial Lamb**

She drifted in and out, waking for short periods of time.

With each glimpse around the room, she caught sight of him sitting beside her. Sometimes, she felt his hand stroking her hair. Other times, she felt his lips on her forehead.

"I'm sorry, Sara," he whispered like a mantra.

Her fever soared higher as she struggled to remain conscious.

Grissom tried to comfort her as best as he could but he knew she was getting worse.

He felt hopeful when Doc finally returned with the antidote.

"You'll need to hold her," advised Doc.

Sara's eyes fluttered open. She grew alarmed when Grissom's hands pinned her down.

"Don't," her voice weak.

Grissom was surprised that she was fully awake now.

"It's okay," soothed Grissom as he kissed her on the forehead causing her to shrink away from the endearment.

It hurt him but he knew that he deserved it.

There was no excuse for his treatment of her.

He'd been enraged with jealousy over the thought that she might have given her self to someone.

His behavior had been despicable and he wasn't sure whether she could ever forgive him.

At the moment he just wanted to ease her pain.

"I love you," Grissom whispered. "We have an antidote."

She exhaled as if she were having difficulty breathing but managed to say one word, "Risk."

Grissom gulped, regretful for his hateful words. "It was said out of anger, Sara. Forgive me. I didn't mean it," he whispered in her ear as he kissed her.

"What does she mean?" whispered Doc.

"Doc…please help her. She's weaker."

She saw the needle in Doc's hand.

"Sara…I need you to be very still," warned Doc.

She nodded but then began to cry out when he injected the concoction into her abdomen.

Grissom held her firmly, apologizing for having to do so.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he whispered over and over.

She whimpered but then went limp.

"Her pulse is steady," soothed Doc as he monitored her vitals.

"My God…look Gil!" stated Doc as the wounds began to heal instantly.

Grissom smiled, wiping his forehead.

_Thank you Heather…_

An hour passed as they watched each of the bruises and cuts heal.

She moaned slightly.

"Sara?" whispered Grissom. "You're healing…open your eyes and look!"

Her eyes opened but his smile faded as she clamped onto his hand, bracing from the onslaught of the abdominal cramp.

"What's wrong?" Grissom asked.

"Cramp…ing," she moaned.

"It could be a side effect," cautioned Doc. "Sara…just lie still and…"

She screamed as another one tore through her.

Her hands gripped Grissom's and he shifted her into his arms.

"I'm here, Sara. Just hold my hand," he soothed.

"Oh…oh…it hurts," she cried. "It feels like…my insides are…"

Sara felt a warm gush between her legs.

"Doc! She's bleeding!" yelled Grissom.

The blood soaked the bed as she screamed through another cramp.

Doc glanced at Grissom. "Gil…this looks like a miscarriage," he whispered.

Sara panted through the pain. "Baby?" she cried.

"Sara…did you know you were pregnant?" asked Doc.

"No…no…I…," she screamed once more as she gripped Grissom's hand, fighting through another cramp.

"There was nothing in the blood work to indicate she was," grieved Doc.

"Baby…Doc…can…you do anything?" she cried.

"Sara…I'm going to fold your legs together…resist the urge to push…maybe…"

Her scream halted the conversation as she felt something slide out of her.

"No..no..no.." she cried as she saw the unborn fetus.

Doc quickly covered it but her eyes remained fixed on the small bundle.

Her body shivered violently.

Doc grabbed something from his bag.

"What are you doing?" asked Grissom.

"I need to stop the bleeding," urged Doc. "Gil…" he didn't finish as Doc's eyes glanced to Sara and then at the small towel that contained the remnants of the pregnancy.

Grissom pulled Sara's head into his chest blocking her from the grim sight.

Sobs tore from her as Grissom cradled her.

She didn't flinch when the needle pricked her skin.

Gradually she relaxed in his arms.

He kissed her closed lids, grateful she was now unconscious and not able to see the small bundle in Doc's hands.

Grissom wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Doc…she wouldn't even be in her first trimester…the fetus appears to be much older in gestation," whispered Grissom. "Sara…Sara was a virgin…there is no way…"

"By human calculations it would be four to five months…from the size of it. Gil, perhaps their offspring…grow faster than humans. Did Gracen ever…"

"There were so few births…he never mentioned it."

"A boy," Doc stated softly.

"A son?" Grissom choked.

"I'm sorry. The fetus probably couldn't survive the trauma of the…bite marks…or the antidote."

Doc grabbed a towel, removing the remnants of the pregnancy.

"The bleeding is slowing," whispered Doc. "Sara's body seems to be healing itself. We should try to remove the blood…it's better if she didn't see any of this."

Grissom nodded numbly as he continued to hold her in his arms.

She woke a few hours later.

Her eyes opened and for a moment she thought it had been a nightmare but as soon as her eyes drifted to Grissom, she knew that it had happened.

They had lost a child.

She was now dressed in a gown, the bed linens changed as well.

She took a ragged breath, asking for water.

The cool drink felt good on her dry lips.

It seemed to pour straight to the pit of her stomach causing a slight nauseated feeling.

"Drink slowly," cautioned Grissom.

Doc appeared, poking and prodding in his gentle manner, giving his condolences but she tuned out his voice as well as her surroundings.

The physical pain had now been replaced by an emotional one as she considered what it would have been like to have a child, Grissom's child.

Doc was being Doc by telling her that the miscarriage did not indicate she could not get pregnant again. The fact that she had gotten pregnant was a miracle and now it was gone.

It wasn't supposed to happen and yet she watched the life gush out of her and a deep heart wrenching ache replaced it.

She nodded to whatever Doc was saying, too engrossed in her emotional pain.

He patted her hand and then disappeared into the other room, giving them some privacy.

She didn't know what to do with the ache.

"I'm sorry, Sara. I've never acted like that before...there's no excuse for how I treated you," he wept.

"You thought..."

"Yes...and I had no reason to think that way. I was so blind with rage...over the thought that you'd been with someone I didn't think."

His hand took hers holding it tight, "I didn't mean any of the things I said. They were said out of anger."

"I'm sorry," he said over and over but his words did not seem to help ease any of the pain that she was feeling.

She couldn't deal with the anger she felt for him while trying to comprehend what she'd just been through.

The strange feelings over the past few weeks suddenly made sense but it had been too late.

Their child was dead.

She lay there until she heard a quiet sob coming from beside the bed.

She turned her head, swallowing her own tears as Grissom tried to wipe away the wetness on his cheeks.

"It was a boy," he whispered.

She nodded but could not find the words to respond.

His eyes pleaded for some kind of response but she wasn't ready to verbalize her grief.

He tried to coax her into a conversation but she remained quiet, her body stiffened with each caress.

"I don't blame you if you pull away. I've never treated anyone...like that. I've never felt anything like that. I let my anger take control. I hurt you...God, I hurt you," he wept. "This is my fault."

It was then she saw his own grief as he wiped his sleeve across his face but the action did little to wipe away the tears that dropped in a steady flow.

She'd never shared her pain with anyone before and despite how hard it was for her to see his genuine grief she allowed him to comfort her, needing to feel connected to him at the moment.

It was a sense of desperation on both of their parts as they clung to one another.

Hours passed and she could no longer bear to lie in the bed any longer.

He followed her throughout the house even though she repeatedly told him she was fine.

It did not deter him, needing to keep her close to him.

There was still the matter of Darius but at the moment he needed to focus on the sadness that emanated from Sara.

Neither had said a word to one another in hours and yet they had been inseparable.

He fixed her a glass of juice, sitting it on the counter as she sat on the stool in the kitchen.

It was Grissom who broke the silence.

"Sara…I should have let you…explain what happened," he began, needing to clear the air.

While she had allowed him to comfort her, there was still a wall between them.

"I want to know what happened," he pressed.

"Not what you thought," she threw out.

"I know. I'm sorry," he mourned. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

She took a deep breath letting it out slowly.

"I opened the door and I saw…Gracen," she whispered. "I stupidly…let him into my apartment. I just…" she stopped swiping at her cheeks, angry that she couldn't seem to stop the continuous flow.

"You wanted Gracen," he said sadly.

"Not like that!" she bit out. "I…I'd never felt safe…until Gracen. I'd felt off for days…I wanted…needed to feel safe and when I saw Gracen's face…" she stopped swallowing hard.

He nodded in understanding.

His lies though they were meant to protect, had shattered her sense of security.

"He tried to pretend…tried to get me…but I didn't Grissom. I didn't!" she bit out. "I realized that it wasn't Gracen. When I refused to let him…he…changed his appearance…to you."

Grissom's eyes widened.

"I…fought him off…but he was…too strong."

"Sara, did he…"

"No…no…he could have…but he stopped…cursing…about something. He shoved me against the wall and I blacked out. When I woke… he was gone and you were calling to tell me…I knew there wasn't anything the police could do."

"It was Darius," he gritted.

She nodded.

"Are you sure he didn't…"

"No! I'm sure," she grieved.

Grissom's hands covered hers. "You should have told me," he said.

"Why? You couldn't have done anything," she wept as she pulled her hand away to grip the glass with both hands.

He wasn't sure if she was avoiding his touch or that she needed the added support since her hand trembled slightly.

"Sara…he's going to come back. He has to be stopped."

"Not by you…Grissom, you can't..." She stifled a sob, "Just leave it alone."

"Sara…"

There was a knock on the door.

Grissom quickly caught a glimpse of fear in Sara's eyes realizing that Sara still feared Darius would return.

Grissom pulled out his gun and handed it to her while he went to the door and checked.

He was surprised to see Father Brannigan along with another man.

"Gil, I found someone who may be able to answer your questions," he offered.

He'd called Father Brannigan in his desperation to find someone who might know about fallen angels and would be able to help Sara.

Grissom started to let them in but Sara cautioned him.

"Forgive me Father but…can you tell me when we first met?" asked Grissom.

"You came to the church. You said you had offered a position to a young woman who you cared for very much and you were worried about how she would cope with the cruelty of your job."

"Thank you Father, please come in," stated Grissom.

The man cleared his throat. "I take it you had a run in with a fallen angel… one that likes to disguise himself as someone you know?" asked the man.

"Yes," admitted Grissom.

"Gil, this is Francis Merci," stated Father Brannigan.

Sara's glass tipped over.

Grissom glanced in her direction. "Merci…you're related to Gracen Merci?"

"He was my grandson," admitted the man.

"Gracen didn't mention him by name…I didn't get the impression he was still alive," she gulped, fear evident in her eyes.

Grissom stepped away, coming to stand near Sara.

"That's because he was considered 'dead' to me," the man admitted.

Sara stared at the man intently.

There was some resemblance to Gracen.

"You must be Sara," Francis said as he took a step toward her.

Grissom blocked him but Sara stepped to the side to confront the man.

"You….all of you turned your back on Gracen," she accused.

"Yes, we did and he was my grandson," he mourned.

Francis extended his hand to Sara.

"May I hold your hand?" he asked.

She looked into the man's eyes.

They were Gracen's eyes.

"You don't have to be afraid, Sara. I couldn't harm you. You are a part of me…you are a part of Gracen…my own blood line."

He left his hand extended but she stepped further away.

Grissom started to shove the man away when Francis deliberately grabbed her hand.

"Don't touch me!" she cried as she struggled to break the contact.

"You're very sad," replied Francis as his eyes widened. "You…lost a child."

"Let go of her!" warned Grissom.

He released her hand and she stumbled away from both of them, leaning against the window sill.

"Please…I didn't mean to frighten you. It's just that it's been awhile since I've felt connected to Gracen," he explained. "By touching you…I can feel his essence."

She gulped. "Don't ever touch me!"

Francis stepped back, knowing that he had only made matters worse.

"Father Brannigan told me what happened…to Gracen."

Grissom glanced at Father Brannigan. "I contacted Francis…as soon as you told me about Sara…when you mentioned Gracen's last name, I thought he might be related to this man. He's been coming to the church for the past thirty years. I've know what he is…but he never bothered anything or anyone…but sat and prayed."

"You are one of the few priests or ministers who will allow us this small comfort," griped Francis.

"You said Gracen was 'dead' to you. Why?" asked Grissom.

"He left the sect…for Sara. He wanted to…marry her. That is forbidden so he was cast out of the sect. He had disgraced our kind."

"Disgraced?" Sara spat. "Gracen was good and gentle while some of you…" she choked. "You turned your back on your grandson…you didn't offer him protection from the likes of Darius."

"No, we didn't. The sect is aware of what happened but they will not get involved…but I will," offered Francis.

Sara scoffed at the offer, "Gracen is dead and now you want to help?"

"Why?" asked Grissom suspicious of the man's motives.

"Because I am alone. My son and his wife are dead…my only grandson is dead. I am tired Mr. Grissom. I have existed a very long time; I don't care what happens to me. I do care about Sara…and you. You are the only family I have remaining. You are the end of our blood line."

Francis turned to Sara. "Darius wants you…specifically he wants an heir. He foolishly thinks that any offspring will be superior to any of the fallen angels. He marked you as his own…the bite marks…a sign that you belong to him. He would have tried to impregnate you but it seems you were already pregnant."

"Sara lost the baby," grieved Grissom. "The bite wounds became severely infected…we'd tried…" Grissom stopped, his pain too fresh to talk about.

"The baby was too weak," whispered Grissom.

"Nonsense!" Francis shouted. "The life force within Sara would have fought off the evil inflicted in the bite marks."

"But I miscarried…why?" whispered Sara.

Grissom tensed, worried that their altercation might have caused the miscarriage.

Francis shook his head. "I don't know unless…did Darius force you to ingest…no, not even he can do that…he would need someone to do his dirty work for him."

"What are you saying?" asked Grissom.

"Did you ingest or was injected with anything?" Francis asked.

Grissom reached onto the counter handing him the written instructions Heather had given him.

Francis cursed. "Who gave you this?"

"Someone who has been involved with…someone who had knowledge of your kind."

"It is your kind now," he mourned. "This is…my fault. I should have come sooner."

"What…what happened?" asked Sara.

"This…is your human version of an abortion."

"No," Sara gasped as she grabbed her midsection.

Grissom stepped forward. "If we…if we had not given that to Sara…would the baby…would she…would they have lived?"

"Yes."

Grissom felt as though he had been kicked in the stomach.

He had aborted his own child, his own son.

Grissom stumbled back as his hand covered his mouth to stifle his own sob.

He felt Sara's hand on his but he stepped back too horror struck at what he'd done.

He'd been worried that his harsh behavior toward her might had caused her to go into labor but now this man had just confirmed his worst nightmare.

He had caused the death of his child.

"You didn't know," she choked. "Doc and you were…"

Sara flung herself into Grissom's arms as they both clung to one another.

"You didn't know," she whispered over and over.

"I trusted her! I begged her to help me. Oh God, Sara, what have I done," he wept.

"Gil, listen to me," she begged. "I don't blame you. You were only trying to help me."

"I am sorry. If anyone is at fault it is me," stated Francis. "If I had come sooner, I would have been able to advise you…give you the information that you needed."

Father Brannigan stepped toward the door. "Gil, I am sorry for your loss. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do."

Grissom nodded as he continued to hold Sara.

"Can we sit?" asked Francis.

Grissom guided Sara to the couch. She looked quite frail as he motioned for Francis to take a seat.

He chose the chair directly across from them.

"Fallen angels were jealous of our ability to conceive so they…would often inflict our women with that…concoction causing them to lose the life they carried."

"The gestational period…" began Grissom.

Francis leaned forward. "Our gestational period is different."

"We realized that when we saw…" Grissom stopped not wanting to discuss such matters in front of Sara.

"How…long?" she asked.

"Five months," he explained. "In human terms you would have been probably three months along whereas…" Francis didn't finish as Sara shifted away from Grissom's embrace.

Pure anger and vengeance raced through her veins.

"We've been told….can the ritual be broken?" asked Sara sitting up.

Grissom stiffened.

"Yes," said Francis, eyeing Grissom's reaction to the question. "Do you want this?'

She didn't answer not sure if Grissom wanted out of the relationship since he had been seeking the information from Heather.

Francis took a deep breath and then continued "If you abstain…then eventually the bond will fade over time. It is excruciating…in essence you are killing off a part of yourself. The other way…is by intercourse with someone else…but it must be with another angel…or fallen angel. No angel would dare mate with someone who has already gone through the mating ritual so that would leave a fallen angel."

_Heather is a fallen angel…_ thought Grissom as he tried to read Sara's expressions.

"Why didn't…Gracen said the ritual couldn't be broken," she accused.

"He knew you…as well as himself. He knew that neither of you would break the ritual…would go to a fallen angel and do such a thing….so in your instance the ritual could not be broken," explained Francis.

"I…didn't have….I lost the desire…for Grissom," she blurted.

He smiled sadly. "No, you didn't. Sara…did it happen after Darius attacked you?"

"Yes."

"Your body had been traumatized…you were also withholding…lying to Grissom. We are wired differently…we don't like to sin…to lie is to sin. It guilts us far worse than a human. There was also the matter of the life you were carrying…your need diminishes over time because your body is focusing on the life that is growing inside you."

"I didn't know…I was pregnant…I felt off…" she didn't finish, folding her hands together to keep them from trembling.

Grissom reached out to take one but she refused to accept the comfort, letting his hand fall on her knee.

"I haven't…felt the urge in several hours," admitted Grissom.

"You're grieving for your child. No doubt you were feeling…something was "off" as well, it depends on how closely you've bonded to one another. Once Sara's body heals, the desire will return quickly."

"My blood type…changed," she quickly added.

"It was your baby's…intermixing with yours," Francis explained. "Human blood does not mix with their unborn but angels do causing our blood type to change…a unique intimacy with your baby."

"My baby," Sara whispered.

Francis and Grissom exchanged glances. "In a few days…you will…resume as if nothing…"

Sara bolted from the couch.

She shrugged off any attempts by Grissom to grab her hand.

She felt as if there was no air in the room as she pressed her face against the coolness of the window.

Grissom started for her but Francis stopped him.

"Please," Francis whispered to Grissom.

Slowly Francis stepped to Sara's side, not wishing to frighten her.

"Gracen loved you very much," he said softly.

"He died because of me."

"He often spoke about you. I knew the first time he spoke of you he had fallen in love with you. I admit I didn't want that. I was one of the few angels who took another angel as a mate and we had been able to conceive. My son was a miracle. He was perfect and I thought that God wasn't so angry with us…but then they…the fallen ones took my wife. They killed her…my sweet Elena. There were a few other births among us angels but then no more."

"Wait…I don't understand. If you were mated…then why didn't you die?"

"Our bond was broken….it doesn't matter if…she was taken by force…raped," he explained.

"I'm sorry," Sara whispered.

"My son took a young human girl as his mate and immediately she gave birth to Gracen. There were complications and she almost died…she was the first human taken as a mate. Gracen declared that there would be no further mating with humans…but he changed his mind when he met you, Sara."

"I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant," she said softly.

Grissom looked surprised.

"When your DNA merged with us, you were healed."

"He didn't tell me," she sniffled.

"Perhaps he feared of getting your hopes up…there was no guarantee he could father a child."

Francis stepped closer. "I think Gracen understood our true purpose here…before he died…and that is protecting God's creations. He did not die in vain. He died with purpose. He died protecting you…his role from the beginning….as your guardian angel."

The coolness of the window pane felt good against her cheek, her eyes closed as she forced herself to allow Francis to come closer.

"Sara, can I hold your hand?"

She didn't reply nor did she step away when his hand slipped into hers.

Grissom waited for the slightest objection, intending to intervene if necessary.

They stood quietly for several minutes as Francis continued to hold her hand.

"Thank you Sara. I know how difficult that was for you," he whispered as he caressed the palm of her hand.

"I will be your protector now. I will watch over you. I won't let Darius hurt you."

"He already has…he took my child. I never should have let him in. I should have known that it wasn't Gracen. He didn't feel right but then…everything felt off," she wept.

"It was the pregnancy…it distorted your view," he explained.

"I didn't know I was pregnant. I didn't feel different," she wept.

"I am old…very old but still not wise as I should be. I should have come sooner…I am sorry."

He released her hand slowly "Do not blame yourself…or Grissom. Grieve Sara, lean on one another."

Francis started for the door but stopped when he heard a gasp from Sara.

Grissom jumped to his feet in an instant.

"Darius…is outside," she gasped.

Grissom looked out the window.

Darius waved.

"That bastard," growled Grissom.

He started for the door but Sara would not let go of his hand.

"Gil, no!" she begged.

He broke from her grasp as he rushed to the door.

"Francis! Please!" Sara begged.

Francis stood at the door. "Gil…one of us needs to stay with Sara…to protect her."

Grissom glanced back at Sara. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Francis blocked the doorway. "Gil, she needs you…not me," he whispered.

"Gil…please," Sara called.

Francis opened the door but Grissom quickly stepped out.

"I killed my son because of him," grieved Grissom. "She needs you to protect her...I failed."

Sara called once more but Grissom was gone.

Note from author:

What a place to end it... Leave a review so we can move on...quickly...LOL


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

**Wolf After the Lamb**

Francis followed shutting the door despite Sara's objection.

Darius puffed on a cigarette across the street, blowing circles of smoke into the air.

"Stay here…I'll talk with him," urged Francis to Grissom.

Darius laughed as he headed toward them.

"What's the matter? Can't decide which of you wants to die first?" asked Darius.

He stopped at the curb.

"I wouldn't want to trespass," he crooned.

Darius stared intently at Francis Merci.

"Well, well…look who has come out of hiding," smiled Darius. "If it's not my mother's…beloved."

Grissom glanced at Francis.

Francis froze.

"Oh, don't tell me the sect did not inform you that your beloved had another child?"

Francis started toward Darius.

"My Elena would not have wanted to give birth to something so vial as you," Francis growled.

Darius waited until the man was closer before flipping the cigarette butt onto the ground and then stomped it out with his foot.

"Is that what you called her? She changed her name…to Heather," smiled Darius.

Grissom looked shocked.

"Mommy dearest couldn't come," he said. "It seems she injured herself."

"My Elena is dead," glared Francis.

"Only to the sect…but she's very much alive…to us fallen angels…oh of course she is considered fallen now as well. She intends to bed Grissom. Really Grissom, you should be honored."

Darius took great delight in Francis' pain.

"Grissom, we haven't met," announced Darius.

Grissom remained silent.

"I guess you have a right to be mad since I sort of marked what's yours…but then again I don't believe in mating for life…just getting what I want and I want Sara."

"You'll never touch her again," warned Grissom.

"Tsk tsk…or you'll what?" asked Darius as he laughed.

Grissom shoved Darius with both hands sending him backwards until he landed with a thud onto the street.

Darius looked shocked as well as Francis.

Grissom was amazed at his strength.

Grissom glanced at his hands but then curled them into fists as he walked toward Darius but the door opened behind them.

Grissom halted when Sara called out to him.

Darius jumped to his feet. "My Sara, you've decided to come to me."

"Gil," Sara pleaded softly.

"Sara, get back inside," ordered Francis.

Darius dusted off his jeans while he smiled at Sara. "I still remember how sweet you tasted, Sara."

Bile rose in Sara's throat as she silently pleaded with Grissom.

Grissom stepped back toward Sara, not wanting to turn his back to Darius.

"Oh Grissom, you don't trust me? Afraid I'll do something cowardly like jump your back?"

"You have no morals," stated Grissom. "Only an animal would force himself on a woman."

Darius laughed. "I'm a fallen angel…more demonic than angelic."

Grissom stepped back further until he felt Sara's hand on his arm.

"Sara, go back inside," he ordered softly.

"Not without you," she whispered.

"Sara…"

"Yes Sara, go inside. I'll be there soon," called Darius. "Save me some time will you and just remove the clothes. They are such a hindrance."

Darius took a step toward Grissom.

Grissom reached back, opening the door and then shoved Sara inside but she caught hold of his arm. "I'm not leaving you."

"Sara, you're not in any condition to be out here…honey, please," Grissom said as he pulled her hand away but she refused to release his hand.

"Let go, Sara," urged Grissom.

"I don't want to lose you," she begged.

"You won't."

"Gil, take Sara inside. I can handle Darius," ordered Francis.

"Come, come guys. I don't have all day. I'm pining away here for Sara. Sara, do you still feel my hands on your body? Do you still feel my mouth on your…"

Grissom pushed Sara inside the door, shutting it behind him as Darius' laugh echoed inside the house.

Sara clung to Grissom's neck.

"It's okay," he soothed.

"I couldn't risk it," she cried. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't listen."

Grissom kissed her on the forehead, rubbing her back but then gently pushed her away.

"Gil?"

"Stay inside this time," he urged.

He traced the scar on the palm of her hand and then kissed it. "I'll be back."

He opened the door and then shut it, leaving her inside the house.

Francis punched Darius then shoved him away from the front of the house.

"Leave…or I will finish this," warned Francis.

"And let Mommy dearest find out what you've done to her last living child…that would kill her….or is that what you want, revenge?" taunted Darius.

"Only a fallen angel seeks revenge," declared Francis.

Darius sneered. "Sara is mine and I intend to have her. She's been marked…by me."

Grissom's jaw twitched. "You'll have to go through me."

Darius stepped toward Grissom but Francis grabbed his arm jerking it straight up.

A loud snap was heard.

Darius gasped.

Francis forced Darius to the ground.

"How do we kill a fallen angel?" asked Grissom.

"Cut off his head," replied Francis. "A blade in the…"

Darius laughed. "Like you could do it?" Darius threw both of them to the side as he scrambled to his feet, pulling out a knife from his boot and plunging it deeply in the chest of Francis.

Francis staggered back.

"Let's make this fun, shall we?"

Darius instantly morphed himself to resemble Grissom.

"Let's see how Sara reacts to that!"

Grissom grabbed Darius and punched him in the gut, sending him a foot off the ground.

Darius went down with a thud.

Darius glanced around and saw Sara as she ran to the window.

He smiled as he let Grissom hit him again.

Blood trickled from his mouth as Grissom continued to punch him but he barely put up a fight.

"Gil….you can't kill him with your hands," stated Francis as he tried to stop Grissom but he shoved him away.

"He put Heather up to giving us that damn antidote. It killed my son," gritted Grissom.

"Gil…no," stated Francis as he grabbed Grissom, shoving him away from Darius. "You can't seek vengeance."

Darius struggled to his feet. "You should have seen the way she looked when I changed into you," snickered Darius, goading Grissom once more.

Grissom charged toward Darius grabbing him once more. Grissom reached for the knife lying on the ground as he reared back intending to stab Darius.

Sara burst out of the house, pulling Grissom off Darius.

She kicked the knife from Grissom's hand and then started toward Darius when he extended his hand. "Sara, help me," Darius begged.

Grissom pleaded, "Honey, it's me….that is Darius."

She glanced down and saw the scar on Grissom's palm.

She stilled but then she grabbed the knife, and ran toward Darius before Grissom could stop her.

"Help me, Sara," pleaded Darius as he extended his hand.

She took his hand but then plunged the knife deep into his chest.

His eyes widened.

He pulled the knife from his chest. "I guess you're a fast learner," he gritted as he reared back and removed the knife with little effort.

"Is this foreplay?" he teased as he reached for Sara.

Francis blocked Darius, placing his foot on the injured man while Grissom pulled Sara away.

A car pulled up and two men got out.

"Go inside," ordered Francis.

Grissom rushed Sara inside the house.

Francis refused to look at the others as he reared back, intending to plunge the knife into Darius but he was shoved away as they gathered Darius once more.

They were gone in an instant.

Francis started to tap on the door but Grissom opened it immediately.

"They're gone," he said as he stepped inside.

Sara grew alarmed when Francis shouted at her. "Do you know what would have happened to you if Darius and his men got their hands on you? You couldn't help us!"

"I did. I stabbed him…not hard enough. The blade didn't go deep into his heart…if he even has one," she spat.

Francis stepped back trying to calm down. "You're just like Gracen said, obstinate, stubborn!"

Francis then turned on Grissom. "And you! You don't go after a fallen angel with revenge in your heart…it will be your undoing. You fight to protect."

Francis threw up his hands. "You both have much to learn."

"Who were those two men?" asked Grissom.

"Fallen angels," Francis said as he sat down, his hand on his chest.

Sara grabbed a dish towel and then knelt in front of him as she tried to assess his injury but he snatched the towel from her hand.

"I can do it," he growled but as soon as she backed away he grabbed her hand, holding it close to his heart. "I'm sorry, Sara. I…wasn't prepared to find out that Elena gave birth to Darius."

"Is she alive?" she asked softly.

"My wife is dead," he gritted as he sat back.

"Darius said…" Francis interrupted Grissom.

"She is lost to me. She is not the same…she is now fallen."

"Wait just because they…take your wife, rape her and she gives birth…that makes her fallen?" asked Sara, incredulous at Francis' attitude toward his wife.

"Sara…it's not that simple," he said. "For Elena to live…she would have to choose…to willingly become one of them."

"Some choice…to refuse and be given a death sentence or choose life and…you need stitches," stated Sara as the blood oozed through the towel.

"I'll call Doc," offered Grissom as he reached for his phone.

"I don't need…I just need to rest," stated Francis.

Grissom glanced at Sara. "Are you alright?" he asked softly.

"Call Doc," she said.

"Sara?"

"Gil…he's bleeding. It could get infected," she breathed as she stepped away.

Francis and Grissom looked at one another.

"I think I upset her," stated Francis. "I'm sorry. I was told by the sect that Elena was dead," he said. "I never knew she still lived…changing her name to…this Heather."

Sara's eyes widened at the sound of Heather's name.

She glanced at Grissom.

"Elena is Heather Kessler," admitted Grissom.

"Heather is a fallen angel?" asked Sara to Grissom.

"Yes…but I didn't know…I never suspected…she was a fallen angel," mourned Grissom.

"She gave you the antidote to abort our child so Darius could later…" Sara didn't finish.

Grissom reached for her hand but she snatched it away.

Francis caught the exchange.

"This is exactly what they want…to drive a wedge into your hearts," he warned.

She grabbed another towel and applied pressure.

Francis' hand rested on hers.

"Sara…you see why I say that Elena is lost to me? Her actions were cruel…heartless. That is not the woman I joined myself with. This Heather…is demonic, seeking pleasure and destruction to anyone and anything in her path."

Sara gritted her teeth.

"Revenge…is not yours, Sara," Francis warned.

"She took my son…so I'm going to take hers," she vowed.

Francis forcefully grabbed her wrist. "No!"

Sara tried to jerk away but he refused to release her.

Grissom reached out but Francis turned his fury on him.

"Seek revenge and both of you will perish. Defend against evil but don't seek it out. Let it come to you."

"She…they killed a part of me," Sara choked.

"Do you think you're the only person who has lost a loved one? They took Elena from me and then they killed my son and his wife…and I did nothing! Darius killed them just as he killed Gracen…and now my great grandchild through you. I burn Sara just as you do but…I don't seek vengeance. I'll leave that to God…if he will have mercy on us. I won't strike at them but I will protect. They will have to kill me in order to harm you….or Grissom."

"Please let go of me," she said calmly.

Francis released her.

Grissom reached for her but she threw her hands up in the air refusing any contact with either of them.

"I'm sorry. Her grief is deep," whispered Francis. "Grissom, there can be no room for guilt. Face it together and then let it go. Don't give them a weapon to use against you."

Sara slipped away leaving the men alone.

Nothing more was said until Doc arrived.

Later, Doc came to her in the bedroom.

"How are you?" He asked.

"I…didn't get hurt," she countered, knowing that Grissom had put him up to checking on her.

"Sara, you're still recovering from a traumatic experience…"

"I'm better…as if it never happened," she grated.

"Your body may have healed but…I know this is difficult for you," he stated.

"It is…don't worry…I'm better," she assured him.

He squeezed her hand slightly and then returned to the living room.

She heard the front door shut and then soft voices.

Grissom appeared in the doorway of the bedroom as she sat on the bed.

"Doc left. Francis agreed to stay with you…when I go into work," stated Grissom.

"I'm…going in," she said.

"No…you're not."

"You go….then I go."

"Sara, don't argue," he said as he sat down on the bed. "You just had a miscarriage."

"Doc said I could return to work. He said that I was physically…fine…again."

"How do you really feel?" he whispered.

She swallowed. "I saw and felt the loss of our baby. I…feel…empty."

His hand slipped into hers. "Is there anything that I can do?"

"Let me…get back to work."

He nodded in understanding.

His lips hushed her as he kissed her gently but then it became more urgent as he moved closer to her.

Quickly, he released her trying to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"I feel it too," she whispered.

"Francis said…I'm just surprised that it's so…soon," he grieved.

"Gil, I don't blame you. Understand?" she asked as she lifted his hand, kissing the scarred palm.

"I trusted her," he mourned.

"You didn't think you had a choice at the time."

His hand caressed her cheek as he leaned in, kissing her once more. His head rested against hers.

"I need to be near you," she explained.

He sighed out loud. "As much as I think you need to rest, I'd feel better also if you were close to me."

"Do you think Darius will try anything…while we're at a scene?" she asked.

"I spoke with Francis. Darius will need time to heal. Francis doesn't think he'll try anything out in the open like a crime scene…it would only bring attention to himself…and the other fallen angels."

"Where is Francis?" she asked.

"He's sleeping. I don't think he knows how he will handle his confrontation with Heather," stated Grissom.

Sara was quiet.

"Sara, they won't get away with what happened," he urged.

"They did. There is no justice for us, Grissom. We lost a child because of them. We can't get him back," she cried.

"If it happened once then maybe…"

"Don't you find it strange that neither of us thought to use protection?" she asked.

He looked down at the scar on his hand. "My sperm count was always low…it was doubtful I would ever be able to conceive a child. It was part of the reason why I never…most women want a family," he said quietly.

She cleared her throat, not sure why she was nervous discussing this with him.

"I used to have severe abdominal cramps during my menstrual cycle. Scar tissue in my fallopian tubes…not sure why," she breathed.

He nudged her, "But you got pregnant," he smiled sadly.

"And they took it away," she wept.

He leaned forward resting his head on hers. "It's possible you could become pregnant again."

"I can't think of what might happen..all I can think of is what we lost."

He gently forced her to look at him. "Without Gracen, we might never have gotten pregnant...but we did...against Vegas odds. With God's help, I believe it can happen again."

She was quiet as they sat there.

"Can you forgive me...for trusting Heather?" he asked.

"Doc told me how desperate you were to find a cure. I heard some of it. I remember hearing the desperation in your voice while you talked on the phone to Father Brannigan. If you had been ill and she offered me the antidote I would have taken it. I don't blame you, Gil. There is no need to forgive you."

"Yes, there is," he choked. "I was so enraged that I physically hurt you...dragged you..."

"It's your worst fear...betrayal by a lover."

"Yes," he admitted.

"Did you feel Heather betrayed you?"

"Yes, she betrayed my friendship. Sara, I know you don't believe this but I've never loved anyone except you."

She was surprised at the revelation.

"I love you. I've loved you the moment you stepped into that lecture hall. I grinned at your ponytail….so sweet yet seductive."

"Hold me," she whimpered.

He grabbed her into his arms. "We're going to get through this."

Note from author:

Well, now you know a little more about Darius...


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One:**

**Bearing Each Other's Pain**

Sara was grateful the others did not know about the miscarriage.

While they were concerned about her health, they asked few questions giving her the ability to slip back into her job with ease.

Grissom seemed unsettled, sifting through assignments, angry when she forced him to let her go out into the field.

He insisted that she go out with him but she didn't object.

Both felt a sense of loss if the other was not nearby.

He tried to comfort her through the grief but his own was so deep that there were times when he slipped away, unable to bear the guilt he felt.

Each of them waited for Darius to reappear but at the moment he didn't.

Brass was on the lookout, watching for Darius or anyone suspicious.

Once or twice Francis appeared at the scene to check on them, fascinated with the work they did.

He practically moved into Grissom's townhouse taking residence in the spare bedroom.

Days passed without incident and then Heather appeared out of nowhere.

Nick had worked a case involving a brothel but her name never came up during the investigation.

Heather rushed out of the lobby as soon as she saw Grissom coming down the hall.

"I'd like to speak with you," she called.

Grissom froze when he caught sight of her.

He glanced around and immediately saw Sara's reaction as she rounded the corner with Nick.

One look at Heather and Sara bolted toward her.

Before Grissom had a chance to get to Sara, her fists had already connected with Heather's face sending the woman to the floor.

Sara lurched at Heather but Nick held her back not sure what to make of Sara's sudden and unrevoked attack.

Grissom was glad there was no one else around to see the attack but a crowd soon gathered as Heather lay there on the floor.

Grissom yanked Heather to her feet. "Tell everyone you're fine or I'll hit you myself," warned Grissom.

"It's nothing. I fell…I'm fine," she managed to get out as she stepped away from Sara.

Sara lurched at her but Grissom interceded.

Gently he took Sara aside. "Sara, I want you to go with Nick," he ordered softly.

"What is she doing here?" Sara demanded.

"I need to speak with Grissom," explained Heather.

"I want to hear what she has to say," demanded Sara.

"No," stated Heather. "I'll speak to him alone."

"Sara, go with Nick and…"

Sara glared at Grissom. "You…let her…decide…"

Grissom's breath caught as Sara struggled with her emotions.

He pulled her into his arms not caring that others watched the interaction.

Nick herded the others away, trying to give them some privacy.

"I'm going to get rid of her but I need to know you're safe. I need you to go with Nick."

She started to protest but he hushed her with a kiss guiding her over to Nick. "I love you," he said boldly.

He turned around and grabbed Heather by the arm as he escorted her to an interrogation room but halted speaking softly to Nick.

"Nick, take Sara to the viewing window so she can listen to our conversation."

Grissom shoved Heather into the room and shut the door.

Nick went over to the other side and stood beside Sara.

His arm wrapped protectively around Sara.

"I'm sure she deserved it," Nick whispered.

"What do you want?" Grissom glared at Heather.

"I'm sorry…about your son," she said.

"You killed my son," he gritted.

"I didn't mean to do that," she admitted softly.

Nick sucked in air over the declaration.

"You gave me the antidote for Sara so she would miscarry. You did it for your son, Darius."

Nick looked shocked at the revelation.

He looked at Sara's mournful expression and hugged her closer as they continued to listen in on the conversation.

"Darius ordered me to call and give you the antidote…but I didn't know what it would do."

"Liar," Sara seethed.

Nick's hugged her close to his body.

"You expect me to believe that?" he gritted. "What did you think it would do?"

"I thought it would either clear up the bite wounds…or kill her."

Grissom stepped toward her and she backed away.

"So you think that…should make me feel better?" he shouted.

"You don't understand Darius. He means to have Sara…one way or another. Secretly I hoped it would kill her…then she wouldn't suffer anymore at the hands of my son."

"It healed her…but it aborted our son! Francis said it was a human version of an abortion."

"I didn't know! I wouldn't have harmed an unborn! That is an unforgivable sin. I didn't realize something was not right until you said you still desired her. That wouldn't be possible if Darius had raped Sara. Since she no longer desired you, I realized she was probably pregnant but I was prevented from telling you."

"You called me! You could have easily said…"

"I couldn't talk!" she declared as she removed the scarf around her neck to reveal the scar on her throat. "One cannot speak if one's throat has been slit."

"You expect me to believe this?" Grissom challenged.

She swallowed. "I may have given birth to him but he is evil. I try to stay away from him."

"You're guilty just as much as Darius if not more. I'm guilty for trusting you! I trusted you, dammit," he grieved.

"How? I didn't know what kind of antidote it was!"

"You didn't have to…be like him…heartless…cold."

She stepped toward him. "What did you expect me to do? You can't go against Darius. I tried once but he…killed my first born, Joseph…to punish me."

"Gracen's parents?" Grissom clarified.

"Yes. He would have killed Gracen then but he decided to wait…let it appear that they had been killed because of Gracen's defection from the sect."

"What did you do…to anger Darius?" asked Grissom.

"You don't want to know," she whispered.

Heather reached for him but he yanked his arm away.

"Don't touch me!" he seethed.

She gulped. "I'm sorry."

Grissom flew at her, pinning her to the wall.

"Nicky…he may hurt her," gulped Sara. "He's so full of pain. He may not know what he's doing."

Nick started toward the door but Grissom stepped back releasing Heather.

"Is this it? You came here…for this?" he spat.

"I came here to warn you. Darius plans to come for Sara. He wants an heir. He thinks she can give him a child."

"What's the matter? He can't find someone like you…to procreate with?"

A single tear slipped down her face. "He procreated…with me…but I aborted the child by having my womb ripped out."

Sara gasped as Nick clutched her tight.

Grissom looked shocked.

"Like I said…my…my son is evil. He will kill you if you get in his way."

"I'll kill him if he lays another hand on Sara," vowed Grissom.

"He's not easy to kill," she said barely above a whisper. "Sara is very lucky to have…you."

Grissom started to walk away but halted. "Why didn't you leave? Get away?"

"For years I remained here because I wanted to be near my family…watch them from a distance…even if they hated me…considered me dead to them."

She gulped down a sob. "After they took me from Francis I became pregnant by Silas. Silas boasted to his men that finally they were going to rise above the others. I agreed to…remain with them after Darius was born. They let me decide. Die or remain with them…do whatever they demanded. I was too weak. I didn't want to die! I wanted to go home someday…to hold my son, Joseph…and Francis again. I did whatever to please them...to stay alive."

"Why didn't you go to Francis?" asked Grissom.

"I tried…once. It was several years after I'd given birth to Darius," She gulped as if it were painful to talk about. "I prayed Darius would be…like my other son...good…sweet. They took him from me when he was a toddler. I didn't see him again until he was grown. By then I knew he would be like them, evil and cruel like Silas. One night I tried to escape. I was caught by Silas. He screamed that Francis would never take a whore into his bed. He punished me…by raping me and giving me to his men. I didn't care. I'd been passed around before...after awhile you become numb, immune to it."

She swallowed, bracing herself against the table. "Then he found another way to punish me. He gave me to Darius…to rape. I didn't even know it was my own son until Silas announced it. I'm not sure if Darius knew or not. He was cruel like…him, Silas. When I found out that I was pregnant…I took care of it…made sure it would never happen again. That cost me my son, Joseph."

Grissom was shocked by her revelation.

"Disappear Heather…you have the funds to go anywhere in the world," whispered Grissom.

"There is no place to go…to hide from this hell," she cried. "The only way you can save Sara is to do what I did…remove her uterus …make her sterile."

Sara shivered as Nick pulled her closer.

"Francis and I will stop Darius," stated Grissom.

"Francis? Francis is helping you?"

"Yes."

"How is he?" she asked anxiously.

"He is good."

"Did he…did he mention me?"

"No."

She knew by the look on his face that he was lying.

"He considers me dead…evil as well."

"Heather…leave Vegas…leave the state," urged Grissom.

"I'm sorry…for your loss. I know the pain of losing a son," she whispered.

He turned to leave but she called out one last time.

"Grissom?"

"Yes?" he asked quietly.

"Did you…consider me…a true friend?" she asked.

He paused for a moment and then replied. "Yes, I did."

She rushed to him, grabbing him into her arms despite his protests but she whispered softly into his ear, "I thank you, Grissom. You were the only person who ever cared…about me. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't kill Darius…but I couldn't…can't. He's my son!"

"Heather…"

She stepped back suddenly from him as if she realized her touch sickened him, staring into the two way window.

"I didn't do anything wrong…but what they did to me condemns me. Is that fair?"

Sara swallowed.

She wondered how Grissom would have treated her if Darius had raped her.

Heather looked back at Grissom. "One of your workers is investigating a murder at a brothel. I have no information about the case but I used it as an excuse to come here. Darius keeps tabs on everyone. It's the reason I was able to come here. I have a dagger that came into my possession years ago. I've kept it hidden from everyone. No one knows that I have it. Its blade is poisonous….to fallen angels. If you thrust this into Darius' it will kill him."

She stepped closer to Grissom.

"I'll bring it to you," she offered.

"Why?" he challenged.

"Despite what Francis may have told you, I am still Elena Merci. I've been protecting you from Darius. I fear he plans to kill you the next time you meet."

"We're prepared," stated Grissom.

"Do you honestly think that you can beat him? He's been around forever. He could have killed you if he wanted. Getting stabbed by Sara was like foreplay to him. He enjoys pain as well as inflicting it."

"Francis and I will not let him get to Sara."

"Does she mean that much to you?"

"I would give up my life for her," replied Grissom.

"I'll try to slip out…bring the dagger to you."

Heather reached out to touch Grissom but stopped when he recoiled.

"You don't believe me," she grieved.

"You kept your identity from me," he said. "I don't like deception."

"Do you still blame me for…your son's death?" she whispered.

"Yes."

She flew out of the interrogation room.

He stepped around the corner and was surprised to find Nick standing there alone.

"Where is Sara?"

"She went to the ladies room. Don't worry, I sent Catherine after her."

"Thanks Nick."

"Are you going to tell us what is going on?" he asked softly.

"Yes, I think I should."

"Griss? I'm sorry about the baby," stated Nick. "You could have confided in us. We would have helped."

Grissom nodded not sure he could speak at the moment.

He glanced down the hall and saw Sara along with Catherine.

A few hours and several questions later the team had been told.

Sara was rather quiet, letting Grissom answer most of the questions.

"So Jim and Doc have known about all of this?" posed Catherine.

"Yes."

Catherine seemed a little peeved but said nothing further.

Grissom was relieved when shift was over.

He didn't know what to think of Sara's silence.

She'd said very few words answering only with short replies.

The others had noticed her silence and therefore had directed their questions to him.

She stepped out of the vehicle, glancing over her shoulder to see if anyone was nearby.

Grissom's arm encircled her, pulling her into a protective embrace as he guided her inside.

Francis had prepared something to eat and he directed them to the kitchen.

Grissom's hand took hold of Sara's elbow and led her to the table, not giving her a chance to make an excuse to scurry away to the bedroom.

Francis chatted about what little information he'd found out about Darius.

He stopped when he noticed Sara's strained expression.

"Did something happen?" he asked.

"Heather came to the lab," stated Grissom.

Francis gritted his teeth. "What did she do?" His question was posed to Sara.

Grissom answered. "She has a dagger in her possession. She states it can kill Darius quickly with just one thrust."

"That's a lie! The quickest way is to behead Darius."

Sara's head jerked up. "Is that what happened to Gracen?"

"No," assured Grissom.

"But…he said…"

Francis sat back down. "It's the quickest way," he clarified.

"What happened to Gracen?" demanded Sara.

Grissom was silent for a moment.

"What happened?" she yelled.

"Darius ripped open his midsection, his organs spilled out…he was disemboweled, Sara. That is who we are dealing with," stated Francis.

"How did you…know?" challenged Grissom, angry that he'd been so blunt about it.

"Your…doc. I asked and he told me. I wanted…needed to know what Darius did to my grandson."

Sara sat there gripping her coffee cup.

"Heather is not to be trusted," seethed Francis. "She will do anything to protect Darius as well as herself."

"She told me some things," began Grissom.

"Lies."

Sara was taken aback by his coldness.

"Are you so sure? Grissom hasn't even told you and yet…"

Francis interrupted Sara, "I know fallen angels. I won't let either of you be deceived…again."

Sara left the table to stand near the window.

Grissom voice was soft as he relayed his discussion with Heather to Francis.

Francis was quiet.

"Francis, I've known Heather for years. I considered Heather a good friend…before this happened."

"She's fallen," Francis said quietly.

Grissom glanced up to catch Sara slipping into the bedroom.

She slumped down onto the bed, relieved to be alone.

Her hands wrapped around her midsection, wondering what it would have been like to feel life there.

The emptiness was overbearing as she sat there, too tired to rest and yet she felt as though she could sleep for days.

She stiffened when the door opened and closed.

"Sara, are you alright?" Grissom asked.

"I've been trying to forgive…Heather," she said.

"I'm not sure I've even done that," he admitted.

Her dark eyes glanced in his direction.

"Can you forgive me?" she gulped.

Grissom's mouth dropped as he quickly made his way to sit down beside her.

"For what?"

"For getting you involved in this mess. You don't deserve any of this. If I…"

"Don't, Sara. If there is anyone who needs forgiveness it's me."

"But…"

Grissom took her hand despite her objection. "MIne," he choked.

"All of this is my fault. I took the vial and…I've done nothing but cause…"

"Stop!" he pleaded. "If I had taken a risk years ago…none of this would have happened. Gracen would have remained in…the shadows…watching over you."

"I heard her Grissom. I heard what they did to her and…that could be me. I'm not sure I could…kill a child of my own…I understand what Heather was saying."

He pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

"I won't let anything happen to you," he whispered.

Sara vowed the same silently.

"_I won't let Darius kill you. I'll give him what he wants before I allow that."_

Note from author:

Well, now you know a little more about Heather...do you really consider her bad...now Darius...well, there is more to come about Darius.

Take care!


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two:**

**Forgiving the Unforgiven**

There was a knock on the front door and Grissom answered it.

He glanced over his shoulder to see Sara's reaction but she made no move to attack Heather.

Heather was surprised to see Francis standing nearby.

She gulped trying to hold back her emotions as she faced Grissom.

"I've brought you the dagger," she breathed as she glanced over her shoulder fearful Darius would appear out of nowhere.

Grissom let her enter and then shut the door quickly.

"You shouldn't have let her come in," glared Francis.

Heather pulled out a jeweled dagger.

Francis charged toward her but she backed away.

She glanced toward Grissom silently pleading with him to let her remain.

"Francis…stop," ordered Grissom.

"You cannot trust a fallen angel," he declared.

"Darius is fully healed. He will be coming," she warned.

"I will take his head if he tries to harm Grissom or Sara," barked Francis.

"The cut doesn't have to be deep…to kill…a fallen angel…if you use this," Heather instructed.

Francis snorted. "You expect us to believe that after you caused the death of their unborn child? Only a fallen angel would stoop so low as to harm something so innocent."

Heather's eyes dropped to the floor but then looked at Grissom. "I didn't know. I didn't know Sara was even pregnant until you said you still desired her…if Gracen had raped her then the urge would have been broken and…ask Francis, he will at least confirm that this much is truth."

She looked at Francis. "After they raped me you not only didn't desire me but you didn't even look for me…didn't even care that I was still alive. The sect declared that I was dead and you accepted it."

"You turned. You became one of them."

"You didn't even try to get me back!"

"You've been with them for years, Elena. You changed your name…picked up a nice profession…giving yourself to anyone and everyone. I'm glad I didn't find out that you were alive….I'm glad our son never knew what you'd become."

Heather swallowed. "I was tied to a bed…raped over and over…checked regularly to see if I'd become pregnant. I hoped that someone would come….anyone…even if they were coming to kill me but instead no one came. Once I was pregnant Silas released me. He knew that if I tried to return to you…you would send me away. I was disgraced…so I stayed to protect my unborn. I gave birth to Darius and then…I couldn't leave my child. I stayed to care for my son…the only family that would claim me. You wouldn't!"

Heather caressed the dagger. "I prayed Darius would be sweet…like my son, Joseph…"

"Don't speak our son's name!" yelled Francis. "Darius killed him!"

"He was killed," she whispered. "To punish me."

Heather's hand gripped the dagger.

Grissom caught the movement. "Heather, give me the dagger."

Heather turned toward Grissom and smiled, "You were the only person who was ever nice…to me."

"I valued our friendship," stated Grissom.

A single tear slipped down her cheek.

"Darius or the others will not allow you…to kill him. But, one thrust…and he will die," she instructed.

"It's a lie! You want Grissom to place his trust in you…give him false hope so your son, Darius, will get the upper hand and kill him."

"No! That's not true! I've tried to protect Grissom from Darius."

"Is that why you tried to seduce me? Get me to have sex with you?" asked Grissom.

Francis snorted. "You are vial like them!"

Heather swallowed. "Darius warned me that if I didn't get you away from Sara then he would kill you. I couldn't let that happen. If your bond with Sara was broken then I thought you would…stay away...like before. I was only trying to protect you!"

"Grissom, she can't be trusted," warned Francis.

"I don't care if he believes me. He sees only hate…for me."

Heather's hand tightened around the dagger. "Darius has to be stopped."

"That's the only truthful thing you've said," growled Francis.

His contempt toward her was obvious but she turned to face him.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch you from afar? To see Joseph and…"

"Shut up! I can't stand his name on your lips! Go back to your brothel…lay with your…"

"Francis!" Grissom yelled as he saw how his words cut into Heather.

He knew how hard it was to hear heartless words from someone you loved.

Sara's words still haunted him.

"Heather, may I have the dagger?" whispered Grissom.

Heather glanced toward Sara and then back to Grissom.

"I'm sorry my actions hurt you," she cried.

"I know," he said as he took a step toward her.

"I won't do that again."

Francis was shocked when Heather turned the blade toward her body.

"Heather…give me the dagger, please," whispered Grissom.

"I wouldn't harm an innocent child," she cried.

"Darius did. Heather, please," Grissom pleaded.

She thrust the blade into her chest.

Blood oozed down her blouse.

Grissom grabbed her as she collapsed. "Heather!"

She clung to him as she cried out in pain.

"Why?" agonized Grissom.

"My punishment…for hurting you. Besides you needed proof that it would work. I'm a fallen angel," she wept. "If I die then it will be the proof you need. I couldn't risk…I was afraid you wouldn't believe me."

Grissom cradled her in his arms. "I believed you, Heather."

She gasped through the pain as Grissom gripped her hand. "I'm sorry…I was too weak…to kill Darius myself. I gave him life…I couldn't…" she cried out from the pain. "I've tried to protect you. You were the only person who cared about me...and I hurt you. I'm sorry," she cried.

"Francis!" choked Grissom.

Francis stood there in shock.

"Forgive me, Gil," she wept.

"I forgive you," Grissom whispered. "Sara does as well."

"Thank you…for not letting me die alone."

"Francis," whispered Grissom in a pleading voice.

He started toward Heather but she gasped one last time.

Her body slumped as Grissom continued to cradle her.

"Elena?" Francis whispered. "Oh God, what have I done?"

Francis took Elena's body into his arms as he wept bitterly.

Sara stood there looking rather pale.

Grissom gently pulled her into his arms.

"I did forgive her," whispered Sara.

"I know," he replied as his lips rested on her forehead.

The next few days were horrendous.

He was brought in several times by Ecklie for questioning about his involvement with Lady Heather.

He kept to their scripted answers.

He knew that Doc would conceal Heather's angelic makeup.

Already the body had been released to Francis.

The investigation was more of a formality since her death was ruled as a suicide.

Each leaned on the other as they returned to work, still uneasy that Darius had not made an appearance.

Francis was quiet but remained at the townhouse refusing to leave them.

He was spotted on a few crime scenes by Brass but he kept his distance not wishing to interfere with their work.

A week went by without incident.

Grissom glanced up as he spotted Sara loading the remainder of the evidence into the Denali.

He'd had difficulty concentrating; his thoughts too jumbled when he heard her voice or was near her.

Once they were in the Denali and headed back to the lab, she breathed in deeply before speaking, "Is there something bothering you?" she asked.

He smiled slightly, "My mind wouldn't focus tonight."

"Have I done something?"

"No," he assured her as his hand took hold of hers.

"Maybe…maybe you should let me work with one of the guys," she offered.

He gripped the steering wheel. "I think it would make it worse."

"I'll stay in the lab."

"Sara…"

"I'm distracting you. You can't focus on your job because you're waiting for Darius to…"

"I want you," he interrupted. "I…I think it's started again…the urge."

She looked surprised but then licked her lips, understanding some of the things she'd been feeling.

"You too?"

"Yes…and no. My…mind…says yes while…" she didn't finish.

"We can wait," he said simply not sure if he really believed it.

They met the others at Frank's for a bite to eat.

Sara yawned as she toyed with the salt shaker.

"I bet each of us sleep good," grumbled Brass as he slid in between Sara and Greg.

"Hey," griped Greg.

"I like you too," retorted Brass and then waved the waitress down for a cup of coffee.

The food arrived and Sara sighed when the salt shaker was empty.

Nick chuckled as she got up to grab the shaker from a nearby table.

She froze when Darius grabbed it from the table and then extended it to her.

"Let me," he smiled.

There was a flurry when the men rushed forward, pulling Sara away from Darius.

"My my…I was only handing Sara the shaker. You can't call it assault," he grinned.

"Get out," warned Grissom.

"Look, I don't want to cause any more pain than necessary. Sara, you can avoid all of this…blood shed…and death if you'll come with me," offered Darius.

"She's not going anywhere with you!" snarled Grissom.

"Then I'll take her by force," he replied. "Sara, is that really what you want? To see your friends…"family" gutted like Gracen?"

Sara swallowed as she glared at Darius.

Darius extended his hand. "Come with me, Sara."

Grissom smacked it away as Darius fumed.

"Get out," warned Brass. "Or I'll have you arrested."

"And bring attention to all of us? Why not only am I at risk here but Sara and Grissom as well. I'll call your bluff," snickered Darius.

Two men approached Darius. "I could easily take her if I wanted."

Sara's hand latched onto Grissom's wrist. His hand slipped into hers as he pulled her to stand behind him.

"The sect isn't going to like this," reminded Grissom.

"I am not afraid of the sect," scoffed Darius.

"You're afraid of me," declared Francis as he appeared behind Darius.

The two men turned toward Francis but Darius motioned for the men to back down.

"I hear you had a meeting with my mother….your Elena. How did that go?" asked Darius.

Francis' face was unreadable.

"When you see my mother again tell her…I'm very disappointed in her," glared Darius.

"Heather is dead," stated Sara.

Darius' eyes shifted for a brief second but then turned dark once more.

"I told her if she ever tried to return to you, then you would kill her," sighed Darius.

Sara stepped to the side so that she was facing Darius. "She killed herself…as punishment for what you did."

"What did I do?"

"You gave her the antidote to kill my child."

"I'll give you another, Sara. One that is better, stronger," he offered.

"Heather said she ripped out her uterus when she became pregnant by…you…her own son."

The look returned in Darius eyes as he turned from the others but Sara caught it.

"Then you know what lengths I will go to get what I want…an heir."

"Then you also know what lengths I'll go to avoid giving you an heir."

He grinned. "You have such a fire within."

"So do you and it's going to consume you…straight into hell."

Darius stepped toward her but Sara stood her ground.

"I promise I won't kill Grissom or any of your friends if you come with me."

"I promise I will kill you."

Darius chuckled.

"Come," Darius said as he motioned for the others. "Sara's food is getting cold."

He handed her the salt shaker and she boldly took it from his hand.

They turned and disappeared as well as Francis.

Nothing was said as they ate their food.

Grissom's hand gripped her thigh but she refused to look in his direction.

She felt the eyes of the others on her but she couldn't look at any of them.

She had just placed their lives in danger because of her careless action of getting involved with an angel.

When they got home, Grissom pulled Sara into the bedroom, closing the door behind them.

"You shouldn't have gotten so close to Darius," Grissom finally said, breaking the silence.

"He never intended to do anything. He just wanted to rattle us," she remarked as she started to undress.

"Really? How do you know this?" feeling irritated at her reply.

"I certainly wasn't going to let him get the pleasure of seeing me cower at his presence."

"You could have remained quiet…not brought any attention to…"

"He came there for me, Grissom. I didn't have to do anything for his attention to be on anyone else…but me."

Grissom growled as he grabbed her wrist. "He touched you!"

Sara looked shocked at his anger. "His finger…"

"He wants you Sara! Don't encourage him…"

Her eyes widened at the allegation. "You think I encouraged him?" she asked incredulously.

"No," he anquished. "I don't want him near you. I don't want him to touch you," he growled as he pulled her into his arms, seeking her mouth with his.

His lips descended further as Sara tried to gently stop him.

"Gil…."

"Don't make me stop," he pleaded.

She pressed her body into his, giving him permission to continue.

He could not seem to stop himself as he stripped her, needing to feel every inch of her.

Hours passed as he made love to her, drifting off to sleep with his arms wrapped protectively around her.

Once she was certain he was asleep, she slipped out of his embrace, grabbing her housecoat.

She leaned against the counter, trying to get a grip on her emotions.

Darius did frighten her.

She was never afraid of dying but his threats toward Grissom and the others had frightened her to the core.

Her phone rang and she picked up.

"While he's sleeping, can we talk?" asked Darius.

She looked out her window and he waved at her.

"Leave us alone, Darius."

"How did my mother die?" he asked.

"I told you. She killed herself."

"By her own hands…I find that doubtful," he replied.

"Believe what you want."

"I believe you."

Sara snorted. "Like I care."

"I kept her alive all of these years. I protected her."

"You raped your own mother…I'm hanging up…"

"I didn't know she was my mother…I was reintroduced to her…as Heather. I didn't know her identity until later…an unfortunate event."

"You expect me to believe you? Next, you'll deny killing Joseph and his wife as well as Gracen."

"She protected them while she loathed me."

"You're a cold blooded killer."

"Only when I am provoked. Don't provoke me, Sara. I could easily walk in there and kill Grissom right in front of your eyes."

She swallowed.

"Francis can't protect you. The only reason I don't kill him is because I take great pleasure in knowing that he mourns my mother's death."

"You're cruel," Sara whispered.

"I don't want to be. If you come to me, I promise I won't harm any of them."

"I'd rather be dead."

"Do we have an agreement?"

"You didn't hear me, did you?"

She looked out the window and noticed he was gone.

She whirled around when she heard a slight noise from behind.

Sara gasped when he stood directly behind her.

"You see Sara, I can easily kill Grissom in his sleep. Do you want that? Do you want him dead? How about Brass? I know you care for him. One of my men is with him right now. He's waiting for me to give him the order and Brass is dead."

"Don't, please."

He stepped toward her. "I won't hurt you. I'll even…" he morphed himself to look like Grissom. "I can use his appearance if you prefer….or do you prefer…" he morphed into Gracen.

"What shall it be, Sara? You could have them both. I could look like either of them…at any time."

"Please don't hurt any of them."

His hand cupped her cheek.

"I can be merciful to them."

She closed her eyes as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"What proof do I have that you'll keep your word? That you won't hurt them?"

"I'm not hurting them now. Sara, you couldn't stop me from walking in there and gutting Grissom."

Sara quickly stepped toward the door.

"You really want to wake him? You saw how angry he became over a simple touch. He sees me here and he will start something that I will have no choice but to finish."

She glanced toward the front door.

"Don't expect Francis to come to your rescue. He's being detained. Oh don't worry, I'm not going to kill him…unless I have to."

Her eyes darted around the room. The dagger was in the bedroom in the dresser.

"Don't put your faith in that dagger," he whispered.

She paled.

"It could only be used once. It seems my mother wasted it on herself. You have no weapon that can destroy me."

Her eyes drifted to the bedroom door, not sure if she believed him.

"Go get it. I'll stand right here on my knees and let you stab me...just remember, you get only one hit...then I get to retaliate. You can yell for Grissom to bring it. I don't care. The result will be the same," he stated with confidence. "I'll butcher them...is that what you want?"

"If you harm any of them…."

"I won't if you give yourself to me," he countered.

He sighed. "I'll give you a week."

He started to leave but then halted.

"Heather…did she suffer?"

Sara was surprised he would even ask such a thing.

"Yes."

She watched as his eyes changed but then they darkened once more as if it was a fleeting glimpse of remorse that he experienced.

"A week," he called out as he made his way to the door.

The door no sooner closed than Grissom stepped out of the bedroom.

"Is everything alright? I thought I heard voices," he stated.

She flew into his arms as she struggled with keeping Darius' visit a secret.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"I love you," she whispered.

"Are you alright?" he asked fearfully as he glanced around the room.

"Yes."

"Something isn't right," he lamented as he looked out the window.

Both jumped when the door knob to the front door turned.

Francis stepped inside.

He looked rather battered.

Grissom and Sara rushed to his aid, forcing him to sit down while Sara ran for the first aid kit.

"What happened?" whispered Grissom.

"Darius' men…came out of nowhere. They were on top of me before I could react. The cowards have to fight in gangs."

"How many were there?" asked Sara.

"Too many. I thought I was a goner until they just stopped."

Francis looked at Sara. "When they let me go, I feared the worst. I thought they had gotten to you. From now on, we stay together."

"What's going to stop them the next time? They outnumber us," said Sara as she pulled out some bandages.

"We have the dagger," stated Grissom.

She focused on bandaging wounds while Francis leaned back trying to conserve his energy.

"_I'll give you a week."_

She could think of little else over the next several hours as she pretended nothing had transpired.

"I'll stay with Francis," stated Sara. "You go into work."

"I'll call in also," offered Grissom.

"Gil, no."

"I'm not leaving you. Francis needs to recover and…"

"I can protect her," he vowed.

"I need a night off. I need…some time to myself," she explained.

"Are you feeling alright?" asked Grissom suddenly.

"Yes, I'll be fine…here with Francis."

Grissom didn't know what to make of her request.

The last thing he wanted to do was push her anymore than he had already done.

He felt guilty for making love to her but his need was too great.

He pulled Sara to the side. "Did I hurt you?" he whispered.

"No…you didn't."

"You weren't ready. I should have waited but Sara…"

Her hand on his chest caused him to stop.

Sara glanced at Francis as he disappeared into the guest bedroom.

"I wanted you also.

Hours passed as Grissom lay with Sara in his arms.

She woke when he dressed for work, watching him as he tried to be quiet.

He turned and caught her staring at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't."

Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed. "I don't like leaving you."

"I'll check in," she offered.

He leaned down and kissed her.

Her hand pulled his head down further to deepen the kiss.

He grinned. "I don't mind being late."

He stepped out of the bedroom a few hours later, grabbing a bagel as he headed toward the door.

Sara smiled as he glanced back at her. "Keep it locked."

_It didn't stop Darius before…_

"I will."

She took a deep breath as she tapped on the bedroom door.

"Francis, I need to talk with you."

Note from author:

angst alert...that is all I am going to say...geez, you guys, remember it is me that wrote this...I am watching over Sara...LOL

Take care!


	33. Chapter 33

**Note from author:**

**Please be advised that the remaining chapters (around 45) do contain angst but also contain humor...yes, you read it correctly, humor. Please stick with the story, laugh over the twist and turns and in the end enjoy a nice GSR ending. I want to thank all of you who have remained loyal by leaving a review after each chapter. It has not been easy posting this story with the holidays and craziness that has been going on but if you can read...then at least be considerate and leave a review even if it is only a few words. I don't expect a full page critique but encouraging words are nice. It never ceases to amaze me of those that are compelled to leave a review only when they don't like something...I'm ranting so forgive me. I had no intention of posting tonight, letting my crazy busy life take over and not find a moment of sanity to post and use this as my excuse for skipping a day of posting but a thoughtful note in my email made me reconsider. This is a very long chapter so enjoy. Happy New Year!**

**Chapter Thirty Three:**

**The Lamb Strays**

Francis didn't know where she was going with her questioning.

It was as if she was taking a crash course into angelic/demonic behavior.

"Are you sure Fallen angels/demons have no sense of remorse?" she asked.

"None."

"Heather did. You considered her fallen."

Francis felt like she had kicked him in the gut. "Yes, she did. Perhaps by sacrificing herself, she redeemed her soul."

"But what about those that were fallen...to begin with. Those that were not angelic but fallen. Could they..."

"No! They can never change," he snorted. "They are evil from within."

"Do you think any part of Heather...Elena may have been instilled in Darius?"

"He raped his own mother! He is pure evil."

"What if..."

"Sara, you look for the good in everyone. Gracen often mentioned this to us, hoping we would permit or at least understand why he chose to leave the sect and mate with you."

"I wasn't good enough in your eyes," she spat. "You condemned Heather because she was raped and chose to live in order to watch over her child. Christians have killed their wounded for centuries."

"Our creator did not intend for us to mate with humans. This is the same reason Gracen forbid it; he lost sight of this because of his love for you."

Sara started to get up from the couch but he blocked her. "Christians often attack other christians when they slip into sin. Some are even spurned until their sins consume them. Sara, where are you going with all of this?"

She took a deep breath. "I will never forget or heal from the loss of my child. I will ache for him...forever but I forgave Heather. I had to...I had no intention of letting that hate consume me like so many do. It doesn't mean that I wasn't angry or didn't want Heather to pay for what she did...I just let go of the hate...through forgiveness."

"You sound like a christian," he said softly. "Was Gracen able to persuade you?"

"His life...his sacrifice convinced me...to reconsider the One who sacrificed first...our savior."

Francis smiled deeply. "Thank you, Sara. Even if we are condemned in the eyes and can not be redeemed at least we can know that we led some of His flock home."

"Is it possible that I could have another child?"

"Yes but Sara, it might not happen for some time."

"How…how can I know if I'm pregnant? I mean would a pregnancy test determine…"

"Yes, it would. In fact our women could know within a matter of hours."

She nodded.

He held her hand. "I know this is not easy for you. You're still mourning the loss of your son."

"Darius would have raped me if I had not been pregnant. How did he…know?"

"Pheromones. Yours changed when you became pregnant. It's not noticeable until a few weeks into the pregnancy."

"I didn't even notice I was pregnant…except feeling off."

"The pain will get better with time," he whispered.

"Do you promise to watch over Grissom…forever?"

"Yes, as well as you," he added.

He refused to release her hand when she started to walk away.

"I sense something is wrong," he said as he tried to pull her toward him.

"It's not," she assured him but he refused to release her.

"Francis, let me go."

"Sara…"

The door opened and Grissom stood there with Brass.

Sara rushed over when she caught sight of the bandage.

"Jim, what happened?" she quickly asked.

"Oh this? Some guy decided to assault a lady in an alley and I got clobbered trying to help."

Sara gently touched the bandaged area.

"It looks worse than it really is," he urged.

She glanced at Grissom.

"I'm fine…slow shift. Stayed in the lab most of the night," he stated. "What's for dinner?"

"Dinner?"

Grissom frowned. "I think it's take out, Jim."

"Oh, sorry Jim," stated Sara. "I…lost track of time."

"It's okay. Take out sounds good to me as long as he is paying," replied Brass.

She felt a bit uneasy throughout dinner as Francis stared at her.

Grissom could not help but notice.

"Francis, is everything okay?"

"Ask Sara."

Grissom squeezed her hand. "Sara?"

"It's nothing."

"I don't believe you," stated Francis.

She glared at Francis when Grissom pressed for an answer. "Honey, is everything okay?"

"Yes."

"Something is not right," began Francis.

"Will you stop it?" she yelled.

"Has Darius done something?" asked Francis.

Grissom gripped her hand firmly. "Has he had any contact with you?"

She snatched her hand away as she began to clean up the empty containers.

Grissom blocked her in the kitchen.

"Sara…"

"Stop it! Stop it both of you!"

Grissom stepped toward her but her hands flew up. "Don't! I don't need this right now."

"What do you need?" whispered Grissom. "Tell me honey. I've felt your restlessness...something **is** wrong. Tell me how to help you."

She flew into the bedroom shutting the door rather hard.

"I'm sorry, Grissom. She doesn't want us to know."

"Did she say anything to you earlier?" questioned Grissom.

"She wanted to know…about pregnancies. She desperately wants another child. I'm afraid she's still mourning."

"I know," admitted Grissom quietly. "I'm not helping much."

She slipped to her knees, fearful that the others would hear her.

"I need you," she begged. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose Grissom…or the others."

She remained there for over an hour and then she laughed bitterly.

"You took Gracen from me and now I have no one to watch over me," she wept. "Tell me what do I have to do...to have you hear my voice?"

She cried in frustration, feeling angry for even thinking that God would hear her plea.

Later, she felt the bed give as Grissom molded his body next to hers.

She remained still, relieved he fell asleep immediately and did not push her to talk.

She didn't like keeping anything from him much less lies.

Heather's words still haunted her.

She tried to imagine what it would feel like to be separated from loved ones, to be treated so cruel.

The only comfort for Heather had been her friendship with Grissom.

She felt guilty for the times she let her jealousy get the better of her.

Grissom was no more attracted to Heather than she was to Hodges.

He had extended his friendship to a lonely soul.

She knew he blamed himself still for the loss of their child.

It grieved her that he kept the bulk of his giref to himself, afraid to burden her.

She gulped down a sob. "Please," she whispered under her breath. "Please protect him."

"_What are you willing to do in order to save him, Sara?"_

She rose, looking around the room.

Slowly she slipped back underneath the covers.

"_Sara, the only way to save Grissom and the others is to sacrifice yourself. Can you do that?"_

She bolted upright from the bed.

"Sara, are you alright?" whispered Grissom.

She slumped back into the bed, as she tried to slow her breathing.

"Yes," she whispered.

He pulled her close to his body.

Silently she prayed. _"Please don't let any harm come to Grissom or the others."_

She thought her heart would stop when she heard a clear response, _"Sacrifice yourself for them. Do this and you will save them all...including the lost lamb."_

Days passed as her behavior became erratic.

She kept to herself researching the internet, as well as cryptic notes she bought from strangers and even had a visit to the church to meet with Father Brannigan.

When Grissom questioned her about the odd errands, she refused to answer and seemed withdrawn.

Francis was highly suspicous, trying to discover what she was hiding, bellowing each time she managed to slip away from him.

She initiated intimacy until Grissom was exhausted trying to keep up with her.

He feared he had pushed her into making love when she was not ready but now, he wondered if she felt the urge while he didn't.

As suddenly as her behavior began, it stopped.

She seemed a bit distant as he rubbed her bare back as they lay there just after an hour of lovemaking.

She stiffened by the touch.

"Sara, is everything alright?" he asked.

"I should have told Heather I forgave her…myself."

"I told her. It was enough."

"Francis didn't even…he was so cold toward her."

"He was still hurting. He felt betrayed."

"She was taken by force. She didn't have a choice," she replied angrily.

"Let's not talk about this."

"She did everything…to protect her child."

Grissom took a deep breath, "Sara, you'll have another child."

"Yes, I will," she said as she rolled over to face him.

It pained him to see tears.

"Honey, you've been crying."

"I'll do whatever it takes to protect mine."

He leaned down and kissed her.

She clung to him for a moment and then slowly released him.

"I love you," he whispered as he got ready for work.

She watched him get dress for work for the last time.

Sara sat in her car as she tried to stop the trembling in her hands.

The passenger door opened and Darius slipped inside.

"I was surprised when you told me to meet you alone," he smiled.

"I want an agreement from you," she began.

"Sara, you're in no position to be bargaining. I'll soon have what I want…you."

"An agreement."

"Right. I won't kill any of them."

"You won't harm or kill any of them."

"Agreed," he huffed.

She swallowed, trying to stick to her rehearsed plan.

"You agree to give yourself to me," he stated. "And I won't harm or kill any of them."

"No."

"I'm not playing games, Sara," he barked.

"I agree to give you an heir…who will continue your blood line in exchange that you won't harm or kill any of them."

His stare was intense. "Alright."

"Our blood will be merged…"

"Wait…you mean the mating ritual?" he gasped.

"Yes."

"You're not even a virgin and you expect me…"

"We have to be bound…together….just you and me."

"Jealous huh? Don't want me to have anyone else while you're knocked up?"

"You're disgusting."

He chuckled. "You are not enough for me. I like women…lots of them."

"Then the deal is off."

"So you're willing to be bound to just me?" he questioned.

"Our blood has to be merged."

"Okay. So if I agree to this lousy ritual where you drink my blood and I yours, you agree to let me screw you anytime I want…how ever I want and give me an heir."

"Yes," she swallowed.

"I can just break the bond, you know," he said rather smugly.

"I can rid myself of you."

He chuckled once more. "You sound so tough. How would you rid yourself of me? You couldn't possibly harm me."

"I could kill myself."

"Such dramatics, Sara."

"Do we have a deal?"

"What if I say no? What if I just take you right now?"

"Would you prefer that I came with you willingly? Rather than worrying if I'm going to stab you in the back with the first chance I get…or worse…do what Heather did and rip out my uterus while carrying your heir?"

His eyes darkened. "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry Sara!"

"The feeling is mutual…I can be…a bitch….remember the stab wound?"

He grinned. Her spirit that day had excited him tremendously.

He wanted more than anything to have her…but she was right, it would be easier if they were not trying to kill one another at every turn.

"Does Grissom know what you are planning?"

"No."

"But you are going to just walk out on him…leave him…for me?"

"Yes."

"You are a little she-devil."

"Do we have a deal?"

He eyed her.

She sat there showing no fear.

"It's a deal. On one condition," he spat.

"Name it," she said calmly.

"Once I have my heir, you are treated like any other she-devil in our clan…Understand?"

"You mean like…Heather?"

"Yes."

"Agreed," she announced.

"I want you with me tonight," he said almost drooling.

She swallowed. "Then I will go and get my things."

"You don't need anything," he griped. "I prefer you without clothes."

He watched to see if he frightened her but she was emotionless.

"A few things…a small suitcase," she explained.

"Fine. Drive."

She nervously started the car and drove to the townhouse.

She opened the door and met Francis.

He quickly got to his feet when Darius stepped inside.

"Sara, where have you been?" he bellowed. "I can't protect you if you're sneaking out!" His tirade ended as soon as he caught sight of Darius.

"Move away from him!" ordered Francis.

"I'll just be a minute," she called to Darius.

"Gee Grissom is not here to see you leave…with me."

"Sara, what is he saying?"

"I'm leaving. I'm going with Darius."

"You can't be serious!"

She stepped into the bedroom and began throwing some things into a suitcase.

Quickly she checked under the bathroom sink to ensure the bag containing the test remained in plain sight.

She grabbed a few more things and then returned.

"I'm ready."

"Sara, I'm not going to let you leave with him," insisted Francis.

"I am going on my own free will. If you try to stop me, I'll…call the police."

Darius chuckled. "Good thinking, Sara."

He extended his hand and Sara took it without flinching.

"Sara, wait for Grissom!"

"He won't change my mind."

She turned with Darius and the door opened.

Grissom stepped inside.

Sara took a deep breath.

She had hoped she would have been gone by the time he arrived home.

Grissom reached for Sara but she stepped back.

"Let go of her!" glared Grissom.

"Sara…do you want to handle this?" smiled Darius.

"He's not taking me against my will," stated Sara.

Grissom looked confused. "Whatever threat he used Sara, it's going to be alright. Just come to me, honey."

"No," she said as she moved toward the door.

"Sara…don't do this!" cried Grissom as he blocked the door.

"Move," she said quietly.

"No."

Darius huffed. "She doesn't want to be bound with you anymore. She prefers me. Don't you Sara?"

Sara's eyes widened as Grissom pulled out the dagger.

She quickly covered Darius with her body but extended her hand silently pleading with her eyes for Grissom to give her the dagger.

He released it immediately, thinking Sara would turn and stab Darius.

He felt the air leave his lungs when she gave the dagger to Darius.

Darius pulled Sara's body taunt against his as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

"That's my Sara," he grinned.

Grissom started to stop them but Francis grabbed his arm.

"Sara, please don't do this," begged Grissom.

"You were right. You're not enough," she replied hoping his anger would kick in.

_I have to protect you, Grissom._

"She made her choice," Francis bit out. "She's fallen."

She trembled slightly when they managed to walk through the door, it shutting behind them with a loud thud.

"You did that very well," stated Darius as he took Sara's keys from her hands.

"I keep my agreements," she stated boldly.

She had no idea where they were going.

She stared blankly into the dark.

Every time she shut her eyes, she saw Grissom's face as she had protected Darius with her own body.

_Please understand, Grissom…_

_There was no other way…_

_He would kill all of you…_

The car stopped and yet she couldn't seem to move from her seat.

The door was thrust open and Darius extended his hand.

She took it, fighting back bile with each touch.

"Welcome home, Sara," he said with a smile.

A young blonde slinked forward but Darius waved her away.

She glared at Sara.

Several men stood on guard.

"She is to be protected at all cost. She is the future mother to my heir and I will kill the first person who touches or harms her in anyway. Do I make myself understood?"

There were several grunts as they walked past.

She felt the men's eyes on her and tensed when some of them practically unclothed her with their eyes.

Darius stopped abruptly. "That includes looking at her."

Eyes shot to the ground.

"See Sara. I can be nice…sometimes."

He smiled at the blonde as they passed her. She made a lewd gesture and he chuckled.

"Our agreement," whispered Sara.

"I'm not bound to you yet."

Sara halted.

She turned and spoke directly to the blonde. "Leave."

The woman scoffed but with a single nod of Darius' head the woman was escorted to a vehicle.

"That was a freeby but you had better be worth it. Let's get this started," he whispered.

They passed through several doors and then steps before entering into a bedroom.

Sara took one look and stepped back out.

"I'm not staying in that."

Darius grunted in disgust. "That's been my room for years!"

"No bondage chains or…." Sara did not finish but walked down the hall glancing into several rooms before stopping in front of one.

"This one."

"No."

Sara stepped inside and shut the door.

She took a deep breath when the door was thrust open and he grabbed her by the arm.

"I said no," he barked.

"Why not?" she challenged.

"This…this was my mother's room."

"She's dead. It's available," replied Sara.

He pulled her toward the entrance. "You will listen to me. You will obey me or I'll…"

Sara halted. "I'll compromise."

"You will not! You will do as I say!" he bellowed.

"I'll agree to a room that's…normal…like this one."

"This was not in the agreement," he sneered.

"If you want me to feel…comfortable…not…resist…then…"

"Get in there," he grumbled.

She began to panic when she felt his mouth on her shoulder.

"Don't!" she cried.

"What? You agreed to be bound…fine, I bite you, you bite me."

She frowned. "That's not the way it's done."

She went to her suitcase and pulled out the vials she and Grissom had used.

Her hand trembled slightly as she handed one to Darius.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Fill it. I'll do the same. It must be ingested….slowly."

She gasped when he pulled out a knife and slashed his palm then let the blood drain into the vial.

"Your next," he said as he reached for her hand but she jerked it away.

"You said you wouldn't hurt me."

"Well how the hell do you think you're going to fill it with your blood?" he griped.

She took the knife and gently cut her finger.

The blood slowly filled the vial.

"We don't have all night," he grumbled.

"Yes, we do. Like I said we have to ingest the blood slowly…unless you want me to die."

"Die?"

"The first time I drank…all of it at once…I almost died," she said quietly.

"In a hurry to get laid?" he chuckled.

"No," she said sadly.

Once the vial was filled, she handed it to him.

"You're human…it figures you would need to ingest it slowly on the other hand…" he gulped down the vial and then licked his lips. "Still taste sweet."

He looked at her. "drink it!"

She took a sip.

She resisted vomiting into the floor.

"Weak stomach!" he laughed.

He doubled over and reached for the bedside table.

Sara did not know what to do.

"What the hell have you done to me?" he gasped.

The pain eased and he stood quickly. "Stuff has a kick to it. Maybe I should have some more," he teased as he moved toward her but she stepped back feeling her knees hit the bed.

"The way I see it, you have three more drinks and then I get to have you."

"You have to wait. You have to desire me."

"I already desire you," he said as he forced her into his arms.

"Darius….please."

"You act like a virgin. Such a waste to only have experienced one man, Grissom."

"The best man," she said proudly.

"We'll see about that when you're screaming for more."

He stumbled back, taking the chair next to the bed.

"I don't feel well."

"You shouldn't have drank it all at once."

Sara sat down abruptly. The room was already spinning.

"Sara?"

"I feel a bit lightheaded," she whispered.

"Lie down before you fall down," he ordered.

The first vision hit her with force.

She dropped to her knees onto the floor.

She saw a small Darius crying for Heather.

"_You're corrupting him," yelled Silas._

"_Please, he needs me."_

"_He doesn't need you! You are making him weak. He's a fallen angel…not some snot nosed…kid."_

"_He is a child!"_

"_Momma…Momma…Momma!"_

_Silas grabbed the small toddler letting him dangle by his arm._

"_Please Silas, he's only two. I'll do anything," she wept._

_Silas tossed the toddler to the floor and he wailed as his head struck the floor._

_Silas grabbed Heather and pulled her out of the room._

"_Darius!"_

Sara took a deep breath as another vision flashed before her eyes.

It was an older Darius.

His body was lying on the floor in a fetal position.

"_Did you hear me boy? You dare challenge me!"_

"_It was just a dog," Darius cried._

_Silas grabbed a sword and gutted the dog in front of Darius._

"_Weakling! Now clean up this mess!"_

Vision after vision flashed before Sara of the cruelty heaped on a young Darius.

She felt his pain as he cried alone, praying that Heather would return.

She felt someone looming over her and she moaned.

"Sara?"

"So cruel," she wept. "They were so cruel to you."

He lifted her off the floor and dropped her onto the bed.

"I don't want your pity," he spat.

"It's not pity," she wept. "I feel what you've felt…it's been nothing but pain."

"Yeah, well your happy life has so much fluff in it, I want to gag…didn't you kill…do anything nasty?" he griped.

"It wasn't….happy...all of the time," she whispered.

"Oh boo hoo for poor little Sara whose mother killed her father….hated the mom…loved the dad."

He'd not seen it in his vision but had heard about it from his sources.

"You don't feel…anything?" she questioned.

"No," he lied.

Sara rolled to her side, gasping through the pain.

_This is too hard Gracen…_

_I'm not strong enough…_

Darius lay on the other side of the bed.

"Some fucking bonding."

He shut his eyes as a vision flashed before him.

He felt Sara's fear as her father found her hiding spot and proceeded to beat her.

"Bastard," he whispered, remembering the many beatings he endured from Silas.

He rolled so that he could watch her.

Her shoulders shook as she lay beside him.

Another vision flashed in front of him.

This time he was witnessing the death of her father.

The mother stabbed him just as he attacked Sara intent to rape his own daughter.

Darius swallowed, seeing the same horror in Sara's eyes that he saw in Heather's after she discovered she'd been raped by her own son.

He understood Sara's pain as she was led away by a social worker, begging to remain with her mother.

He recalled his own. It was very brief, like flashes of photos before his very eyes.

He could see Heather's distorted face as she cried out to keep him while Silas threw her out of the room.

_She cared for me and yet look at what I did to her…_

Other visions followed.

They didn't seem to affect him much until another vision flashed before him.

Suddenly he was there in the room when Sara was having the miscarriage.

She screamed through the pain and he tensed, knowing what was going to happen.

He gasped when the small life slid out of Sara's body, feeling the same loss as she did.

He fell to his knees from the force of the emotional pain he felt from Sara.

He scrambled to his feet, glancing over his shoulder to see if she'd seen his weakness but she remained curled into a fetal position, crying softly.

He made his way into the bathroom and stared into the mirror at the tears that slipped down his cheeks.

He was surprised that anything could invoke such a response from him.

He'd been beaten enough times in his lifetime to learn not to show any emotion.

Emotion was a weakness that a fallen angel did not possess.

They'd blamed it on Heather.

He was beaten until he hardened.

He learned to do as they did.

If Silas handed him a whip, he beat the person put in front of him to avoid the same beating.

Women were passed around like candy.

He took what was given to him.

He learned by example as he followed Silas's lead and yet the man snarled at him, berating him at every turn.

Even now, he allowed his father entrance to his mansion but only out of clan law.

He hated Silas and by law, Silas would come when Sara gave birth.

The child would need to be trained and Silas would be there to ensure it.

Sara would then be passed around to the other men with Silas getting first dibs.

The thought turned his stomach.

He loathed the man.

He could fight the other men to keep them from mating with her but by clan law, his father would be permitted to take Sara as many times as he wanted.

Darius swallowed, not sure what this feeling he suddenly felt.

He blamed it on the ritual.

Feelings that he never thought he possessed were surfacing.

Feelings were not permitted.

He glanced at the clock as he watched Sara take another sip of the vial.

Her eyes were swollen from crying.

He gulped at the sight of her.

No one had ever cried for him.

He took the vial from her hand as she opened her eyes.

"One more dose," he announced.

"One more," she whispered.

Darius stretched his hand out just as he caught himself about to stroke her hair.

He recoiled immediately.

She lay there with her eyes closed, clutching at the bed covers.

"What did they do to you?" she whispered.

'They made me who I am," he pronounced.

"They made you into a killer…evil," she clarified.

She doubled over from the burning sensation in her abdomen.

"Oh…it hurts," she gasped.

"What? Is it supposed to be like this?" he asked.

"I…don't know. Darius!" she gasped as she tried to breathe.

He pinned her down as she screamed through the pain.

Slowly, the pain eased and she relaxed.

"What…did you see?" he questioned.

"Nothing…just pain," she lied.

She'd witnessed the horror of the rape Heather endured at the hands of Darius.

She felt his remorse when he had been told later of the identity of the woman Silas had given to him as a gift.

He knew better than to reject anything from Silas.

It didn't bother him to rape a woman knowing that most of the women who entered their mansion would be passed around from one fallen angel to the next.

Most of the women these days came from Lady Heather's Dominion, women who were used to rough sex in exchange for money.

He wasn't prepared to find out that this woman was his very own mother, Heather AKA Elena.

Silas had orchestrated the entire event.

"_She left you because she can't stand the sight of you but she yearns for her firstborn, Joseph," sneered Silas. _"_She didn't even recognize her own son."_

"_Why did you do this?" demanded Darius._

"_Didn't you enjoy it, son? I share everything with you," Silas barked._

Sara felt the inner pain Darius kept inside as he kept his distance from Heather.

It was just weeks later that he learned she was pregnant.

He was horrified and had gone to speak with her, intent to offer her a way to escape but he had found Heather in a pool of blood.

"_You won't get the satisfaction," she wept._

"_I've ripped out my uterus…you disgust me. You are nothing like my son, Joseph. He is precious and…"_

Sara gasped through the other vision as Darius watched Silas kill Joseph and his wife.

"_She killed one of our own so we'll kill one that she cherishes," snarled Silas._

_Silas glanced back as Darius stared at the lifeless body lying at his feet._

"_She loved him….while she despised you!"_

"_He was good…while I am evil," Darius said without thought._

_Silas slapped him on the back. "A pity I got carried away and killed his woman. We could have had some fun…she may have been able to give us an heir."_

"_She's human," stated Darius._

"_She bore him a child. Gracen Merci," snorted Silas. "Grace and mercy…from the almighty. I think not!"_

"_Grace and mercy," whispered Darius. "Grace and mercy."_

His thoughts were interrupted by Sara's wails.

She felt hands on her shoulders as she thrashed about.

"Grissom?" she cried out.

"Guess again, Sara," Darius bit out.

Her eyes opened and he was taken aback when she grabbed him into her arms.

His first instinct was to force himself on her but then anger surged out of nowhere and he started to shove her away.

"Darius, forgive me," she cried over and over.

"Sara, you're not making any sense," he said as he released her but she clung to him, seeing the small frightened child rather than the man who had attempted to rape her and later caused the death of her child.

"You didn't deserve any of this," she wept.

"That's where you are wrong," he said as he pushed her away. "I'm fallen. Don't ever forget that."

She emptied the vial.

"It's time, Sara."

Note from author:

Wow...what a place to end it...


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four:**

**The Shepherd is Deceived**

The visions she experienced were nothing like the ones she experienced from Gracen.

Darius had been treated like an animal by the hands of Silas, his own father.

She felt pity for him and prayed he would be merciful in his dealing with her.

The word "mercy" almost brought bile seeping up from the pit of her stomach, expecting such a thing from someone who had never been given it in his life.

Darius had led a cruel existence.

He'd done despicable things but he'd also done some of those things in order to survive.

The hardest vision had been Gracen's death.

She saw the demon cut open Gracen with one swipe and felt Darius' anger.

He had not wanted to kill Gracen, knowing it would hurt Heather but the demon had gotten carried away.

He knew Gracen could not recover from such a wound.

It was a slow, painful death.

She felt Darius' remorse.

Still, he could have helped Vivian.

Darius did not seem to be affected by any of the visions but rather put off by the entire ordeal, particularly since he was having some side effects of having drank her blood in one gulp.

She was exhausted from the visions.

Her body ached all over and it worried her.

Darius sat in the chair, saying very little in the past hour.

She sat up, not wanting to make eye contact with him.

"We will need your knife," she said softly.

It got a rise out of him.

"Like I am going to hand you a knife," he replied as he leaned forward. "It would have been much easier if you had just let me…"

She extended her hand.

"You will need to slice my palm…and then…yours. They have to be bound…tied together while we…"

She teetered on the edge, feeling rather lightheaded.

"Relax," he grumbled. "I won't get any pleasure out of it if you pass out. I'll get us something to eat."

He picked up the phone on the bedside table. "Any preference?"

She shook her head.

"Raw oysters," he announced.

"Not…that," she glared.

"Bloody steak," he said licking his lips.

"Soup…sandwich," she countered.

He frowned. "You need some meat on your bones. I like my women with…." He didn't finish when she glared at him in defiance despite feeling wiped out.

He chuckled as he placed the order with his cook and then gently shoved her onto her back.

"Might as well rest."

She did as she was told but rose immediately when she felt him lie down on the bed.

"Relax. If I wanted to jump your bones I could have already done that without all of this ritual shit. Besides, I'm just as tired as you."

Several minutes passed in silence and then she did the unthinkable.

She had no idea why she began the conversation.

"Why didn't you try to help Vivian?

"She wanted to punish Gracen for not choosing her. Her plan was for me to take her while Gracen watched. I refused so she offered herself to that shit for brains demon."

"Wait, you told Gracen you took Vivian in his bed," she accused.

"Sorry but I had other plans...with the red head in the video."

Sara glanced at him. "You refused because Vivian had been promised to Gracen."

"Whatever," he said not liking how she was able to read his thoughts and feelings.

"She had that demon so hyped; he could smell her virginity. He practically drooled around her. She had no idea what she was dealing with. A demon can take so much and then...well, you saw. He'd sliced and diced Gracen before I could react. Whatever he did to Vivian she deserved. She asked to be taken...she didn't set out any rules...like you."

Sara jumped when there was a tap on the door.

"Enter," he announced.

A cart was rolled inside and a man stood, waiting for further instructions.

"You can leave," Darius yawned.

Sara opened her eyes as several minutes passed.

"Don't expect me to serve you," he huffed.

She took the soup and sandwich to the chair and sat down.

"You could serve me," he said as he eyed her.

"You don't expect me to serve you," she retorted.

"I am going to enjoy…you later."

He fetched a bowl of soup and bit into the sandwich.

She finished the soup but left part of the sandwich.

"You better eat all of it. You're going to need your strength," he smiled.

She remembered the marathon of sex for the first several days and she gulped.

She wasn't sure how she would feel when she suddenly felt the urge for Darius.

The thought was too much to bear but she could not turn back now.

She didn't have a choice if she was going to follow her plan.

"Come here," he ordered.

She stood on wobbly legs and made her way to his side of the bed.

"You can follow orders," he said in a low growl, "That's good."

She didn't flinch when he sliced the palm of her hand.

He quickly sliced his and then bound their hands together.

Both clutched at one another as they tried to adjust to the new wave of sensations.

She felt her body being lifted and then pressed into the bed.

"You're mine now, Sara."

There was little to console Grissom as he flew into a tirade after her departure.

He sat at the kitchen table with a bottle and a glass.

Francis sat across from him.

"We should have done something," stated Grissom as he emptied his glass.

"She threatened to call the police on me if I tried to stop her," replied Francis. "Gil, she made up her mind."

"She did it to protect us," he choked, the thought much easier to bear than the reason she had given just as he felt his heart ripped from his chest.

"Perhaps," Francis said softly, hoping to ease the man's pain.

Sara's actions did not make any sense especially since she had admitted to believing their was a God as well as a savior.

For her to turn away, would mean utter destruction for her soul

"You…you expect the worse from her because of Heather…Elena!" cried Grissom.

Francis felt Grissom's pain of losing his mate. He still ached for Elena.

"I am more fallen than them," Francis wept. "I was cruel…showed no mercy."

"Heather loved you," stated Grissom.

"I didn't deserve it. Everything she said about me was true. I wouldn't accept…couldn't accept the fact that she might still be alive…after being with someone else."

Grissom felt the man's remorse.

"I felt the same betrayal as you did when Sara was attacked by Darius. When she no longer felt the urge, I thought she had been with someone so that she could break our bond."

His eyes shot up to Francis. "Did she do this to free me?"

"I don't know."

"She always felt that I had been pressured into joining with her. Francis, her actions today don't make sense. She's wanted me as much as I've wanted her. She must have done this because Darius threatened her somehow...and she saw a way to protect us while releasing me."

Grissom stood suddenly. "I've got to find her."

"Grissom, it's been hours. Have you felt…the need for her?"

Grissom shook his head as his shoulders shook. "I'm not sure Sara felt it...not like me since the miscarriage. I fear our bond is already broken."

"Give me your hand," stated Francis.

Francis grabbed his palm and turned it over.

"What is that?" gasped Grissom.

"I've never seen anything like this," stated Francis.

"The scar has changed. It's …an 'X', "whispered Grissom.

Francis covered his mouth and spoke softly. "A cross." Perhaps it is a holy sign that we can take her back...if we hurry.

Darius nuzzled Sara's neck as his hand attempted to remove her blouse.

Her hand clenched his and he felt a bolt of electricity rip through them.

She cried out in pain and it startled him.

"What's wrong?"

She sobbed uncontrollably as she held onto him.

"Calm down, Sara."

Out of nowhere a feeling hit him full force and he gasped.

He rolled to the side, but managed to pull her toward him with his free hand.

Her head lay on his shoulder as her body pressed against his.

"Just lie here for a moment," he managed to get out.

He'd never felt such emotions.

It was a feeling of loss followed by sheer fear.

He felt his free hand stroking her hair.

"Hush now," he said gruffly.

He'd never comforted anyone in his life.

He didn't even know if it helped since he'd never been comforted.

Her sobs slowed as he lay there waiting for her to get control of her emotions.

Once she was quiet, he rolled over to face her.

"It's time, Sara."

She breathed in deeply as she felt his body on top of hers.

His hand slipped underneath her blouse and she froze.

His hand was not like Grissom's.

It was cold as it fumbled with the buttons on her blouse.

He growled as he tore off his shirt and then yanked off his pants.

He was quite masculine in stature.

He yanked on her pants and they slid off.

She lay there in her undergarments with the blouse fully unbuttoned.

With the first touch, he could feel her fear.

He'd never been with a woman with as little experience as Sara.

Already he saw the slight trembling of her body as she anticipated what was to come.

He started to return to the bed but halted for a moment as he morphed into Grissom.

Sara scrambled to a sitting position.

"No!" she cried. "Don't…look like him."

"It figures," he griped as he morphed into Gracen.

"No…you," she insisted.

"I'm privileged," he said snidely as he returned to the bed.

Darius pulled off the blouse and then undid the clasp on her bra.

She shivered when he yanked off her panties.

"Your skin is flawless," he grinned. "Well, almost," he added as he saw the scars from the bite marks.

He yanked off his briefs as he positioned himself.

Her eyes bore a hole through him as he stared at her.

"What?"

"Do you desire me?" she whispered.

"Hell yes. I been waiting all night for this!" he griped.

She was surprised she did not feel any urge for him. She wasn't certain about Darius.

He started to yank her legs apart but forced himself to go slow by nudging her legs to separate and give him full access.

Normally he would have just tossed the woman over onto her stomach and entered her without thought to her comfort.

He learned it was better not to look them in the eye as he pleasured himself with the countless women that passed through the mansion.

For some reason, he did not want to brutalize her but rather enter slowly, hoping when he looked into her eyes, he did not see the same haunted look he had seen in his mother's eyes.

She did not pull away as he positioned himself.

Something unusual happen that baffled him.

He frowned when he did not get a full erection.

This had never happened to him.

Nothing seemed to help and he gawked at his limp situation.

"Shit!" he murmured. "Be back."

He tried to get out of bed but found he couldn't without bringing Sara with him.

He opened the door and whispered something to one of the guards.

There was a brief knock and a box was handed to him.

He smiled as he opened the box and took out a DVD tape.

He flipped on the television set and then put in the tape.

She frowned as he guided her back to the bed.

She pulled up the sheets to cover her nakedness.

"No need for that," he grinned as he jumped into the bed and then hit the remote switch.

He smiled as he turned to face her.

She glared at him as he watched the video of himself and another woman.

"This does not break our agreement," he announced.

She frowned in disgust.

"It was made…some time ago….last week I think. What? I need some inspiration," he muttered.

Darius leaned on his elbows as he watched the video.

Moans erupted as Darius turned it up. "We could try that position," he offered.

Sara looked away in disgust.

Darius glanced down and frowned when it did not seem to do the trick.

"Turn it off," Sara whispered.

His phone rang and he paused the video.

"Who wants to die?" he announced.

"Sir, they're here…and well, you said we couldn't harm or kill them."

"Great! It figures. Wait five minutes and then let them into the room."

"But…"

"I can kill you so you better do as I say," he yelled.

"Where were we?" He flipped on the video and turned it up.

The guard chuckled when he heard the noise inside.

"Darius….please," Sara whispered.

His free hand traced the scar on her shoulder. "My, I did take a bite out of you."

She tensed at the memory.

"I said I won't hurt you," he snapped.

His lips came down hard on hers and she struggled not to fight while blocking out the noise from the video.

Darius glanced down and cursed inwardly when he was still soft not to mention there was now a burning sensation in the pit of his stomach.

He watched the video remembering how he banged into the blonde causing her to scream out.

He chuckled. "She was such a screamer."

Grissom and Francis stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"I can hold them off," offered Francis.

Grissom started to charge up the stairs when the guard motioned that they could go up.

They raced up the stairs and headed toward the guarded bedroom at the end of the hallway.

Grissom slowed when he heard the sounds coming from the bedroom.

"Harder Darius!" a female voice screamed.

"You like it rough, don't you?"

Darius heard the turning of the doorknob and he quickly switched off the video.

He purposely grabbed Sara's leg and wrapped it around his waist.

The guard opened the door and allowed them entry.

Sara gasped when she saw Grissom and Francis standing there.

"Do you mind? We were busy!" smiled Darius.

Grissom took a step back as he glared at Sara.

Darius intentionally tossed back the sheet to reveal Sara's nude body intimately tucked underneath his.

"If you want to stay, I have to warn you. I make her scream...she likes it hard and fast...but then Grissom you should know that...I think," grinned Darius.

He leaned in as if to kiss her but whispered. "You better make this convincing if you want them to leave here alive...or unharmed. I want a moan out of you...and some begging."

Sara did not even recognize her own voice as she moaned begging for Darius to continue.

"Sara?" Grissom whispered.

"Get out!" she screamed. "Darius, I'm on the edge again...get rid of them."

Darius motioned for the guard but Grissom whirled around and was gone in a flash.

Francis remained. "Gracen was wrong about you," yelled Francis. "You are a slut."

Sara swallowed.

"This is the last time I let you enter my home. Next time…"

"Darius," Sara pleaded softly.

Francis turned and left as Sara slumped back onto the bed.

Darius growled as his condition remained the same.

_I'm just tired from all of this bonding crap…_

_Tomorrow…_

_Tomorrow I can do the deed…_

Her eyes seemed enormous as they stared at him.

"I didn't know you were an actress," he crooned.

"They came here on their own accord. I couldn't let them go…without getting a little peep show," he chuckled but then stopped when he saw how desolate she looked.

"They were not harmed or killed," he stated matter of fact.

She felt as if she was having a panic attack as she realized Grissom was leaving, thinking the worst of her.

She stifled a sob as she imagined what was going through Grissom's head.

Her skin was like ice as his hand glided down her side.

He yanked up the covers and then flipped over to his back, forcing her to lie beside him with her head on his shoulder.

He'd never been this gentle with a woman and he wondered why he was allowing…no, why he needed to feel close to her.

He swallowed, feeling her pain at the loss of Grissom.

She waited for him to make another attempt but he merely closed his eyes.

"You keep your word," he said quietly.

"Do you?" she bit out, trying desperately not to let him see how devastated she felt.

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see," he replied as he let himself sleep.

She swiped at a tear that ran down her cheek.

_Grissom may hate me but he's alive…_

Note from author:

That was a rather painful chapter...but follow along... Remember to pay attention to titles of chapters and such for clues. Some of you picked up on the clue Sara left behind...some of you noticed even the words spoken to Sara by the voice...big clue there.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty Five:**

**The Lamb is in Jeopardy**

She woke to the feel of him unwrapping their hands.

"This is driving me insane," he cursed. "I have no intention of trying to relieve myself while strapped to you."

He disappeared into the bathroom and then returned.

He stared at his hand. "What the hell have you done to me?"

"It's just a scar," she whispered.

He grabbed her hand and flipped it over. "What the hell is this?"

Sara stared at the scars on her hand that resembled a cross.

"I don't know," she whispered.

He cursed out loud as he straddled her but groaned when his stomach began to cramp.

"I can't believe this," he gasped.

Sara tried to lie still beneath him.

He rolled off as he clutched his stomach.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" she asked.

"Go!" he groaned.

She reappeared some time later with a towel wrapped around her.

"Get over here!" he ordered.

She approached him warily.

"Now!"

She hurried around the bed.

He grabbed her hand and compared it to his.

It was a matching scar.

"No fallen angel…no demon would be caught dead with this…on his hand," he cursed.

"Why not?" she asked softly.

"It represents…you know what it represents," he muttered.

"Some don't believe He was resurrected…some believe He just died."

"He rose alright," he griped.

She looked surprised at his confession.

His pain eased and he stretched out. "Order breakfast," he said as he closed his eyes.

She picked up the phone and made the order.

Within minutes there was a knock.

This time she brought the cart near the bed.

His eyes opened when he felt the slight nudge.

"Breakfast," she stated softly.

He looked at the food. "There's no meat."

"I'm a vegetarian."

"I'm not!"

She started to pick up the phone and place another order but he replied with clenched teeth, "never mind."

He ate a piece of toast and watched while she devoured the oatmeal and fruit plate.

"Do you always eat that much?"

"I'm hungry," she replied, her sorrow now turning to anger over what Grissom was made to see. "Besides you said I needed some meat on my bones."

"Don't get smart with me, Sara. I can be far worse than your father ever was."

"And you know what happened to him," she countered before she could stop herself.

She expected him to threaten her but instead, he merely laughed.

"I'm going to enjoy taking you," he announced.

Her stomach did somersaults but she continued to eat, knowing she needed the nourishment.

Once she finished, she could not help but notice how he watched her.

"Sara, come here."

She feared the time had finally come as she returned to lie beside him.

He rolled over until she was fully beneath him.

The towel did little to hide her body.

Gently he kissed her, easing down to leave a trail of kisses along her neckline. He dipped down to take in a breast and doubled over in pain.

"Darius….are you alright?"

"Hell, no. I make one move toward you and I feel like I'm being gutted."

He tried several times but the result was the same.

"I could rip someone to shreds right now," he muttered as he rolled off her. "Your fucking bonding has turned me into a eunuch. Just cut off my…" he stopped when he felt her moving from the bed.

"It was a joke. Just cause the equipment isn't working, you're not going to cut it off."

"I'm not," she said quietly. "I could…try."

He gawked at her.

"You could what?" he gaped.

"I could…try to initiate…it."

He couldn't believe his ears.

"An agreement is an agreement," she explained softly.

He pulled her down on top of him.

"Do it," he said.

She placed featherlike kisses along his chest as she timidly took his shaft into her hand.

She stroked him several times but there was no response.

He remained limp.

"What the hell are we going to do?"

She licked her lips. "Wait and see if it improves?"

"It had better…and fast."

He eyed her. "You have no idea what kind of predicament you're in, do you?"

"You can't…so we can't….so we wait," she responded.

"Sara, it's customary for fallen angels of stature to toss off his leftovers to his men."

She looked confused.

"If you're not pregnant within a month then I give you to the guards…for their pleasure."

"We didn't agree…you didn't say…"

"You agreed to be treated like the other she-devils. Now that your bonding left me impotent, it moves up…things. It wasn't supposed to happen until after you gave birth…no heir…no need for you."

Now, he really felt her fear.

"You could try…pills. There's medication for this," she sputtered.

"Oh so I tell my men to go get me some dick pills. I don't think so."

He looked under the covers and grumbled.

"Order it online…have the package sent here."

"That takes time."

"Fed-ex it."

Within minutes he'd drug his laptop into the room and placed the order.

The stress from the past few hours caught up with Sara as she leaned against the wall.

"You might as well sleep while you can. When the pills arrive, we'll be busy."

She nodded as she curled onto the bed.

"Why are you being so cooperative?"

"An agreement is…"

"Right," he mocked.

Sara closed her eyes and was surprised to find out how easy it was for her to drift to sleep.

Grissom ignored the banging on his door.

"You want me to get that?" asked Francis.

Grissom did not respond so Francis let Brass inside.

"Any word?" asked Brass anxiously.

"We saw her," stated Grissom as he sipped on his drink.

Brass glanced at Francis. "Is he sober?"

"Yes, I am," replied Grissom.

"They let us see Sara," bit out Francis.

"Is she alright?"

"She is no longer bound…to Grissom."

"The bastard…raped her," choked out Brass.

"She gave herself to him," cursed Grissom.

"If she did, she did it to protect your sorry ass. Why didn't you try to get her out of that place? You should have waited for me. I would have…"

"There was no danger," replied Grissom as he finished off the drink and then slammed his bedroom door.

"Sara made her choice."

"Like hell! I don't believe it!"

"We heard them all the way down the hall. We saw them…in bed together. She was begging for Darius to continue. Grissom left and never looked back."

"If he forced her to bond with him then she was obsessed…driven to do what she did."

"Fallen angels do not bond with anyone. That is an angelic ritual only. They take many female partners…never clinging to one."

"I'll go and…"

"And get yourself killed. Sara made her choice. Darius warned me…next time we won't be able to just walk away. We will have to fight to stay alive."

"What does Grissom plan to do?" asked Brass.

"Forget her."

Darius cursed as the pills had no effect.

"Maybe it takes more than one," she offered.

"I've taken more than enough. You did this to me!" he boomed.

"I…uhm...I didn't," she protested. "Maybe in a few days….the effects of the bonding will wear off and…"

"You better pray…where the hell did that come from?"

"What?"

He yanked back his hand as if he were going to slap her but halted when she made no move to defend herself.

"Aren't you afraid of me?"

"You said you wouldn't hurt me."

"Oh this just gets fucking better all of the damn time," he muttered. He groaned from the hotness in his stomach.

"What the hell is it now? I never even touched you!"

"Maybe…maybe you shouldn't curse."

Darius flipped on the video.

He grunted from the pain.

"Darius…maybe you shouldn't watch…if it's painful."

"It's not for my benefit," he gasped.

"I don't want to see it!"

"The guard! He needs to hear…stuff like this."

"Oh."

Darius staggered into the bathroom.

He lost the contents of his breakfast.

He was surprised when she handed him a wet washcloth.

"Don't be nice. I can't stand things that are nice. It's despicable. Oh, I'm going to be sick again."

He leaned against the wall, as he waited for the nausea to pass.

Sara leaned against the other wall.

"Why are you here?" he asked angrily.

"Because you need… someone…me."

"I don't need you," he spat. "Get out of my sight," he seethed.

She tripped over the towel hitting the floor with a thud as her head connected with the chair.

"Geez!" he whined as he made his way to her. "Sara?"

Her lack of response prompted him to grab the washcloth and swiped it across her face several times.

Her hand instinctively went to her head.

"Knot. I didn't do it," he said as he helped her to the bed. "You can't say that I harmed you in any way."

He left the washcloth on her forehead.

"Are you clumsy or what?" he griped.

"Sorry," she murmured.

He touched the bruised place on her forehead and she winced.

"More like a goose egg," he observed.

Her eyes shot open as she looked at him. "How do you feel?" she asked.

"Better."

She pulled him toward her.

"Did the knock on the head turn you on or something?"

"We should try," she bit out, wincing with each move.

"You're in no condition to be doing anything horizontal."

"I'll get on top….I'll try something else."

"Why?" he pressed. "Why the urgency?"

"You won't harm or kill them…will you?"

"Not at the moment," he muttered.

She attempted once more to pull him to her but he slipped from her grasp.

"Later when you're not turning green," he agreed. "You probably gave yourself a concussion…women like you like to puke."

"I'm sorry."

"I was being the ass. I…" he stopped in midsentence.

"What's wrong?"

"I've never admitted to being at fault for anything."

"Maybe you're not as fallen as you think."

His eyes darkened. "Don't underestimate me."

Fear crept into her being at his intense stare.

"I won't."

She closed her eyes but he barked at her.

"Stay awake. You might have a concussion."

Her head ached for hours but she did not complain, keeping to herself.

She finally nodded off and he let her as he lay there next to her.

His hand gently attempted to touch her between her thighs but he doubled over falling head first onto her breasts only rewarding him with a worse pain.

It startled her awake and her body froze.

"I don't think I like you," he muttered as he rolled over to his side and fell asleep.

When she woke, she was curled up next to him.

Gingerly she moved away, fearing she would wake him.

"Where are you going?" he barked.

"Bathroom."

She slipped out and was startled when she opened the door only to be pinned against the wall.

"Maybe we need a different position," he whispered.

His lips devoured hers as he ignored the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach.

He continued as he pressed into her but doubled over when he attempted to enter her folds.

"It hurts!"

"Darius…what can I do?" She wrapped her arm around his waist and helped him to the chair.

He slumped down into the chair but grabbed her wrist.

"This is not getting better!" he seethed.

"It will," she pleaded.

"I guess we will see."

Days passed with no change.

Each day he played a different porno video, ignoring the glares of disgust from Sara.

"You taped your conquests?" she asked one evening.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I like to watch…liked to watch. Since I'm a eunuch now…"

"We can try…"

"You're getting on my nerves," he spat.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry," he mocked. "I'm getting tired of this. I need some air."

She tensed.

"I'll be back," he said as he headed toward the door.

"Can I go with you?"

"Hell no! Our women are supposed to do nothing but pleasure us! Stripped naked and…"

"Tied to a bed…checked to see if a pregnancy has occurred," she finished for him.

He eyed her.

"Heather….your mother….Elena told us."

He flew into a rage and she feared him.

He shut the door with a thud.

Sara glanced toward the phone.

_You can't call him…_

_You can't call any of them…_

Hours passed and he did not return.

She paced the floor as she waited for him.

The door knob turned and she swallowed as he entered with a bottle in his hand.

"Have a drink with me, Sara."

She shook her head.

"Have a drink," he ordered.

"Please…I can't."

"Why not?"

"I used to drink a lot. I got stopped by the police. I promised…Grissom."

"Well, he's not here now is he?" he challenged.

"How much did you drink?" she whispered.

"What do you care?"

"Are you hungry?" she asked as she skirted around him.

"I'm famished…for my old life!"

He kissed her and her stomach clenched from the stench of alcohol.

She knew the mere kiss had cost him as well by the look on his face.

He leaned against her.

"I want you, Sara."

"You can have me," she whispered.

His fist connected with the wall and she flinched.

"I can't touch you. You're protected…by something."

He breathed in deeply and his eyes widened.

"What kind of game are you playing Sara?"

"I'm not," she swallowed.

He yanked at her blouse sending the buttons flying in different directions.

He reached out to touch her abdomen and she backed away.

"You bitch!" he seethed quietly. "You're already pregnant!"

"Darius, I kept my agreement," she replied calmly even though she was shaking within.

"Like hell! I would know if I've fucked you!"

"You wanted an heir. You wanted your blood line to continue. By bonding with me, your blood mixed with mine…with my child. His or her blood is yours."

"Liar!"

"I'm not. You know that by bonding with someone, the blood is…"

He shoved her against the wall. "This was not part of our agreement."

"Not exactly."

"You were going to pass Grissom's brat off…on me. Why? To protect it? Them? I'll kill them all!"

Note from author:

I'm with you...bad place to end it...hurry up and review so we can go to the next chapter...for those of you who have been away and are catching up, thanks for leaving a review for each chapter. It means alot.

Take care!


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty Six:**

**The Lamb Sees The Shepherd**

"Please, don't! I did what you asked. I came here. I've given myself to you."

He whirled around, "Given yourself to me? You did this! You've made me….impotent!"

"I didn't know this was going to happen! You gulped down the vial...didn't follow instructions!"

"You demanded the damn ritual!" he griped as he held his stomach.

"You've been laughing behind my back!" he snarled. "Pretending…"

"That's not true! Being beaten as a child…is no laughing matter. You were tortured…treated inhumanely…"

"Enough!" he bellowed.

Desperation was written all over her face as she attempted to reason with him.

"Darius, please. I did what you asked."

"Did you give me a child?" he glared.

"Yes…by blood only."

"You planned this! It was the reason for the ritual…so my blood would enter that brat of yours."

"I'll admit I was already pregnant…"

"You lied!"

"We bonded together. Our blood joined. We shared…our past…know each other's fears."

"I have no fear!" he threatened.

She licked her lips. "Being alone," she said softly.

"You think…that you can come in here, trick me…you lost the last child," he threatened.

She paled. "You wouldn't."

He sneered and seemed delighted that he was now playing on her fear.

She grabbed his arm as she begged him. "Please, don't do that. I'll do anything. Please don't."

His pleasure was short lived.

He turned away not able to bear her pain or the pleas that continued like a mantra.

He remembered the loss of the other child because of his actions.

Her pleas came in soft sobs as she begged then tried to reason with him once more.

"Darius… you can't harm your own blood line. This baby carries your blood…so do I. We joined so our blood is the same."

"Enough!" he warned.

He stormed out of the bedroom, letting the door slam.

"What's the matter boss?" asked the guard. "By her screams, you've had plenty of reasons to beat her. Could I beat her? I won't tell the others if you let me."

Darius was actually put off by the guards desire to hurt Sara.

"Go screw yourself. Get the hell downstairs."

"I can't leave you…alone. I heard she stabbed you once."

"Like she is going to harm me? I could snap her neck with one hand at the moment."

"Could I have a go at her?" he eagerly asked.

"Not yet."

Sara boldly opened the door intending to plead with him once more but swallowed nervously as she caught the last of their conversation.

The guard smiled wickedly at her, making her feel sick to her stomach.

Sara gulped as she closed the door wishing there was some way to lock it.

With Darius gone, the guard or any of them for that matter could get in.

At the moment she wasn't sure if Darius wasn't going to hand her over to them.

She glanced at the phone and contemplated calling Grissom or one of the guys but dismissed the thought, not wanting to risk their lives.

She visibly shook, fearful for her unborn child.

"Please don't let him harm my baby," she wept.

She remembered her dream as vividly as if it were yesterday.

"_Sara, wake up," Gracen whispered._

_Sara rolled over, surprised that Grissom still slept. She slipped out of the covers, grabbing her robe as she stepped into the next room._

"_Gracen?" she whispered._

"_Do not be afraid, Sara. It's me."_

"_This is a dream again, isn't it?"_

"_Yes…and no," he said as he extended his arms and she fell into them._

_He kissed her tenderly on the forehead. "I'm sorry about the baby," he whispered._

"_I don't know what to do, Gracen."_

"_Yes, you do," he said._

"_Darius has threatened to kill Grissom and the others if I don't go with him."_

"_Then go."_

_She swallowed._

"_Sara, you can ease his pain."_

"_Grissom's?"_

"_He needs you."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_He's condemned unless you forgive him. Help him. Give him an heir."_

"_Gracen, who are you talking about?"_

"_Darius."_

_She stepped back._

"_Sara, the only way you can save Grissom and the others is to save Darius."_

"_No! He killed our baby!"_

"_There is no future for any of you unless you go with Darius."_

"_But…"_

"_Make an agreement with Darius. Tell him you will give him an heir if he promises not to harm or kill the others."_

"_But…"_

"_Before you leave, you will already be pregnant again with Grissom's child. Do the ritual with Darius. His blood will be passed on to the child…giving him the heir he desires."_

_Sara swallowed. _

"_You go into this Sara alone but you're not. Do you understand?"_

_"Will you be watching over me?" she asked in a child like voice._

_"No."_

_Her fingers clutched at his clothing that seemed to glow._

_"You said...I wouldn't be alone."_

_"Sara, He will be with you. He will watch over you."_

_She swallowed. "I'll never see you again will I?"_

_"No. You were never meant to see me."_

_"I'm scared," she admitted._

_"Can you trust Him?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Then...you know what you have to do."_

"_Is there no other way?"_

"_No."_

"_But…"_

"_Can you…sacrifice yourself….for them?"_

"What do I do now?" she wept.

As time passed, she grew hungry but it would mean facing the guards so she decided not to ask for any food.

She watched the clock and listened for any sign of Darius as the hours passed.

_What if he's gone to kill them?_

_What if he's going to come back and give me to the guards?_

_What if he's going to force me to abort the baby?_

She nodded off in the chair so she forced herself to pace the room in order to stay awake.

He'd never been away for this length of time.

The next day the door was thrust open, startling the life out of her as Darius burst inside, his demeanor not much better.

He glanced around the room. "Where the hell is the cart?"

"Cart?"

He picked up the phone and called downstairs. "Bring the damn cart!" he bellowed.

He ordered the small table to be cleared and the food placed on it.

He motioned for Sara to sit.

She did as he ordered, watching him bite into a bloody steak.

"Eat."

Her stomach growled but she refused to touch the food.

"I said eat."

"No."

"You haven't eaten since yesterday. Eat."

Her stomach growled once more.

"Don't like the steak? Eat the salad."

"I can't."

"You won't," he spat.

"I won't," she admitted.

He shoved his plate away.

"What's wrong with the damn food?"

He could tell she'd not slept most likely fearful of getting attacked by his men.

He knew she refused to eat for fear it would contain the mixture that had caused her to abort the last time.

He cursed out loud. "There's nothing in the damn food….or drink. Eat."

She shook her head.

"So what do you propose to do? Starve? Eat!"

Her hand trembled as she picked up a piece of bread but then quickly put it back down.

"No, you had them to put something in it. You…you…"

His fist banged down on the table and she jumped.

"Eat the food," he warned.

She jumped out of the seat and ran but he grabbed her before she could reach the door.

"Don't cause a scene, Sara….or I'll give you to the guard."

"No! I won't let you hurt my baby," she cried. "Please…"

She went into hysterics as she begged him over and over.

"Sara, stop," he bellowed.

She continued as he shook her. "Stop!"

He pulled her toward the door and she dragged her feet, fear evident in her eyes as he thrust open the door.

"The guard is downstairs. It was an empty threat. Calm down," he said in a low voice.

He shut the door, hoping she would stop the hysterics but it only made it worse.

"I said stop!" he growled as he held onto her arms as she tried to break free.

"Where would you go?" he challenged. "You could never get past my men. You could never escape me."

"I'd rather die myself than allow you to harm my baby."

He marveled at how strong her bond with this unborn was.

She kicked and hit until he pulled her back against his chest, pinning her arms to her side.

"Sara, stop," he threatened.

She gasped trying to break free but it was futile and she cried out.

"Sara, stop," he said softly.

"Please Darius," she wept.

"Sssh," he finally whispered. "I'm not going to hurt you…or the baby. Now stop."

"The others? What have you done?" she begged.

"I've kept my agreement," he bit out.

She visibly shook before him.

He'd never showed any kindness to another human being but at the moment he wanted to ease her fear and pain.

Through the bonding, he felt the depth of her loss when she had miscarried.

The effects still lingered through him and he marveled at Sara's inner strength.

He shoved her into the chair but his actions were not rough.

It was more for show than anything.

"Sit and eat."

She picked up the piece of bread and stared at it.

"I guess you'll just have to trust me," he glared.

She put the piece of bread back onto her plate but reached over and took his.

"Fine! Take my plate," he muttered as he switched plates.

She ate the bread but refused to drink anything.

He yanked her glass off the table and poured the contents into the bathroom sink before filling it with water.

The glass sloshed as he slammed it down on the table.

"Drink," he ordered.

He wasn't prepared for her to throw up on the table.

She'd tried to cover her mouth but it spewed forth.

He griped at the mess.

She struggled to get up, hurrying to the bathroom before another wave hit.

She moaned as dry heaves persisted for several minutes leaving her quite shaken.

There was a commotion in the next room as Darius ordered his staff to clean up the mess.

"Oral sex and bloody steaks are not exactly a good combination," he lied as the mess disappeared. "Human females…are weak," he added.

They chuckled as the cart disappeared.

She remained in the bathroom until his foot kicked at the door.

Sara opened the door and shoved him away.

He was surprised at her action, proud of her spirit.

"I won't be treated like that," she spat.

"I don't take orders from you," he seethed. "I've never taken orders from anyone."

She stood there boldly although she was quite certain a feather could knock her over.

He backed away as she teetered on her feet.

She grabbed some clean clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.

He purposely opened the door despite the burning sensation already beginning in the pit of his stomach.

She ignored him as she changed clothes.

She shoved him out of the way once more and took her place on the bed.

There was a tap on the door and he opened it, taking the cart himself.

"More food," he said.

She made no move toward the small table so he rolled the cart toward the bed.

"It's just saltine crackers and soup."

He poured some in a bowl and handed it to her but she refused to take it.

He took a spoonful and grimaced. "Canned soup. I'm going to kill someone before the night is over."

"Over soup?" she asked softly.

"I want to harm somebody…something. The reason doesn't matter much to me."

She sat up and took the bowl making him grin slightly as he turned away to hide the smirk.

His hand reached out toward her abdomen but she quickly covered it with her own in a protective manner.

"You said it contains my blood…also," he challenged.

"It does."

He shoved her hands away and surprisingly his hands were warm and gentle as it rested briefly on her abdomen.

She felt self conscious about the intimacy.

"Our babies grow faster," he commented.

"Five months rather than nine," she replied.

"No one will harm or kill this child," he announced.

She stared at him as if she were trying to decide if she believed him or not.

"I keep my agreements," he declared.

She didn't believe him but replied, "Thank you, Darius."

"I didn't say anything about…you," he added gruffly.

The inflection in his voice was not threatening and she eased back, exhaustion oozing from every pore.

She had crossed the hardest hurdle.

She never intended to let Darius know she was already pregnant but now it did not matter.

Darius accepted Grissom's child as his own because of the blood line.

He narrowed his eyes as if to threaten her. "Throw up again and I'll…" he didn't finish as he glanced down to see that she had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion.

His hand glided over her smooth abdomen as he leaned over and gently placed a kiss on her forehead.

He was surprised he did not feel ill by the encounter.

His hand reached to cup a breast but he immediately felt the burning sensation in his stomach and he jerked away. "I get the message," he gritted. "I won't touch her."

He felt immediate relief.

Surprisingly, her abdomen began to grow extensively.

She sat most days and looked out the window, knowing it was turning cooler.

He wondered what was going through her mind as she often seemed deep in thought.

At the end of the month, he allowed her access to the courtyard.

It was a signal to the others that the coupling had been a success.

Word had already been announced that Sara was pregnant.

The guards were angry, hoping to be given her as a "play" toy so now they would have to be content with the women from the Dominion.

Darius was by her side each time, ordering everyone to stay clear, not sure how his men was going to take his decision to remain in seclusion with her even though she was already carrying his child.

She knew she needed the fresh air but just the short walk, seemed to rob her of her energy these days and she didn't know what to make of it since it was much worse than before.

The guards were on their best behavior as fallen angels could.

They literally drooled when she came near them.

Darius was quick to discipline anyone who got too close.

He made sure to order more of the women from the Dominion to keep the men's attention away from Sara.

They were baffled when he refused to take any of the women first which was the custom but remained with Sara.

It just made them want Sara more which made Darius takes extra precaution by putting a lock on the bedroom door.

He kept weapons hidden within the room.

If Sara found them, she said nothing and he was grateful she did not try to stab him in his sleep or worse cut off his private parts.

He had no idea how any of this was going to turn out but for the moment, she was under his protection and the others did not challenge him.

He prayed Silas would not catch wind of his non demonic behavior.

For the moment, their room became her sanctuary from the evil that lived downstairs.

All in all she was treated better than she imagined.

Still, she did not like being held a prisoner and would have preferred to be outdoors more but she knew Darius was taking quite a few risks by giving what little freedom she got.

Strangely she only felt safe when Darius was with her.

Sometimes, however, he would suddenly leave the room without explanation.

It was usually during the day, never leaving her alone at night.

She worried until he returned.

They shared the bed, his body possessively holding hers.

At first, she struggled to sleep, ever fearful that he might still try to finish the ritual especially since he did not appear to be in pain when his hand stroked her hair and caressed her skin in an intimate manner but for the moment he seemed satisfied just to hold her.

His sleep was often riddled with dreams.

Whenever he cried out, she tried to comfort him.

His arms would tighten its hold around her, his lips gently whispering words she could not make out.

Despite his demonic upbringing, he kept his word, not harming her and became obsessed over the new life growing inside her.

He insisted on putting some "meat" on her bones and was rather enthralled with her breasts as they grew.

It made her self conscious, wary of what thoughts lingered in his brain.

If he grimaced, she knew he had just gotten "zapped" as he often referred to it.

"It's like wearing some damn shock collar," he complained one evening while lying in bed with her.

"It's happening less and less," she pointed out. "You're either getting better at controling your carnal thoughts or..."

"I'm becoming immune to the pain," he snickered.

She swallowed not sure how to take his remark but he made no attempt to harm her.

He did have a sense of humor. "I'm like Pavlov's dog...soon I won't even salivate when you cross the room."

She grinned.

He rose out of the bed to look at her face, it barely visible because of the firelight coming from the fireplace.

"You grinned," he announced. "I think you like the idea of some sloppy tongued dog sitting by your feet, waiting for you to toss it a bone...not a boner...not capable of getting it up so I can...oh...that hurt."

There was a silence as they lay there beside one another.

"I had a dog once," she said softly. "It was a stray that I found trying to get into the garbage cans. It growled at me."

"You interrupted a dinner meal...lucky he didn't have you for dinner."

"I tried to pet it and he bit me," she admitted.

He rolled over to face her. "What did you do?"

"I went inside the house and got some food. He...wouldn't accept it...at first."

"He was afraid it was a trick...that you were going to hurt him."

"I tossed it to him and he snatched it, growling as if he was going to bite me again."

"Just because someone does something nice doesn't mean they are not going to hurt you."

"Every day I fed him and he began hanging around. He even let me pet him a few times."

"Stupid dog. Allowing comfort only brings pain."

And he was right.

"My Dad found him...kicked him...chased him away...while I stood there and did nothing."

"You did do something," he replied softly.

"Did you see...this in a vision?"she asked.

"No. I know you...understood your father. You begged your father to stop so he turned the beating on you."

There was silence again.

"Did the dog ever come back?" he asked.

"No."

"He was smart after all. His self preservation kicked in."

"Darius, I saw your vision...when you took in the stray."

"I broke the rules," he said.

"By being kind to a dog?"

"Kindness...is not permitted."

"You are kind to me."

_And it may get me killed..._

"Go to sleep, Sara."

She was startled when he drew her closer, nuzzling his head into her hair. "Well, at least I can smell you without getting zapped. Shall I attempt to lick your face and see if the Holy One considers that offlimits? Here, rub me behind my ears and watch as I pant over you."

"You shouldn't say things like that," she replied softly.

"Nothing sexual...just..."

"The need to be touched," she finished.

"Go to sleep before I bite you, he bit out.

He did long for her to touch him. Her touch was comforting and he had not felt comforted since he was a small child.

He dreamed that night of being a small child again, secure in his mother's arms as she sang softly to him.

The feelings never lasted long as the dream morphed into ugliness as he watched in horror of every despicable thing he'd ever done.

It was dreams like these that brought dark episodes the following day when he railed at everything and everyone as if he were possessed.

She stayed clear during these times.

She knew better than to try to call anyone.

His guards reported to him each evening with grunts of disappointment that she did not do anything that warranted a beating.

He was relieved not relishing the idea of letting them dole out any punishment.

Even if he could, he did not think he could possibly harm her.

Somehow the vixen had gotten into his system.

He enjoyed spending time with her although he never let on.

He only left to ensure the others were not getting restless or worse planning a mutiny.

While Silas, his father, was high in the ranks, Darius had to fight and claw his way there.

He received no partiality even though he had been the only birth in thousands of years.

He knew she longed for companionship with the others but it was out of the question.

Her old life was now dead to her.

He just didn't know how Sara would fit into his.

With each passing day, he knew that Sara would probably wind up like the small stray he brought home: gutted and thrown out with the trash.

_She could join us…_

_She would never allow the others to have her…_

_Her spirit would either be broken or she would be killed.…_

There was the matter of the baby.

He shuddered to think how he could protect it from the harshness of his life as a fallen angel.

When he set out to get an heir, he was only concerned with accomplishing the deed, not thinking of the life he created.

Now that he'd succeeded in getting an heir, he worried about the newborn's life.

Silas saw it as a way of defeating the angels, making a super race cruel and ruthless than any of them.

He swallowed knowing that the child would receive the same treatment he had.

Darius caught her one day staring mournfully out of the window.

"You want to leave?" he asked.

Her head jerked around. "You would let me?"

"It's time to eat. I could take you to a restaurant."

_Oh…_

"We'll go to a restaurant this evening," he declared.

He knew the others would think it was odd that he was taking her anywhere.

Women were strictly for pleasure and their needs were never considered.

Already, he kept his men away from their room, not wanting any of them to overhear their conversations.

Sara was bold at times and her words would have brought a slap or worse a beating if she'd spoken to anyone else.

Darius admired her spirit, remembering a time when he spoke like that but had been beaten.

Silas would never allow such a fiery spirit.

He would surely have tied Sara to the bed and marred her beautiful skin with welts and bruises.

He also knew Silas would have taken pleasure in breaking Sara.

"Get dressed," he ordered softly.

"Darius, I have nothing to wear."

She had very few clothes and most of them were sweat pants that she brought.

Most of the time, she lounged in a nightgown.

"Come with me," he stated.

They walked into another room and he opened a closet full of clothing.

"Heather's," he explained.

"Elena's."

"Whatever."

She glanced down at her figure and was surprised that already a small bulge was showing.

"Take something so we can go."

She fumbled through the clothes, trying to find something to cover her figure.

He grew impatient, pulling out a black dress with quite a low cleavage.

She frowned.

"I may not be able to touch them but I can admire them," he said smugly.

She actually grinned at the remark and he swallowed hard.

He loved how her mouth curved.

He had only seen her smile a handful of times but they were enough to light his darkest thoughts.

She didn't know how to act when they drove away from the house.

She glanced back once or twice.

"Afraid someone is following?" he asked.

"I'm surprised they just let us leave."

"I have two men already at the restaurant."

"Figures."

He got out of the car and waited impatiently for her to get out but she remained in the car.

He huffed as he opened her door.

"I'm not your slave," he grumbled.

"You told me to get in the car. You didn't tell me to get out."

"Ha ha," he muttered.

She grinned slightly.

"Ah Sara Sidle half smiled."

She felt a little out of sorts for some reason as if she were expecting something to happen.

She'd only been out of the room a few times and just being away from the mansion made it almost surreal.

She sat down in her seat and placed the napkin on her lap.

Never in a million years would she have believed they would be sitting in a restaurant about to have a meal together as if they were a happy couple.

In the past several weeks, he had treated her well.

He inquired about her likes and dislikes, letting her plan the meals.

He gave her everything except her freedom.

Her eyes locked with his as he grinned at her.

"What?" she finally asked.

"I like your boobs," he whispered, grinning wickedly.

She kicked him under the table.

"You kicked me!" he said incredulously.

"Yes, I did," she said as she looked at the menu.

"Drink?"

"Hot tea."

He frowned.

"I'm pregnant," she reminded him.

"Oh. Well, I'm not."

He ordered the drinks as well as an appetizer while she glanced around already spotting the two guards who smiled in her direction.

She took her shawl and covered the front of her dress.

Darius glared at his men and they turned away, fearful of the repercussions.

She took a sip of the tea and was caught off guard when she heard a familiar voice.

To her left, Grissom sat with Sofia.

Sofia glanced slightly in her direction but did not indicate she had recognized Sara.

"Gil, sorry to break the news but…"

"I know. Sara is here…with him."

Sofia's hand rested on his.

"We can leave. I know you just wanted to discuss the vacancy caused by Sara's termination."

"Can I convince you to come back so I don't have to train someone else?" he asked calmly not wanting her to know how badly he wanted to turn and see Sara for himself.

His hand had tingled slightly when he caught their reflection in the mirror when they had arrived.

"I sort of like homicide but I could be persuaded," she said with a smile as her hand continued to rest on his.

Sara could not believe that Grissom was allowing such an intimate gesture in public.

"What's wrong?" asked Darius.

"Nothing."

He glanced around and spotted Grissom.

Her eyes glared at Darius and she wondered if he had orchestrated this entire chance meeting.

Music began to play as Sara focused her attention on the cup of tea.

"Who is she?" asked Darius.

"Someone who used to work in the lab."

Sofia pulled Grissom to his feet as they headed to the dance floor.

Sara felt her stomach knot.

She tried not to notice Grissom's arms around Sofia as they danced.

She was relieved when the song ended hoping they would return to their seats but instead another song began to play and Grissom pulled Sofia back onto the dance floor.

Her sultry laugh could be heard as they swayed to the music, "Someone to Watch Over me."

Sara swallowed, remembering the song from the CD Gracen had made for her.

"I could harm or kill her….for you," offered Darius.

Sara's head snapped up to look at him.

"What?"

"I could harm or kill her," he said as he took a drink.

"No."

"She wasn't in the deal," he clarified.

"To harm her… would be to harm him."

"Oh please as if you like seeing him with someone else. She has her tentacles wrapped around him. By the look on her face she's imagining what it is going to feel like to moan beneath him. Perhaps she already knows how it feels."

His words hit a nerve and she twitched nervously.

She wasn't prepared to see Grissom smile at Sofia or how she leaned in and whispered softly in his ear before placing a kiss on his cheek.

He pulled her tighter and they continued to dance to the song.

"You're turning green," Darius announced. "Is it from jealousy or sickness?"

Sara threw the napkin on the table and rushed out of the restaurant.

He groaned when his men went after her.

He'd hoped to give her a few minutes of fresh air but now he would have no choice but to go after her with his guards as witnesses to the encounter.

He grabbed her by the arm as she made her way to the car.

"I'm not ready to leave," he bellowed for his men to hear.

One chuckled but Darius threw up his finger in the shape of a gun and the guards stepped back into the restaurant.

"I am."

"We don't do what you want."

"I wanted to go out so you brought me here," she reminded.

"So," he muttered.

"Or did you know they were going to be here so you decided to let me see him with someone else?"

"Whether you've noticed it or not I feel the same emotions as you," he whispered for her ears only.

Sara's eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yes," he spat.

"How do I feel right now?"

"You want to scratch her eyes out but you won't because you want him to be happy. That's admirable, Sara…but your good deed is wasted. He doesn't feel the same about you. He glared at you, Sara…not me. It's not love he feels now...but hate. He hates you."

She swallowed as she tried to control the nausea, turning away as she swiped at a tear.

"Oh hell. Can we just eat without all of this emotional shit?"

"I came out because I was feeling sick," she whispered. "I still don't feel well."

Darius grew concerned immediately, worried for the baby.

The manager stepped out. "Sir, you didn't pay your bill."

Behind the manager stood a gloating Sofia with Grissom by her side.

Sara paled at the look on Grissom's face.

She feared she would vomit in front of all of them, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply.

"You came out over a couple of drinks?"

"You didn't pay your bill," emphasized the manager.

"My…." He usually referred to his women as "My whore or concubine." He knew Sara would just kick him in the balls if he referred to her as such so he quickly stated, "The mother of my child got sick. Did you want her to throw up in your restaurant or come out to get some air?"

"Sir, you should have told the waiter," began the manager.

Darius became furious as Sofia and Grissom looked shocked at the revelation.

Grissom started to lead Sofia toward their vehicle but halted when Darius stepped toward the manager.

"I'm not going to search for a waiter in my own fucking restaurant! My priority was her and our unborn child!"

The manager paled. "Mr. Darius, I'm so sorry. I didn't recognize you."

Sofia's gripped Grissom's hand. "We need to leave."

He could not seem to move at the revelation that Sara was pregnant by Darius already.

The man had killed their unborn child and she had allowed him to impregnate her.

His blue eyes stared intensely at Sara and she paled.

He clenched his fist as his hand pulled Sofia closer to his body.

Without a word, Darius opened the passenger door and she slipped out of sight.

She was grateful for the refuge from Grissom's glare, not able to catch her breath as her heart beat wildly, realizing he'd not found the positive pregnancy test she'd left behind.

_It doesn't matter…_

_He's moved on…._

The manager continued to apologize as Darius got into the vehicle and sped out of the parking lot.

He didn't say a word as they returned to the mansion.

He watched as she went to the room on her own while he trailed behind.

He followed a few minutes later, shutting the door with a thud as she sat on the edge of the bed.

He slumped in the chair across from her. "Good riddance. I never liked the manager anyway."

Sara stiffened. "What did you do?"

"You never said anything about…"

"Did you harm…or kill him?"

"No. I'm such a eunuch."

She was silent for several minutes.

"What did you do to the manager?"

"I transferred him to another restaurant…one that gets really bad reviews and has a buffet. Demons and fat people frequent it a lot."

"You really are becoming a softy."

He actually laughed and it startled her.

"Did you do anything to Sofia?"

"No."

She nodded.

"Changed your mind?"

"No," she replied sadly.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"Come here," he said softly.

Timidly she stood before him.

His hand reached out and caressed her stomach.

"You can never go back…to him," he stated.

"I know."

His eyes bore a hole into her.

"He considers you fallen now…like me."

Her eyes shot to the floor.

"Do you feel fallen?" he asked.

"Lost...not fallen," she whispered.

His hand cupped her cheek. "You sacrificed yourself….for them. Was it worth it?"

"Yes."

"That makes no sense," he lamented.

He was shocked when she lifted her hand and touched his cheek.

"You've never known love so how can you understand my actions."

She turned and he grabbed her by the wrist.

"You think that love is something sacred. It's a weakness!"

He pulled her body tight against his.

"Be careful…love and hate can mirror one another," he whispered into her ear.

Before she had time to react, he released her.

"Go take a warm bath," he ordered softly.

She obeyed without another word.

Note from author:

A long chapter...so I expect a review- it doesn't have to be long in return just a line to let me know you are still following along.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty Seven:**

**The Lamb's Christmas Eve Gift**

Grissom pulled up to Sofia's house.

"You'll consider coming back?" he asked trying to put some normalcy back into their conversation.

"I'll consider it," she purred.

Sofia got out of the car and he followed, walking her to the door.

He started to leave and she purposely kissed him on the lips.

Grissom stepped back, not sure what to make of the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach.

He'd thought his earlier queasiness was from the emotional turmoil of seeing Sara once again.

"Gil, are you alright?"

He grabbed her into his arms and kissed her but almost doubled over in pain.

"Come inside," she urged as she tried to support him.

"This doesn't make any sense," he gritted.

"What doesn't?"

He purposely groped her and practically doubled over.

"I have to go," he gritted as he slowly stood erect.

"Are you sure? You could spend the night," she offered.

He shook his head as he made his way to his car.

He flipped open his phone and called Francis.

"We need to talk."

Francis sat on the couch as Grissom retold the events of that evening.

"I can't explain it. You shouldn't be experiencing any pain," stated Francis.

Grissom was quiet for a moment and then said, "Sara is pregnant."

"I'm sorry, Grissom. Perhaps what you are feeling is more emotional than…physical."

"We left the restaurant because I began to feel sick. I thought it was….seeing Sara with him…but I think it was because I was holding Sofia….and she was…touching me in an intimate way. Sara stepped out of the restaurant because she got sick. Could it have been for the same reason?"

"Gil, she's carrying Darius's child. She's had no trouble in…moving on."

Francis cleared his throat. "Gil, we saw them...heard them. I can't explain these physical ailments...but you can't be...joined with her any longer."

Grissom nodded sadly.

In a way he felt hopeful but then the evidence was telling him she was lost.

He had seen and heard first hand that she had been with Darius.

By everything he had been told, their bond should be broken.

He'd tried to move on, pretend she had just left Vegas but running into her had destroyed the little white lie he had told his heart.

He'd taken her things and shoved them into closets or into drawers that he didn't open anymore for fear that it would bring back memories of what he had but lost.

Each day, he prayed her absence would be easier to take but it didn't.

He felt a piece of himself missing, a hole cut out of his heart that ached each time her name came up.

Now to discover he was still connected to her, only added salt to an already festering wound.

He would have preferred to have died trying to protect her.

He almost wished that Darius' men would have put him out of his misery after seeing Sara with Darius.

Instead, he felt a bit of him die each day that passed and he was not with her, joined at the heart.

Darius groaned when he caught sight of a vehicle parked in his spot when they returned to the mansion.

He knew it belonged to Silas.

He escorted Sara up to her room, hoping to avoid Silas by entering from the back.

He was relieved when he was able to get Sara into their room and shut the door just as Silas made it to the second floor landing.

"What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Darius.

He purposely went to Silas to keep him away from their room.

"What do you think you were doing by taking your bitch into town as if she was someone?" sneered Silas.

"Protecting my heir. Humans need fresh air, food and water...so I decided to go to my restaurant for a bite to eat. Is it so wrong to kill two birds with one stone?" he challenged.

"So...you managed to impregnate her?"

"Yes."

Silas chuckled. "I want a go at her," he stated as he headed toward the door but Darius blocked him. "No."

"No? You dare tell me no?"

"Yes, I do. This is my house. That is my bitch with my heir and I don't intend to let anything happen to either of them."

"You think this puts you above me?" he challenged.

"You know the rules," stated Darius. "You don't get to fuck her until she's given me what I want. I want an heir. After the child is born, you can...have her."

"She must be good. I mean you've not had any other bitch...your men they tell me you prefer just her? How is that possible?"

"A sacrifice I'm willing to make if it gets me what I want."

Silas stepped closer to the door. "I expect to be told as soon as she brings forth that heir. Then, I get her before you give her to your men."

"I may keep her...for breeding purposes."

Silas snorted. "If she's that fertile, she will already be heavy with child by the time I'm done with her. I remember how Heather felt...the young ones...hardly tarnished is the way to go. Already I'm hardened by just the thought of bending her over and..."

"Go...fuck yourself," gritted Darius as he shoved Silas away and started to enter the room.

"Just remember. You turn her over to me," he warned.

Darius shut the door and locked it.

Sara was already in bed.

He took a deep breath as he sat down on the bed stroking her hair.

_How do I turn you over to the animal that made me..._

Her eyes drifted open. "Who was that man?" she questioned.

"Silas."

"Your father?"

Darius snorted. "We don't have 'families' Sara. We have clans...where the strongest is in control."

She closed her eyes, too tired to discuss the hierarchy of fallen angels.

"Never let him in," warned Darius. "Understand?"

When she did not respond his hands grabbed both of her arms and shook her. "Sara!"

Her eyes flew open, fear written on her face.

His grip eased as he released her, stroking her hair. "He means to have you, Sara."

Her eyes widened, understanding his meaning.

"Don't ever open the door...for any of them."

"I won't," she gulped.

He didn't like being so rough with her but her fear of them would help keep her safe.

"If any of them get in...use the dagger," he instructed.

"The dagger?"

"The one Heather gave to Grissom."

He pulled it out from under the mattress.

"But...you said it would only work once..."

"I lied."

"I could have used it...on you...then..." It hurt too much to finish her statement. All she wanted was to be with Grissom.

He grabbed her hands not sure what was going through her mind at the moment but the last thing he wanted was for her to put a hole in his chest. "It is said the blade is made from the spear that pierced Jesus' side while he hung on the cross. Traces of his blood remain on it. While His blood gave life to...humans...it can kill a fallen angel."

"Then...Heather..."

"Was truly fallen. She did not believe," he mourned.

Sara was silent.

"This is your best protection against Silas and the others."

She nodded.

"You regret...not trying to kill me," he huffed.

She couldn't deny it.

He took the dagger and placed it in her hand. "Do it."

She stared at it but then shoved it away.

"No," she choked.

"At least hit me," he said softly.

He was surprised when she slapped him.

"Ouch! That hurt," he grumbled.

Her hand stung from the force behind the slap.

He took her hand despite her objection and held it, caressing the scar on her palm.

"Silas...loathed Gracen. He was a thorn in his ass. He was giddy when Gracen resigned his position...to mate with you but then Silas decided he wanted you. If Gracen thought that you were special enough to risk everything then surely you were fertile."

She swallowed.

"I persuaded him...to let me take you," stated Darius.

"Why?"

"I told him it would be a way to further punish my mother for what she did...ripping out her womb. I also reminded him that it was I...who had impregnated her...not him."

"Why?" she asked again.

"I told you."

"You're grimacing...it's a lie."

He grumbled. "He's brutal. He would break your spirit...whereas I could compromise with you."

"Why?"

"You sound like a broken record," he griped.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because I wanted you...for myself."

He tried not to flinch when he was zapped.

"Why?"

"Oh good grief! My mother was attached to Grissom...because he was kind to her. Silas planned to kill Grissom and just take you. My plan saved Grissom as well as the others so you would be more cooperative and not attempt to stab me at every turn but I swear woman it would be better if you just did that!"

"You loved your mother," she said softly.

"She despised me but I did everything I could to protect her...from Silas, giving her a means of diverting the attention from her to the women at the Dominion. Over time Silas left her alone as long as she supplied us with a steady flow of men and women. Demons like...both," he added when she frowned.

Sara glanced at the dagger. "The dagger won't work on you."

He said nothing.

She slipped back into the bed, closing her eyes.

"Keep it on your side. It makes the mattress lumpy," she announced.

Weeks went by and she refused to venture outside the room.

She couldn't get the sight of Sofia in Grissom's arms out of her mind.

Darius offered walks through the courtyard but she declined and her color faded quickly like a bloom without sunlight.

He left for a few hours at a time to keep from going stir crazy but never stayed away for any length of time.

She seemed quite frail these days as the bulge grew more and more until it was obvious she was pregnant.

"Sara, get your coat," he ordered.

She sighed angrily not wishing to argue once more about leaving the safety of the room.

He'd offered to let her roam within the house but it would mean coming into contact with the other fallen angels and she had no desire to be near them.

She didn't even have any desire to go outside for some fresh air, choosing to open the window from time to time but the air was cool these days.

She didn't know how to combat the depression she felt except to stay within the confines of the bedroom she now considered a sanctuary.

"I don't want to go out. It's raining….cold."

She pressed her cheek against the window pane, not able to explain the melancholy that enveloped her these days.

"We're going somewhere."

She balked but he grabbed her coat and pulled her toward the door.

She was surprised when they showed up at the mall.

Darius grabbed her hand as he pulled her along.

She hadn't even noticed that it was nearing the holidays.

Despite Thanksgiving fast approaching, already the stores displayed Christmas decorations.

She stopped to glance into a window to see the latest books on the bestseller's list.

He felt hopeful that her eyes lit up.

"He's a demon," commented Darius.

"Who?" asked Sara.

"Donald Trump. The bastard is making a fortune out of just firing people. In the old days he sent them to the guillotine."

"You're kidding," stated Sara.

"I wish," he muttered.

Sara turned and bumped into someone.

"I'm sorry," she said as her eyes widened.

"Nick," she gasped.

She instinctively reached to hug him but kept her distance when he stepped away as did Warrick and Greg.

"Hey," she finally got out.

She didn't know what to do with her hands so she let them fall to her side unable to swallow the emotions she felt.

Her heart leaped at the joy of seeing them again but her joy faded immediately at the looks she received.

She swallowed when she caught the look of disappointment in their eyes as they didn't reply but turned, walking away.

Nick shook his head in disgust, his eyes glancing at her abdomen.

She wrapped her arms protectively around her midsection.

Darius gripped her elbow. "Do you see how they looked at you? You are dead to them, Sara."

"I want to go back," she whispered.

He didn't object as she hastened her walk toward the exit.

Once they were outside, she leaned forward and vomited.

"You haven't done that in awhile," he commented as he stepped away.

He came unnerved when she burst into tears as she tried to get through another bout.

His hands were gentle as he pulled her toward him, forcing her to lean on him as they made their way to the car.

Their actions had clearly hurt her.

He didn't understand these "feelings" she had for these men.

He had made sure there was no way they would run into Grissom, his men reporting to him of his whereabouts.

He had wanted to do something nice for her, lift her spirits and their outing had turned out to be a disaster.

"Why do you grieve for these men? Did you not love Grissom only?" he asked out of curiosity.

"There are many forms of love," she said softly. "They are my family. Grissom is..." she didn't finish too emotional to describe the depths of her love for Grissom.

"They were your family," he countered. "They turned their back on you...just like Francis did to...my mother, Heather."

"Her name was Elena."

"Elena," he admitted.

That night she tossed and turned, not able to sleep.

She finally got up, choosing the chair by the fireplace.

He shifted to his side as he watched by the firelight.

Softly she hummed while she caressed the bulge.

He scrambled out of the bed when he noticed that her abdomen moved.

"When did you begin to feel the baby?" he asked.

"A few days ago," she gulped, the sting of the guys' reaction still painful.

He stood there in awe.

His knees sunk to the floor in front of her as he watched with delight.

"Does it hurt?" he questioned.

"No," she breathed.

His hands slid under her gown.

She stiffened at first but there was nothing sexual in his touch but rather a need to see and feel firsthand, the life moving within her.

Once her gown was out of the way, his hands gently clutched the small mound.

He grinned when it seemed to tap as if trying to find a way out.

He tapped on her stomach and chuckled when he felt a movement in return.

"Curious tyke," he smiled.

Eventually, the movement stopped.

He stood but extended his hand.

"Come back to bed," he ordered softly.

She lay on her side as she felt the muscle spasm begin in her lower back.

Without a word, he rubbed her back, kneading out the knot.

That night, he slept close to her, needing to feel the life inside her.

The melancholy was thick the next day as he came and went but she kept to herself.

Later, he tossed a stack of books onto the bed.

"All on the best sellers list," he offered.

He'd hoped that by bringing the books to her he would once again see her eyes light up.

He thought she would be eager to read but she lay there instead.

"What do you want, Sara?"

"What's going to happen when the baby is born?" she asked.

"It's customary for…babies to be taken from their mothers…and…"

"No!"

"That's the way it is, Sara."

"Where will it go?"

"It stays with its father…it learns obedience. It…."

"Is that what you learned when they took you away from Elena? They beat you. They made you sleep in a damp basement, tortured you when you showed any emotion…killed…"

"Stop! It made me who I am."

"It made you into a monster."

"So…you reveal your true feelings," he bit out.

"You've changed. They tried to make you into…a fallen angel…but they can't take away the goodness that's inside of you."

He chuckled. "The pregnancy is affecting your mind. My child will be raised…like me."

"I will not allow that to happen to **my** child."

"You have no choice."

"Yes, I do…so do you."

"If your claim is correct that the child carries my blood then my child will be treated…like a fallen angel."

"You are not fallen."

"Yes, I am," he glared.

"You…you are an angel treated like a demon."

"I am the offspring of…Silas. I am…"

"No, you're not."

"He sired me."

"He claimed you after Elena was brought here…but she was already pregnant…by Francis."

He shoved her away as his eyes shot daggers at her but she held her ground.

"That's a lie. Just the thought disgusts me. There is nothing good in me."

"Darius, you are good. You've protected me. You've…"

His hand went up to silence her.

"The only reason you are protected is because of this baby. Once it is born then…"

"I'll be given to the guards," she finished.

_You'll be given to Silas..._

_He's much worse..._

_I can't keep him from taking you but I can the guards..._

"I'll wait…see if you can become pregnant again…if not then yes, you will be given to the guards."

She didn't care about herself but desperately needed to know that her child would be safe.

"You would torture our child? You would let your child suffer like you suffered?"

He clenched his teeth. It tore at his gut to think that the small innocent life he felt within Sara would endure what he had.

"That's the way things are."

"By your choice."

"By the clan's choice."

"Are you not in charge?"

"They take orders from me," he declared.

"Then you can change things."

"Only the strong survive, Sara. If I show weakness then…"

"You mean if you show any kindness…any human decency," she choked.

Both were quiet for a long time.

She never thought he would be cruel to the baby. Her anxiety rose over the thought of what would become of her child, Grissom's child.

"It's an empty threat, Sara. I wouldn't give you to the guards," he admitted.

_I'd kill them if they touched you…_

_I can't stand the thought of giving you to Silas…_

"I don't care about myself. I'd kill you before I allow you or any of them to hurt my child."

"Yes, I believe you would."

"I'd rather be dead...I'd rather die protecting my child."

She didn't speak to him for days even though she knew she was taking a huge risk by making him furious.

He exploded into anger one evening when she remained quiet.

"Answer me!" he yelled.

"Would you really harm…our baby?" she asked quietly.

"You woman, are…"

He wasn't prepared for her to grab his hand, placing it on her protruding stomach.

"Feel him, Darius. How could you hurt…something so innocent?" she asked in anquish.

He couldn't.

It made him angrier, knowing there was no way to protect Sara or the child.

As soon as the baby came, things would be out of his hands unless he went against his own clan.

He had allowed Silas to break him in order to survive.

Sara would die before letting Silas break her.

He knew it.

He swallowed not sure how to respond.

She shoved him away as if in disgust.

"Some things are worth dying for," she gritted.

Her eyes turned to him and he abruptly sat down on the edge of the bed.

Her eyes spoke what she refused.

"Are you ill?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head.

He cursed out loud. "You are impossible!"

He began to notice things as days passed.

She didn't venture far from the bed and there was little energy behind those dark orbs that cried at night.

"Tell me about…when you ingested Gracen's blood," he began one morning.

"I drank the entire vial. I almost died," she said.

"Was there someone to care for you? You humans need medical care?"

"Gracen warned me…we can't be examined by others…but we could confide in Doc. We knew we could trust him. He treated me….and Grissom."

"You will need someone for…the birth."

"Is there no one…here?" she asked.

He snorted. "Only those that would eat their young."

He meant it as a joke to lift her spirits but it made her shudder.

"We don't need medical care," he explained. "When we get injured, we rest...heal on our own."

"We'll need to find someone," she whispered.

"We'll get this "Doc" of yours," he replied but she shook her head.

"I don't think he would want to be involved," she said.

She wasn't sure she wanted to get Doc involved again.

It was too dangerous if anything went wrong.

He slid a cell phone over to her.

"Call him," he said. "Call…anyone you like."

She slid the phone back which only made him curse but he grabbed her hand and placed the phone in it.

"It's my phone. You can call…no one will know."

Her dim eyes stared at him.

"Call Doc!" he ordered.

Her fingers fumbled with the buttons and then she heard a familiar voice.

"Doc, it's Sara."

"Sara? Sara Sidle?"

"Yes, Doc."

There was nothing but silence.

"Doc, could you…"

"Sara, I'm very busy here. I can't talk…besides, I don't think I should be talking with you."

"I…"

There was a click and the line went dead.

Sara closed the phone and slid it back to Darius.

"We need to find someone else," she replied.

His jaw twitched.

He could feel her hurt and he wanted to gut this man named "Doc."

"You can call…anyone….but him," he offered as he left the phone beside her.

Later, he checked and sighed when he saw that she had not called anyone.

His eyes glared at her but she simply said, "There is no one."

He brought in movies for her to watch but she didn't seem to be interested.

He shoved the television over so that she could remain on the bed and still watch but her eyes drifted outside.

"Thanksgiving was yesterday," he said without thinking.

Fallen angels never celebrated holidays.

It was not in their nature.

"Would you like to take a drive?" he asked. "Go outside?"

She shook her head.

"You won't run into any of them in the damn courtyard, Sara," he gritted.

"It's not that," she said sadly.

"Then what? You haven't left this room in weeks!"

"It's safe…here," she replied softly.

He shook his head in disbelief. "Only for awhile."

Her trembling hands encircled her abdomen.

"What's wrong?" he asked quickly.

"I fear for my baby," she wept.

_Me too..._

Weeks passed and for the first time in his life, he worried over someone.

She ventured off the bed only to drift from the seat near the window to the chair in front of the fireplace.

He sat with her and brought up conversation.

She responded but there seemed such a sadness.

He knew she missed her old life.

Christmas Eve came.

The paper was filled with holiday events.

He hated this time of year.

He and his men tried to cause as much ruckus as they could.

Even his men grumbled about being stuck with nothing evil to do.

He finally sent them out to cause havoc at Lady Heather's Dominion but then actually regretted it since Sara fretted that they would harm or kill someone.

"I can't very well order them not to," he explained. "They just want to have some fun."

"Pain is not fun," she replied.

"What did you do…on Christmas?" he asked.

She worked every Christmas, knowing that Grissom would do the same, letting the others spend time with their families. They would go to midnight mass together on Christmas Eve.

"What did you do?" he repeated.

"It doesn't matter," she answered as she leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes.

She wanted more than anything to see Grissom.

Despite how their previous encounter had turned out, she longed to see him even it was just to watch him from a distance.

_You could do that…_

_You could watch him…_

_Know that he is well…_

_It would help me get through the next few months…_

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

She felt encouraged so she licked her lips and softly stated, "Mass."

"Mass? As in Catholic mass?" he asked.

"Yes."

"No."

"But you asked what I wanted to do. I go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve."

"No!"

"There aren't many people there at that hour and…"

"Fallen angels do not step foot into a church much less church grounds!"

"I could go alone…"

"Out of the question!"

"Darius, please."

"I have no intentions of going near a church during this time of year…or any time of the year for that matter."

"You could park a few blocks away and I could walk. I would only be gone for an hour or so and…"

"No."

"Just an hour," she begged.

"You ask too much!" he barked.

"A half hour," she pleaded.

He gritted his teeth. "Why?"

"It's tradition," she said softly. "It's how I spent my Christmas…please."

"You don't know what you're asking of me," he barked.

Her shoulders slumped as she stared at the fire place.

Hours ticked by as he paced the room like a caged animal.

"Grab your damn coat," he grumbled.

She did without a word.

They went out the back and she hastened to keep up with him even though he walked slowly, noticing how she tired easily.

They drove off without telling any of the guards where they were going.

His eyes scanned his rear view mirror several times as his hands gripped the steering wheel.

He parked two blocks from the church and turned off the engine.

"It's two blocks from the church," he growled.

"It's not far. I can make it," she urged.

"You haven't even walked a few feet in weeks and now…"

"I can make it," she repeated with urgency.

He didn't like letting her go on her own but he knew the area was well lit and it was a busy walkway.

He shook his head in disgust at how he worried for her safety when just last year, he prowled the nearby streets with his men looking for some unsuspecting couple to yank off the streets and harrass them.

The dominion had kept his men in women so there was no need to snatch some unsuspecting woman off the streets and have the police snooping around.

The women were paid quite nicely for their "willingness" to be passed around.

It was disgusting how they had to secretly sneak around the "good" in order to do "bad."

Now he had no stomach for such ill pleasures.

"One hour, Sara. You go and come back or…I let my men have fun…loads of fun," he warned trying to sound ruthless but sick with worry for her.

She shot out of the car, hurrying toward the chapel.

She knew Grissom often got there a few minutes before mass in order to secure a seat in the back section.

Her eyes scanned the area, hoping to spot his vehicle.

She was practically out of breath by the time she got there.

She searched for any sign of him but he was nowhere in sight.

_Please, I just want to see his face tonight…_

_Just to look at him…_

_To be near him…_

She felt a hand on her elbow and turned to find Father Brannigan.

"I must ask you to leave, Sara," he stated.

"Leave?"

"You are not welcome in God's house, you are considered fallen…like them," he whispered.

"I'm not allowed…inside?" she swallowed.

"No."

She started to go inside anyway but he blocked the door. "I can have you removed," he warned.

"On what charges? A sinner is not allowed inside….a sinner cannot be forgiven…a sinner is condemned…is that what your Bible says?"

"A fallen angel is not allowed inside….a fallen angel cannot be forgiven…a fallen…"

She turned away not bothering to listen any further.

She wrapped her jacket more firmly around her as she walked back.

Her heart started to beat erratically when she saw Grissom approaching.

He halted the moment he saw her, glancing around, surprised she was alone.

He said nothing as his eyes slowing roamed up and down her body.

She felt self conscious, trying to pull the jacket further down, not liking the way he looked at her.

She had told herself that seeing him would be enough but now that he stood before her she wanted so much to touch him even for the briefest moment.

Her hand reached out but he smacked it away.

"Don't touch me," he warned. "You've stepped into Heather's life with ease...you wear her clothes..."

Her eyes frantically glanced around to see if they were alone.

"Griss…"

"Get away from me," he bit out. "You are dead to me," he choked.

Note from author:

OH, that must have hurt. Don't beat up Grissom too much...he is going on the evidence...at least what he has...Posting may be erratic...I'll post as soon as the reviews come in. And yes, Grissom is about to find out...


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty Eight:**

**Lamb is comforted by the Lost Lamb**

Grissom didn't mean the words, too riddled with pain of seeing her body heavy with child.

His words wounded her very soul as she gasped out loud but he ignored her pain, too engrossed with his own.

She broke into a run as she hurried away, her tears blinding her as she fled.

By the time he had gotten a handle on his emotions she had disappeared from sight.

He managed to make it to a secluded bench where he collapsed, not able to catch his breath from the sobs that escaped his lips.

He had been a mess ever since spotting them at the restaurant.

Every fiber of his being missed her, yearned for her and all that he could manage to do was let his anger strike out when coming face to face with her again.

Suddenly there was a strong need to find her and so he took off, roaming back and forth.

She had disappeared despite his efforts to locate her, wondering why she would be here of all places.

_Could she have come...for mass?_

_We've been coming for the past five years..._

_Would she come...for me?_

He frantically wanted to speak with her, find out why he still felt the things he did and if she felt them too.

He tried two different sidewalks but she was nowhere to be seen.

He finally gave up, slipping down on a bench, trying to catch his breath.

He swiped his hands over his eyes as he cringed over what he'd said to her.

_I didn't mean it..._

_Forgive me, I didn't mean it..._

She got back onto the sidewalk, realizing she was headed in the wrong direction.

She had run several blocks before she realized she was not being followed but then she stumbled and her knees hit the hard concrete surface as she cried out in pain.

Gravel bit into the bloody gouges on her knees and hands.

Clumsily she picked herself up, stumbling on and on, her hip connecting with the hard surface the next time she fell.

She struggled to her feet as she leaned against a tree, trying to breathe through the pain, her encounter with Grissom far more painful than her physical wounds.

She sat down on a bench when she felt a twinge in her abdomen.

People passed by but no one cared that she was in distress.

She lost track of the time as she tried to calm down, knowing Darius would be furious with her if he knew she had seen and talked with Grissom.

She tried to stand but her knees buckled, almost falling without the aid of the bench.

Despite the fact that her tears flowed freely for any passerby to witness, none stopped nor even looked in her direction.

She wiped the blood from the deep gashes on her hands onto her blouse as she tried to assess her ability to walk.

She knew she was already late getting back to the car so she forced herself up and hurried despite the pain in her back.

She opened the car door and by the expression on his face, she knew he was furious.

She slipped into the car, her breathing rather ragged.

"You broke your agreement," he bit out.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she panted.

He started the car and sped off, dodging in and out of vehicles at a high speed.

She braced herself as he slammed on his brakes avoiding a rear end collision.

"Did you even go to mass?" he barked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"They wouldn't let me…enter the church," she admitted.

"Why didn't you come right back to the car?"

"I fell and hurt myself," she said, not giving any other information.

"This is what I get for trusting you! I should have known…where have you been? Do you have any idea what will happen if my men...if Silas get wind that I let you go near a church? I never should have risked it!" he bellowed.

She swallowed hard remembering Grissom's words to Lurie: _"I couldn't risk it."_

"I never should have trusted you!" he snapped. "You broke your agreement. I should break mine!"

"Yes, I did…so punish **me**. Kill me…I'm dead anyway," she choked.

Her response silenced any further ranting.

_Damn priest…_

_She's not even Catholic…_

_She went for Grissom…_

He drove the rest of the way in silence.

He grumbled when he saw some of his men hanging around outside.

He slammed the car door, not bothering to look in her direction as she followed a few steps behind.

It was painful, taking the steps but already the men were gathering to catch a glimpse of her.

They chuckled when they noticed her blouse was smeared in blood.

Blood flowed from the cuts on her knees and legs as well as her hands.

"Had fun, Boss?" one called out.

"Not yet," he announced as he bellowed for Sara to hurry up.

He stood at the bedroom door and finally turned to look at her as she walked inside.

He grew alarmed by the sight of the blood on her clothes and body.

"What happened to you?" he spat.

"I told you…I fell," she said.

The sight of blood had never bothered him before.

In fact, he usually enjoyed seeing someone in pain.

He grabbed her hand but when she cried out, he grabbed her wrist instead, pulling her to the bathroom.

"Strip," he ordered.

She swallowed, not sure if he had decided on her punishment.

Slowly she removed her blouse and skirt, hoping he would allow her the decency to at least keep her undergarments on.

She was gently shoved onto the edge of the bathtub as he grabbed a washcloth along with some antibiotic crème.

She didn't know what to think when he washed her wounds and then placed bandages on them.

"You have a bruise on your hip. Did you hurt the baby when you fell?"

"What do you care?" she said in a hollow voice.

"Amswer me!" he seethed.

"No!" she replied as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

"Tears are pointless," he stated.

She swiped it away. "Yes, they are."

He flinched not liking the look of defeat on her face.

Whatever had happened, her spirit had been broken.

"I care…about the baby. Is the baby alright?"

Her hands pressed on her abdomen as if needing to reassure herself before nodding.

"May I turn in?" she whispered, teetering on the verge of tears that needed to be unleashed.

He nodded, not liking how she looked.

He remained in the bathroom but could not help but hear a slight sob as she rolled over.

He felt a heaviness in his chest, not liking how she made him feel.

"I'm going out for awhile," he stated.

Her eyes drifted to his.

"I'm not going to harm or kill anyone," he griped.

The door shut and he leaned against it, flinching when he heard his men down below.

They'd had several women delivered and were causing quite a ruckus.

She didn't know what to make of his departure but she was too exhausted to think anymore as she drifted off to sleep.

She felt her hair being stroked and then a slight kiss on her forehead.

She opened her eyes and stared into blue ones.

"Griss?"

"Sssh I managed to sneak in here," he whispered. "Just sleep….while I watch over you."

She swallowed as she struggled to sit up. "Get away from me!"

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"This isn't funny, Darius," she cried.

Darius morphed back. "I thought…"

"You thought what? So this is my punishment? You can't physically hurt me because of the baby so you choose to do this?" she shoved him away from her.

She struggled to get out of bed and he tried to help her but she swatted his hands away.

"Leave me alone," she cried. "Just leave me alone!"

"Fine! I was trying to do something nice. You're so damn used to spending time with Grissom on Christmas Eve I did this…for you."

She gulped realizing he was being sincere. "I'm sorry."

"You damn right you should be sorry. I can't stand the sight of him but I did it so…"

She paled.

"Never mind," he exclaimed as he threw his shirt onto the floor and got on his side of the bed.

She slipped into the bathroom and he listened intently to ensure that she was okay but as soon as the door opened, his head was under the covers.

She sat down in the chair near the fireplace.

He watched as her hands caressed the small bulge.

He knew she was crying.

He could feel it.

"Come to bed," he ordered softly.

"I'll sit for awhile," she replied.

"Get in the damn bed, Sara."

She got into the bed and attempted to lie on her side.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Back…hurts," she wept.

He rolled over and began to rub her back.

"You saw him didn't you?" he said.

She told him the truth.

She didn't like to lie and she knew it would be much worse if she was caught in a lie.

"I just wanted to see him...I wasn't planning to talk to him," she choked.

Darius gritted his teeth knowing the outcome by her demeaner.

"He said...he said I was dead to him."

"They condemn without even knowing the facts," he growled. "They think they are so..."

She stiffened for a moment as if in pain and he worried for the baby's health.

He continued to rub out the stiffness and was surprised when she leaned back, resting fully against him.

His gentle kneading did wonders for the excruciating pain she was feeling.

It was the only kindness she'd received on this miserable Christmas Eve and it was coming from a fallen angel.

He couldn't remember any other time when he held a woman so intimately much less slept with one.

He only saw them as a means of sexual gratification.

Sara was different.

He shifted so that he was fully on his side and gently pulled her closer.

He wrapped his arms around her and his heart lurched when a slight hiccup escaped her lips.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He wasn't used to showing kindness.

He pressed his lips against her temple.

There was nothing sexual about the embrace but he felt a strong surge of protection toward her.

He worried that the fall had harmed the baby.

"Are you sure, the fall didn't…"

"I wouldn't hurt my baby on purpose," she cried. "I wouldn't," she hiccupped and he tightened his hold on her. "I was rushing back but I fell. I couldn't keep my balance. I felt a pain in my abdomen so I sat on a bench until I felt it was safe to move."

"Trying to go there…it did no good," he said gruffly. "Was it worth the risk?"

"No," she gulped.

Grissom had wounded her spirit.

She cried softly and he said nothing, not wishing to make her feel more miserable than she already felt.

Eventually she slept, it was fitful but there were no signs of a miscarriage.

His body molded to hers providing a safe cocoon of sorts.

"You're safe…the baby is safe," he whispered over and over, needing her to feel safe, knowing that she had rarely felt safe as a child much less as an adult.

He knew she worried about the baby and this added incident just increased her anxiety.

He could still see her anguished face as she'd lost the baby.

It had been the hardest vision to endure, knowing he had been the direct cause of her pain.

That morning he slipped out of bed, not sure what a fallen angel could offer her on Christmas day.

He wanted to lift her spirits.

He offered Christmas dinner or something special to eat but she declined.

She chose instead to have whatever he wanted.

He started to order his favorite which consisted of a bloody steak and potatoes.

This Christmas he ordered salads.

"Thank you…for taking care of me," she said softly while she picked at her salad.

"You carry my heir," he said gruffly.

Her eyes dimmed further.

He offered her the use of the phone and credit card, saying she could order something…money was no object but she left it beside the bed.

He clenched his teeth. "That priest….he thinks he's so damn…holy…I'll…"

"What did the priest do?" she asked quietly.

"He lets the lowest of scum into his precious church and yet he wouldn't let…."

"He was right. Fallen angels can not be redeemed...it doesn't matter," she whispered as she returned to the bed.

"Now you see what we endure," he seethed.

"It shouldn't matter to….a fallen angel," she pointed out.

It did matter…to him.

He'd never felt like he belonged in either world.

"They consider you fallen as well," he said matter of fact.

"Yes, they do," she admitted as she took her place on the bed.

He didn't like the way she looked.

Days passed as she slowly deteriorated before his very eyes.

She woke one evening feeling very agitated.

He plopped down on the bed, noticing her distress immediately and feared it might be the baby.

"What's going to happen…to my baby?" she pressed.

"Our baby," he corrected.

"Our baby," she admitted. "Darius…I have nothing…to give you…to bargain with…but promise me you'll protect our baby," she begged.

His chest tightened as he struggled to breathe. "I promise, Sara. I won't…I won't let anyone hurt…our child."

Her hand slipped into his. "Thank you," she whispered but then whimpered as she rolled to her side trying to get comfortable.

"What's wrong?"

"Baby is kicking," she replied.

He pressed his hand against her protruding stomach, in awe at the force of the kick.

"The baby is strong!" he grinned.

She nodded.

He chuckled as he continued to feel the baby but caught her distress.

"Your back?" he questioned.

She nodded.

He shifted so that he could rub her back.

"Better?"

"Yes," she said as she drifted to sleep.

He hated feeling helpless as he watched the life slowly ebb out of her as the days drifted by.

She was dying and he knew it.

Worse, he felt she knew it and didn't care.

Fallen angels refused to die and yet he did not feel as though there was much fight left in her.

"You have another month left before the baby comes…right?" he asked out of the blue.

"Yes," she said weakly.

"You're dying," he bit out.

"I'm not."

She slept most of the time as he struggled with how to help her.

_Don't harm or kill…._

She was awakened by a noise outside the bedroom door.

The door flew open and Darius shoved Doc into the room.

Sara remained on her side.

"Sara?"

She turned and was surprised to see Doc.

"Doc? You came…how?"

"I was kidnapped….yanked out of my car in my driveway and brought here."

She slumped back down. Her eyes silently accused Darius.

"I kept my agreement. I did not harm or kill…him."

"Doc, you can leave," stated Sara.

"Is this goon going to stop me?" he complained.

"Yes, I am. You're not leaving until you examine her."

"Darius, please let him go."

Darius shoved him toward the bed. "Examine her and then you can leave."

"I have no expertise in demons," he said.

"Fallen angels!" barked Darius.

The remark made Sara bristle, not liking that already her friends considered her evil.

Doc walked over to the bed and took Sara's wrist into his hand but she pulled away.

"You look anemic," he griped. "Any blood work done?"

She shook her head, swallowing her pride since she feared for her baby's life.

"Any medical care…at all?"

She didn't reply.

He listened to her breathing and stared at her.

"How do you feel?" he asked worriedly.

"Tired," she replied.

He was amazed at how large she was.

"Big baby…must be four months…according to their cycle," he commented.

"Another month or so left," Sara got out.

Doc shifted his attention to Darius.

"She needs medical care," Doc announced.

"That's what you're for," he griped.

"She needs an ultrasound…blood work," he stated.

"Give me a list of things you need," stated Darius.

"She could come to my office and…"

"Fine," replied Darius.

Doc was surprised at how easily Darius agreed.

She couldn't bear the thought of running into Grissom.

"_You're dead to me."_

"No," she replied weakly.

Darius came around to the side of the bed and threw back the covers. "You're going."

"Darius…please. I can't go."

His hand dropped to her forehead. "She has chills then she's burning up. She's in pain but she doesn't complain."

Darius glanced down at her, not liking the situation.

"Sara, I'm taking you," he urged.

"I won't go," she complained as she struggled to scoot away from him.

Her mere actions were only weakening her.

He griped out loud making Doc uncomfortable.

"Get a list of things you need, I'll pay for it," growled Darius.

"It would be easier if she came to the office. I have to get back. They will miss me."

"Then call them!"

"What makes you think I won't call the police and report that I've been kidnapped?"

Darius pulled him away from the bed. "I have an agreement with her not to harm or kill any of you but if anything happens to her or that child then I will destroy all of you."

Doc glanced at Sara who had drifted off to sleep.

"I'll make a list."

"Check it twice," glared Darius.

"Or you'll be naughty…not nice," Doc griped.

"Cut the Christmas crap," he warned. "Christmas is over…just like your life if you do anything to hurt her."

David tapped on Grissom's door.

"Hey David," replied Grissom.

David came in and shut the door.

"Doc called. He isn't coming in today."

"Okay," replied Grissom not sure why David was telling him this.

"He said he's with Sara. Some man by the name of Darius brought him to their home. Sara is ill."

Grissom swallowed.

He'd felt off for days.

"Is…she alright?"

"Doc said to give you this list of things he's going to need."

Grissom shuffled his feet as he glanced at the list.

He didn't know why Doc wanted him to collect the items.

David could have done it.

_Something may be wrong with the baby..._

"I'll have them delivered immediately."

David hesitated. "I could have done it...but he insisted that you do it. Do you know why?"

"No, David. I don't," admitted Grissom.

Darius answered the knock on the door and was relieved when his guard notified him the equipment had arrived.

Doc was disappointed, hoping that Grissom would have tried to deliver it himself.

Grissom had gotten everything on the list in record time, and Doc wondered if he had pulled some strings in order to get some of it.

Doc began with the ultrasound.

Darius was quite amazed as he watched the baby.

"It's a boy," commented Doc.

Sara stirred.

"Sara?" urged Darius.

She opened her eyes.

"It's a boy," Darius announced.

"A boy?" she whispered.

"Yes."

"Is he alright, Doc?" she questioned.

"Very healthy."

She nodded in relief.

Doc glanced at Darius. "I'll run a few tests."

An hour later, Doc closed his bag, not liking the results of his preliminary tests.

"How is she?" Darius asked.

"Her blood count is low….her immunity system is all but nonexistent. From a human stand point, she's dying…or should be dead. I'm not sure about the fallen angel bit."

"She's not fallen," he bit out. "Is there anything that can be done?"

"I don't know. I have little or no experience in dealing with…this stuff."

"Could you treat the anemia?"

"I tried with Grissom but it didn't work."

"But he got better. He's better now."

"Sara performed the ritual again…the cutting part only. It seems her blood cured Grissom."

He glanced at his palm. "I'll do it again."

"You…performed the ritual…with Sara?"

"She insisted," he explained.

"I didn't think fallen angels…believed in that kind of stuff."

"We don't."

Doc put his things away and stood.

"Where do you think you are going?" huffed Darius.

"There isn't anything further I can do."

Doc headed toward the door. "Don't send your goons. I'll be back tomorrow."

"I'll have one of my men drop you off," answered Darius.

Doc glanced back at Sara who remained sleeping.

"Call me if she gets worse," stated Doc, not liking how she looked.

"Thank you," stated Darius without thought.

Grissom glanced up when he spotted Doc heading toward his office.

Doc was followed by Brass.

They shut the door but he kept his eyes on the reports in front of him.

"Sara has severe anemia. She's dying," stated Doc.

"_You are dead to me."_

His words echoed in his head.

"I'm sorry…to hear that," replied Grissom, trying desperately not to break down.

Doc grabbed his hand and flipped it over.

"You have the same scar as Sara."

Grissom pulled his hand away.

"Darius said they did the ritual…at Sara's insistence."

"Doc, is there a point you are trying to make?"

"He said that he made an agreement with Sara….not to harm or kill any of us…but if anything happens to Sara or the baby then the deal is off."

Brass cursed. "I told you there was a reason she agreed to go with the bastard."

"She made her choice," Grissom said quietly.

"Her choice? You're just pissed because she chose to give herself to a fallen angel in order to save your sorry ass."

"She didn't have to do that!" yelled Grissom. "Francis and I could have protected her."

"What if Darius showed her that you couldn't? Do you think it was mere coincidence that on the same day Sara decided to go with Darius, I get attacked as well as Francis?"

He'd thought of that a hundred times but then visions of her in bed with Darius as well as the baby she now carried told him she was lost to him.

Or was she?

"I'm going back there tomorrow," announced Doc.

"You should have tried to get him to allow her to come here," griped Brass.

"I offered it….and he agreed but then Sara refused to…leave. I think she's too weak. She knows she's dying. She's trying to conserve her energy for this baby."

Nick tapped on the door. "Hey, is this a private discussion or three guys planning a night out?" he teased.

Nick's smile faded when he saw their grim faces.

"I saw Sara today," stated Doc.

Nick glanced at Grissom. "Then you know she's pregnant. We saw her several weeks ago…in the mall…with him."

"You never said anything," stated Brass irritably.

"Yeah, well we just sort of bumped into them. She said hello but we walked away. She doesn't bother calling us…or anyone for that matter so we can act the same way."

"What if she couldn't?" complained Brass.

"She called me," admitted Doc.

"When?" asked Brass.

"A few weeks ago. I picked up the phone and it was her. I didn't give her a chance to say much but blew her off. The next thing I know Darius is shoving me into a car. Good thing he did. I don't think she has much time left. I'm not even sure she'll survive until the baby is due."

"Is something wrong with Sara?" asked Nick.

"Yes, Nicky," answered Grissom.

Grissom stacked up the reports needing to keep busy while Doc relayed the information one more time.

It made it almost hard to breathe to hear the news again.

"None of this makes sense. I mean…He actually thanked me…a demon," griped Doc.

Grissom looked up. "Darius thanked you?"

"Yes. He seemed genuinely concerned about Sara and the baby."

"He wants an heir," reasoned Grissom.

"It seemed more than that…something that he said…that she wasn't fallen," replied Doc. "I need to get to work. David is backed up. I'll let you know about her condition tomorrow."

He was envious that Doc was getting to see her but then he wasn't sure if he could endure being close to her, knowing that she belonged to Darius.

She felt the prick of the needle and woke to find Doc sitting beside her.

"How do you feel today?" he asked.

"There is nothing that you can do, Doc."

"You're probably right."

Darius stepped closer. "What about a blood transfusion?"

"It's possible but I don't know what the effects would be on the baby," answered Doc.

"No," she insisted.

Her eyes turned to Darius.

"Do it," he ordered.

It shocked Doc.

"No," she insisted as she tried to sit up.

"I said do it," ordered Darius.

She glanced at Doc and then back at Darius.

"No!"

"I can't do it if she refuses," stated Doc. "Besides you can't act on her behalf."

Darius glared at him. "Yes, I can and I just did."

"You're not married to her….you don't have medical power of attorney."

"I don't need any of that," he snorted. "You forget where you are….and who you are talking to."

"Doc, go," stated Sara.

"Stay!" Darius ordered.

"Darius," Sara whispered.

"You're dying. I can feel it," he bit out.

"You don't want to die," sneered Doc trying to explain Darius' concern. "Since you're bonded then…"

Sara shook her head.

"I thought that if you do the ritual then your lives are joined. If one dies then…"

"Not dying," announced Darius with his arms folded. "Fallen angels will do anything to keep from dying…not necessary in this case. I'm immune to that bonding crap…or most of it," he griped remembering his eunuch status.

Doc's phone rang.

He glanced toward the two.

He listened as Brass told him of Grissom's collapse.

"I have to go. Something has happened at the lab. Someone is sick."

He eyed Sara to see her reaction.

"You can't leave!" cursed Darius.

"Darius, let him go," said Sara softly.

"He hasn't done anything. You're not better!"

Sara grabbed Darius's hand and he held hers tight. "Darius, let him go, please."

"Go," he griped. "But get back here."

Doc rushed to the door but looked back at Sara. "Sara, I wouldn't leave if it wasn't…important."

"It's okay, Doc," she said, closing her eyes as Darius stroked her hair.

"Call me…if she worsens," Doc called out.

"Like any of you care," gritted Darius.

"We do," urged Doc as he rushed out, hoping to get back soon.

Grissom grumbled when he was shoved back down on the couch for the third time.

"You were out cold for several minutes," complained Warrick.

"I got up too quickly," explained Grissom.

"You're not getting up," ordered Catherine.

Grissom grumbled as he lay there, not sure why he just blacked out.

Doc rushed inside, trying to catch his breath.

"Busy day," he grumbled as he checked Grissom.

"Let's run some blood tests," he stated.

Doc took his pulse.

"It seems you collapsed just in time."

"Just in time for what? So you can poke and prod?"

"Sara is worse. Darius ordered a blood transfusion but Sara refused. She's afraid it will harm the baby."

"I'm sure he agreed with her," stated Grissom as he sat up ignoring Catherine's glare.

"No, he was insisting but Sara ordered me to leave…to come here. I didn't tell her it was to take care of you."

"I'm fine."

"Sara is dying. Darius is in perfect health while you are feeling the effects of Sara's health decline. What does that tell you?"

Grissom rolled down his sleeve. "I have no idea."

"Your bond with Sara is still intact."

"Once they….I should have been released. I don't know why I wasn't. I don't know anything anymore."

"Sara insisted they complete the ritual. Darius should die if Sara does…not you. And yet, he's in perfect health…though worried sick about Sara."

"What does Francis have to say about any of this?" questioned Brass.

Grissom walked past them.

"Where are you going?" asked Brass.

"To talk with Francis," replied Grissom.

"I'm driving," called out Brass.

Note from author:

Posting early so if you haven't reviewed the other chapter yet, do so...the next chapter...well, things move fast...


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty Nine:**

**The Shepherd Learns About The Flock**

Grissom's head began to ache as he listened to theory after theory between Brass and Francis.

He headed to the bathroom as they continued.

"Headache?" questioned Francis, concerned about Grissom's silence.

"I have a prescription…somewhere. Sara kept track of it," he said sadly.

_Sara…_

He couldn't sit and listen to them anymore.

His last words spoken to her were like shards of glass to his heart.

He didn't mean them and he would give anything to take them back.

He didn't think he could handle her death despite her betrayal.

_I want her to know that I still love her..._

_I want her to know that I still yearn for her..._

He leaned against the counter and splashed some water on his face but it did little to ease the shaky feeling.

He felt himself slipping to the floor just as Brass shoved him to sit down on the commode.

"Where have you looked?" he asked.

"It's not in the medicine cabinet," Grissom answered.

Brass looked underneath and then grimaced when things began to fall into the floor. "Got a lot of stuff under here. "

"Sara's things."

"Well, at least you didn't do what I did...I threw all of my exwife's things in the trash."

He couldn't bear to see the things lying around and yet he couldn't bring himself to part with any of it so he piled them in any empty closet or drawer he could find.

Brass rummaged through the mess, pulling out several pregnancy kits.

Grissom stared at them. "She wanted another baby. She purchased several of those."

Brass looked at the contents. "This one has been opened."

Grissom leaned back.

Brass opened the package just as Grissom was about to object.

The used pregnancy stick landed in his hand.

"I thought Sara didn't know that she was pregnant…before the miscarriage?" asked Brass.

"She didn't," replied Grissom.

"Gil, this is a positive pregnancy test," stated Brass as he held it up.

Grissom grabbed the stick.

He looked shocked at the revelation.

"She was already pregnant….maybe Darius didn't catch it this time and she's passing your child off….as his."

Grissom jumped up but collided with Brass.

"Jim, I need to get to her."

"Where are you going?" asked Francis as the two men headed toward the front door.

"To get some answers," replied Grissom.

They insisted on going with Doc.

Doc gripped the steering wheel as he pulled into the driveway of the mansion.

"Do you really think Darius is going to let you anywhere near Sara?" asked Doc.

"Darius is desperate. Tell him we know how to help Sara," stated Brass as he looked at his friend who was quiet.

"And when he finds out that you can't, he's going to kill all of us."

"Not unless Sara dies," reminded Brass.

_If Sara dies I hope he kills me _thought Grissom as he tried to squash down his feeling of loss.

Brass looked at Grissom who had remained quiet during the ride.

"Any reason you didn't want Frances to come along? We could have used him,"asked Brass.

"I did want to risk inciting a fight…angel versus fallen angel," Grissom explained.

"How are you feeling?" asked Doc.

"I'm fine," he lied.

He had no idea how he was going to react when he saw Sara again.

Even if their bond was still intact, she had given herself to Darius.

He could still see her body entwined with Darius as they had rushed in to save her.

Her words cut him to shreds.

He gritted his teeth.

_I love you but I hate what you did to me, Sara…_

"Griss…keep a level head," warned Brass.

He nodded.

The guards blocked them at the bottom of the stairs.

"He goes up….but not you two," warned the guard.

"They're with me!" griped Doc. "Your boss isn't going to like you detaining us when he needs us."

A call was put in and the guard cringed when Darius bellowed through the phone to let them up immediately.

They hurried when they heard Darius yell for them.

He held Sara as she cried out in pain.

"Help her," ordered Darius as he tried to comfort her.

"Sara, can you hear me?" asked Doc.

She refused to answer as she curled into a fetal position, clutching at Darius.

"How long has she been like this?" asked Doc.

"Almost an hour," grieved Darius. "At first I couldn't wake her and now…the pain has been unbearable…she screams…" he didn't finish as he balled his fist, angry that his men thought he was beating her and were enjoying the sound of her pain.

Darius rocked her back and forth. "Doc is here. They are going to try to help you, Sara."

Gently Darius eased her onto the bed, ready to hold her if she screamed once more.

Grissom's palm began to tingle.

Without thinking, he rushed over and took Sara's hand, aligning their scars.

The pain hit once more but it was not as intense.

She clutched the hand that held hers, needing something to brace against the pain in her stomach.

"I've got you, Sara," whispered Grissom.

She moaned softly as the pain slowly ebbed away, bringing much needed relief.

Grissom's hand stroked her hair as he continued to hold her hand, his fingers caressing the frail cold hand.

Doc sat there and observed her for several minutes.

"She seems better," whispered Doc.

"He just held her hand," griped Darius.

"He's connected to her. You're not," explained Doc.

"I bonded with her," Darius announced boldly. "My blood runs through her veins just as hers with mine. The baby carries my bloodline."

Grissom jumped up and shoved Darius against the wall.

"You killed our child," he seethed.

"Yes, I did," admitted Darius.

"I should kill you," glared Grissom.

"Gil!" yelled Doc.

Grissom released him.

Doc turned their attention to Sara.

"Her pulse rate just slowed…too slow," Doc stated.

"Do the blood tranfusion," stated Darius.

"Sara didn't want…that. Besides, you don't get to decide. He does."

"Why him?"

"Because he does have medical power of attorney."

"I don't give a damn what he has. I said…."

"I agree. She needs a blood transfusion...we should do the blood ritual again," admitted Grissom.

Darius gawked at Grissom, surprised that he agreed with him.

Darius looked down at Sara's lifeless body.

He could see the small bulge moving about.

He couldn't resist caressing the bulge as he leaned down and kissed Sara's forehead which was not as hot.

"This had better work," he barked at Grissom.

Grissom was surprised to see the fallen angel show any tenderness.

From everything he had read or been told, they were ruthless with no goodness.

"Do you think Darius has any idea what Sara did?" whispered Doc to Grissom.

"We don't know what Sara did…exactly."

Sara shifted in her sleep, her free hand resting on her abdomen.

"Do you think there is anything wrong with the baby?" whispered Grissom.

"Baby?" Sara murmured.

Her eyes shot open as she tried to focus on the face in front of her.

Her eyes shifted to Darius.

"I didn't harm or kill any of them yet," he protested.

She tried to pull her hand forward but then realized Grissom was holding it.

She struggled when Doc produced a scalpel intending to hand it to Grissom.

"No!" she choked as she tried to yank free but Grissom refused to release her.

"Sara, it worked for Grissom. It could work for you," Doc spoke up.

"Release me," she pleaded.

She tried to yank her hand again but Grissom's grip was firm.

Darius stepped forward.

"Darius….make him stop," she panted.

"Sara, it will make you better," Darius urged.

"No! Your heir…your bloodline…need to stop," she urged frantically as she tried to jerk free once more.

"Is the baby in distress?" questioned Darius.

"No," answered Doc.

Sara struggled frantically, "Stop! Stop!"

"Sara it's going to be alright," soothed Grissom.

He leaned forward and whispered for her ears only. "I found the pregnancy test."

It did not stop her struggles.

Grissom feared she would harm herself as she continued to thrash about.

"Hold her," cautioned Grissom.

"Darius, please!" she cried.

He shoved Grissom to the side.

Darius dropped to his knees in front of the bed and gathered her in his arms.

It bothered Grissom the way she freely went into the very arms of the man responsible for the death of their child.

None of this made sense as he teetered on his feet.

Brass stepped forward to give him support.

"It's going to be alright, Sara," Darius soothed. "I won't sacrifice you….I release you…from the agreement."

Grissom was surprised by his declaration.

He squeezed Sara's hand as a gesture to let her know he was still there.

She yanked once more but Grissom refused to release her hand.

"Make him let go," she cried.

Darius stroked her hair. "I want you better. He can make you better."

She stilled suddenly and they thought she had given in but she yanked one final time, managing to break the contact.

Grissom fell back, astonished at her strength.

"Sara, no!" warned Darius. "I'll hold her….just do it," ordered Darius to Grissom.

Her hands gripped Darius shirt as she pleaded, "Darius, please. Don't let them do this. It could harm the baby. Please…I can't lose this one. I won't lose this one," she wept.

"You're dying," choked Darius. "I won't let you die. If you do this…I'll release you," he offered.

There was utter silence in the room.

Grissom seemed hopeful that they would be able to leave with Sara until she spoke, "Not at the risk of losing my baby and you. They'll kill you for letting me go. I won't risk it. I won't go."

"Sara, listen to me. You're sick. They can help you. If you remain here, you know the baby will be taken from you. You will have to pledge your allegiance to us…you can't do that. You are not fallen. I won't let them take you…rape you…damn your soul. Go….let Grissom do the ritual again. You won't survive without it."

"Then come with us," she urged.

"You can't be serious."

"Even if I go, the others will come after us…they won't if you come…they fear you…even though you are not one of them. You are not evil."

"Yes, I am."

"A fallen angel does not care for anyone…you do. You care for this baby…and me."

He closed his eyes, angry at his weakness until he felt her soft breath against his skin and his heart melted.

"I do, Sara. I do care for you," he admitted as he stroked her hair. "Which is why I won't let you die."

She clung to him, making Grissom jealous and he stepped away from the spectacle.

Darius stroked her hair as he pressed his lips against her temple briefly.

"I want you to take her. I'll try to cover…for as long as I can," ordered Darius.

Brass stepped forward to take Sara but she refused to release Darius.

"I won't leave you," she wept.

"Stay and you surely die, Sara. Go and you will live…keep your child. He won't be treated…the way I was."

She grew weak and slumped back against the bed but her hands still gripped his shirt.

He gently pulled her hands from his shirt despite her protests.

"Take her," he ordered again.

"I won't leave you. This baby needs you."

"What can I offer him Sara except pain and cruelty?"

"You can protect him. You can show the others that one can still be redeemed…if one asks for forgiveness…from the Holy One."

"There is no one here Sara to save. They are all fallen...just as you will be if you remain," he stated as he started to move away from the bed but she grabbed his wrist, slipping her hand into his and refusing to let go.

"I forgave you. Forgive yourself."

He shook his head. "My mother hated me. She gave you the dagger in order to kill me. She killed herself to pay for my…sin. I can not be forgiven...by her."

"Your mother could not kill you because she loved you despite what Silas and the others made you into. She forgave you, Darius."

"Are you sure you forgive me? I killed your son, Sara. I ordered her to give Grissom the antidote that caused you to miscarry."

"I forgive you."

Grissom gritted his teeth.

"I…don't," Darius admitted. "And neither does Grissom."

"They will try to take him from me," she cried.

He knew she was right.

He also knew that they would turn on him as soon as they learned he had let Sara go.

Her breathing came in gasps as her water broke.

Darius glanced at Doc.

"If you're going to do something then you have to do it now. Sara's going into labor," warned Doc.

"Please Darius," she whispered. "You promised you would protect him."

"If I come with you then…there is no turning back."

She gripped his hand as she doubled over in pain.

Doc raced forward to examine Sara. "Somebody needs to make a decision!"

He knew once the baby was delivered then Sara was doomed.

He lifted her in his arms as he reached under the mattress, taking the dagger. "We're going out the back. I suggest you stay close…in case we have to fight our way out of here."

Brass and Grissom exchanged looks.

Darius shifted Sara into his arms while Doc covered her with a blanket.

"We take my car," he ordered.

"Hey, I drove my car," griped Doc.

"Mine is bullet proof. They may shoot," warned Darius.

"We take your car," replied Brass.

"Explain that to my insurance," grumbled Doc.

They made it down the first two floors undetected but one of the guards was near Darius' vehicle.

"Move out of the way," he ordered.

The guard stepped aside but then halted not sure what to make of them leaving in one vehicle.

Darius placed Sara in the back seat while the others jumped in.

The guard sniffed into the air and then grinned. "Where are you going?"

"When do I answer to you?"

"She's in labor. Silas ordered us to report when she delivered. He wants her…next," smiled the guard. "You answer to Silas," he sneered.

He lunged at Darius but Darius stepped to the side.

Darius tried to get into the vehicle but the guard grabbed Grissom.

Darius shoved him away but then the guard drew a knife intending to kill Grissom.

Darius pulled out the dagger, driving it deep into the guard.

The guard's lifeless body slumped to the ground.

They jumped into the vehicle and sped away.

He looked into the rearview mirror as Brass held Sara.

Her eyes connected with his.

"I had no choice," Darius gritted.

"I know," she said as she closed her eyes fighting off the urge to scream.

Brass grabbed her hand and she squeezed it hard, panting through the pain.

Darius had difficulty focusing on the road as he glanced back and forth through the rear view mirror.

Doc sat on the other side of Sara and gently coaxed her through a contraction.

Grissom gritted his teeth, not able to see what was going on in the back seat.

They made a few sharp turns. Brass pulled Sara into his arms, her head resting on his chest.

Darius swallowed as he saw Brass and Doc exchange looks.

"How is she?" asked Darius as he checked for any followers.

"She's unconscious," said Doc.

Darius gripped the steering wheel as he looked into his rearview mirror and to his surprise was not being followed.

He turned off several streets and Grissom looked at him.

"Where are we going?" asked Grissom.

"Your house," replied Darius.

"They'll find us immediately," he gritted.

"We'll be expecting them," replied Darius.

As soon as they arrived Brass started to carry Sara but Darius shoved him out of the way, gathering her into his arms.

Immediately she woke, not sure of her whereabouts.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Grissom's," stated Darius. "You'll be safe here, Sara."

"Don't leave me," she begged as her head went limp against his shoulder.

"I'm not," he promised as he quickly headed toward the door.

Grissom unlocked the door and they hurried inside.

"Bedroom," Grissom directed but Darius was already taking her through the doors.

Darius moved out of the way so Doc could examine her.

"Darius…she needs…"

Darius raked his hand through his hair.

"Which one…of us?" he asked.

Doc glanced at Grissom and then back to Darius.

"Grissom…is still bonded with her," remarked Doc.

Darius stroked Sara's cheek.

He nodded in agreement.

Sara stirred.

"Where are we?" she asked as if she didn't remember the previous conversation.

"We're at Grissom's," answered Darius. "You're home, Sara."

She took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Sara, we think it's best if we do the blood transfusion," stated Doc.

"No," she said as she rolled to her side.

"You're weak," urged Doc. "The baby is not due for five more weeks…that's more than two months in a normal pregnancy."

"He's coming…now," she clarified.

Darius didn't like it when she was being obstinate.

"Sara, I came…as you requested. Now, let Doc do this."

"Where is Francis?" she asked.

"What does he have to do with this?" he griped.

"Francis," she repeated.

Darius' jaw twitched as he looked toward Grissom.

"I don't know," admitted Grissom.

"I want to talk with Francis," urged Sara.

Darius cursed out loud. "Sara…"

"Francis," she implored.

Darius griped openly. "I let you get away with too much!" he spat.

She took his hand and pleaded silently.

"Okay," he griped softly.

She closed her eyes making Grissom uneasy.

A call was placed by Grissom.

Darius sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand while they waited.

He knew she was in pain but she refused to admit it.

Darius released her hand, her eyes fluttered open.

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her.

She nodded as she closed her eyes once more, trying to find a comfortable position.

Darius and Grissom exchanged looks. "Hold her hand," whispered Darius. "I can't...ease her pain but you can."

Grissom immediately took Darius place, grateful to be near her.

She sighed as his hand slipped into hers, the relief almost immediate.

She drifted in and out, her eyes opening only briefly to scan the room, needing to see Darius.

Her eyes locked with Grissom a few times as he continued to hold her hand, caressing the palm of her hand.

An hour later, Francis appeared.

"What are they doing here?" Francis yelled.

Darius returned the glare before he turned and softly shook Sara.

"Francis is here," Darius stated.

"He is?"

"Gil, what have you done?" asked Francis.

Since Sara had left, Francis had warned him Darius would try to cause his fall.

"Francis…"

"I won't be a part of this!" bellowed Francis. "They are condemned!"

"Shut up!" glared Darius.

"He has to know," Sara whispered.

"Know what?" asked Darius and then he remembered her nonsensical talk about Elena.

"Francis," Sara urged.

Francis growled but Grissom got up and shoved him toward the bed.

"Darius is your son. Elena stayed because she wanted to protect Darius…your son."

"That's a lie! He is an abomination. I don't know why you want to say such lies but…"

"It's true! She was already pregnant. He is not fallen…like them."

Darius snorted. "My actions say different."

"He is as close as you can get to Satan himself," scoffed Francis.

"They took him…from Elena. They made him…"

"No one made me kill…rape…I did those things on my own," Darius corrected.

"You were beaten into submission. Silas himself saw that you were different. He did everything he could…to make you…a fallen angel. But you're not like them."

"Yes, I am," stated Darius.

"I have to agree," gritted Francis.

"You have the same blood," she countered. "You are the same blood line."

Francis scoffed.

"There is no way I would have survived the ritual twice. His blood flows through me…as well as Grissom's," urged Sara.

"I don't know what you're trying to pull," griped Francis.

Sara released Grissom's hand and reached for Darius.

He took it immediately.

"I wouldn't lie to you...accept the truth," she pleaded.

Sara gripped Darius's hand to get through the pain.

"Sara, stop. He won't help us. Let us do the blood ritual again," offered Darius.

Darius stroked her hair as she winced.

"If she is still bonded to Grissom…then it should be him," stated Darius softly.

Doc nodded.

"Wait! Grissom this is a trap. He wants to defile you! You can't…rejoin with her after she's been with him! She's just as…dead…as he is."

"Stay out of this!" warned Darius.

Francis stepped forward. "Grissom is the last of my blood line," stated Francis. "I won't let him fall victim to…"

Sara screamed out, silencing everyone.

She doubled over in pain.

"Baby is coming," she panted.

"No! It's too soon," grieved Darius. "If you bond with her…it may stop the contractions."

Grissom stepped toward the bed but Francis blocked him.

"Get out of his way," yelled Darius.

"The child belongs to a fallen angel. It's condemned…also. You should never have brought them here!" yelled Francis.

"Sara was already pregnant!" snarled Darius. "It's mine…through blood only."

Note from author:

Well, it is out...all out so the question is how do they deal with it...


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty:**

**The Shepherd Rejoins With The Lamb**

Grissom froze. He was surprised that Darius knew the truth. He wasn't even sure of the truth.

"The baby carries my blood because we completed the ritual. My blood joined with Sara's…and the baby."

Sara moaned softly as Darius stroked her hair.

"You're still bound to her because I never…took her," Darius swore. "You old man should know that the bond can only be broken if one had sex with a fallen angel. She didn't but Sara was willing in order to save your lives!"

"Why…why…"

"The old man is speechless," chuckled Darius. "Oh I tried. I couldn't…unless I liked having my gut twisted. Every time I tried to touch her, I felt the worst pain…Sara was somehow protected. No harm could come to her."

Grissom and Francis looked shocked.

"You're still vile," spat Francis.

"Yeah, I hope so because I would like to gut you if anything happens to Sara or the baby."

"Darius, no," Sara pleaded.

"Let me harm him…just a little," he half begged as his hand felt her forehead.

"We saw..heard," insisted Grissom.

"You heard a video...you saw us in bed but we were not doing the dirty deed. You need functionable equipment to pull that off. It seems that The Holy One put a kink in my unholy plans. While I was trying to figure out why I couldn't do the dirty deed you guys show up so I decided to give you what you wanted to see. Sara went along with it in order to get you out of there in one piece," Darius griped. "Really guys, did you think you could just rush into a demon infested house and rescue her...without any weapons?"

"I could have taken you...and the others," stated Francis.

Darius snorted. "Not likely. It was a suicide mission but then Grissom probably knew that...didn't you?"

He did. If Sara was lost to him then he didn't care if they killed him.

Sara cried out once more as Doc sat next to her motioning for the others to give Sara some privacy as he examined her.

"We got problems here, guys," stated Doc. "Sara is almost fully dilated."

They jumped into action as Darius lifted her while the guys put towels across the bed.

She screamed as he laid her back.

"My back! I feel like I'm being split in two," she panted.

She gripped Darius' hand like a vice, fearful of delivering a baby in these conditions.

Her eyes roamed around the room remembering when she had miscarried in this very room.

Doc could see the fear in her eyes. "Sara, I'm afraid to give you anything for the baby…besides I don't have much pain medication in my bag."

She nodded. "Doc...the baby," she choked.

"He's going to be fine...but I need you awake…you're weak and…" he didn't finish as he cursed while struggling to his feet to prepare what little he had.

"Sara, it might not be too late for..." Sara interrupted Doc. "It is."

"How can you be so certain?" he asked.

"Doc! Please!" she cried.

"Okay Sara," Doc soothed as he patted her hand. "We'll wait to do the blood ritual after the baby is born. Okay?"

"Yes...after," she emphasized.

The room had not changed as she glanced around, swallowing the fear that threatened to choke her.

Darius knew she was remembering the miscarriage.

"You're safe...the baby is safe," he assured her.

She took deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves.

She closed her eyes but opened them when she felt a cool washcloth on her forehead.

Grissom held it in place, hoping that it would give her some relief.

"Feels good," she murmured not noticing whose hand held it in place.

She couldn't see Grissom as she looked about the room, wondering where and when he had left.

"Grissom," she choked as she caressed her abdomen, not able to consider the possibility that the baby would not survive.

She closed her eyes, the memories of the miscarriage were too vivid.

She felt a warm hand caress her cheek.

Her eyes drifted open as she stared into Grissom's face.

"He's not going to die, Sara," promised Grissom.

She clung to him, letting the tears slip down her cheeks.

He held her tight, feeling her body visibly shake.

"It will be different this time," he choked.

"It feels like before," she wept.

"It's not," Grissom assured her.

"It's not like before," she repeated over and over, hoping to convince herself as a steady stream of tears poured down her cheeks.

He finally released her body but continued to gently swipe the washcloth over her body, easing the tension.

"Just rest," whispered Grissom. "I'll...watch over you," he choked remembering the times he made love to her in this very bed.

This child was conceived in this bed.

His hand held hers, the scars aligned perfectly as he softly talked to her, soothing her fears.

She drifted off as the men became alarmed.

"Pray this isn't a long delivery. I'm not sure how much she can endure," whispered Doc.

Grissom swallowed. "Doc...I'm not sure...she's very weak."

"Her pulse is steady...keep sitting with her...hold her hand. We need to try to keep her as comfortable...damn I wish I had something to give her. Pray we don't run into any complications."

She was able to sleep for almost an hour before the pain intensified.

She woke in a panic, panting through the pain as Grissom assured her everything was okay.

She seemed to calm the moment she heard and felt Grissom's presence.

She scanned the room for Darius finding him near the window and grew alarmed.

"Are they here?" she gasped. "Have they come?"

"No. The guard's unexplained death probably has them spooked...they won't come," he assured her, hoping he was speaking the truth.

"Silas? Silas will come," she worried.

"It's safe here," Darius urged.

She nodded needing to believe him.

Another contraction came several minutes later as she tried to breathe through the pain.

Francis stood off to the side as he watched Darius and Grissom coax Sara through the contraction.

An hour passed followed by another.

Sara could barely rest before another contraction hit her.

Suddenly the contractions stopped.

She lay there, shaking her head. "Something is wrong," she choked. "It's happening again."

Grissom silently pleaded with Doc as he continued to stroke Sara's forehead with the washcloth.

Doc listened for the baby's heartbeat. "He's fine, Sara. His heartbeat is strong. He's trying to give you a break. Just rest."

"It's a boy?" asked Francis.

"What do you care?" griped Darius.

Sara gasped for air. "Can't breathe….another contraction."

She screamed this time as she felt the baby move further down the birth canal.

For thenext several minutes, she pushed until she lay back too exhausted to try anymore.

Doc glanced briefly at Grissom.

"Sara, push!" ordered Doc.

She tried but fell back, too tired to push again, shaking her head.

"Sara, you have to push…now!"

She lay there unmoving.

Grissom lifted her as he sat down behind her, pulling her against his chest.

"Sara, push," Grissom urged as he kissed her on the temple.

She moaned.

"Push, honey. It's almost over."

"I...can't," she cried.

Grissom glanced at Doc.

"I don't want to perform a C-section in these conditions," whispered Doc. "I'd have to cut her open…without anesthesia. We have to get the baby out."

"Sara, I'm going to help," urged Grissom.

Grissom placed his hands on her stomach and pushed.

She screamed from the pain but she pushed as well, forcing the baby further.

"You're hurting her!" yelled Darius.

"I see the baby's head," reported Doc.

"Come on, Sara. Help me push him out," urged Grissom.

She tried but fell back, too weak to move anymore.

Grissom repeated the procedure, choking down a sob when she cried out once more from the pain.

"His shoulders are almost clear," urged Doc.

"Once more, Sara," urged Grissom.

"Can't," she whispered.

"Sara Jane!" yelled Grissom.

Sara jerked awake. She pushed one last time and with Grissom's effort the baby slid free.

Doc hurriedly cleaned out the baby's airways.

"No sound," Sara murmured. "Why don't I hear him?"

Grissom wrapped his arms around her, blocking her view as Doc continued to work on the baby.

"No sound, Grissom. Why can't I hear...him," she cried. "What's happening? I need to see my baby."

Grissom held her tight, trying to shield her eyes from the sight of Doc working with the baby.

Darius rushed over and stood in awe at the newborn.

The baby gurgled as he stared at Doc while he cleaned him with the towel.

"He's fine," announced Doc.

Brass stepped forward to look at the baby.

"He's looking at us, kiddo," announced Brass. "The little fella doesn't seem bothered by his delivery."

Grissom stroked her hair as he kissed her on the cheek his arms still wrapped firmly around her.

Darius reached for the baby but Doc stepped back.

"I want to hold him," stated Darius.

Doc glanced at Grissom.

Grissom swallowed his fear as he nodded.

Darius took the small bundle into his arms.

"He's…perfect," he marveled.

He stepped away from the others as he held the baby.

Brass stepped closer not sure if he could be trusted with the newborn.

Francis did as well.

Grissom quickly came to his feet, fear written on his face.

The very man who had killed their firstborn was now holding their son.

Darius looked at Sara. "He's beautiful, Sara."

There was a slight catch in his voice as Darius whispered, "Hold him, Sara."

She tried to reach for him but her arms dropped to her side.

Darius brought the baby and placed him in her arms.

"He's small…but strong, Sara," smiled Darius as he stepped away to admire the baby with Sara.

She stared at the baby, unwrapping the blanket as if she needed to inspect him for herself.

She kissed the baby over and over as she snuggled him close to her.

Grissom was eager to see him.

She could sense his need.

"Griss…take him," she whispered.

Gently he took the baby, feeling guilty that Sara had only been able to hold him briefly after having endured hours of torture to give him life.

Grissom smiled as he glanced down at the baby, enthralled at the enormity of the baby's eyes that stared intently at him.

Gently he leaned over and kissed the baby's forehead.

Sara's heart fluttered at the sight, grateful Grissom had been there to help bring their son into the world.

Without him, she knew she would not have been able to do it.

She took a gulp of air, fighting off exhaustion, needing to see him with the baby one last time.

The other men gathered around Grissom.

Sara closed her eyes as the men admired the baby.

Doc yelled suddenly. "Sara….stay with us."

Grissom gripped the baby tight as he watched in horror as Doc checked for a pulse.

Darius rushed to her side. "Sara!"

Doc rechecked her pulse and sighed. "It's weak…too weak."

Darius slumped to his knees as he stroked her hair. "Don't break your agreement," he wept as he took her hand, kissing the palm.

She opened her eyes, smiling at Darius.

Her hand gently swiped one of his tears away. "Not fallen," she whispered as she stared briefly at Francis.

Francis jerked Darius around and was shocked to see his face wet from tears.

"Don't touch me," he warned.

"Gil, take the baby in the other room while I tend to Sara," stated Doc.

Grissom lingered for a moment while the others filed out of the room.

"Doc, is she alright?" Grissom asked worriedly.

"Her pulse is a little stronger," he encouraged. "I'll clean up the afterbirth and make sure her body is doing what it's supposed to do. Last time she healed quickly," Doc added.

Grissom gathered the baby closer.

The baby's small hand found its way to his mouth and he suckled on his fist.

"I better hurry. That little fella is going to get hungry soon," stated Doc.

Grissom stepped into the living room and was bombarded by Francis and Darius.

Grissom clutched at the baby, not wanting to let go of him just yet.

"I want to hold…my son," declared Darius.

Grissom bristled.

"Please," added Darius to Francis' surprise.

Grissom reluctantly handed him the baby.

Darius sat down in a chair as he admired the small bundle.

Brass stepped to his side as did Francis but Darius glared at them while Grissom slipped back into the room to be with Sara.

The guys refused to back away even though Darius glared at them once more.

"I'm just admiring your…son," stated Brass.

Darius cooled immediately as he swayed gently with the baby.

The baby yawned and continued to stare at Darius.

Darius held the baby close as he kissed him on the forehead.

Francis stood there dumbstruck as he observed the interaction between Darius and the baby.

"Can I hold him?" asked Brass.

"No!" huffed Darius.

"I'm family," retorted Brass.

"How so?" Darius asked.

"Sara…is my daughter," Brass lied.

Darius handed the baby to Francis and then lunged at Brass taking him by surprise.

Grissom had opened his mouth to inquire about Sara when he heard the commotion in the next room.

He rushed back out and grabbed Darius just as he was about to slug Brass.

Grissom shoved Darius against the wall.

"Stop!" ordered Grissom.

"He hurt Sara!" yelled Darius.

"I did not!" yelled Brass.

"You said you were her father. I know what her father did to her. I saw!" Darius glared.

"Darius…then you know that Brass can't be Sara's father….he was killed," stated Grissom.

"Oh…yeah," admitted Darius. "I didn't harm him," he said matter of fact. "You tell Sara. I didn't harm him."

Brass got to his feet. "I meant…figuratively."

Darius turned to get the baby but Francis was rocking him back and forth.

"He's…so angelic," whispered Francis. "Look! Look how he watches me…not a single cry…such a trusting soul."

Darius stepped closer. "He takes after Sara."

"Right," muttered Brass.

Grissom stepped back into the room as Doc had just finished.

"She's lost a lot of blood," Doc stated. "But her pulse is steady."

"Doc, is she going to be alright?" he repeated, his fear evident on his face.

"I think so," he finally said.

"You think so?" griped Grissom.

She seemed quite pale as she lay there.

"Hopefully the baby will not need to nurse for a few hours so Sara can get some rest," whispered Doc.

The door opened and Darius stepped inside. "How is she?"

"She's resting….getting stronger," stated Doc.

Darius nodded as he stared at her.

"She doesn't need to be disturbed," cautioned Doc.

Grissom knew that Darius was not going to leave as long as he was there.

Grissom stepped back into the living room and Darius followed.

Grissom took the baby from Francis despite his protests.

"Do you want me to call Catherine and have her get some things for the baby?" asked Brass.

Grissom nodded as he stared at the baby.

The baby yawned once more but then whimpered.

"Not yet," whispered Grissom. "Momma needs her rest."

"Tell Catherine to bring bottles and formula in case Sara can't nurse him," stated Grissom.

"Our babies nurse from their mothers," declared Francis.

"Only the best," added Darius.

Francis nodded in agreement.

Darius looked around. "Is there any food in this place?"

Brass was given the task of ordering food.

Francis took up a watch to ensure no one was watching the house.

Brass had already ordered an unmarked car to patrol the area for any suspicious persons lurking.

The baby began to whimper more instantly.

Grissom smiled as the baby gnawed at his small fingers. "You're such a good baby," he whispered. "I know you're hungry….maybe Momma can help us now."

Grissom took the baby and slipped back into Sara's room.

Doc smiled as he admired the baby.

"He's getting a little fussy," whispered Grissom.

Doc gently nudged Sara.

Her eyes flitted open briefly.

"A little fella is hungry," whispered Doc.

Doc helped her to a slight sitting position.

Sara tried to extend her arms.

"I'm not sure I can nurse him," she said weakly.

The baby whimpered.

Grissom placed the baby in Sara's arm but helped to support him.

He hungrily latched on as if he had done it several times.

Doc chuckled. "He learns fast…or he's going to take after Greg," teased Doc.

Sara stared at the baby as he suckled.

"Are you alright?" asked Grissom.

She nodded, too filled with emotion as she felt her son nursing.

She kissed the baby on the forehead as she leaned back, closing her eyes, no longer able to fight the exhaustion any longer.

Grissom glanced nervously at Doc.

After several minutes, Doc motioned for Grissom to switch the baby to the other side. The baby fussed slightly but stopped as soon as he was given access again.

"Definitely takes after Greg," grinned Grissom.

He'd hoped the comment would get a response out of Sara but her eyes remained closed.

Darius stepped into the room and smiled at the sight but then quickly added. "Did she see him?" he asked.

"Yes," replied Grissom.

Doc motioned for Grissom to take the baby.

"Gil, I think we need to do the blood ritual," whispered Doc as he motioned for Darius to leave.

Darius started to object, not wanting to leave Sara but then there were voices in the other room.

Grissom recognized it as Catherine. He handed the baby to Darius and he carried it into the living room.

"Gil, she didn't want to do the blood transfusion until the baby was born…to fulfill this damn agreement but now there is no excuse. She's weak…too weak for my comfort."

Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed, taking her hand into his.

"Doc, if you'll give me the scalpel," whispered Grissom.

She stirred, pulling her hand to her chest and shook her head. "You're free…of me. You won't die," she said. "Gracen…Gracen said the ritual with Darius would release you from death."

"And yet we're still bonded together," stated Grissom.

She pulled her hand from his and he let her, knowing she needed to conserve her energy.

She shook her head once more angering Grissom. "Sara, you're weak…too weak. I can feel you."

"The birth just took a lot out of me," she countered. "I'm feeling better. Wait."

"No," insisted Grissom.

"What do you care? I'm dead to you," she whispered rather angrily.

Doc stepped away giving them some privacy.

"I didn't know the baby was mine, Sara. That night, I saw you…walking freely about Vegas…pregnant by the very man who caused the death of our child so forgive me if I…lashed out at you…wanting you to feel the same kind of pain I was…I'm still feeling," he choked.

"You think I didn't? But I did what I had to do to protect…us. Gracen said it was the only way to keep you and the others safe…from Darius. I did what Gracen said to do…I did the ritual with him…and I saw what they did to him. He's not evil…he's not like them. He's risked his life by going against the clan. Silas will kill him."

He reached out to caress her cheek but she flinched from his touch.

"I'm sorry," he said. "If I could take back…those words…everything I ever did…to hurt you, I would."

"I've heard those words before," she replied.

She closed her eyes not wishing to see his face anymore.

He pulled Doc toward the door. "She's weaker."

Doc glanced at him. "How do you feel?" he countered.

"Good," he admitted.

"If she's not better in a few hours, then…"

Grissom pulled him further away from the bed. "I won't risk it. I want to do it," emphasized Grissom.

"Gil, she's not going to let you."

"Then…give her something…to make her sleep while I….do it."

"Gil…"

"Doc, please!"

Doc sighed. "We have no idea what we are doing."

"Yes, I do," he vowed.

_I want to bound to her..._

_If she dies, I die..._

_Living without her is too hard..._

Note from author:

Well, this cliffhanger isn't so bad...LOL. I'm glad I left it on a better note, I think...


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty One:**

**The Lamb Remains Loyal to The Shepherd**

Brass helped Catherine with the packages.

She immediately came to the baby but Darius blocked her.

"Who are you?" he challenged.

"She's a friend of Sara's," stated Brass

"Her friends…were mean to her," snarled Darius.

"Not this one," grumbled Catherine as she took the baby.

"Sara just nursed him," stated Brass.

Catherine lifted the baby on her shoulder and began to pat his back.

He let out a loud burp and the men smiled in approval.

"How is Sara?" asked Catherine.

Brass shrugged his shoulders. "She's had a difficult delivery."

Catherine spent the next several minutes rocking the baby as she went through the items with the men.

"The bassinet will be fine for now…later a crib. He's so tiny," she cooed.

"He was born early," explained Brass.

"He's strong…like Sara," stated Darius as he kept an eye on Catherine with the baby.

She ignored his stare as she continued to coo over the baby. "I can only stay for a few hours. I left Warrick in charge. Ecklie is having a cow but I told him Grissom was out of town."

"Thanks Catherine," stated Brass.

Darius started for the bedroom but Brass blocked him.

"You should be careful who you block," warned Darius. "No one will keep me from sara."

Francis grew concerned, stepping toward Darius but Darius pointed his finger at him. "That includes you."

"Grissom is doing the blood ritual with Sara. Doc felt she was too weak," stated Brass.

Brass saw a glimmer of fear in Darius's eyes but he quickly moved away, snatching the baby from Catherine, holding him close to his chest, needing to feel close to Sara in some way. "This had better work," he warned.

"Yeah, we know…if anything happens…we're dead," griped Brass.

Darius patted the baby's bottom.

He had no idea what he would do if Sara died.

He glared at Brass and Francis but then his eyes grew soft as he lifted the baby and settled him on his chest while he rocked him.

Hours later Grissom stepped out of the room.

The men rose immediately.

"How is she?" asked Francis.

"We won't know for awhile," stated Grissom.

Grissom reached for the baby and the others held their breath to see if Darius was going to refuse to relinguish the baby but he didnn't.

He checked the diaper and noticed it was already wet.

They made a make shift changing area and Catherine showed the guys how to properly care for the baby.

Grissom took the baby back even though Francis and Darius reached for him.

The baby yawned and he held the baby tighter, needing to feel close to him.

Darius eyed the man briefly but then went to the kitchen to join the others.

He remembered in the vision how Grissom grieved for the other child, understanding Grissom's need to spend time with the infant.

"I can't imagine delivering a baby without drugs," whispered Catherine.

Grissom kissed the baby.

"He's beautiful, Griss."

He nodded.

Catherine leaned in close. "Gil…does he know that Sara…"

"The baby belongs to…both of us," stated Grissom.

Catherine looked confused.

"Sara and I conceived him…Darius blood…runs through him also."

"I…don't understand," she whispered.

"I'm not sure I understand myself."

"He's asleep," whispered Catherine. "You should put him in the bassinet."

Grissom started to protest but Catherine added, "You need some rest. Babies get up a lot. Brass told me what you did. How do you feel?"

"I'm not sure that it did any good."

The moment he placed the baby into the bassinet, Francis and Darius were there but Catherine threatened if either tried to pick up the baby.

Darius started to call Catherine a bitch but opted for the word, 'she-devil' as he glared at her.

"I'm the worst bitch you are going to tangle with if you don't let him sleep," she threatened.

"He sleeps while I hold him," grumbled Darius.

Catherine stood her ground.

He could very well shove her to the side but instead he softly pleaded, "Please."

Catherine glanced toward Grissom. "If he wakes, my high heel shoe will be up your ass," she warned, letting him pick up the baby.

"Why doesn't the Holy One zap you...with language like that," he grumbled.

Darius gently rocked the baby.

"You should have left him in the bassinet," she whispered. "He can get used to being held and expect it all of the time."

"What's wrong with that?" huffed Darius.

Francis wondered that himself as he watched Darius and the baby.

Francis was amazed at how gentle and protective Darius was with the baby.

_He isn't fallen but he is?_

Francis stared intently at Darius, noting his facial features along with his demeanor toward the baby.

He gulped in air.

_My God, Sara may be right..._

For the first time in hours, Sara shifted in the bed without pain.

Her abdomen was still sore but her strength was better.

She felt a little woozy as she tried to become more fully awake.

She'd dreamed Grissom had been holding her.

His scent was in the bed and she lingered between sleep and wake.

She felt someone by the bed and opened her eyes.

"Baby?" she asked.

"He's letting everyone know who is boss," chuckled Brass.

"How long…have I been asleep?" she asked groggily.

"Long enough for you to get some color back into your cheeks," he said.

There were voices in the next room.

"I'll check on them…bring the baby in awhile. Okay?" he asked.

Brass stepped out into the room and smiled at Grissom.

He sighed out loud, realizing Sara had awakened.

Grissom stepped into the bedroom surprised that she was sitting up.

She held her hand as if she were in pain.

"Sara…"

He sat down abruptly when he saw that she was upset.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"The scar…is gone," she whispered.

He swallowed taking her hand in his. "I know."

"How? I mean…I don't understand…" she yanked her hand away. "What did you do?"

"I couldn't risk…it. So…I ordered Doc to give you something to make you sleep…while I rejoined with you...the blood ritual only."

"I slept through it?" she asked astonished.

"Except for a few visions…of what happened with you while you were…with him…I slept also."

"You shouldn't have done that! Gracen assured me that by…joining with Darius, your life wouldn't be tied to mine…anymore. You'd be free…to do what you want."

_And if they killed me, you wouldn't die..._

_If I killed myself, you wouldn't die..._

"You want me to be with someone else? Is that what you want?" he said letting his voice rise.

"I was giving you a choice, Grissom….a way out of this mess."

"There is no way out," he said without thinking.

He glanced at her and saw that it had hurt her.

"I don't want…out of this," he clarified.

Grissom plopped down on the bed. "You have no idea how painful it was to see you…with him."

"Do you know how much it hurt to see you with Sofia? To see her hands all over you…I could…I could…"

"You could what?" asked Grissom, needing to know that she still loved and wanted him.

"I could have scratched her eyes out!" spat Sara.

Her answer gave him hope.

It made me ill," he offered hoping it would make her feel better.

"I'm glad. It was sickening to see how much she wanted you."

"I didn't want her," he insisted.

"And yet there you were...letting her...touch you."

"Sara..."

"Is your scar gone as well?"

He held out his palm.

"What does it mean?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted.

"Maybe we're not…mated…anymore," she whispered.

"Do you believe that?"

She rolled onto her side, too exhausted to talk or think anymore.

He was disappointed that she drifted back to sleep so quickly, not sure if she still wanted to be bound to him.

Doc woke from the chair he'd been sleeping in.

He watched as Grissom took Sara's hand into his.

"Do you think she's better?" Grissom whispered.

"Her color is better. How do you feel?"

Grissom glanced in his direction but said nothing.

"I'm worried about…you too," urged Doc.

"I don't know. I…I feel disjointed…disconnected…from her. I don't feel as connected…like before."

"How do you feel about being a father?" he asked.

"Which part? The fact that I have a son but have to share it with the very person who took our son from us or the fact that the mother of my child seems closer to…Darius than…me."

"Sara risked a lot in order to…"

"She didn't have to do that….to give herself…to him…for us."

"Be careful you're turning green with jealousy."

"I see the way he looks at her. He loves her…he's fallen," declared Grissom.

"Here we go again," sighed Doc. "Newsflash if being part angel makes you fallen then you as well as Sara are fallen."

She stirred slightly as she rolled to her side.

Grissom continued to hold her hand.

He leaned over and adjusted the covers as Darius stepped into the room.

He said nothing as he walked over to the other side of the bed and pulled down the covers.

"What are you doing?" seethed Grissom.

"I'm going to bed," he griped. "I'm tired."

"Not with her!" glared Grissom.

"Why not?" Darius griped. "We've been sleeping together for months."

"She's my….we're mates…that excludes you!" barked Grissom.

Darius snorted.

"What's so funny?" seethed Grissom.

"It must eat at you that she has feelings for me," he replied.

It did.

Every time he looked at Darius, he was reminded of the child they'd lost.

Sara stirred the moment she heard the baby cry.

Both men jumped to get the baby but the door opened and Brass appeared with the infant.

"I checked him. He's not wet or anything. Maybe he's hungry again," Brass stated as he gawked at Darius who sat on the other side of the bed.

"Jim, bring him here," Sara stated.

She managed to hold the baby in her arms.

The baby yawned and she smiled as she hummed softly watching the baby drift back to sleep.

"We'll have to come up with a name," whispered Grissom.

"Sara and I came up with a few names," announced Darius.

Grissom's face fell.

Darius chuckled as the baby kicked his feet.

"He used to kick Sara quite a bit. I'd rub her back trying to ease the pain."

The baby yawned again and Sara smiled as did Darius.

Sara caught Grissom's pained expression just as he turned around and stalked out of the room.

Her smile faded, her concern for Grissom apparent.

"Doc…is Grissom alright?"

Doc snarled at her. "No, he's not. He's spent the last several months mourning the death of his son!"

She didn't know how to respond to the comment but he did not stay to hear a response as he took out of the room.

Brass followed him.

Francis stood in the kitchen near the window. "He's in his study. He doesn't like to be disturbed when the door is shut."

Doc ignored the comment and stepped inside.

Grissom remained sitting on the couch.

The room was dimly lit by a small lamp.

"Gil, you should eat something," stated Doc softly.

"I'm not hungry," he said quietly.

"You should try to get some sleep," stated Brass.

Grissom nodded.

"I know you haven't been sleeping well. Do you want me to give you anything?" asked Doc.

He shook his head.

"Why don't I bring the bassinet in here?" offered Brass.

"Sara probably wants it in there…with her…and him," he gritted.

"Griss…it's your son," stated Brass.

Grissom stretched out on the couch. "Is he?" he asked bitterly. "She's shared him with...Darius...not me. I'd like to sleep now."

Doc closed the door.

"He's not dealing with this very well," whispered Brass.

"Can you blame him? We both know how hard it was for Grissom these past few months. Now...I think he doubts who is the father," admitted Doc.

"How can he doubt it? Sara was already pregnant!"

"Yeah, well this angel stuff changes the rules a bit."

Doc returned the bedroom and fumbled around inside his medical bag.

"Doc….where's Gil?" asked Sara, neding to know that he was alright.

Doc turned and jabbed a needle into Darius getting a sample of his blood.

"Ouch! That hurt!" snarled Darius.

"Get over it," barked Doc.

He then took a sample of Sara's.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Doc eyed her as he gently pricked the baby.

The baby whimpered slightly.

Sara swallowed. "He doesn't believe the baby is his."

"Both of you have had months to bond with this child while Grissom has been mourning the loss of his son….your first child, Sara."

"And you think I didn't?" she stiffened in disbelief.

Doc turned but then halted patting her leg. "I know you did. The difference is that Grissom hasn't stopped….while you've had this baby to ease the loss. He doesn't doubt it Sara. He just needs a little assurance. He needs to feel...like he's the father."

Doc glared at Darius but left without another word.

Grissom grumbled when the door reopened and Doc stepped back inside.

Grissom became alarmed when he felt the needle.

"Blood work," stated Doc. "You don't look well, Gil."

"I'm just tired," he managed to get out.

Doc shut the door once more.

"Why didn't you tell him what you're doing?" asked Brass.

"Because I'm not sure how Grissom is going to react if….the damn ritual…if that baby really indeed belongs to Darius."

Brass huffed, "That baby is Grissom's. Sara would never try to pull..." he stopped realizing Sara had indeed tried to pull such a thing.

"Darius is different," Brass finally said.

"I need to go to the lab to run these tests. If anything happens, give me a call," stated Doc.

Sara clutched the baby to her breast, watching the sleeping baby.

Darius sat on the edge of the bed as he watched the baby. "He's sleeping. I'll put him back in his bassinet."

He reached for the baby but she protested.

Darius yawned. "It's late, Sara. You need to rest."

"He's the only thing that kept me going. The pain of the miscarriage didn't hurt as much the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test."

"When we did the ritual, I saw…how much you grieved for the baby."

"Grissom grieved also," she cried. "He wanted the baby too."

"Are you trying to tell me to be a big boy and share?"

"This baby belongs to Grissom...and you."

Darius sighed. "You're trying to tell me...more him than me. He got to..." he stopped in time so that he would not get zapped.

He eyed her closely. "You're not sure…if you're bound to him anymore."

"I'm not sure about alot of things," she said quietly.

His fingers wiped at a few tears while he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

"Love is too complicated," he grumbled. "Carnal pleasure…that was the life. You just…." He bent over when the pain hit him.

"Darius!"

"Oh just great! I can't even talk about having a piece of…" he groaned once again.

"Maybe you shouldn't think of such things," she grinned.

"I'd had hundreds of years of…." He groaned once again.

"You should think about other things," she offered.

"Really? Like what?"

She held his hand. "Getting to know Frances. Learning how to be a watcher…an angel rather than a horny demon."

He burst out into laughter. "Sara Sidle…said something funny."

"I was trying to be serious," she protested lightly swiping her eyes.

"Not when you're trying to describe me," he chuckled.

He stretched out on the bed beside Sara.

"Darius, you can't sleep here," stated Sara softly.

"Ah, I was afraid you were going to say that. I like sleeping with you," he protested.

"This is Grissom's room," she said.

"So it's your bed…and his," he griped.

"His. I'm only borrowing it," she said sadly.

He sat up and looked at her. "We have to stay together until we know that it is safe."

"I know. I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"After this is over, do you intend to stay with Grissom?"

"i have an apartment. I only began staying here after...I miscarried," she said softly.

She rubbed her palm, not liking that the scar was gone. "My scar is gone."

Darius looked at his and sighed. "The Holy One still has me marked."

"I don't know...if we are bound anymore. There's no proof."

"You liked being bound to him," stated Darius.

"It's all I ever wanted."

"But Sara he did rejoin with you…granted you were sleeping but…say, did he have sex with you also or just the blood…"

She punched him and he flinched pretending it hurt but then grinned.

"Sara, he rejoined with you. So…why are you so glum?"

"He rejoined with me…but I don't feel any different. I don't feel connected to him," she wept.

"Oh, so since both of you are not jumping each other's bones you think you're not connected to him? Sara, you just had a small bowling ball come out your…" He doubled over when she hit him hard this time.

"Okay! There has got to be some rule here that if I can't harm or kill you then it should be the same for me. That hurt!" he griped.

"Sorry," she lamented.

"Even the Holy One didn't zap me for that comment," he added but then looked at her. "Say, it didn't hurt…not like before…maybe…" he stopped, reaching over to grab her swollen and engorged breast.

This time she let out a yelp, smacking his hand away as he groaned from the fire within his gut. "Just testing. You can't blame a fallen angel for trying," he groaned.

"Darius, for the last time you are not fallen and you can't grab women like that," she seethed.

"I don't…just you," he teased.

She huffed but he leaned over and gently kissed her on the cheek. "I'm sorry if that hurt."

"You're going to have to learn how to act around others," she stated matter of fact.

"Right," he muttered. "I don't belong around fallen angels or demons or humans."

"You belong…with us," said Sara.

"Oh it's getting too sappy in here," he said as he pretended to want to barf.

"Does this place have another bed?" he griped.

"Yes…but you'll have to share it with Francis," she stated.

"No way," he griped. "The old man can have the couch."

"Jim has the couch...Jim snores."

He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek once more letting his forehead lay on hers. "I'm such a eunuch," he muttered.

She pulled him down, holding him briefly before releasing him.

He tried to hide his blush as he started to stand but she reached out and grabbed his hand. "I feel safe with you here."

He smiled slightly. "Glad to know I'm good for something."

"Could you bring the bassinet in here?"

Brass watched as the bassinet disappeared into the bedroom.

He scowled until Darius stepped out, looking rather grumpy.

"Where's the other bedroom?" he grumbled.

Brass pointed and he stepped inside.

He chuckled when he heard Francis and Darius fighting over the bed.

Note from author:

Moving on...about 3 or 4 chapters left.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty Two:**

**Frightening The Lamb**

Hours passed as the house became quiet.

Brass slipped in once or twice to check on Sara and the baby.

She had nursed him and then Brass had done the honors of changing the soiled diaper before placing him back into the bassinet.

Jim had managed to grab a couple hours of sleep on the couch in the living room before the house erupted in pandemonium.

Sara struggled to her feet at the sound of the baby's wails.

Brass was already through the door and gathering the baby when the others charged into the room.

"Sara, get off your feet before you fall down," warned Brass.

She slumped back onto the bed as she reached for the baby.

"He's not wet," stated Brass as he handed her the baby.

"Maybe he's hungry," stated Francis.

"He's got a temper," snorted Darius.

Sara glared at the others when she started to nurse him but the others remained.

Brass took the initiative to shove them out of the door.

Grissom made a pot of coffee as he leaned against the counter, not liking the pitiful cries coming from the bedroom.

Francis and Darius paced in the living room, the effects of the baby's crying unsettling them.

"How long does it take to nurse?" Darius griped.

"Maybe she doesn't have enough milk," offered Francis.

"Her breasts are gorged. I don't see that as a problem," stated Darius and Francis growled in disgust.

"Nothing sexual…just observation," replied Darius.

Grissom had observed the same thing but the thought that Darius was looking at her breast made him want to hit Darius but knew to keep his distance.

When the baby continued to cry, Brass tapped on the door lightly and then poked his head inside.

Sara was frantically rocking the baby back and forth.

"I don't know what's wrong with him," she cried. "He won't nurse. He's not wet. I can't tell if he's in pain."

"Do you want me to try?" offered Brass.

Brass took the small baby and rubbed his belly. "Maybe he has gas…this should help."

The baby continued to cry as he looked about.

Darius and Francis made their way to the doorway.

"Something is wrong with him," worried Darius.

"Do you want me to call Doc?" Brass asked.

"Yes," Sara urged as she took the baby and tried once more to comfort him but the baby's cries turned to wails.

Sara burst into tears. "I don't know how to help him, Jim."

"Newborns get colicky…especially preemies. Maybe that's it," offered Brass.

"May I try?" asked Francis.

The baby was passed to Francis as he tried for several minutes to ease the baby's distress but nothing seemed to work.

"Give him to me!" barked Darius.

He swayed back and forth with the baby but his wails grew louder and Brass snatched him back, placing him in Sara's arms once more.

By now the baby was having a full blown tantrum.

His face was beat red as he kicked his legs back and forth.

The men huddled around the bed as Sara tried over and over to comfort the baby.

"Is Doc on his way?" she asked frantically.

"David is trying to locate him," stated Brass.

"He didn't answer his phone?" asked Sara, desperate for someone to help the baby.

Grissom stepped into the room.

He couldn't bear to hear the baby's wails anymore.

Grissom placed the baby on the bed and rewrapped the blankets so that they were snug.

As soon as he held him tight against his chest, the baby quieted.

Brass chuckled. "Well, we know who he likes."

Darius frowned but was relieved the baby had stopped crying.

He remembered the countless beatings from Silas for crying.

Darius scooted closer to Sara, slipping his hand in hers.

She took it without thought.

Grissom talked softly to the baby.

His voice was barely audible as he walked back and forth, gently swaying.

To everyone's surprise, the baby gurgled as if trying to respond to Grissom

Grissom's eyes twinkled as he continued to quietly talk to the baby, getting a slight gurgle here and there.

Finally, the only sound that could be heard was Grissom's voice as he walked back and forth.

"What is he saying?" whispered Darius.

"He's quoting Shakespeare," chuckled Brass.

"Is he asleep?" asked Sara.

"No, he's just watching me," stated Grissom.

He glanced at Sara and noticed how Darius held Sara's hand.

He remembered the sleeping arrangements and he handed the baby to Sara.

"He's better now," he said sadly as he stepped away from the bed.

"Maybe we can get some sleep again," stated Darius as he headed toward the door. "Old man, you hog covers."

"You snore!" grumbled Francis.

"I do not. Sara, tell him I don't snore," griped Darius.

"You do…when you sleep on your back," she said without thought.

She'd grown accustomed to sleeping with Darius over the months.

She glanced briefly at the baby, wanting to thank Grissom but her smile faded when she noticed Grissom was nowhere in sight.

He returned to the kitchen, retrieving his coffee cup.

"Good job, there," stated Brass as he observed his friend.

Grissom said nothing as he poured himself another cup.

"Did you get any sleep?" asked Brass.

"Some," Grissom lied.

Brass stepped closer. "While you were trying to sleep, she kicked Darius out. Gil…"

"They know each other's sleeping habits," seethed Grissom.

"Did you hear me? He's not sleeping with her. He's sleeping with Francis."

It didn't seem to change Grissom's disposition so Brass pressed. "So she slept with him...she didn't have sex with him. That much is clear," muttered Brass.

"Jim, he caused Sara's miscarriage. He even tried to rape her...while she acts as though..."

"She loves him?" finished Brass.

"Yes," mourned Grissom.

"Maybe she does. Look, Darius has been the only thing between her and monsters. Captives can create an emotional attachment to the very person holding them..."

"Save your lecture, Jim. I know this. It's more than that and you know it."

"So what if there is? He says he can't...do the wild thing with her. He's a eunuch. That's the best kind of guy you can have around Sara."

Whimpering was heard from the bedroom.

"I think it's going to be a long night. We better check on them," sighed Brass.

Brass opened the door as they quickly rushed in finding Sara on the floor.

Brass reached Sara first.

"Jim, the baby," she panted.

"Griss, she fell….check the baby."

"I just laid him down to go to the bathroom…dizzy," she said.

Grissom gathered the baby into his arms.

The baby quieted.

"No more leaving you alone," stated Brass as he forced her back to the bed.

She threw the covers off of her.

"Where do you think you're going?" they huffed.

"I still need to go," she miffed.

Brass started to lift her but she smacked his hands away.

"I do not intend to go to the bathroom with you!"

"How about I get you there and when you're finished, I'll come and get you," he offered.

She nodded as she checked the baby.

"He's fine," whispered Grissom.

"I think he's attached to his father," stated Sara as she let Brass walk along beside her.

Grissom gathered the baby closer.

"He needs to hear stuff like that," whispered Brass.

"I know."

By the time she returned, she looked rather pale.

"Rest," ordered Brass.

"What about the baby?" she asked.

"I'll…stay," offered Grissom.

She lay there as Grissom walked with the baby.

"Is he awake?" she asked.

"He can't decide if he wants to stay awake and hear another sonnet or sleep."

"Tough choice to make," she teased.

He continued for several minutes but she knew he was growing tired.

"Maybe he'll be content with you just holding him?" she offered. "Come and sit."

He sat down on the bed so she rolled to her side in order to see the baby.

He scooted down so that she didn't have to sit up.

"He's so inquisitive," she remarked.

"He's beautiful, Sara."

"It took every ounce of energy I had not to tell you the moment the pregnancy test was positive. I had to hide him…from you…at least until I was gone," she whispered.

"Why?" he croaked.

"Darius and the others would not have stopped. He would have continued until one of you was killed."

"You didn't give us…me a chance!" he bit out.

"The stakes were too high. I had to go with him…or else…"

"There was another way," he accused.

"No, there wasn't," she gulped. "Darius would have killed you as well as the others. I wasn't going to let that happen."

"I would have rather died trying to protect you than let him…touch you!" he growled as he moved away with the baby.

"Which is the very reason I had to leave especially after I got pregnant. I had…to…so that he would think…the baby was his. We did the ritual and…"

"Why?" he agonized.

"Darius…gave me an ultimatum...go with him or…" she swallowed. "I prayed…actually prayed Grissom that it would be you…who fathered my child. Gracen came to me in a dream….warned me of what I was about to do….had to do and so I went with Darius in order to protect you...to protect all of us. At the time I didn't understand everything he was telling me until I joined with Darius. I saw what they did to him. I realized that Darius did not belong...with them. but he would need to be convinced that he was not evil."

Sara winced as she sat up. "I had no idea that by joining he wouldn't be able…," she looked down at her trembling hands. "He couldn't have intercourse with me. Every time he tried…he became ill. He then realized that I was already pregnant and I was afraid he would…"

"Abort it? Like he did our first child?" Grissom spat.

"There's good in him, Grissom. When we bonded, I saw how cruel they were to him. They made him into what he became."

"He became a rapist…a ruthless killer," seethed Grissom.

"I'm not condoning what he did in the past…but he saved me. He protected me…and this baby. He could have given me to his guards but he didn't."

"He killed our child!"

"He saved this one."

The door opened and Doc appeared. "He must be better if he's not crying."

Grissom handed the baby to Doc and started to step out of the room when Doc called him back.

"I did a paternity test," stated Doc.

Sara's eyes flew to Grissom wanting to see his reaction, hoping she would not see doubt in his eyes.

"I didn't tell him to do that," defended Grissom. "He said it was blood work."

"It was….and to clear the air," stated Doc.

"I was pregnant before I left," huffed Sara. "The ritual would have only changed his blood type."

"She's right," stated Doc. "The baby carries traces of all of you…including Francis but he belongs to…you, Gil. His genetic makeup…is yours."

Doc examined the baby, as he glanced back at the two.

"I went a little further and did some more tests. Francis is the father to Darius. I told Francis a little while ago. He's a little stunned."

"I can imagine how I would feel if I found out years later that my child had been kept from me," gritted Grissom.

"I did what I thought was best…to protect all of us," urged Sara.

"You had no right," stated Grissom.

Sara threw back the covers stepping away from Doc and the baby.

"Get over your pride, Grissom," she spat. "I left the pregnancy test…so that you would know…eventually."

"Do you have any idea how painful it was to know that you went with him willingly? That you were spotted all over town, freely walking around…pregnant?" he bellowed.

"Three times! I only went out three times during the months that I was with Darius! The rest of the time I stayed in a bedroom….away from everything and everyone I loved."

He remembered the feeling of isolation he felt when he rejoined with Sara.

"I didn't know…that at the time, Sara. I went on what I saw...the evidence I had. I saw you in bed …with him...and then pregnant…with him," he seethed.

"You saw what you wanted to see! You didn't bother to really look at me, Grissom! You didn't waste any time falling into someone else's arms? Sofia was all over you on that dance floor."

"We were dancing," he said quietly.

"You held her close…you did it to…hurt me. You wanted me to see that you had moved on. Well, I did! I saw the way she wanted you and it hurt," she yelled. "Then…the guys, they wouldn't even speak to me! They walked away and never looked back. I should have given up then but no! I had to see you on Christmas Eve. Even if it was to catch a quick glance…a single moment when our eyes met…" she stopped gulping down a sob. "You were so cruel!"

Her words rang with truth.

He had wanted to hurt her as much as he was hurting.

Still, he regreted his words the most.

_"You're dead to me."_

Those damn words still haunted him.

"I was. I'm sorry," he said softly as he slowly approached her. "You were all I could think about that day and then when I ran into you…saw you pregnant…the pain returned and I lashed out. By the time I realized what I'd done, you were gone. I tried to find you but it was as if you had vanished. I was blinded with too much pain to see your own, Sara. I told myself you had made your choice and that you were…"

"Fallen? Father Brannigan declared that I was fallen. I wasn't permitted inside the church. I had no one…except Darius."

Grissom cringed.

Doc spoke up. "Sara, I'm just to blame as the others. I blew you off when you called."

"The guards monitored the phones. They hoped I would try to call one of you so they could punish me," she whispered, shivering at the memory. "When I became ill, Darius…was worried. He made me call you; gave me his personal cell phone so the others wouldn't know. I didn't want to get any of you involved again and yet here we are," she choked.

She'd never felt as though Grissom really wanted her until he was pushed into the predicament she'd created.

"Sara..."

"If I had called you, Grissom, would you have hung up on me?"

He opened his mouth and started to speak but she waved him to silence. "Yes...you would have since **I was dead to you!"**

Sara halted as she grabbed for the end of the bed to steady herself when her knees threatened to give way.

"Sara!"

Grissom reached for her but she smacked his hands away.

"Don't touch me!" she cried.

Doc quickly placed the baby into the bassinet.

"This bickering is not going to help matters!" muttered Doc.

Doc offered to help Sara but she insisted on returning to the bed without any assistance.

"Brass said you had a dizzy spell. Is this another one?" he asked.

She said nothing as she tried to calm down, too angry to speak, feelings of abandonment too fresh.

"Sara, answer me!" ordered Doc.

His tone got her attention as she turned her eyes toward Doc.

"That's better," he said softly. "Another dizzy spell?"

She shook her head. "Tired."

He glared at Grissom and then directed his statement to both of them. "I suggest you postpone the fighting for another day."

Sara rolled to her side and pulled the bassinet closer.

The baby whimpered and Grissom reached for him but Sara blocked him.

"I'll take him," offered Grissom.

"No," she said in a hollow voice.

The baby's whimpers increased.

Grissom tried once more but she pulled herself up, intending to get the baby.

"Sara, you're in no condition to care for the baby. You could drop him," warned Doc.

"I won't," she managed to get out, swiping at her cheeks.

"Well you can't do it by yourself. You're going to need help and that means accepting help…not being stubborn."

Her stormy eyes drifted toward the door.

He knew she wanted Darius.

He gritted his teeth, angry that Darius had been there for her when he had wanted to be.

"I'm staying," announced Grissom.

Sara bristled but said nothing.

"And risk the two of you continuing to argue over things that are not important?"

"We won't argue," offered Grissom quietly.

"Until you two settle this, the baby goes in the other room," threatened Doc, hoping to get them to resolve their disagreement quickly.

Doc's hand landed on the bassinet.

"Don't take him…away!" cried Sara.

Her hand gripped the side of the bassinet like a vice, jerking it toward her, unsettling the baby.

Doc had no intentions of removing the bassinet but he wanted to make it clear to them the seriousness of the situation.

He meant only to scoot the bassinet closer to Sara but she misunderstood his action thinking he was about to remove the bassinet.

"You can't take him!" she yelled as she snatched up the baby.

The baby was startled, causing his whimpers to increase.

Sara gathered the baby to her breast in a protective manner.

Grissom immediately moved toward Sara intending to prevent Doc from taking the baby but she quickly moved away from both of them.

"Don't!" Sara begged.

Doc glanced at Grissom. "Gil, I wasn't going to take…him."

Darius flew into the room. "What is going on?"

"Sara, I wasn't going to take the baby. I was going to move the bassinet closer to you," explained Doc.

"He wouldn't take the baby, honey," soothed Grissom. "I wouldn't let him. No one is going to do that."

Sara glanced down at the baby as she pressed her back fully against the wall.

She tightened her hold on the baby as his whimpers became more insistent.

Her breathing was rather shallow as if she was struggling to breathe.

Grissom quickly stepped to her side, his hands gently sliding under Sara's in order to support the baby fearful she might drop him. "Honey, you need to lie back down."

She started to pull away but Grissom refused to let her budge. "No one is going to take him," he soothed.

Sara's eyes locked with Darius. "Are you alright?" he questioned.

"Yes," but she didn't sound very convincing.

Grissom gently guided her to the bed.

She visibly shook from the sheer effort to get back into the bed but she refused to relinquish the baby, insisting on keeping him beside her in the bed.

Doc immediately went to Grissom's side. "I'm sorry, Gil. I didn't mean to frighten her."

"She's lived in fear that the baby would be taken from her," griped Darius softly to the men.

Darius sat down on the bed. "Sara, look at me," ordered Darius.

Dark chocolate orbs turned toward Darius. "I'll kill the first person who tries to take this baby from you," but then added. "Grissom and Doc were only trying to take care of you…and the baby."

She nodded loosening her hold on the small bundle.

Darius leaned over and gently caressed her cheek. "Sara, he can't sleep with you. You might roll over on him."

"I won't sleep," she said.

"You need to sleep," Darius urged. "I'll place him back in the bassinet where he'll be safe."

Grissom slid the bassinet close to the bed.

Gently Darius reached for the baby. "Sara, let me take him."

"I want him here," she choked. "I need to see him."

"I know and you will. I promise he'll be safe," whispered Darius.

She glanced at the baby briefly, releasing her hold on him letting Darius return the baby to the bassinet.

Darius shifted her so that her hand could touch the baby.

"Close your eyes and sleep, Sara."

He sat there for several minutes, ensuring she had fallen to sleep.

"Thank you," whispered Grissom.

"In…my world, babies do not remain with their mother. Women are considered weaklings….and that weakness might be transferred to the baby so they are taken from their mothers. Babies are trained…not taught. There is no gentleness and none is tolerated. A beating is considered a caress. Cruelty is an act of kindness."

Darius caressed the baby's cheek. "I couldn't give that kind of life to…him. I couldn't…wouldn't let Sara endure what my mother endured at the hands of Silas…as well as myself and the others."

"You are not evil," stated Grissom.

"That's debatable."

"Did you know that the antidote would cause Sara to miscarry?" asked Grissom.

"Yes…I didn't consider what was growing inside Sara as a life. I saw it as a hindrance…something of an inconvenience, an unwanted obstacle that needed to be removed."

Darius' eyes locked with Grissom's. "When we joined, I felt what it was like to lose that life…to feel it ripped from Sara's body, to feel her pain at the loss of it. It haunts me now…will always haunt me."

Darius stood. "When I discovered she was already pregnant, I felt her fear again. She begged me not to harm the baby. I knew she would fight until her last breath to save her baby, begging for her child's life without regard for her own. She would have sacrificed herself…her soul in order to save this baby. I couldn't give her back the child I had taken from her but I could protect this one….and I will until my last breath."

Darius stopped before leaving the room. "If either of you scare her again, I won't hesitate to harm you...and I don't care if Sara knows."

Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'll stay with her," he said softly.

Doc shut the door leaving them alone.

He stretched out on the bed and rolled onto his side, stuffing an extra pillow under his head so that he could see the baby but she blocked his view.

He scooted closer, fearful she would wake and he wasn't sure how she would take to him being in bed with her.

Gently he molded his body to hers, closing his eyes.

_We slept during the last ritual..._

_I only saw part of what she went through..._

His lips gently kissed her.

The baby woke Grissom several hours later.

At first it was a slight whimper followed by movement within the bassinet.

He quickly went to the bassinet hoping he could stave off the baby's wails by picking him up.

The baby stared intently at Grissom.

He smiled as the baby attempted to suckle his fingers.

"Is he hungry?" asked Sara, startling Grissom.

"Very," he said.

Gently he placed the baby beside Sara. She fumbled with the buttons on the gown while trying to hold the baby in place.

Suddenly warm hands took over the task and soon the baby was suckling at her breast.

She leaned back, closing her eyes while Grissom sat on the edge of the bed, enthralled with the sight.

His hand gently caressed her cheek but she made no move to acknowledge his touch.

She could barely stay awake through the feeding.

"He's very hungry," yawned Grissom.

There was a tap on the door and Francis appeared with a tray.

"I'll leave it here…and get it later," he offered as he slipped back out.

"You should eat something," Grissom stated as he looked over the food.

"The glass of milk would be good," she said.

She drank the glass followed by the orange juice.

"Nursing makes me thirsty," she explained.

He poured her another glass of milk and handed it to her.

The baby released her nipple and she quickly covered herself although his eyes never strayed.

They knew Francis and Darius were just outside the door.

Grissom grimaced when a foul odor came from the baby.

Grissom wrapped the baby in the blanket and then took him to the door.

"He's all yours…for awhile," he announced as he handed the baby to Francis.

Darius rushed forward but then backed away. "What is that smell?"

They ate breakfast in silence, smirking when they heard the men trying to clean the baby.

The moment the baby began to cry, Grissom was out the door in three strides, gathering the baby into his arms.

Sara listened but the baby was quiet once more.

Grissom returned with the baby, placing him between them in the bed.

"He needs a name," she said.

"I thought you and…him had already chosen some names," he huffed.

"Never mind," she said angrily. "You don't understand."

"Understand?"

"I had to make sure Darius bonded with the baby….so that he would be willing to protect him…from them."

He remembered feeling Sara's fear during the ritual.

"Matthew," he said quietly.

"Matthew? Why?" she asked.

"It means 'gift of the Lord'…he was a gift….nothing less," whispered Grissom.

"Matthew…Gracen," she said.

He fidgeted. "Matthew Gracen."

"Matthew Gracen Sidle," trying out the entire name but Grissom fidgeted. "Grissom. His last name will be Grissom."

"Gil, we're not married."

"No…marriage is not holy…like mating."

She swallowed remembering Gracen had said these very words.

"There's no proof….we're even joined anymore," she said sadly.

"We are," insisted Grissom.

"I don't feel anything," she said quietly.

"I do," he said gruffly.

He glanced over and noticed she had fallen asleep.

Note from author:

Well, I'm trying to fight gremlins in my computer who are determined not to let me finish the last chapter...UGH...


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty Three:**

**Silas Comes For The Lamb**

Matthew yawned as his head turned toward Sara as if expecting her to take him.

Grissom grinned. "Already spoiled, are you?"

He whimpered.

"Momma needs her sleep," whispered Grissom.

There was a soft tap and Grissom opened the door.

Darius glanced over Grissom's shoulder, noticing Sara still slept.

"She's been sleeping a lot," he noted, trying to keep his worries to himself.

"Doc says it's to be expected," explained Grissom.

"I'd like to see my…could I see him?" asked Darius.

Grissom made no objection when Darius gently picked up the baby.

Sara stirred slightly.

"I'd like to rock with him for awhile," added Darius.

There was no demand in his voice but rather a worried plea.

Grissom could sense Darius was worried about Sara.

He'd been worried as well until Doc empahsized that sleep would help Sara heal faster.

"Take him," said Grissom quietly.

Darius disappeared into the next room.

"Thank you, Grissom. I know this must be hard for you," whispered Francis. "I'd like to talk with Sara once she has her strength back. There is no excuse for my actions toward her. I pray she will forgive me...then perhaps I can forgive myself."

Darius rocked the baby to sleep and then returned him to the bassinet.

He stood beside the bed briefly, his hand caressing Sara's forehead.

"No fever," stated Grissom.

"Good," Darius replied gruffly.

"Darius?"

He turned and looked at Grissom.

"I'm watching over her. Doc says she needs the sleep in order to heal."

Darius started to leave but halted. "Have you considered what you will do if you are not bound anymore?"

"We are."

"Sara doesn't think so," Darius replied.

"I will always be bound to Sara…I will always love her...even if she doesn't love me anymore."

Grissom was surprised when he responded. "She does. She did nothing but pine away for you. Let me warn you. You have your work cut out. She just may make a eunuch out of you for hurting her."

He left without another word.

Grissom stretched out on the bed as he watched her sleeping.

He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep but was startled awake when the baby began to whimper.

He stepped out of the bedroom with the baby and was bombarded by the other men.

"Your friends had to leave," stated Francis.

Darius reached for the baby but then halted "Messy diaper?"

"He's wet," replied Grissom.

"You can still have him…for awhile," griped Darius, stepping toward the bedroom door.

"She's still sleeping," announced Grissom.

Darius frowned but stayed.

Grissom finished changing the baby and then sat down in the rocker with him.

"He's very curious," smiled Francis.

"Sara says Matthew is very inquisitive," announced Grissom.

"Matthew? His name is going to be 'Matthew'?" questioned Darius.

"Yes. It means…"

"I know what it means," he said slowly. "It's not one of the names we discussed."

"I came up with it," stated Grissom. "Sara...Sara wants to name him Matthew Gracen...Grissom."

"It's a fine choice," Francis stated, wiping at his eyes. "Gracen would be very honored."

Darius glanced out the window.

"Is there something wrong?" asked Francis.

"No…which is strange."

All heads turned when there was a slight noise coming from the bedroom.

Darius was there at the door before Grissom could get out of the rocker with the baby.

Darius frowned. "Are you supposed to be up?"

"Where is…Matthew?" she asked anxiously.

"Grissom is rocking him."

Sara slowly made her way toward the door despite Darius' objections.

"Sara, get back in bed. I'll have Grissom bring the baby to you."

"I need to see him now," she said anxiously as she made her way into the living room.

She went to Grissom and attempted to take the baby but he ignored her outstretched arms..

"Give him to me," she ordered.

"Sit down and I'll give him to you," offered Grissom.

She reached for him again but Grissom refused to release him.

She seemed on edge about something as she stood there.

"Sara, sit down honey," Grissom soothed.

He moved away from the rocker, letting her take his seat and then handed her the baby.

She clutched at the sleeping baby.

Grissom knelt down. "Bad dream?"

She nodded as she shifted the baby in her arms.

Grissom cupped her cheek, "He started whimpering. I didn't want him to wake you so I brought him out here. I've been watching over him. He's fine."

There was a tap on the door and both men unconsciously moved in front of Sara while Frances checked the window.

"Gil, it's some of your men," stated Frances.

Grissom went to the door and opened it slightly.

"Hey, Catherine told us about Sara and the baby," began Nick. "We just wanted to come and see him."

Grissom opened the door and let Nick and Greg inside.

"Warrick is helping Catherine on a case," stated Nick as he walked toward the rocker.

They were not prepared for Darius to block their paths.

"I don't like these men," snarled Darius.

"They're friends," stated Grissom.

"No, they're not. They were cruel to Sara."

"When?" questioned Grissom.

"We ran into them at the mall. They treated her as if…I'm used to the looks but Sara…deserved better."

Darius felt a warm hand on his wrist. "It's okay, Darius."

He glanced down at Sara. "Are you sure?"

She struggled to get out of the rocker and Darius helped.

Grissom quickly went to her side. "Sara…"

She placed the baby in his arms. "Introduce them," she said quietly.

Grissom caught sight of her shaking hands as she folded them in front of her body.

Whatever the dream had been it had rattled her.

Nick and Greg stepped forward but Darius blocked their path in a protective stance in front of Sara.

Darius was surprised when Sara took his hand, letting the other slide around her waist for assistance.

Grissom stood there watching until the door closed.

"I didn't mean…we came to see Sara too," insisted Nick.

"Sara is not feeling well. It was a hard delivery," stated Grissom.

"Doc hasn't stopped talking about the delivery. For a man who once said he's more comfortable with the dead, he's on cloud nine talking about this little fella," chuckled Nick.

Nick held the baby's hand. "Hey, little man. You look…like your daddy. Curly hair…blue eyes."

"Really?" asked Grissom as he looked down at the baby.

He grinned when the baby yawned and then stuck his small fist into his mouth.

"He has an appetite like you, Greg…with the same kind of manners," said Grissom.

"He'll be smart like me also," chided Greg.

Grissom glanced at the bedroom door.

"I'm sorry if we upset Sara. When she's feeling better I'd like to talk with her."

"I'll tell her Nicky," stated Grissom.

They made the visit short sensing that Grissom wanted to return the baby to Sara.

The men left just as Darius came out, in a foul mood.

"Is she alright?" Grissom asked quickly, not liking how she had relied on Darius physically.

"See for yourself!" he growled as he slammed the other bedroom door. "What are you looking at old man?" Grissom heard him shout.

Grissom took the baby into the bedroom and placed him in the bassinet.

He was surprised to see her sitting in a chair near the window.

"Nick and Greg want to come and see you when you're feeling better."

Her eyes turned from the window when she heard the soft gurgling noise of her son.

"I'm sorry what happened in the mall. I didn't know you ran into Nick and the guys…until recently," he commented.

"On one of my many outings," she bit out.

"They didn't mean…"

"Yes, they did. They were defending you…condemned me. Even Doc didn't…Darius forced him to come…but then he came back…took pity on me."

"I'm sorry. It must have been hard for you…to give up everything…everyone," he said softly.

He knelt down beside the chair. "Sara…"

She stood quickly avoiding his hand that stretched out to grab hers.

She skirted around him, intending to take her spot on the bed but he pulled her into his arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again while he kissed her on the forehead.

His hand slipped into hers, squeezing their palms together.

"Whether you feel anything or not, I will always be bound to you…I love you, Sara."

He kissed her lightly on the lips but then became more persistent, forcing her to respond to him.

"I love you, Sara," he repeated.

"Don't," she choked.

She backed away but he followed until her body was pressed against the wall.

She took a deep breath as his body pressed into hers. "I've missed you…missed us."

She attempted to scoot away but his hands blocked her on both sides. "Forgive me," he whispered. "I never meant to hurt you."

"You did," she cried.

"I know," he soothed. "I didn't mean the words, Sara. I didn't mean them."

"Who's to say you didn't…I didn't see any visions…I didn't feel…what you felt."

"I'm sorry you didn't remember any of the visions in the ritual. We may not have seen or felt what the other went through but I think we both know…we've been to hell…but we're back and we're safe."

"No one is safe," she whispered.

His hands rubbed her arms, "I won't be separated from you again."

She glanced at the sleeping baby.

"No one will take him from us," he urged.

He pressed into her, blocking her from moving away from him.

"Mates for life," he whispered.

Her hand pressed on his chest as her eyes silently pleaded for him to release her.

He stepped away but then boldly took her hand into his, pulling her into his arms.

"Dance with me, Sara."

She tried to shove him away but he refused to let go of her.

"Grissom, let go of me."

"Stay here in my arms...dance with me," he said softly.

"There's no music," she huffed.

""Ah but there is. When you're in my arms, my heart sings...can't you hear it Sara?"

She swallowed, lost for words as he pulled her tight, gently swaying with her.

"See...your heart is singing along with mine," he said softly.

"How did Sofia feel in your arms?" she challenged.

"Like a bad substitute...a fake gawdy piece of jewelry trying to replace a flawless diamond."

His lips dipped down and took hers. "Tell me you don't feel it. Tell me you don't want...me."

She couldn't but at the moment there were too many unresolved things to think about their future.

The baby whimpered and she used him as an excuse to lift him into her arms.

Grissom gathered both of them into his arms.

Softly he hummed a lullaby as they both supported the small infant.

Darius opened the door abruptly. "Grissom!"

Darius motioned for him to come to the living room, "Sara, stay close to the baby."

She clutched the baby tight.

Grissom stepped out, glancing briefly at them before shutting the door.

"Silas is outside," Darius warned.

"Silas?"

"Worse than me…much worse," breathed Darius as he glanced back at the bedroom door.

"What does he want?" asked Grissom.

"He wants Sara…and the baby," gritted Darius. "Stay here. I need to talk with Sara. Don't open that front door for any reason!"

Grissom glanced briefly at Frances.

Darius pulled out the jeweled dagger.

"I'm going to give it to Sara…for protection," stated Darius.

Darius rushed into the bedroom.

He knew she was frightened.

"You have another acting job, he said trying to make light of the situation. "You think you can pull off another job?"

"Tell...tell me what to do," she replied nervously.

Darius smiled. "Nothing as bad as before. This time...you get to act frightened...of Silas and **me.** I want you to listen carefully to what I am going to do."

Darius glanced back before shutting the bedroom door.

"All of you are expendable so keep quiet...remember whose side you're on," griped Darius.

Darius cursed when he saw Silas approaching.

Within minutes there was a knock on the door.

"Don't let him in," warned Frances.

Darius opened the door and smiled, "Hello, Father."

Silas snarled but then smiled when he saw Frances. "Homecoming?" he asked.

"The best yet," announced Darius.

"May I come in?" asked Silas.

Frances gasped as Darius announced, "You're always welcome in my home."

Silas stepped inside. "Did she give you a child?"

"Yes, she gave birth to him…early," announced Darius.

Silas eyed Francis. "Then the ritual works…for us?"

"Yes. We can take others…sire more," stated Darius.

Francis stepped closer, preparing to jump Silas.

Suddenly the door burst open and several of Darius' men grabbed Francis and Brass.

Grissom blocked the bedroom door.

"Did she…fall for it?" chuckled Silas.

"Yes. She thought she was visited by Gracen. She did what I told her to do," stated Darius.

"Remember…we share," grinned Silas. "I get her next."

"Of course," replied Darius.

"What do we do with him?" asked Silas as he regarded Grissom.

"We keep him…as insurance so she will breed willingly," explained Darius. "She's good stock. We should be able to get another child from her."

"I understand you took her quite often…your men told me about the screams that came from your room."

"She's a screamer. You'll find out when you bed her," grinned Darius.

The others caught the lie but did not react.

"Move!" ordered Silas to Grissom.

Grissom found himself surrounded by several men as he struggled, yelling out to warn Sara.

Silas opened the door and stepped inside with Darius, the door shutting with a thud.

"Darius…what is he doing in here?" asked Sara as she clutched the baby to her breast.

"He's come to admire the baby," smiled Darius.

Silas started toward Sara but she stepped back.

Sara could hear the others as they struggled to get free.

"Darius…keep him away," begged Sara.

"He doesn't take orders from the likes of you. You are nothing but breeding stock…a bitch," snarled Silas. "Come here!"

Darius slipped his hand underneath the bed covers and produced the dagger.

Sara pressed her back to the wall as she tried to shield the baby.

"The next one will be mine! He'll be…sired by royalty…not by…the likes of…them…by Darius…the bastard son, I had to take in as my own," he whispered to Sara.

His tongue slid down her cheek and she cringed feeling bile rise..

"Silas!" demanded Darius.

Silas turned and felt the blade enter his chest.

He stood there in astonishment as Darius pulled out the blade and stabbed once more.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I lied. This is not my home….and you're not my father," whispered Darius.

"You…little…" Silas slipped to his knees.

He clutched at his chest as he tried to crawl toward the door. "I'll make you watch as my men have your bitch. You're weak!"

Darius pressed his foot onto the man's chest preventing him from reaching the door.

"I loved you…despite your cruelty to me."

"Love?" he spat. "Fallen angels do not love," he snarled. "We hate!"

"Yes, I know…I never hated you. I'm not one of you," stated Darius as he watched the life ebb out of Silas.

Darius checked the body and then stepped over it, coming to Sara and the baby.

"Everyone is okay, but I need for you to stay in here," he said calmly.

She nodded but then she clutched Darius to her.

"Darius, are you alright? He was your father," whispered Sara.

He caressed her cheek, letting his lips touch hers. "It's going to be okay."

Darius grabbed the lifeless body, slinging it over his shoulder.

He opened the door, throwing the body onto the floor.

Fear gripped the men at the sight of the dead body.

Silas had been feared by all, his evil too harsh to imagine.

They gawked at the body, noting the two small holes.

"How did he...die?" one of them asked.

"I'm in charge now," Darius demanded. "Release them or I will kill all of you!"

The men did as they were told.

Grissom rushed to the bedroom.

Francis and Brass stood near Darius.

"Get out of here now and take him with you."

As soon as the room was empty Francis came to Darius.

"Darius…I'm proud ...of you."

"Sara knew I wouldn't let anything happen to her…or the baby. The rest of you were expendable…as long as I didn't…"

"Let me finish," griped Brass. "Harm or kill us."

"Right," muttered Darius.

Darius glanced into the bedroom.

Grissom held Sara firmly in his arms.

"Will they try again?" asked Francis.

"In a few hundred years…after they figure out how I managed to kill Silas…with just two strokes of a blade," commented Darius.

"What makes you so sure they won't try again?" asked Brass.

"A fallen angel will do anything to stay alive…procreating in order to get an heir was not a well liked idea. Since it got Silas killed, the others won't risk it….not when they can spend the rest of their time wreaking havoc on mankind."

"And what will you do?" challenged Francis. "Now, that you are in charge."

"I think I'll create a hockey team…it's a good blood sport…legal…but profitable."

Francis groaned as Brass chuckled.

"What about…the child?" asked Francis.

Darius glanced into the room. "He's….ours….but theirs."

"Gracen would be very proud of you."

"Yeah yeah….I can't stand all of this mushy stuff."

Francis reached over to pat him on the back but Darius stepped away.

"I'm sorry, son. I was only going to…"

"I don't like to be touched," warned Darius.

Frances nodded in understanding. It would take time.

Darius glanced back once more and then strolled out of the door.

Sara immediately felt his absence.

"Where's Darius?" she asked.

"He left," answered Brass.

"Left?"

"He said there was no longer any danger," explained Francis.

"He said he wouldn't leave," she whispered.

"It's okay," assured Grissom.

"No, it's not. I was supposed to stay with Darius….and he's gone," she worried.

Note from author:

Moving on...I am dealing with snow, school being out which means I have kids along with a hubbby who is a bigger kid...and that darn gremlin that keeps messing with my chapters. I try to open them and it won't let me but then when it does, it doesn't want to cooperate...ugh. I am finishing up proofreading the last few chapters...may go over 45 but I don't think anyone is going to mind...LOL The last part made the chapters way too long!

Take care!


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter Forty Four:**

**An Angry Lamb**

"I'm fired?" she yelled, making Brass cringe.

He'd considered coming after Grissom broke the news to her but then he worried she would physically hurt Grissom.

"Ecklie demanded that I tell him when you were going to return to work. I couldn't answer so he insisted that I terminate….you."

"You were trying to get Sofia to take my position. Weren't you?" she spat.

"She did," said Grissom softly.

Sara's eyes widened.

"Not like that! She filled the vacant position…only. Sara, where are you going?" he huffed as he followed her into the bedroom.

She opened the closets, cursing as she found her things thrown inside. Nothing was neatly packed away.

"I could have thrown them out," offered Grissom.

Brass cringed when he heard an "umf" followed by, "Sara, that hurt!"

"That's it! I need to leave!" she demanded.

Francis immediately came out of the kitchen. "She doesn't mean it. Does she? She wouldn't leave the baby."

"No, I wouldn't leave my son! I'll take him with me," she called out.

"Babies…stay with their father," declared Francis but then he hushed seeing sparks of fire fly from Sara's eyes as she leaned out of the doorway, daring either to get into the fight.

"I think we better let her cool off," warned Brass. "Sara has a temper and is not afraid to lose it."

Francis chuckled at the remark but then got serious. "How do you think she is going to react about her apartment?"

"Let's hope she doesn't find out," whispered Brass.

They both hushed when Sara marched into the room just as both men blocked her view of the bassinet.

"Move away!"

"What are doing?" asked Grissom nervously.

"I'm leaving…with Matthew," she gritted as she began packing the baby's things into the diaper bag.

"You're not going to leave," soothed Grissom, thinking that she really wasn't serious but as she began packing up the baby's things he realized she was serious.

"You can't take Matthew!" he bellowed as he grabbed the diaper bag, trying to unpack it while she continued to throw things in.

"Grissom, let go," she warned.

"What was I supposed to do?" he seethed. "Tell me Sara what was I supposed to say to Ecklie? Should I have tried the truth? 'Sara is with a fallen angel right now. Let me get back with her.' Stop and put yourself in my shoes," he griped.

She slowed, taking a deep breath while Matthew began to stir.

"He's probably hungry," said Grissom softly. "Why don't you go and feed our son?"

Her anger seemed to cool but then she said, "I think it would be best if I took Matthew to my apartment…for awhile."

Grissom swallowed hard.

She caught several exchanges of looks pass between the three men.

"I still have an apartment…don't I?"

Grissom stepped closer. "Sara…"

"Don't I?" she yelled.

"I thought…I thought you had taken care of it," he said.

She swallowed. "What happened…to my apartment….to my things?" she asked.

"Sara…"

"Tell me!"

"You were evicted."

"Evicted? What happened to my things?"

Grissom cleared his throat. "Sold…to pay the back rent."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Everything…gone?" she asked.

He opened his mouth but then closed it choosing his words carefully. "I found out about it…later."

"You were listed on my rental application. They would have called you trying to locate me!"

He took the baby into his arms. "It was after…I saw you…"

"So you figured since I was dead to you, you didn't care what happened…."

"No! It wasn't then! It was after…I saw you in the restaurant," but then cringed knowing that he was only making things worse.

"So while you were replacing me with Sofia, you just let my slime ball apartment manager rip off my things for a couple of months rent. My deposit covered at least a month's rent!"

She started to yell more but stopped, stepping away as if she needed some distance from him.

He expected her to go ballistic but she stood there in silence.

"No job…no home," she said as if in disbelief.

"Sara, this is your home. I'll talk with Ecklie. When you're ready to return…if you want to return…you have Matthew to consider now…" he just stopped, when she walked to the door.

"Sara! You can't leave," Grissom pleaded.

She halted. "You're right. Where would I go?" she managed to get out.

Matthew whimpered.

"I need some air," she sniffled as she opened and then closed the door rather loudly.

"Well, that went well," muttered Brass.

Grissom patted Matthew's bottom as he continued to fuss.

"He's hungry," stated Francis.

"We should give her a minute," warned Brass.

"I should go out and…"

"She needs some space," urged Brass. "Leave her alone."

"You shouldn't have told her about her job. She had enough on her mind…with Darius gone," mourned Francis. "She's worried about him. He's been gone for several days."

"Putting a hockey franchise together is not an easy thing to do," snorted Brass.

"He's checking on…the dominion…the men…to make sure they aren't planning anything," stated Grissom.

"Did he tell you this?" asked Francis.

"No…but I know that he wants to protect Sara and the baby….and so he'll have to find out…if they are up to anything."

"He shouldn't be around them. Evil...evil has a way of pressing in on you. He's better off with us," stated Francis.

Grissom passed the men even though they offered to take the baby as he opened the front door, stepping outside.

At the moment, Grissom felt his best defense against Sara was the baby so he held him tight as he stepped out, fearing her temper.

She refused to look at him, knowing he was standing behind her.

"Sara, Matthew is hungry," Grissom said softly.

She turned, taking the baby from him and he took the opportunity to grab her hand. "I'll replace everything," he offered.

"It can't be replaced," she mourned. "My photos…journals…" her eyes widened. "Some stranger has my personal belongings."

"Sara…I'm sorry. By the time I went to the manager, he said the delinquent rent had been paid…from the sale of the contents."

"The contents were worth more than the back rent but I guess he didn't care as long as he got paid."

She eyed him. "How long did you wait?" She didn't wait for an answer, knowing it would only make her more angry if that were possible.

She started toward the door but then halted. "He even took my deposit!" she griped.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "We can buy you some more clothes."

"I need to nurse him," she said quietly.

He let her pass, not liking how sullen she looked.

The men remained quiet until the bedroom door shut with a thud.

Grissom stepped inside and headed toward the bedroom but Brass blocked him.

"Gil, you have no experience in this area. I do. Give her some space or she might take your head off," warned Brass.

Grissom sighed.

"I didn't think…I mean I thought Sara would get her things," Grissom lamented. "I didn't think that when she left here with Darius she was leaving everything behind. I thought she didn't want the things left in the apartment. I didn't even go and check...I just..."

"Ignored it and hoped it would go away...like throwing her things into closets and under the sink, hoping you wouldn't have to deal with the loss? Gil, I can tell you, it doesn't work," grieved Francis. "You have to face loss."

"Well, I can talk with the manager and see if he remembers the person who bought the contents. Maybe we can get back her personal stuff at least," offered Brass.

"Thanks, Jim."

He patted Grissom on the back. "Now that I know she doesn't intend to physically assault you, I should go. Say, shift is going to be starting soon. Have you decided when you are coming back?"

"Tomorrow."

Darius leaned back in the bed, growling when there was a knock on the door.

He'd not slept much, not used to sleeping without Sara in his bed.

"Enter!" he bellowed.

He rose immediately when he saw the man slide past his guard.

The guard nervously glanced at Darius.

"You can leave," ordered Darius.

Darius watched as the man slipped into the chair by the fireplace, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"Are introductions needed?" he asked.

"No."

"Darius, you've been a curiosity of mine for some time."

"Really? Did Silas take pointers from you?"

Lucifer laughed. "He was a good and faithful servant. You on the other hand are a disappointment."

"Sorry about that," replied Darius as he walked over to stand in front of the fireplace.

Lucifer drew in a drag off the cigarette and then blew smoke rings into the air.

"You like fire?" questioned Lucifer.

"It's warm…but I hear your fire is hotter."

Lucifer chuckled. "Much hotter. You don't seem afraid of me."

"I'm not."

"You should be."

Darius held up his palm. "Sorry but I'm already taken. I belong to Him…not you."

"A pity. You had such…potential. It's a pity that you had to go through all of that suffering for…nothing."

"I didn't. Sara saved me."

"Ah Sara. I'm glad you brought her up. How is Sara? I hear she delivered a fine looking boy…a son…for Grissom."

"Yes, she did," Darius replied, refusing to acknowledge the dig.

"A pity…you couldn't have her for yourself. I mean….look what all you did for her. You protected her from the men below…not an easy task….and then there was Silas. He wanted her….drooled over her. I understand you had to kill him…with my dagger."

"The spear may have belonged to you once but then it was later turned into a dagger by the priests…to kill the likes of you."

He laughed. "It may be able to kill lowly demons and half breeds but it has no effect on me."

"What do you want…unholy one…the fallen one…Lucifer?"

"Nothing," he replied. "As you pointed out, I can't take your soul...if you have one. There's still no proof that by mating with a human entitles you to a soul. We angels never were given one. He was cruel to us. If we screwed up, we were cut off, never able to redeem ourselves but humans, He gives them chance after chance. Is that fair?"

"Did you come to gripe? What do you want?"

"I just wanted to congratulate you on defeating Silas."

"Thanks…now you can leave."

"You can't expect me to leave you here in charge," stated Lucifer.

"I won them fair and square according to clan law. I defeated Silas so they answer to me."

"Why do you want them? None of them can be redeemed."

"Oh, I don't know. I thought I would create a hockey team…and let them bash their brains out…while making me loads of money."

Lucifer grinned. "I'm going to miss your sense of humor."

Lucifer stood, flicking the cigarette onto the floor but Darius extinguished the butt with his foot.

"Pity though…now that you can…take Sara…have Sara…you won't."

Darius tried not to react.

He'd felt a change within him in the last few days.

"All this time you spent here in this room, He prevented you from taking what belonged to you."

"Sara did not belong to me."

"According to ancient law, if a man died his brother took the widow as a wife. Gracen was your brother. You were entitled to Sara…not Grissom."

"Ancient law does not apply anymore. They are mates."

"Mates do not apply anymore! Besides, I hear they don't have the mark of mates anymore. I also hear that she prefers you…over him. He's not been a very good mate….looked…touched another woman."

Darius tensed.

"Sara has deep feelings for you….she…loves you…Darius. She's quite a prize. Gracen gave up everything…for her. You did too. It's a pity to let Grissom have her…and your child. The baby is yours by blood. Of course she's very fertile. She will probably give him another child. I imagine she will be ready to conceive again…soon."

Darius stood there motionless.

"Enjoy…the rest of your life…here alone," called out Lucifer as he left.

He unclenched his fist just as the door shut.

Darius stretched out on the bed and sighed.

A faint aroma wafted in the air.

He inhaled deeply, smiling when he realized it was Sara's scent.

His eyes grew wide, as his shaft hardened to the point that it was painful.

He scrambled off the bed.

"Holy…" he didn't finish.

Once the baby was fed, Sara rocked him and then placed him in the bassinet.

She was still angry that she had been fired but in retrospect, there wasn't much Grissom could have done to save her job.

She had left without even giving notice.

The apartment was another thing.

She couldn't believe everything she owned was gone.

She'd accumulated quite a few things over the years, trying to make up for having been released from foster care with nothing but a small suitcase containing a few outfits along with the journals she had kept.

She drifted to the window but there wasn't much of a view.

She pressed her head against the window pane, gulping down her emotions.

She'd felt on edge ever since Darius had not returned.

She was not used to being away from him.

_You're not at the mansion..._

_You're safe…_

She didn't feel safe.

She didn't even feel like she had a place to herself.

Grissom was constantly coming in and out, checking on her and the baby.

She was never truly alone when she was held in the room at the mansion since Darius was always there but he left her alone, letting her sit for hours without conversation.

It was those times her mind replayed every single conversation she'd had with Grissom.

Some were happy but most had been painful memories.

She knew Grissom was trying desperately to restore their relationship but she was still trying to deal with the old insecurities.

She wanted him that much was clear but the fact that their scars had miraculously disappeared made her question whether they were ever meant to be bound together.

_Maybe we don't belong together…_

_Maybe he's being released from this mess I've caused…_

At the moment she needed to feel safe.

The fact that she didn't have a job or a place of her own did not help matters.

She felt insecure.

She'd always been on her own and had managed quite well but now she had an infant to consider, an infant that demons and fallen angels might want to harm.

There was also Darius to consider.

She had been told to remain with Darius at all costs but he had just left her without a word.

Every hour that passed increased her anxiety.

Grissom only added to it when he felt something was wrong and urged her to talk with him.

The last thing he wanted to hear from her lips was that she only felt safe when she was with Darius.

During those grueling months, she had felt protected by Darius, giving her a sense of security.

She knew Grissom would risk his life to protect her and Matthew but it was not the same and she just couldn't explain it.

Despite Grissom's many attempts to explain his outburst, his words had done irreparable damage to her heart.

She would have preferred a physical beating than to hear the words "you're dead to me."

Since Darius had left, she felt on edge, not able to let the baby out of her sight.

She'd slept very little, listening and hoping she would hear him return.

She couldn't explain it but she felt the strong urge that something was not right with him.

She worried that his men might have overtaken him and he might be lying somewhere injured or worse, dead.

"Time to get control of your life, Sara," she said aloud as she grabbed her purse, emptying the contents onto the bed.

She picked up her wallet and sighed, finding twenty-three dollars in cash. She grabbed the phone and called the manager.

Within minutes the conversation had turned ugly.

It seemed the manager had not bothered to keep any of the personal effects and therefore the stranger, who had purchased the contents, had possession of her bank statements, credit card information as well as her blank checks.

Her next call was to the bank.

Sara had no idea what the balance should be but grew upset when she discovered that the manager had frozen her account until the debt was paid in full.

"He sold the contents of my apartment. He said the debt was paid so why can't I get access…"

Sara fumed as she listened to the instructions from the bank.

She would have to wait until the manager released the account.

Grissom stepped into the room as she slammed down the phone.

"My bank account has been seized by that slimy apartment manager."

"I'll get it worked out. Sara, we have money. Just tell me what you need and…"

"I have money! I had things!"

She took a deep breath trying to calm down. "He let them have everything in my apartment…everything, Grissom! This person has access to my bank accounts and credit cards!"

"Well, at least the person can't get any money from the bank since the account has been seized."

"The jerk gets his money but doesn't bother releasing his slimy hands off my…"

She stopped when the door opened and Darius stood there.

"Miss me?" he asked.

A myriad of emotion crossed Sara's face but she chose to go with her anger needing to vent.

"Where have you been?" she ranted, but relieved to see that he was fine.

"I missed you too," he griped as he picked up the baby, making sure he didn't wake him.

He smiled as the baby yawned but continued to sleep.

Darius glanced down at the mess on the bed. "Spilled your purse?"

"No…I'm trying to get my life back."

Darius stood there holding the baby while Sara went off on a tirade about her job as well as her apartment.

"You don't need to work. You have Matthew," he stated.

Grissom actually felt the same way but was glad Darius voiced it so she could chop off his head instead.

"I need a job…to support us."

"No," both men said.

"I can support you," they both blurted.

"I'll do that, thank you…but no thank you."

"Sara, Jim is going to talk with the manager. He'll try to find out who bought the contents and then we'll try to get it back," urged Grissom.

She knew that if anyone could track down her stuff, Brass could.

"How…are you?" she asked to Darius.

"Alive…as you can see but then you probably did not even miss me."

She started to punch him but didn't, choosing instead to hold him briefly.

Grissom bristled but said nothing.

"Everything okay?" she questioned.

"They're good," he lied.

She knew it was a lie, feeling the tension in his body.

Something was bothering him but he wasn't about to talk about it with Grissom in the room.

It would have to wait.

Darius sat down with the baby. "He's changed….in just two days, he seems…older."

"He's gaining weight."

"Are you back just for a visit?' asked Grissom.

Sara glared at Grissom.

"I'm back to make an offer to Sara."

"An offer?" asked Sara.

"I have something I want to show you," Darius stated.

"Okay."

"It will mean…going somewhere," he clarified.

Grissom bristled.

"Let's go," she said without thought.

Grissom stepped forward.

"Grissom won't mind watching Matthew," stated Darius.

"I'm just as curious as Sara. What do you have to show Sara?"

Darius refused to answer.

Grissom pressed, "You think it's safe…it's only been a few days since Silas and his men…"

"They're my men now," barked Darius.

Sara was surprised at his tone. "Maybe…Grissom is right. Maybe…"

"Come with us then," stated Darius coolly. "Bring the old man…I don't care."

The car was rather packed as Sara and Grissom sat in the back with the baby carrier between them.

Francis sat upfront while Darius drove.

"You didn't call…we were worried," stated Francis.

"I don't answer…to you," gritted Darius.

"No, you don't. You answer to God," stated Francis. "Don't ever forget that."

Sara was surprised by Darius' tone. He felt her watching him and he knew that she suspected something was amiss.

Darius gripped the steering wheel as he looked in the rearview mirror.

Grissom and Sara talked softly to Matthew.

"I think he likes riding in a car," stated Grissom.

Sara smiled but continued to look out of the window.

She was still miffed at the loss of her things, more importantly she had wanted to get out of the house so she could talk freely with Darius.

Grissom's demeanor told her he wasn't about to let her go unless he went with her.

The car slowed as they entered a residential area.

Sara looked puzzled as she glanced at Darius but then her eyes widened when they drove up to a house with a white picket fence.

"I've been here," she exclaimed.

"Impossible," stated Darius as he stopped the car and got out.

Grissom unbuckled the baby carrier and took the baby.

Sara exited the car and stood in front of the gate.

"Go inside," smiled Darius.

Sara looked confused.

Darius handed her the key. "It's yours."

Her eyes widened.

"I bought it…for you because you saw it in a dream."

"The house with the white picket fence," she murmured.

"Go inside," he repeated.

She stepped through the gate and he hurried ahead, unlocking the door.

Francis and Grissom glanced at one another as they followed.

The door opened wide and Darius motioned for Sara to step inside.

It was just as she had seen in her dream.

"The downstairs consists of a living room, kitchen, dining room, full bath, two bed rooms study, laundry room and walk in storage closet. There's also an enclosed sun room in the back leading out to a huge back yard with a privacy fence surrounding it. Upstairs contains three more bedrooms, a full bath and a nursery beside the master bedroom."

Sara took several minutes walking through the downstairs.

"It's beautiful," she admitted.

"It's yours."

Sara swallowed.

"It was my fault that you lost your job…and your apartment. It's the least I can do."

"But…"

"The deed is on the kitchen counter."

"Deed? The house is paid for?" asked Sara.

"It's in your name."

Darius walked over to the fireplace and turned on the gas logs.

Sara quickly checked over the deed. "You bought this…on Christmas day."

"You wouldn't buy anything for yourself so… I did."

"Darius…this is too much," she protested.

_I agree_ thought Grissom as he set the carrier down, taking Matthew into his arms because he was getting fussy.

"I owe you."

"For what?" she asked.

"You saved me," he said quietly not liking that they had an audience.

She hugged him and he let his arms encircle her, liking the feel of her body next to his.

"Darius, I don't think…"

"There is plenty of room," he emphasized, hoping she would accept the gift.

He had been so upset by what happened to her on Christmas Eve. He wanted to send his demons after the priest as well as Grissom but didn't, somehow wanting to honor his agreement with Sara.

He had wanted more than anything to give her something that she had wanted but the only thing she had ever mentioned was the white cottage style home with a white picket fence that was in one of her dreams.

He'd gone on line and found the house, paying a ridiculous amount in order to close the deal in one day but paying cash helped expedite matters.

He'd intended to give it to her that day but then her health had taken a turn and she seemed too fragile to bring to the house.

"There's more than enough room," she sighed. "But there's…just…"

Grissom eased forward with the baby.

"If you insist on…everyone…then you'll need a house this size. You can still have your own space…your own privacy," he said glancing briefly at Grissom and Francis.

There was enough room and then some.

Darius grabbed her hand and pulled her upstairs.

She glanced back at Grissom who followed with the baby.

She didn't know how Grissom felt about it, not sure if they should be discussing it while Darius was present.

Darius stopped in front of the nursery door.

"I took the liberty of having…it furnished," he said as he opened the door.

Sara gasped as she looked around.

"I hired an interior decorator….notice no chains, ropes or…"

Sara flew into the arms of Darius. "Thank you," she whispered.

The baby's needs were immediately resolved as she looked about the room.

Great planning had gone into the nursery.

The closet was full of clothing relieving Sara of the pressure to ask Grissom for money in order to shop for some things.

She didn't care about herself at the moment although she needed more than what she had left at Grissom's.

Darius grinned as he looked at Grissom, noticing how the man's face was expressionless.

"I leave the rest of the house to you to decorate the way you like," he offered. "Money is no object."

"Yes, it is. Darius, I don't think I can…accept…this."

Darius's smile faded. "Why not?"

"It's too much. I…"

"What Sara is trying to say, we appreciate…this but we insist on buying the house…from you."

"You can't buy it!" Darius barked but then calmed immediately. "It belongs to Sara. I bought it for her. She deserves a house of her own…a place of her own."

"Darius…I…" Darius interrupted Sara. "Sara, please. Grissom's house is too small…unless you're not planning on all of us…staying together."

"_I think it would be best if I took Matthew to my apartment."_

Sara was silent for several minutes which made Grissom nervous.

"I was thinking of a place…for Matthew and…"

Grissom didn't give her a chance to finish too afraid that her plans just might exclude him.

"It's very generous of you, Darius since she did lose her job…and apartment," stated Grissom. "I think Sara needs…some space of her own. This house is big enough…to give her that while the rest of us…remain with her."

She wasn't convinced they could live under one roof and the men knew it.

Sara stepped into the master bedroom, looking out the window that had a view of the fenced in backyard with the huge magnolia tree.

It was everything she ever wanted in a house but then she never thought she would be sharing it with three men and a baby.

She remembered the old eighty's movie and grinned at the memory.

If she did try to move into another apartment there would be the constant visits from them.

Francis had been very attentive to the baby's needs, helping out with every turn.

He'd been sincere with his apology to her, grieving for the way he treated her.

There was the matter of Darius and Grissom.

Grissom eased into the role of fatherhood quite nicely, and seemed to have a special bond with Matthew.

When the baby was fussy, he seemed to prefer Grissom more than anyone.

While Darius had been gone the past several days, she knew he wanted to make up for it.

Already there was the silent tug of war developing between Darius and Grissom over Matthew.

If they were under one roof, they could establish a routine, a "visitation" schedule of sorts.

The house was also big enough to afford her some time to slip off to be alone to sort through her feelings.

It wasn't that she didn't love Grissom. She was just afraid to be hurt again.

Her trust of him had been fractured and she knew he would probably have the same trust issues since she had lived with Darius for months.

She returned taking Matthew into her arms. "It's a lot to furnish."

Francis appeared behind them. "Sara, I stored my family's furniture…you are welcome to any of it. In fact, I think it would make Gracen happy if you made use of it."

"There's the furniture from the townhouse," added Grissom.

It surprised her that Grissom was so willing to move.

He'd lived alone for most of his life.

He valued his privacy as much as she did.

Matthew gurgled as Sara stepped into the nursery, sitting down in the rocking chair.

"It's settled then," announced Darius as he squatted in front of the rocker taking Matthew's hand. "So….is it a go?"

"A go?" Sara questioned.

"We move here…immediately," replied Darius.

"Now? You mean…now?"

"Yes. Sara, this house is more secure. It's close to the police department…fallen angels do not fear humans but they also need to move about under the radar…it would slow them down…make it more difficult for an attack."

"You don't think…" Darius hushed her immediately by shaking his head.

He had not wanted to frighten her but merely point out the positive side of moving into the house.

"I have…everything…under control," he said.

An slight chill made her shiver, not liking the shift in his eyes but she knew he had no intentions of opening up to her unless they were alone.

"I'm scheduled to return to work but I can request another week," offered Grissom.

"Go back to work. We can handle the move," smiled Darius.

Grissom had an uneasy feeling as he waited for Sara to answer.

"Let's do it," she said with a grin.

"Great! I think we need to start with your bedroom. I think a dark color…maybe black with mirrors on the ceiling," he teased.

"You can be in charge of moving the furniture," she announced.

"I have a house full of demons that can move…" he stopped when her smile faded.

He quickly took her hand. "I was teasing. I'll make sure none of them come near this place. Besides, they are learning how to ice skate."

Sara snorted. "You're really not going to form a hockey team…are you?"

"The She Devils," he announced. "I figure with all of the name teasing they will rip off the limbs of their opponents."

"No violence," Sara ordered.

"No violence…just hockey playing," he teased as he took Matthew into his arms.

Grissom stepped into the master bedroom.

While Francis joined Darius, she slipped into the other room to join him.

"Griss…"

"This is a good decision," he said as he admired the view. "It will be safer…if we remain together."

"Yes," she admitted.

He grew quiet as he kept his back to her. "I'll…share Matthew…but I won't share you."

Before she could respond, Grissom whirled around and took her into his arms.

The kiss was quite powerful, making her go weak in the knees.

He released her suddenly and she stepped back needing a moment to catch her breath.

The next several days were chaotic as Grissom returned to work while Sara focused on the move.

She spent one day sorting through furniture, mentally positioning it within the house.

The furniture in the storage buildings took the longest to sort through.

Within three days, they had hired movers to begin the long process.

Sara insisted on keeping Matthew with her at all times while the movers began the ascent upstairs.

She lost track of the number of men hired to move the contents from the townhouse as well as the furniture she had chosen from the storage buildings belonging to Francis.

With every turn there was a human body with a box needing directions.

She kept Matthew in a baby carrier, not liking so many strangers around them but Darius and Francis remained close, helping her to ease through the tension of being around people again.

Her phone rang and she grabbed it, trying to juggle the baby as well as the small device.

"How is it going?" asked Grissom.

"We just started to unload the trucks," she said.

"I'm sorry I have to work a double," he said.

"Part of the job," she said as she placed the baby in the carrier.

"I'm sending someone over to take my place," offered Grissom.

"There's plenty of help. There are men…everywhere," she said as she quickly moved out of the kitchen as men appeared carrying boxes.

"That goes in there," she directed. "I've got to go, Grissom."

She clicked not giving him time to say anything further.

A few hours later, the kitchen and dining room were completed along with most of the downstairs.

She turned when she heard a familiar voice call out as she rushed out of the kitchen.

"Greg?"

"Grissom said you might need some help," he stated.

"Thank you…but there are so many men now they're running into one another."

"You look good," he offered.

"Thanks," she said awkwardly as she set the baby carrier down on the table.

Greg admired the baby.

"It's easier keeping him in this while I navigate the men to the correct room."

"I brought some stuff," he stated.

"Oh, Greg. I think we have enough," she stated.

"I think you'll want this stuff," he stated as he insisted that she follow him outside.

Greg opened the back of the moving van.

Sara was shocked when she saw the truck filled with the furniture from her apartment.

"Jim found it! Did he get…everything?" she asked excitedly.

"Give credit where credit is due," Greg huffed.

"You found it?" she asked.

"I'm the person who bought it from your landlord."

"You? You bought my things?" she asked softly.

"I overheard Grissom's conversation with the landlord. I went by there when your landlord was making plans to auction off the items so I made him an offer to buy all of it. He took it as long as I cleaned out the apartment that day. By the way, I cleaned the apartment so he should have returned your deposit."

"You…purchased everything?"

"I decided I would put it in storage and wait to see if…you ever came back…to us," he said. "You did…so here it is."

"Greg, thank you," she swallowed as she clung to him. "I'll pay you back."

"Yeah, well, I have to admit I read your diaries and was upset that you didn't write me in a favorable light."

"What do you mean? I often spoke about you…said how much I valued your friendship," she gulped.

"Not a single word about my physique, or how you pined away for me or how you daydreamed about…me. Instead, it was page after page of..."

"I can't believe you read my diaries!"

He grinned. "Not really but I had you going there for awhile. Ready to unload? I need to get this truck back in a few hours."

"I'll get the movers to do it," she said as they walked back.

"So…where is the reformed demon?" asked Greg.

"Right here," announced Darius as he took the carrier from Sara's hand.

"Greg bought the furniture from the landlord…he's been keeping it for me."

Darius scowled at Greg.

"He was also one of the men who treated you like…"

"Darius," said Sara softly.

"I guess if I can be redeemed…then so can…he," he stated as he let the young man enter the house.

By the time Grissom arrived at the house, the movers were gone. There were several boxes lying around but the furniture was in place.

He smiled noticing how Sara had blended all of the furniture to make a cozy feeling. He also noticed some of her personal things.

"You look tired," announced Francis.

"I am," he admitted.

Grissom looked around. "Where is Sara?"

"She's upstairs feeding Matthew," stated Francis.

Grissom's eyes drifted toward the stairs.

He had no idea where he would be sleeping.

He hoped Sara would allow him to sleep with her but he wasn't sure.

He guessed he would wander around until he found the bedroom with his furniture in it.

He made it to the nursery just as Sara placed the baby in the crib.

She turned and smiled. "He had a big day," she announced.

"The house looks nice," he said softly.

She could feel his exhaustion as he leaned over to kiss the baby.

"You look tired. You should sleep."

"I don't…know where…I'm supposed to," he admitted softly, hoping she would offer to join him and more importantly, offer to share the master bedroom with her.

"Hey, Sara what movie do you want to watch?" asked Darius as he appeared in the doorway. "Oh, you're….here."

Grissom's jaw clenched slightly.

"Grissom just got home. He needs to sleep."

"Oh, well, don't let us keep him," stated Darius as he headed toward the master bedroom.

Accusing eyes turned to Sara.

"I took the master bedroom," she said.

"Where is he sleeping?" bit out Grissom.

Sara bristled. "In his room…across the hall."

_Thank goodness he's not sleeping with her…_

"I'm sorry," said Grissom softly. "It's been a long shift."

"Your room…is at the end of the hall," she said quickly.

Grissom looked shocked. "He gets the bedroom next to yours and the baby?"

"We were going to put you downstairs…."

"Great!" he muttered.

"I just thought that the baby might wake you during the day when you're trying to sleep and it is farthest from everything….but then I thought that you would want to be on the same floor as…the baby so we put you there," she said pointing to a door.

"Not next to you or the baby," he griped.

Grissom glanced into the master bedroom and caught sight of Darius lying in the middle of the bed.

"It's about to start, Sara," called out Darius.

Grissom did not say a word but went to his room, closing the door.

Sara hesitated a moment but then went to the master bedroom.

"What?" asked Darius.

"I don't feel…much like a movie now," she lamented.

"Oh come on Sara. I've always wanted to see this," he said as he patted the spot next to him.

Her eyes drifted back to Grissom's door.

"Close the door. I have the baby monitor on," he said holding it up.

Sara felt a little off as she started to close the bedroom door, deciding to crack it instead.

She took her place settling beside him like she'd done for months.

"You never said how it went…at the mansion," she said.

"No, I didn't," he admitted as he stretched out, looking at the ceiling.

She did the same as her eyes followed his that were staring at the ceiling. "What?" she asked.

"You didn't go with the mirror idea," he teased.

"You're avoiding the question," she said.

"They're not going to do anything," he said as he rolled to his side to face her.

His hand tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You haven't spoken much to Francis."

"Why would I? He's a pain."

"He's….your father. You should get to know him."

"I know him. He and the sect have been trying to kill me for years."

"That was before he knew…about you…and that you've changed."

"It doesn't matter. He feels nothing for me…just as I do him."

"That's not true! You haven't given him a chance. He was worried when you didn't return…or call. I tried a few times to call you."

"I turned off my phone. I needed to think…like a demon…not…like some eunuch."

_I'm not a eunuch anymore, Sara..._

_I could make love to you..._

"Do you plan to go back and forth…like this?" she asked.

"I'm not sure."

"Don't go back," she pleaded.

"Sara, if I don't, someone else will take my place. They may decide to…not be nice."

"You think they would try to come here and…"

"I won't ever let that happen," he said softly as his hand caressed her cheek.

He clicked on the movie.

She snorted.

"What? You don't like my movie choice? You can pick next time."

She scooted down into the bed. "Lassie, Come Home," she smirked.

"I like dogs," he said softly.

"You're secret is safe with me," she said.

Within minutes she was asleep.

Darius grabbed the blanket on the chair beside the bed and threw over them as he pulled her into his arms.

An hour later, Darius heard the opening of a door followed by footsteps.

Through the cracked door, Grissom could see them but he proceeded into the baby's room shutting the door behind him.

Sara rose immediately.

"Go back to sleep," whispered Darius.

"I thought I heard something," she said as she listened intently.

"Matthew is still sleeping," he said softly. "It was nothing. Movie is almost over."

He clicked off the television and slipped down beside Sara pulling her into their old sleeping position and closed his eyes, praying he could sleep without the demons closing in.

Note from author:

And you thought the angst was over...LOL You should know me better than that...and to think it would be so easy for Darius to just kill Silas and it would be over...LOL

Take care!


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty Five:**

**Falling Into Old Habits**

That morning she sat at the kitchen, drinking some juice while Darius held Matthew.

Grissom walked into the kitchen and was offered a cup of coffee by Francis.

He took it as Sara watched him intently.

"How about some breakfast?" offered Francis.

"No thank you," stated Grissom as he fumbled through his brief case.

"Court?" she asked.

"Meeting with the undersheriff," he replied.

"You…still look tired."

He hadn't gotten much sleep, unable to unwind so he'd spent most of the night with Matthew, needing to feel connected to Sara.

He'd hoped he would be able to talk with Sara but he wasn't prepared to find her sleeping beside Darius.

_It was a movie…_

_He's a eunuch…_

His phone rang and he stepped out of the kitchen.

Sara took Matthew and headed toward the nursery.

Darius started to follow but Francis grabbed his arm. "Learn from your brother's mistakes," whispered Francis.

"I have no brother," he stated.

"Sara and Grissom belong together...you're intended as a watcher."

"Good, then I'll go watch over her," griped Darius.

"Darius…don't let him tempt you. Don't let him plant ideas into your heart that you know is wrong."

"You make no sense," huffed Darius.

"You were restrained…so you could be taught right from wrong…now, you must decide. Don't do anything that will cost you everything you've gained."

"You know nothing about me!" he glared.

"You can't live in both worlds and not be affected by one or the other."

"What would you have me do? If I leave the clan, I will be replaced by someone who may come after Sara. Don't think that Lucifer is happy that Sara and the baby got away…because of me. There will be hell to pay for that and I know it."

Francis blocked Darius from leaving. "You can't come back and forth. You can't expect to live with evil and pretend to be evil and not tip your hand. They will see that you've changed and they will turn on you."

"Which is why I can't be contacted when I'm there. Sara will learn...we'll work something out."

"Do you think that you can just leave evil and it not follow you? Darius, you…you were different when you returned. Sara and I both felt…"

"Stay out of this," seethed Darius.

"You can't think that you can pull this off. You will have to show that you are more ruthless than them. Will you do it? Will you fall back into your old life…filled with…" Francis gulped, "I heard what you were like, son. You were…"

"Evil? What choice did I have dear father?"

"I understand….some of it but…."

Darius shoved him away. "In your eyes I will never be as good and angelic like Joseph…or worse Gracen. You look at me and see…"

"I see my mistake," grieved Francis.

"So I'm a mistake. You knocked up my mother and…"

"No! Never that kind of mistake, Darius. My mistake was not going after your mother, trying to get her back. It is my fault you had to endure such atrocities. I see the good in you every time you hold Matthew. You have so much love to give but…that love is not for Sara. She belongs to Grissom."

"I won't give up Sara or Matthew," he snarled.

"Let me help you," offered Francis.

"How can you help me?"

"I can help you make the right decision," urged Francis.

"You don't want me to stay with the clan and yet you don't want me here…with Sara. You would like for me to disappear wouldn't you? You have your precious blood line continued. You have Grissom and Sara along with Matthew. What you don't need is me!"

"That's not true!"

Francis grabbed Darius by the arm but he shoved him away.

"Don't start a fight that I can easily win," Darius warned.

"I love you Darius. You are my son…my blood. Please let me help you," offered Francis.

"You are no father to me," glared Darius.

Francis blocked his path and he cursed. "Sara loves you…but not in the same way that she does Grissom. Don't let that love…and lust blind you."

"Stay clear of me," he warned.

Francis stepped out of his way.. "I'm here if you need me."

"I don't need your help," glared Darius.

"You were not meant to have her," warned Francis.

Sara started toward the nursery when she heard a slight noise coming from the end of the hall.

She appeared in Grissom's doorway and tapped lightly.

"How did you sleep on the new mattress?" she asked.

"Oh…it was fine," he said.

"You look like you didn't sleep well," she stated.

Grissom took Matthew. "I had a lot on my mind," he admitted.

"Griss…I know you don't like the arrangements but…"

"How was the movie?" he asked.

"I fell asleep," she admitted.

"I know," he bit out as he carried Matthew to the nursery.

"How…did you know?" she questioned.

"I wanted to talk with you so I got up…found you asleep while he was still in your bed."

She had thought Darius would go to his room but he'd fallen asleep as well.

He was still sleeping with her when Matthew woke for one of his feedings early that morning and she wondered if Grissom had seen them together.

She watched as he gently spoke to the baby before placing a kiss on his forehead and then placed him in the crib.

"Griss…"

"I need to go," he said.

"We're not sleeping together," she blurted. "I mean we did but not like…you know. It was an accident. I was tired after the moving and…"

He stopped in front her, hushing her as he leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips. "I trust you…with my heart, Sara. You wouldn't break…our bond."

"Grissom, we don't have a bond anymore. If we did, we would…feel…something by now."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, leaving her weak in the knees. "You should," he said sadly.

He started to leave when her hand caught his. "Do you?" she asked suddenly.

"I've always wanted you, Sara. I don't need…any angelic urging to prove to me that we belong together," he said as he leaned in and kissed her once more.

He started to move away when she stepped fully into his arms, initiating the kiss this time but he quickly took the lead, taking the physical contact he'd been craving. His body reacted immediately to her touch, wanting much more but knowing that the timing was wrong.

They stepped back as if out of breath.

"Miss me," he whispered as he left.

"Grissom?" she called.

He turned just as he got to the doorway.

"I will. I'll miss you," she replied.

She realized at that moment how much she missed being with him.

There was so much she needed to tell him but withheld it, knowing that he needed to get to his meeting.

She swiped at her eyes as she felt the slow humming begin to build.

That kiss had awakened her need for intimacy.

It wasn't the same urge they'd felt before but she agreed with Grissom.

She didn't need the "urge" since her love was more than enough.

Moments passed as she stood there watching the baby.

She felt arms encircle her and she smiled. "I thought you had to leave."

Darius frowned when he caught her swiping at her eyes.

"Not Grissom," announced Darius.

She stiffened and he released her.

"So…I take it Grissom was angry that he caught us in bed last night," stated Darius.

"How did you know that he'd seen us?' she questioned.

"He peaked in just as he went into Matthew's room," replied Darius.

"Did Matthew wake? You said…"

"Matthew was sleeping. He went in there and rocked him. I could hear him…talking to Matthew."

_He didn't sleep which explains why he's still exhausted…_

"He wasn't angry. He said he trusted me…since we're bonded together," she replied.

"You're not sure about that," he said as he glanced down at the sleeping baby.

"No…but I do…love him."

Her words were like a knife in his chest.

"That will never change. I'll always love him."

He clenched his fist.

"Darius…something is different about you. What happened at the mansion?"

"The usual…fallen angels…being themselves."

"I'm worried about you," she said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why? I care about you! Mathew is part of you," she said.

"Which part? Evil or…just fallen," he said.

He was surprised he'd even said it so he tried to shrug it off as a joke.

She grabbed him forcing him to look at her. "Darius, I don't want you to go back…there. Stay here with us."

"I can't," he bit out.

"Are you just going to walk out of the door without a word…like you did before?"

"You have Grissom…Francis," he sneered. "You don't need me."

"What's gotten into you?" she grieved. "I need you as much as I need them."

"Do you love me, Sara?" he whispered.

She swallowed now sensing what was different.

"Yes," she admitted. _But like I love Nick or Warrick or Greg…_

She wasn't prepared for him to kiss her.

His lips descended with immense pressure but then softened.

He forced himself to release her, already feeling his need for her increase tenfold.

She pretended to not feel his erection as he held her.

She knew that he had not been zapped for kissing her which completely baffled her.

"You love me…like you do your other friends," he said.

"Yes, Darius….we'll always be connected," she urged.

He nodded sadly, stepping away from her.

"_Take her!"_ a voice demanded but he stepped further away from her.

"_You deserve her…she's yours…not Grissom's!"_

Darius turned and stared down at Matthew.

"Did you really like the room?" he asked.

"Yes," she said as she gently placed her hand on his back. Her touch felt soothing.

"I didn't know…what a baby needs or would want."

"Everything is perfect. The house is beautiful…well it will be once the boxes are gone. Thank you, Darius. The house is just what all of us needed."

Her fingers were gently caressing him. He felt her warmth through his shirt, exciting him further.

"We should get the rest of the boxes unloaded," he said as he flew out of the nursery.

They spent the rest of the day passing one another as the boxes were unloaded and then tossed to the curb.

She tried to make conversation but it was as if he wanted to focus on putting the house together so she refrained from talking.

Grissom arrived for a few hours before shift, commenting about the progress that had been made before disappearing into his room.

He looked quite haggard so she didn't try to speak with him, knowing he needed sleep.

Francis ordered take out for everyone but Darius refused to eat, choosing to finish the work.

He kept to himself as Grissom woke and then spent an hour with Matthew before having to leave for work once more.

She wanted desperately to talk with Darius, not liking how he seemed too quiet.

Once Grissom left, she raced up the stairs and found him in the nursery holding Matthew.

"I think he needs to nurse," he whispered as he handed the baby to Sara.

She took the baby, not sure what to do.

"Feed him," he whispered as he stood, offering her the rocker.

She took it, positioning the baby while she glanced at Darius who was now standing in front of the window

The baby latched on immediately as Sara nervously glanced toward Darius.

"You've been avoiding me," she managed to get out.

"We needed to get the house finished," he said.

"_You fool. You are going to let him have her. She belongs to you. Why does he get everything while you get bread crumbs." _"Shut up," seethed Darius softly.

"Did you say something?" she asked.

He turned and faced her just as Matthew released her nipple.

He'd seen her naked body before but now it only added salt to a wound he thought would kill him for sure.

She switched the baby to the other side and he suckled loudly.

Darius knelt down in front of the rocker. He caressed the baby's cheek before leaning over to kiss his forehead.

He started to get up but Sara placed her hand on his arm and he took it, caressing her palm.

He felt the strong urge to kiss her again.

His body screamed for her as she smiled so innocently at him.

The sight of her nursing the baby made him swallow.

It was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

"_Wait until she puts the baby to bed and then bed her. She won't struggle…much."_

"I love you, Sara. You're the only family I've ever had. You're the only person…" he could feel the sobs rushing forth. It felt as if they would choke him.

"Darius…"

He practically flew out of the room.

"Darius!" she called as she quickly tried to lay the baby in the crib and go after him.

She flew down the stairs, intent to stop him from leaving but Francis blocked her at the door.

"Move!" she ordered as she tried to open the door.

She heard his car leave and she swallowed. "He's…going back…to them. Why didn't you stop him?"

"He had to choose," grieved Francis. "He refuses…any help."

Matthew's cries could be heard.

"Sara, your son needs you," stated Francis softly.

"Your son needs you!" she cried.

"He won't accept my help," Francis explained.

"He won't or can't! Despite what he says, he's protecting all of us!"

She returned a few minutes later carrying Matthew along with something wrapped in a small blanket.

"Take this to him," she ordered. "He needs it more than we do."

Francis unwrapped the jeweled dagger.

"This killed…Elena," he whispered.

"But it will save your son," she said as she started for the stairs but halted. "Lock the door behind you. Brass is already on his way."

"Sara, Darius gave this to you in order to protect yourself and the baby," Francis quickly said.

"Darius needs our help! Something…or someone is messing…with him. He's not his self," she grieved.

Francis stepped forward. "Why do you say this? Has he done…something…to you?"

"No, he hasn't. Francis, please! Go and bring him back. He needs to be here with his family."

"Sara…"

"If you don't go then I will," she threatened.

There was a tap on the door and Francis looked out. "It's Brass."

An hour had passed since Brass had arrived.

"Maybe he's not used to living….with humans and prefers demons," stated Brass.

"He doesn't," she insisted.

"Sara…what if he's trying to protect you?"

"I was supposed to stay with Darius….I can't if he's there. I don't want to go there," she began.

"Hell no, you don't! You wouldn't think of taking that baby into the middle of that demon infested place."

"Jim, I need Darius here. He needs to be here with us."

"Maybe Francis can talk some sense into him," stated Brass.

Darius leaned back in the bed as the red head slipped off her top, smiling as she shook her large breasts at him.

He said nothing as he watched her strip.

The woman had been sent up there by the others, letting him have her before they took her.

He couldn't be angry with them for following the rules, but this was the last thing he needed.

"You want me, don't you," she purred.

"I want you…out," he said as he grabbed her by the arm and slung her out into the hall. "Do not come near me again."

"But…they said you always get the first sample," she said.

"I'm on a diet," he grumbled as he slammed the door in disgust, not liking how his body responded to the naked woman.

"This!" he snarled into the air. "You get me used to being a eunuch and then you return me to this."

He grabbed a bottle of beer and slumped down into the chair next to the fireplace.

The smell of cigar smoke filled his nostrils.

"You disappoint me, Darius. You've had more than enough opportunity to take Sara and you haven't."

"Screw you," he muttered as he refused to look at Lucifer as he appeared in front of the fireplace.

"You didn't even take the redhead…my favorite," Lucifer said with a sigh.

"Not my type," replied Darius.

"How long do you think you can keep this up? You yell but yet you do no harm…you don't kill."

"I killed Silas."

"Ah…you think that will scare them into submission? Not for long. Your men will see your weakness and will try to overthrow you…and when they do they will be the ones to take Sara. Is that what you want? She will be passed around until there is nothing left of her. They will smash the brains of the child on the wall to stop its cries while she watches. Her friends…even Grissom will die in front of her eyes. She will feel her worst pain just because you refused to take her for yourself."

He puffed on the cigar. "Is it so bad to take her? You can save the baby and her…she will thank you…be grateful. She will give you another child."

Lucifer leaned over and forced Darius to look at him. "She is half angel…we are all fallen according to Him. You won't be condemning her…you will be saving her from the misery that is waiting to take her."

"As long as I keep the men under control, she is safe," stated Darius.

"As long as my men are here, she is not safe."

Darius took a deep breath, as if the air was growing thin in the room.

"Do you think that I do not know about the pathetic white house with the picket fence? I know everything!"

Darius's heart thudded loudly.

"I'll let you think about it. In the meantime, you're still here alone and she is with…Grissom. He will have her in his bed soon."

"She belongs to him…not me."

"Disappointing. I can already hear her screams. Remember the look your mother gave you. There will be no place to hide from Sara's. She will hate you because you wouldn't save her. It will be your fault."

The smoke had barely dissipated when the door opened and Darius whirled around, coming face to face with Francis.

"You stupid fool!" snarled Darius.

"No one knows that I am here," he said as he came toward Darius.

"I told you the next time you came here…"

"You would kill me? You would kill your own father?" asked Francis.

Darius balled his hands into fist. "You may have killed all of us," he bit out.

"Then kill me, Darius. Kill me and you can let your guards put my dead body on display for Lucifer."

"Shut up," Darius said in a low voice.

"I don't fear him," stated Francis. "I fear…you. You are the only one who can hurt me…with the decisions you are going to make."

"Why are you here?"

"Sara sent me."

Darius gulped in air. "Sara?"

"Already your expression gives you away. You show your love for her too easily now. The others will see it. That love will be our downfall."

Francis handed Darius the dagger. "She said you needed this. She wanted you to be safe."

"You brought this?" he seethed. "That is the only protection Sara has in case they…try anything."

"She insisted that you have it. She wants you to come home," stated Francis.

"You know I can't…go back," gritted Darius.

Francis stepped closer. "Darius…he tells you lies. He wants you to fall. Don't listen to him."

Francis stepped even closer until he was standing directly in front of Darius.

Quickly he grabbed Darius into his arms, holding him despite the thought that Darius would use the dagger to kill him.

"I love you, son," Francis whispered as he kissed him on the forehead. "I'm sorry for failing you…but I won't fail you now."

Anger rose inside of Darius but Francis held him tight. "Let go of the anger, Darius. Let go of the pain."

"The pain made me strong. I beat them…I won…they didn't break me. I bent…to beat them at their own rules."

"Darius…"

Darius shoved him across the room. "Leave. I won't be responsible for what happens to you."

"Darius, please…"

"You think Sara and Matthew can be protected by mere humans? You were supposed to stay with them! Now, they will get to them."

"Are they coming?"

"**We're** coming," gritted Darius as he heard the door opened and a guard appeared, needing to not tip his hand.

Francis fought his way out of the door, rushing out the back, surprised the guard did not follow after him.

"Guard!" yelled Darius.

"You let him get away," stated the guard.

Darius shoved the blade into the guard, ignoring the blood that ran down his hand.

"There's no other way," he choked as he stepped out the door, calling out to his men. "Lock the place down!" yelled Darius.

Note from author:

Sorry for the angst…this chapter went on for over 30 pages so I had to break it up…it just seemed like a good cliffhanger spot to stop. LOL


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty Six:**

**Returning the Lost Lamb**

The men hurried to get into place, not sure how an intruder had managed to slip in without their knowledge.

Women were tossed out onto the front lawn. Some were half naked but there was no time to waste as the men scrambled to lock up the mansion.

One by one Darius passed the men.

The men did not suspect anything as he gripped the dagger.

He sliced his way down the hall, letting the bodies fall to his feet.

He continued leaving none untouched by the dagger, its effect almost immediate.

By the time the others realized what was happening, he'd managed to kill over twenty.

Several of them jumped him as he reached the bottom of the stairs but they could not stop him as he continued on his killing spree.

He felt the blade of several knives slice through his own body but he continued, sick of the smell of blood that now covered his clothing.

He could not stop because of the pain, knowing that if he did not kill all of them then he would fail.

Grissom was surprised to arrive home and find Brass there.

"Francis had to run an errand so I stayed," explained Brass.

"Is something wrong?" asked Grissom as he looked around the room and found Sara near the window, holding the baby.

"She sent Francis after Darius. He left…again."

Grissom came to stand behind Sara.

"I sent the dagger to Darius," she announced.

"Sara, you can't force him…to change."

"I'm not."

The door opened and instinctively Grissom moved in front of Sara and the baby.

They both sighed when they saw that it was Francis.

"Where is Darius?" asked Sara.

"He called his men on me. I barely got out of there," he said.

"I'm going," she said but Grissom grabbed her.

"No, you're not!"

"Grissom, I can reason with him," she urged.

"Sara…he's being tempted…by Lucifer," stated Francis.

Sara swallowed. "I was supposed to stay with Darius. He doesn't need to be alone. They can get to him when he's alone."

"I think we need to take precautions," urged Francis.

"You think…the others might try…to come here? Darius said he wouldn't let them," stated Sara.

"It's just a precaution," reasoned Francis.

Grissom pulled her close to him, noticing that Matthew was asleep. "Go put the baby in his crib," he urged.

They waited until she was out of sight.

"She's been up most of the night, waiting for word about Darius," stated Brass.

"Francis…what happened?" asked Grissom.

"Lucifer has tempted him. He can either take Sara for himself or…his men will do it."

"I thought the men belonged to whoever defeated Silas."

"They do but…Darius is not like them and they will see….this. Lucifer will make sure of it. His men will mutiny and come after Sara."

"Can Darius stop them?"

"Darius is powerful…but to defeat all of them….he will need divine intervention."

"Can we…help him?"

"We can't seek out evil…we can defend against it. If they strike, we can retaliate."

"We should strike…go over there and…" Brass was interrupted by Grissom. "If they attack, we don't have the dagger."

"I know," worried Francis. "I can hold them off…but if there are too many then you will need to get Sara and the baby out of here."

Grissom glanced up the stairs.

"Gil, I must warn you. My son…"

"Is no longer a eunuch?" Grissom finished.

"He never was…just restricted…sort of a means of teaching him right from wrong."

Brass cursed. "Sorry, I must not have been taught very well myself. Are you trying to warn us that Darius might try to harm Sara?"

"My son wouldn't…I'm not sure. I pray that he's…changed but now that he must decide for himself…he might not make the right choices."

"Oh great!" muttered Brass.

Grissom did not respond but took off upstairs.

Softly he entered her room, sitting gently on the bed. She had placed Matthew in the bassinet, choosing to keep him near her.

"You should try to sleep," he said softly.

"I trust him, Gil. He wouldn't harm me…which means he won't harm any of you."

"Sara, sometimes we hurt the ones we love even though we don't mean to."

"He needs help," she swallowed.

"Francis tried."

"I should…try."

"It's up to Darius now."

"It's not fair," she wept. "He belongs with us."

"You keep saying that, Sara."

She rolled over to face him. "Gracen told me to stay with Darius."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. He didn't say…but I'm not about to not follow instructions…I heard what happens when you half listen to…His instructions."

Grissom grinned. "Forty years in a desert…maybe forty years in Vegas is too much for you."

"I was referring to being turned to a pillar of salt."

"Sara…"

"Do you think he's safe?"

"Darius can take care of himself."

His hand caressed her cheek as he leaned over and kissed her.

"Would…you sleep here with me?" she whispered.

Grissom molded his body to hers. "Just sleep Sara while I watch over you."

"I love you," she whispered.

He breathed in deeply, "I love you, too."

Days passed as they waited but no one came nor had there been any contact with Darius despite Sara's effort to call him.

Francis met Brass at the door one morning.

"Is Grissom awake?"

"He's in the kitchen," stated Francis. "Do you have any news?"

"Maybe."

Brass took the cup of coffee Grissom offered.

"I've been getting a few patrol cars to go near the mansion. For the past several days, they've not seen anything."

"So they're not up to anything," replied Grissom.

"They've not seen anyone."

Grissom's cup stopped in mid-air. "No guards?"

"I even went by there and drove up to the front door…no one."

Grissom glanced toward Francis. "I'm going to go over there."

"Grissom, no!" warned Francis.

"You can protect her more than I can. I'll go and check it out. I'll try to see Darius."

"I'll go with you," offered Brass.

"No…I can't let you do that," stated Grissom. "I need you…to be here in case…anything happens to me."

"Gil, I won't let you do this," insisted Francis. "He's my son. I'll go."

"Sara and the baby need you. It's the reason Darius let you return unharmed."

"But…" Grissom did not listen to Francis but headed to the door.

"You're not going to tell her?" asked Francis.

"I fear her more than I do them," he grinned slightly.

He frowned when Brass slipped into the vehicle on the passenger side.

"I'm coming so get over it," he griped.

They drove up to the mansion and were surprised that no one had appeared.

Grissom stepped out of the vehicle and walked to the front steps but halted when he noticed blood drops.

Brass drew his weapon. "Aim for the head," whispered Grissom.

Grissom opened the door and Brass followed.

Both men halted at the entrance upon the sight of the carnage.

Bodies lay everywhere.

"Do you think the sect intervened and wiped out the clan?" whispered Brass.

"Not likely. Francis said they do not seek vengeance…they only fight to defend themselves," replied Grissom as he made his way slowly to the stairs, stepping over bodies.

"These cuts…are not fatal," observed Brass.

"Darius must have used the dagger," stated Grissom as he proceeded up the stairs.

"You mean to tell me he killed all of them? One man against…" he didn't finish as they heard a slight noise upstairs.

Grissom swallowed as he continued to follow the trail of bodies.

He stepped into the bedroom, catching sight of someone sitting in the chair near the fireplace.

"Darius?" Grissom called.

"No one…is left," he replied.

Grissom rushed over but gasped when he caught sight of Darius.

Brass grabbed a towel that was lying on the floor and attempted to stop the flow of blood to a wound.

"Looks like you didn't go down without a fight," muttered Brass.

"They're all dead," stated Darius.

"We need to get you out of here," stated Grissom.

"I'm not finished," he said. "I have to finish this."

"Tell me…what to do," urged Grissom.

"The house is rigged to blow. You need to get out," he coughed, swallowing the blood that came up.

Brass glanced at Grissom. "Time to go!"

"Leave me," gritted Darius as he tried to stand but he fell into Grissom's arms, the dagger falling at his feet.

"I'm taking you…home," stated Grissom.

Darius tried to shove Grissom away but he was too weak.

Grissom gripped his body as Brass took hold of his other side. "Good fight, kid," stated Brass as they headed to the door.

Darius cried out as they stumbled with him.

"Not so fast," came a voice from behind.

They turned and came face to face with a man they had not seen before.

Darius stood on his own feet, stepping away from them.

"I beat them…I beat you," yelled Darius.

"What did you do, Darius?" sighed Lucifer.

"What? The clan was mine to do with what I pleased…I killed them. I killed all of them…before they killed me."

"Yes, you did. This is quite a mess," commented Lucifer.

"Not much choice…they sucked at skating," gritted Darius.

"Even now as you face death, you still have your sense of humor. A pity I should lose you."

Lucifer shook his head in disappointing manner. "You killed them in order to save Sara….my how noble. You turned on my men…you struck first."

"Sorry…demon in me," gritted Darius.

"Not very angelic…very fallen in nature. Of course, you were always fallen," glared Lucifer.

Lucifer picked up the dagger. "Look what we have here…a dagger."

"You can't take it," challenged Darius.

"You're right. I can't. It belongs to you," admitted Lucifer as he handed it to Darius.

Darius reached for the dagger but Lucifer embedded it into his chest.

"Take it with you," Lucifer said with a smile as Darius dropped to his knees.

He laughed as he passed Brass and Grissom. "Now you can leave with his dead body."

Grissom grabbed Darius as he struggled to breathe.

"Darius!"

"I think I'm dying," he grimaced.

"Not because of the dagger," urged Grissom. "You are not fallen!"

Darius cried out when Grissom lifted him. "We've got to get him out of here."

Darius gasped for air. "The house is going to explode. You have to get out."

Grissom threw him over his shoulder. "We're taking you with us. I'm not facing Sara's wrath alone. She is going to kick both of us."

Darius chuckled. "She didn't know that you were coming here. She's going to…" he didn't finish as he passed out.

They hurried, stepping over bodies while expecting Lucifer to stop them but he was no where in sight.

Brass sped down the driveway just as the house exploded sending debris into the air.

"How is he?" asked Brass as he looked in the rearview mirror.

"I'm not sure," stated Grissom as he held the towel over the dagger wound. "His body is riddled with knife wounds. Doc is going to have a field day treating him."

"Gil, you think he's going to make it?"

"I'm not sure. If he was truly fallen, he would be dead by now," replied Grissom.

They rushed him into the house, trying to explain as they carried him inside.

"Take him to my room," insisted Francis.

Doc was there as well as David. "I figured two hands were better than one. David knows anyway."

Darius looked lifeless as Grissom laid him on the bed. Both he and Brass had blood on their clothes. "You have some clothes here," said Sara to Brass, her voice a bit hoarse. "I'll get them for you."

She returned, handing them to Brass. He gently squeezed her hand before disappearing into the bathroom.

Grissom headed upstairs and she followed. He slipped in the bathroom, stripping from the clothes as he ducked into the shower, needing to get rid of the stench of death.

The door opened and he glanced out, surprised to see Sara there.

He finished in record time, fearing Darius may have died.

"Any word?" he asked softly.

"Not yet," she said.

"He's strong, Sara."

"Why did you go?" she asked angrily.

"Someone needed to go…so I went with Brass."

"You could have been killed!" she seethed.

"I wasn't."

She reached for the bloody clothes but Grissom stopped her. "I'll dispose of them."

"That could have been your blood," she cried. "I've been going crazy with worry…not knowing…"

He pulled her into his arms even though she hit him with her fist. "You stupid…"

"Sssh," he whispered. "I didn't get hurt."

"What happened?" she insisted.

Grissom swallowed. "Darius…killed them…all of them."

"Why?"

"He didn't see any other way…if he remained, they would finally mutiny. If he left, they would come here. He chose to kill them…to keep us safe."

She was silent for a moment. "He's not impotent anymore."

"I know."

"Gil, he wouldn't do anything…"

"He loves you, Sara."

"He loves what I offered," she said.

"What did you offer him?" he asked softly.

"I offered him love…a family. He…feared nothing except loneliness. He doesn't want to be alone anymore."

"Are you sure he doesn't want you?"

"He needs to know that there is love…without intimacy. He needs to understand that he has a family…all of us. He's not fallen. I'll never believe that."

"No, he's not. Lucifer stabbed him with the dagger."

Sara's eyes widened.

"He killed his men by a simple cut. Lucifer stabbed him in the chest but he didn't die. He's not fallen, Sara."

"Does Francis know this?" she asked.

"I'm sure he's drilling Brass."

Grissom breathed in deeply.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I've never seen a crime scene that gruesome."

"Gil…did he kill any humans?"

"No. He killed only his men."

He looked at her. "If you're wondering if he had any remorse…I didn't see any."

"He's not a cold blooded killer."

"There wasn't anything brutal about the dagger wounds. He struck…just to inflict the slightest wound. The poison…Jesus' blood killed them."

She swallowed.

"I lost count of the number of stab wounds he received."

"What are we going to do about the bodies?"

"Darius rigged the mansion to blow. I'm not sure any bodies will be found."

"He was going to blow it with him inside wasn't he?"

"Yes…I think he was."

"Thank you for going…but I'm still angry."

He smiled. "I'll try to make it up to you."

"I moved…some of your things into the master bedroom," she said.

"So…am I sleeping in there from now on?"

"If you want," she said softly.

"Add a few mirrors to the ceiling and…" A loud "umph" was heard as she hit him.

Matthew began to cry and Sara started toward the nursery but Grissom stopped her.

"I'll take him for awhile. Go…check on Darius."

She kissed him and he groaned. "I've missed this."

"Me too," she admitted.

Hours passed as they took turns sitting vigil at Darius' bedside.

Francis refused to leave his side, sitting quietly in a chair in the corner while he prayed earnestly.

Since his arrival, Darius had not moved, his skin cold to the touch.

By the next day, his fever rose and they feared the worst.

His body shook as they tried to fight the fever.

Once or twice he cried out, begging for Heather to forgive him but then quieted when Francis held his hand, whispering softly to him.

He woke one evening, screaming while Francis and Grissom tried to hold him down.

"Darius, it's okay," soothed Francis.

"They're dead…they're all dead," he cried. "Their blood…is…on me."

"No, it's not!" soothed Francis. "You protected your family. You had no choice, Darius. Lucifer would have sent them after us."

"I'm sorry," he said over and over. "I've…killed. I'm sorry."

Sara was the only person who seemed to soothe him during these moments, whispering softly to him as she sat holding his hand.

By the third day, he began to wake for brief periods of time.

He always woke with a start as if fearing where he was.

Francis would reassure him while urging him to stay awake.

Days passed where his life hung in the balance.

He woke one morning, opening his eyes to find Grissom sitting next to him.

"Sara just left. She's feeding Matthew."

Darius glanced around the room and saw that Francis slept in a chair.

"He's been very worried about you."

Darius shifted, grimacing as he tried to sit up.

Grissom assisted him despite his protest.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"You in your father's room," explained Grissom.

He glanced toward the door, knowing that he was no longer near Sara or the baby.

"Would you like to see Matthew?"

"Matthew?" he choked.

"He's awake. Would you like to see him?"

He dreamed so much of the baby's death that he nodded eagerly but then declined when Grissom stated that he would get Sara to bring him.

"You want me…to bring Matthew?" asked Grissom.

"Please," he managed to get out.

"But not Sara?" Grissom clarified.

Darius nodded.

"Sara has been here…she's been concerned about you."

He shook his head violently. "I hear a voice in my head," Darius blurted.

"You can make it leave…you can make Lucifer leave you alone," offered Grissom.

"How?"

"Call out in the name of Jesus and he must leave you alone," explained Grissom.

"Doesn't work," muttered Darius.

"Have you tried it or have you let him question your salvation?"

Darius said nothing.

"You've had the opportunity to hurt Sara but you haven't."

"Then...why am I down here?" he asked weakly.

"We put you here at Francis' request. He wanted to be with you and it would be easier for your recovery….no stairs to contend with."

He didn't seem convinced of the reason.

"We didn't put you here because we thought you would hurt Sara or Matthew."

"I'm weak. I'm not sure I that I won't."

"You will because you seek love…and Sara gives that freely. She loves you. You are part of our family. Just because we are…mated does not mean she loves you any less. She loves you because you are family."

"You don't like me," he muttered.

"I'm getting to know you. You've proven to me that you will protect what I love the most…therefore I consider you a friend. I consider you family….like Jim and Doc."

"I don't like you," Darius announced.

"You fear that I will change Sara's mind about you. I can't do that. Sara has a mind of her own."

Darius grunted. "Stubborn too."

Grissom grinned. "Yes, she is."

Darius glanced at Francis.

"He's not left your side. He's been worried."

"I'm not like…his son, Joseph or…his grandson, Gracen. Gracen…the golden one."

"I didn't like Gracen," admitted Grissom.

"He wanted Sara."

"He chose to watch over her," stated Grissom.

"I'd agreed to do that…as a eunuch. But now…I'm not a eunuch anymore," he announced wondering if that would change Grissom's mind.

"I know….Sara knows also."

Darius was surprised. "Then…she despises me," he bit out.

"She knew that you were no longer impotent and yet she begged us to bring you home."

"Doesn't she…worry that I might hurt her?"

"No. She insists that you won't. Are you?"

"No!"

"Then I'll be right back with Sara and Matthew."

Darius looked worried but nodded slowly.

Within minutes Sara was rushing into the room.

Her smile warmed him as she sat down taking his hand into hers.

"You had me worried," she sniffled but then gently placed her head on his shoulder, careful of his wounds.

Grissom appeared with Matthew.

Gently they placed Matthew in his arms.

"He's still eating like this Greg person…he's heavy," griped Darius softly as he smiled at the baby.

Matthew stared intently at him as his small hands attempted to grasp onto his shirt.

Darius let the baby wrap his hand around his finger and he chuckled. "Strong!"

He grew teary eyed as he whispered, "I missed him."

"How do you feel?" asked Sara.

"Tired," he admitted as he closed his eyes too emotional to look at Sara.

"Let me wake Francis so he…."

"No! Don't," insisted Darius.

"Darius, he'll be disappointed if he doesn't get to talk with you," urged Sara.

Darius shook his head and so she let it drop.

"You want me to sit here until you fall to sleep?" she asked.

"No," he choked as he gently attempted to pass Matthew back to her.

Sara glanced at Grissom and he took the baby slipping out of the room.

"Darius?"

"Leave…me be," he choked.

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be close by."

She stepped outside the door but leaned against the door, swallowing her tears as she heard the first sob.

She slipped to the floor, sitting there against the wall as she listened.

Darius rolled over to his side, clutching his chest as he broke down.

Francis was there immediately, pulling him into his arms despite his protest. "I've got you my son," cried Francis.

"Help me, Father," he cried.

"I'm here, Darius."

"I hear theirs screams…I see their faces…I feel their pain," he cried.

"It is the guilt," whispered Francis. "Let it go, Darius and he has no further hold on you. You killed what was already dead. They were fallen…there were no souls to be saved and that is what you mourn."

"I knew them…I lived with them…I was one of them," he wept.

"You were never one of them. You sinned…but you've been forgiven. You've accept God's Holy One, His Son as your savior. He cannot take what now belongs to our savior."

"I'm scared…that I'm really one of them."

"You're not. He knows that so he uses your guilt…your pain…your need for love to hurt you."

Francis rocked him back and forth as if he were Matthew. "Ssssh, you need to rest. Regain your strength. I'll be here to watch over you."

Soon the room was quiet except for the soft voice of Francis as he prayed beside his son.

Grissom extended his hand and Sara took it.

"Matthew is in bed asleep. Come and lie with me," he whispered.

She took his hand, leaning on him as they made their way to their room.

She curled her body into his needing to feel close to him.

"He's going to get through this," whispered Grissom.

"I just…feel his pain," she wept.

"I know. You still have a connection with him," he said softly as he stroked her hair.

"He's afraid to trust himself," she said.

"He will. It will take time," he replied as he kissed her.

"I need to feel you inside me," she choked.

He slipped inside her, feeling his own heart ache for the sadness within her. His lips kissed her as her hand took hold of his.

"Mates forever," she cried.

"Forever," he promised.

He carried them over the edge as she clung to him, not wanting him to withdraw. "Stay close to me," she begged.

"I will," he soothed.

She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath, "I've felt half a person without you."

"I know. I've felt the same."

He shifted so that they were side by side. "Everything is going to be alright."

She nodded as she rocked back and forth, coaxing him to make love to her again.

Hours later, he slipped from the bed, checking on Matthew and then went down the stairs, smelling fresh brewed coffee.

He took a cup from Doc.

"Francis called me. He was worried about Darius."

"How is he?" asked Grissom.

"He's got a long recovery. He bled out most of his blood. I'm amazed that he lived but then that angelic part of him is hard to kill."

"How's Francis?" asked Grissom.

"He won't leave his side. I took him a cup of coffee a little while ago."

Grissom turned and saw Sara coming down the stairs.

"Hey Doc," she said sleepily.

"It's pretty early for you," he said as he took out the orange juice from the fridge and poured her a glass.

"I got cold," she admitted.

"I'm sorry," whispered Grissom as he pulled her into an embrace, disregarding Doc's blush.

"Should I leave you two alone?"

"No, Doc," smiled Sara. "He just doesn't want to get out of changing Matthew when he wakes."

Grissom frowned, pretending to be hurt by her comment but then smiled as he kissed her on the cheek.

That morning she insisted on sitting with Darius for awhile despite his request to be left alone.

She purposely sat on the bed beside him, telling him about Matthew.

Her hand slipped into his. "I have a surprise for you when you're feeling better."

"I'm better," he said.

"When Doc says you're better then I'll show it to you."

He nodded squeezing her hand as his head rested on her shoulder.

A week passed since Darius returned from the dead.

There was an investigation into the explosion but as suspected, there were no bodies found.

Brass was relieved, hoping the event would go away quietly.

One morning Francis woke from his chair and rushed out of the room when Darius was not in the bed. He rushed up the stairs, checking the nursery and then tapping on the master bedroom.

"Sara!"

Sara opened the door immediately. "What's wrong?"

"Darius is gone."

"He's too weak. He couldn't have gone far," she insisted as she grabbed her housecoat, checking every room on the second floor.

Francis was sick with worry as he rushed to the front door but noticed the alarm was still set. "He couldn't have left unless someone reset the alarm."

Sara checked the study then the back yard. "He's not out here."

She then ran to the other bedroom and opened it.

She sighed when she found him lying on the bed.

"Darius…you scared us."

"Needed…" he swallowed.

"Space?" she asked.

"Yes," he gulped as he lay on his side.

She grabbed a blanket and threw it over him.

"Are you warm?" she asked.

He nodded.

"If you need anything, call out. Francis and I will be close," she vowed.

She waited in hopes that he would ask her to stay but he didn't so she kissed him on the cheek and shut the door.

"Is he alright?" asked Francis anxiously.

"He will be," she said hoping the she was right. "He needs some space so we need to give it to him."

"What if he needs something?" asked Francis.

"We'll stay close by," urged Sara.

Note from author:

Wow, no cliffhanger.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter Forty Seven:**

**Someone to Love the Lost Lamb**

Sara grinned when the door opened and Grissom stepped inside.

"Did you get her?" asked Sara anxiously.

"Yes," grinned Grissom. "Is he in his room?"

Sara leaned over the counter. "Yes but he's been leaving his door open."

She looked around. "Where did you put her?"

"Greg is walking her around the block. She didn't like riding in the car. Greg had to hold her. It wasn't easy having a dog in the lab all night," he said.

"What did Ecklie say?" she asked.

"Ecklie walked her. He likes dogs," smirked Grissom.

"Really?"

"No….not really," he teased. "Hodges kept her hid for us."

Sara smiled. "He'll do anything for your approval."

There was a tap at the door.

Grissom rushed over and opened the door.

"Hey, Wrigley," cooed Sara to the golden retriever.

The dog wagged its tail.

Sara petted the dog and then took the leash.

"You never got me a dog," teased Greg.

"I'll get one for your birthday," Sara agreed.

She took the leash and led the dog to bedroom door letting the dog enter the room first.

Darius had his back to the door but he sensed her presence immediately.

"Did you bring Matthew?" he asked quietly.

"He's sleeping," said Sara as she let the dog jump up on the bed.

Darius sat up quickly, grimacing from the pain.

"I'm sorry," said Sara. "She'll have to learn some house rules."

"She?"

"Her name is Wrigley," announced Sara.

"Who names a dog Wrigley?" frowned Darius.

"A baseball fan," stated Sara.

"Who does she belong to?" he asked, petting the dog.

"You."

"I didn't name the dog Wrigley," replied Darius. "And I'm not a baseball fan although a bat is a good weapon to use when…"

Sara frowned so he decided to shut up.

"Her owner was killed in a traffic accident. She was sent to the pound because no one else claimed her. The man lived alone…no family."

Sara sat down on the edge of the bed. "Grissom heard about her and so we decided to adopt her for you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You'll be in charge of her. She seems like a smart dog but is a little frightened of riding in cars…because of the accident."

"I can't take care of a dog," he huffed.

"Yes, you can."

Darius gently shoved the dog off the bed.

Sara started to close the door but he jerked around. "Don't shut the door," he pleaded.

"I won't," she soothed.

She caressed his cheek. "How are you sleeping?"

"Fine," he replied as he rolled to his side so that he was facing her.

"I could sit with you for awhile?"

He shook his head.

He stared at her for a moment and then turned away. "You and Grissom…sleep together now. Don't you?"

"Yes. It doesn;t change the way I feel about you."

"I know," he admitted quietly.

The dog whined as she looked at Darius.

"Oh alright," he muttered as he patted the side of the bed and she jumped up, lying beside him.

Sara smiled. "She likes you."

"Great. I have a way with dogs."

"You have a way with me," she grinned. "When you're better, we're going for a walk in the backyard."

She started to leave but he caught her hand. "Thanks…for the dog."

Within a day he was on his feet, but it was grueling for him just to walk to the living room. He was out of breath by the time he got to the door, not able to walk Wrigley.

Francis took the leash. "We'll be back soon."

As soon as the door closed, Darius leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. He had very little strength these days.

Grissom stepped out of his study and quickly took hold of him, settling him on the couch.

He retrieved a glass of water from the kitchen and handed it to Darius.

"Not an invalid," he griped.

"Yes, you are and you better acknowledge it or else Sara will have you changing Matthew's messy diapers."

"I'm an invalid," announced Darius.

Grissom chuckled.

There was a knock on the door and Grissom answered it, surprised to see Catherine.

"Ecklie has been trying to reach you," she said as she glanced around the room.

"My cell phone was charging upstairs."

"Well, your case is breaking and he wants you there."

"I can't leave until Sara returns. She went to the grocery store. Matthew is asleep upstairs."

"I can stay," Catherine offered.

"Thanks Cat," he said as he rushed out, grabbing his jacket as he took off but halted. "Darius, will you be alright?"

"I'm not a baby who needs a sitter," he griped.

"No, you're just recovering from a severe injury. Will you be alright?"

"Yes," he replied.

Grissom glanced at Catherine and then left.

Darius attempted to get up, struggling as he tried to get to his feet.

Catherine tried to assist him but she tripped over him causing both of them to fall into the floor.

"If that was your idea of helping an invalid, I can't wait to see how you take care of Matthew!" he griped.

"If you hadn't pulled away, then…" she halted, getting a good look at his physique. He was quite muscular, and the scars from the knife wounds only added to the rugged look.

Catherine swallowed.

"What?" he huffed.

"Nice body," she managed to get out.

"That needs you to get off!"

"Sorry," she murmured as she started to lift herself, placing her hand on the coffee table but the wetness from the spilled drink made her slip once again, landing on top of him.

A loud 'umph' followed by a groan was heard from Darius.

"Oh Darius. I'm sorry. I think one of your wounds is bleeding."

The ridiculousness of the situation made him smirk which caused Catherine to laugh.

"Demons can't kill me but a bim…." He stopped when he caught her eye brow knit upwards.

"Call me a bimbo and I'll finish the job."

"Joke…didn't mean it…especially since you're in a position to do bodily harm."

Catherine realized she was lying between his thighs. She grinned. "Somebody is excited."

"I am not!" he gasped but knew it was the truth.

Before it would not have bothered him to have such a reaction but now it did.

_What if Sara sees me like this…_

Catherine managed to get to her feet while he struggled, ignoring the pain or damage he was doing.

She extended her hand but he refused to take it.

"Stop being pig headed. I'm not going to finish the job."

The door opened and Francis appeared with the dog.

Darius continued to struggle, not liking that he could not do the smallest of tasks.

He still had his pride and was determined to get out of there.

"What happened?" asked Francis as he went to his son's aid. "Darius, stop! You're hurting yourself."

Despite his best efforts, Darius could not get up and had to let Francis help until he was standing.

He shrugged off his father's hand and Francis stepped back letting Darius calm down.

The dog whined at Darius feet.

"Hey Wrigley," said Catherine as she petted the dog.

Darius took a few steps toward the bedroom but stopped, his energy gone.

Without a word, Francis wrapped his arm around his waist and silently began to help him but Darius faltered almost collapsing to the floor if it had not been for Catherine who quickly grabbed his other side.

Francis could have easily carried Darius but he knew his son was too proud to allow that to happen in front of a stranger.

Together, they got him to the bed.

He tried to act as though he was not in any pain but two of his larger wounds on his chest had broken open. Blood began to seep through his shirt.

"You shouldn't have gotten out of bed," his father softly scolded.

Darius felt humiliated as his father unbuttoned his shirt, taking a wet washcloth to clean the wounds and then re-bandage them.

"I can do that," Darius insisted but his father would not stop.

"We don't want to risk another infection," Francis soothed as he reached for the bandages but Catherine got to them first.

"Let me," she said as she held out the bandage, but then gasped at the layers of scars riddled across his chest.

"Is there any place you don't have a scar?" she whispered in amazement.

Darius tried to close his shirt to hide the scars but his hand shook.

Catherine could sense his uneasiness. "I always liked a rugged man with scars…shows his masculinity."

Wrigley placed her head on Darius hand and he petted her.

"I think she's jealous of someone else giving you attention," stated Catherine as she petted the dog.

"Dogs can sense when a person is hurt or not feeling well," stated Francis.

The baby monitor went off and Catherine stood quickly. "Another man after my attention," she said as she left.

Francis stared at his son. "Did she say something that upset you?"

"No."

"You're face is red," remarked Francis.

"I don't like to show…weakness. Weakness can get you killed."

"There is no shame in weakness, Darius."

Darius glanced at Francis. "Do you miss her?" asked Darius.

"Her?"

"Heather…Elena?"

Francis swallowed. "Yes, I do….even more now that I know I wasted so much time. I could have tried to save her."

"She was fallen."

"Yes, I know but I think I am to blame for that. If I had not turned away from her, had tried to help her then perhaps she would have…chosen…Him."

"I'd like to sleep now," said Darius but quickly added, "leave the door open."

Francis went to the door. "No one is going to lock this door. Understand?"

He'd talked at length with Sara about Darius overreaction to someone closing the door and they concluded it was a childhood fear of being locked away by Silas.

"Not that," Darius admitted. "Sara…wouldn't let that happen."

"Then what?"

"If door is open…not alone," he said as he drifted off.

Francis checked his forehead, not liking that he had overdid it. "You're not alone my son."

Wrigley lay beside Darius and Francis smiled. "You stay with him. Keep him warm and watch over him."

Days passed and he was slowly taking small trips back and forth.

Sara worried after him but knew he needed to regain his strength.

He'd not tried to take the stairs and she knew it bothered him that he could not visit the nursery so she brought the baby down often.

It had bothered him how he had reacted to Catherine and wondered if it would be that way with any woman.

He muttered under his breath.

"Is something wrong?" asked Sara as he sat in the kitchen.

"No," he said as he started to get up.

"Catherine told me about what happened," she stated.

He almost fell off of the stool as he tried to head toward his bedroom.

"Darius!"

He'd made it to his bedroom and was about to close the door when Sara stuck her foot to block him. "What did I do to make you so angry?" she asked.

"Go away."

"Sorry but I don't respond to nasty demands like that."

"So…I got a boner…in front of your lady friend," he bit out.

Sara was surprised and embarrassed for him. "Catherine didn't tell me that part."

It made matters worse as he attempted to shut the door by shoving her away.

She yelped when the door caught her foot. He immediately opened the door apologizing for hurting her.

"I didn't mean it!" he mourned.

"I know," she soothed. "Darius, there is nothing wrong with having a physical reaction to…someone."

"I know that," he grumbled. "I…always got a…reaction when I was around women."

"Oh," she said softly.

"I thought…I thought that…it would be different…now."

"Oh, so after you became impotent then unimpotent you thought you would be able to control your urge…for women."

He nodded. "Still…think and act like…one of them."

It was then she understood part of his problem.

He wanted to be different and it warmed her heart.

Later that evening the doorbell rang.

Darius sat at the kitchen table with Matthew in the carrier.

"Darius, would you get that?" asked Sara.

"Me? I'm the invalid…I'm injured."

"Go," she insisted.

He opened the door and a woman smiled at him. "I'm here to see Sara…Sidle."

"Who are you?"

"A friend."

Sara came to the door and smiled at Wendy. "Thanks, Wendy for coming."

"I've wanted to see the baby," she exclaimed as she went to the bassinet.

Darius tried to retreat to his room but Sara grabbed him by the arm.

"You're staying," she whispered.

"I know what you are doing," he seethed.

"Deal with it," she replied softly as she pulled him toward Wendy.

Sara introduced them and Wendy extended her hand.

Sara forced him to take it.

He shook her hand and then released it.

He didn't know what to think when Sara practically pulled Wendy over to sit next to him.

He almost came unglued, trying to scramble away but Sara sat on his other side and forced him to remain seated.

He glared at Sara who refused to budge until Matthew began to whimper.

Sara picked up the baby, speaking softly to him.

"He's beautiful," admired Wendy.

"Wendy, could you help us with an experiment?" asked Sara.

"Sure. I love that kind of stuff."

"Good. Could you sit in Darius' lap?"

Darius choked on his drink. "Sara!"

"I uhm…don't think he wants me in his lap," replied Wendy.

"I know….but we need to find out something."

Sara shoved Wendy into his lap before either could protest.

"Catherine said you were muscular," smiled Wendy.

Darius turned beet red.

"I think you can get off his lap," smiled Sara. "Well?"

Darius was about to yell but then realized he had not responded to Wendy the way he did Catherine.

"It's because you're here," he gritted.

"Maybe. We'll find out. Catherine is on her way over here," whispered Sara.

Darius tried to get up again but Sara handed the baby to him.

"Sara," he seethed.

He muttered as the women talked but thought he would crawl under the couch as soon as the doorbell rang and Catherine appeared.

"I'll try not to fall on you this time," she teased as she leaned over and took the baby.

The moment that Catherine stepped away with the baby, Darius fled to his room.

"Where's Darius?" asked Catherine.

"He tires easily. He's probably going to take a nap," explained Sara.

"Is he better? I mean those wounds were pretty nasty," stated Catherine.

"Would you do me a favor and take him a glass of water. He likes to keep a glass by his bed and I forgot to put one in there."

"Oh okay," replied Catherine.

Catherine returned with the glass. "Sorry, but the door is locked and he didn't respond."

He remained locked in his bedroom for the remainder of the day despite Sara's attempts to coax him out.

Sara looked shocked when Darius appeared in the doorway of the nursery later that evening.

"You're not supposed to be taking the stairs," she barked.

"Neither of them affected me," he announced.

"Then why did you sulk in your room all evening?" she challenged.

"I wasn't sulking," he retorted. "I didn't like...being set up...by you."

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "What's really bothering you?"

"To be a eunuch or not to be," he griped.

She felt his torment as he struggled to fit in.

"Do I affect you?" she asked.

"No," he admitted. In fact, he didn't have the same feelings as he had before.

"Are you jealous?" he asked.

"Darius!" she warned.

"I know you love me…but not like…Grissom," muttered Darius saying it as if he'd been reminded a hundred times.

Grissom smiled as he stood quietly on the stairs. He'd managed to come home without anyone noticing.

"There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone…as long as you don't do or say something that makes her angry…especially Catherine. She has a temper worse than mine."

"I don't want to be…attracted to her or anyone. I'm supposed to be a watcher."

"Gracen…was attracted to me…and yet he was a watcher."

He snorted. "Good thing that demon put him out of his misery. Being attracted to someone and not being able to do anything about is worse than a slow painful death."

"What do you mean?"

"To feel…but not be able to act on those feelings. I'd rather be a eunuch."

"Catherine is single."

"Watchers…don't," he stopped but then breathed, "Francis didn't want Gracen to get involved…"

"With me," finished Sara. "You can't help how you feel. Gracen couldn't help that he had feelings for me…just as I couldn't help having feelings for Grissom. Do you understand why I belonged with Grissom and not Gracen?"

"You loved Grissom but not Gracen."

"There wasn't anything wrong with the feelings Gracen had for me. I just didn't love him the way I love Grissom."

"Lucky Grissom," he muttered.

Grissom silently returned down stairs, not wishing to interrupt their conversation.

"Do you have feelings for Catherine?" she asked.

"I don't even know her. I just reacted to her once," he replied but then added. "Besides…it's best if I stay away."

"Why?"

"Francis…"

"You care about what your father thinks," smiled Sara.

"I…don't want to be a disappointment anymore. I want him to…be proud…not disgusted."

"Darius, Francis loves you. He's very proud of you. He wants you to be happy. I'm sure that if he knew you were attracted to Catherine he would want you to…see where it leads."

"I'm not attracted to her," he griped. "I don't want…her."

"You don't want to be attracted to her…that's angelic," she teased lightly.

Darius leaned against the wall as he watched the baby.

"When I was with them they told me I was a fallen angel. Now I don't know...I'm half human and angelic. One that struggles with the other."

He looked away as if he'd remembered something painful.

"Do you still hear his voice?" asked Sara out of the blue.

"Not in awhile…but I know he's still there," he admitted as he looked at her. "Are you frightened that I came…up here…that I can climb the stairs?"

"No. You can help change his diapers now," replied Sara.

"Still an invalid," he announced.

She grinned at his excuse.

"I don't plan to sleep up here," he said.

"Your room is waiting on you when you're better."

"I don't want to sleep…next to your room knowing that I might hear…the two of you."

It was her turn to blush. "You could move to the end of the hall," she offered.

"I'll stay…down there," he said as he stroked Wrigley's fur. "Of course I think Grissom liked my mirror idea."

He smirked as he headed back downstairs.

He was out of breath by the time he made it down.

Grissom leaned out of the kitchen. "You alright?"

"I went up…to see Matthew," he said, waiting to catch Grissom's expression but he did not seem bothered.

"Sara said I could return to my room upstairs," he stated.

"Need some help moving any of your stuff back?" Grissom asked.

Darius frowned. "No…I decided to stay down here."

"Oh well, you're choice. Babies do keep strange hours."

"Sara said you're sleeping with her again."

"I am….we're mates. Does that bother you?"

"Not if I sleep down here…I wouldn't want to hear or catch the two of you in the act."

"That's very considerate of you," replied Grissom.

"Of course, Sara would prefer…mirrors on the ceiling."

"Mirrors huh? You wouldn't be trying to get me in trouble would you?"

"She likes mirrors."

Darius felt a slap on the back of his head. "Ouch! That hurt!"

Sara slapped him again. "Sara likes mirrors?"

Darius swallowed. "A joke…wasn't it Grissom?"

Grissom grinned. "Yes, it was. Of course, you do like mirrors in the bathroom."

Sara glared at both of them and disappeared once more.

"Does she hit you like that?" grumbled Darius.

"Yes…which is why I try not to do things that can get me hit."

Darius chuckled but then looked to ensure Sara was nowhere around.

"I just want you to know…that I'm okay with you and her."

"I'm glad to know that."

Darius started to leave but halted. "I still think mirrors…would be a good joke to play on her."

"You want me to get seriously injured."

"I'm just seriously bored…being so angelic," he huffed.

Grissom laughed. "Mirrors huh?"

Note from author:

Not sure about posting tomorrow. There are only one or two more chapters and then it will be finished.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty Eight:**

**Human or Angelic**

Within a week Darius was moving about the house with ease.

Sara smiled when he took Matthew out into the back yard, stopping by a tree or a bush and talking softly to him.

Grissom wrapped his arms around her.

She smiled as she turned into his arms kissing him tenderly.

"How was shift?" she asked.

"Not bad," he admitted.

She smiled as Darius saw them and waved.

"He so loves Matthew," she choked.

"Is something wrong?" asked Grissom suddenly, pulling her around to face him.

"He wants Matthew to call him 'uncle'. He says it would be less confusing."

"He told me," stated Grissom. "Sara, I have to say I agree. Matthew is ours."

"I know…but that was a big step for him," she said.

Grissom pulled her back into the house.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Upstairs," he whispered.

She hesitated but then ran up the stairs with him following.

He shut the bedroom door as he watched her undress.

He swallowed, watching the way she moved onto the bed.

He stretched out on top of her, withholding his weight as he kissed her.

"You still don't feel the urge?" he teased.

"Every time I look at you," she replied as she brought his head down, gasping when his lips caressed the tip of her nipples.

She wrapped her leg around his waist, urging him to enter her.

She caressed his cheek, smiling as his blue eyes seemed to twinkle as he eased himself inside her, his thrusts gentle but persistent until he was deep within her core.

She looked up and grinned, "Mirrors? You put mirrors in here."

Grissom halted. "I did not!"

He rolled her over without even withdrawing himself as he stared up at the mirrors.

"Darius!" they both said out loud.

Grissom grinned as she rose up, forcing him to sink more fully within her. Slowly she rocked back and forth, grinning as he struggled to maintain control.

He quickly flipped her, smiling when he'd gotten the upper hand as he dove harder and harder, watching her go over the edge.

He moved to his side, still fully embedded within her, as he looked up.

"Sara, look up," he whispered.

She opened her eyes, and smiled.

"Kind of nice…to see each other come…together," he said as he rocked inside her, watching how she rode out another orgasm.

She opened her eyes and smirked.

"What's so funny?" Grissom asked.

"There are…handcuffs and chains on the bed."

Grissom scrambled onto his knees. "I agreed about the mirrors…but not this."

"So…you **were **in on it?"

Before he could respond, she had clamped the handcuff on his wrist.

He jerked but couldn't get it off.

"Not funny Sara. Release me?"

She tried to remove it but couldn't. "I don't have the key."

"Then get it!" he barked.

"Don't use that tone with me!" she snapped.

"Sara, release me," he said calmly.

He thought she was going to go after the key but instead straddled his midsection.

"What are you doing?"

"Being a she-devil," she said as she leaned down until her lips were close to his.

"I think you're taking advantage of me," Grissom declared.

"Yes, I am," she grinned. "Just lie back and enjoy….the show."

He grinned as he did just that.

Francis and the others frowned when they were late for dinner that evening.

They took their places as if nothing was wrong.

"Nice of you to join us," stated Brass. "I come for dinner and you don't bother showing up on time."

"Sorry, Jim, I was detained," smiled Grissom as he reached for his glass but Darius caught the red marks on his wrist.

Darius smirked as he turned away.

"Something funny?" asked Francis.

"Nothing," smirked Darius who later yelped when Sara kicked him under the table.

Brass watched the three as he glanced at Francis. "They're not talking," stated Brass.

"Dinner is good," stated Sara to Francis.

"Thank you," stated Francis.

Darius took a sip from his glass. "So…you two find anything fun to do?"

He yelped again when he felt the kick again.

"Ouch Sara! That hurts!" he bellowed.

Grissom smirked.

"He smirked. Are you going to kick him?" asked Darius.

Grissom smirked again but then yelled when he got a swift kick in the shin.

"That hurt Sara!" yelled Grissom.

"I didn't kick you," declared Sara.

She looked in Darius' direction and then kicked him once more.

"Ouch! Well, I didn't do it!"

Brass chuckled and they turned toward him. "Couldn't resist…he was looking too smug. Of course if my wife handcuffed me to the bed then…"

"She did what?" asked Francis.

"It was a joke," she tried to explain. "Darius put mirrors and handcuffs to the bed so I sort of…" she didn't finish when she saw Francis blush three shades of red.

Darius burst out laughing as did Brass.

Grissom took a gulp of his drink. "Nice dinner conversation we have going here."

Brass continued to laugh. "The guys are going to pay big money to know how dinner was tonight."

Sara gawked. "Jim…if you ever want another free meal you better reconsider that thought."

"Wow, she gets rough," Brass replied.

"It would seem so," stated Darius as he moved away so Sara could not hit him again.

"Say, Catherine was a bit disappointed that she didn't get an invite. She wanted to see Darius again," stated Brass.

Sara patted Darius on the back as he seemed to go into a fit of coughing.

"Sara…stop!" warned Darius.

"See if I help you again if you choke," she snorted.

"You know what I mean," he said in a low voice.

"I didn't do anything," she said.

"This Catherine, why does she want to see Darius?" asked Francis.

"She likes him," replied Sara.

"She's human and he's…not," replied Francis.

Silence filled the air.

Darius shifted in his seat.

Sara's eyes shot to Francis and then Darius.

"I was…human and Gracen was half angelic," pointed out Sara.

"Gracen was a watcher and he should have remained one," stated Francis.

Grissom's hand settled on Sara's knee.

"Gracen was acting on his feelings," stated Sara. "His human feelings," she added. "He was part human. He couldn't ignore that part of himself."

She knew her words did not set well with Francis.

"Angels and humans should remain separate," he said firmly.

"But they didn't," threw out Brass between bites. "You got hybrids…half and half or whatever way you want to measure their DNA."

"What am I?" asked Darius. "Am I human or…angelic?"

"You are not human," he said.

"So I'm angelic?" Darius questioned.

"You were born angelic," he said gruffly.

"Born angelic but with demonic tendencies…new classification," bit out Darius, tensing when Sara touched him.

"You don't act on those tendencies anymore," added Francis.

"What are we?" asked Sara.

"Human," stated Grissom.

"You are human with angelic…blood," stated Francis.

"So we can mate with humans or angels," stated Sara.

"You're already mated so that is not an issue," replied Francis.

"What about Darius?" she asked and Darius frowned at her.

"He'll be a watcher," replied Francis, not liking the conversation.

"The sect will never accept me and you know it," he muttered.

"You can still be a watcher…look after your family."

"But ignore any feelings he may have for someone else? He can't ignore the human side that is within," stated Grissom.

"His human side….caused him to act demonic."

"You think his angelic side had no part of that?" spat Sara.

"No!" barked Francis.

"Angels caused their own downfall…by not doing what God intended for them to do," stated Grissom.

"Angels and humans should not mate!" boomed Francis.

"I'm human," stated Darius.

"You're my son….you're angelic," growled Francis.

"Only part of me is…"

"I won't listen to this!" shouted Francis.

Matthew began to whimper and Sara took him from the bassinet.

"Matthew is human…also," gritted Sara.

"He is not!"

"Yes, he is," stated Grissom.

"He carries our blood. He is angelic," declared Francis.

"Two humans conceived him and he is therefore human…the blood is a minor issue," reasoned Grissom.

Darius snorted. "Not the way angels look at…or fallen ones for that matter. Blood is more sacred than…genetics. It is the essence of life."

"Darius is right," agreed Francis. "Matthew carries our blood. He carries Gracen's blood through both of you and then Darius's blood. Darius is his rightful father…by our standards."

"Not by ours!" gritted Grissom.

Francis tried to diffuse the situation. "Grissom, I can understand…how you feel but…"

"Grissom is the father of Matthew…not me," declared Darius.

Francis threw down his napkin. "He's yours!"

Francis took a deep breath, "Look there is no reason why we can't share Matthew. He will have a loving support system and…"

"I agreed for us to live together…so that we could do just that but Grissom is the father to Matthew….only."

Sara's eyes pleaded silently with Darius who spoke up. "I agree. I will not steal what rightfully belongs to Grissom….I would be no better than Silas if I did."

"You did the ritual! The ritual shared your blood with Sara and her unborn child."

"The unborn child was conceived by Grissom…not me. Your angelic rules do not apply here….human rules apply."

"Darius…" Francis was interrupted when Matthew let out a huge wail.

"No more yelling," warned Sara.

"Why don't we agree to disagree," offered Brass trying to diffuse the situation.

"This child is part angelic…just like Sara and Grissom," stated Francis.

"Through blood only," stated Darius. "The ones that gave them life were not part angelic. They were human."

"Blood is the essence of life," bellowed Francis. "There is power in His blood. It was His blood that destroyed…evil. The dagger was only powerful because of the blood. It destroyed everyone in its path."

Darius left the table immediately.

Sara glared at Francis.

"I shouldn't have reminded him," grieved Francis.

"You can't ignore his human side. I appealed to his human side…his feelings and it was those feelings that saved us!" spat Sara. "He should feel free to decide what he wants to do…and if that is mating…marrying a human then you should be supportive of his decision."

"Never!"

Sara handed Matthew to Grissom as she took off for Darius.

"This…attitude separated you from Gracen. Do you want to alienate yourself from Darius?" questioned Grissom.

"Angels and humans should not mate," he said quietly.

"It's too late for that discussion. Darius is part human whether you wish to acknowledge this or not," remarked Brass.

"Who asked you?" griped Francis.

"Well, now we know where Darius get his attitude," replied Brass. "By the way, I'm family too."

"Yes, he is," declared Grissom.

Matthew whimpered but then let out a full blown wail as if he were in pain, causing Grissom to calm down immediately, fearful that his anger was causing the baby's distress.

Sara reappeared immediately along with Darius.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Darius.

"He seems to be in pain," grieved Grissom.

Sara took the baby over to the bassinet and checked his diaper.

The baby drew up his legs as if his stomach was bothering him.

Sara rubbed his tummy, talking soothingly to him.

He cried as if still in pain but Sara seemed to soothe him.

"I'll take him upstairs and see if he will nurse," she said before heading toward the stairs.

"Sara, I'm sorry. We shouldn't have yelled," stated Francis.

"I won't allow that around Matthew...from any of you," she glared as she disappeared with the baby.

"I think we got off lightly. I think she was ready to throw all of us out," snorted Brass.

The room stilled as Matthew's cries continued.

"I'm sure it's just a stomach ache...nothing more," consoled Brass to Grissom.

As evening neared, the baby appeared to give all of the signs of being colicky.

Grissom did not want to leave for work that evening but Sara promised to contact him if Matthew's condition worsened.

"I've already phoned Doc. Right now, he seems to have a tummy ache only. There's no fever," she said as she glanced down at Matthew as he lay in her arms.

"Has he nursed?"

"Not much."

"Maybe, I should stay," grieved Grissom.

"Go…I promise I will call if there is a change," she urged.

Grissom bent over and kissed Matthew.

Darius was standing in the doorway and followed Grissom to the top of the stairs.

"She's worried," whispered Darius.

"So am I," admitted Grissom.

"Could you get Doc to come?" he asked.

"I've already called him," assured Grissom. "Darius, I appreciate you stepping back…allowing us to parent Matthew."

"You are his father," he admitted quietly but then spoke up. "I don't love him any less."

"I know which is why I know that you will keep them safe. I trust leaving them in your care."

Darius stood taller, nodding his head. "I'll watch over them."

Note from author:

Illness and being out of pocket has deterred this story. The last chapter should be posted tomorrow.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty Nine:**

**Lying Down in Green Pastures**

Francis and Darius bickered outside the door.

"Half…full…who cares!" griped Darius.

"Darius…you're an angel…not half…"

"Who can keep it straight? How long have we been here…waiting in silence…for our judgment? When I thought I was a fallen angel, I didn't care that He didn't talk with us. I was screwed anyway…but you guys….you guys are the worst with your stupid rules of full versus half versus blood…unless He speaks to us, we are fallen!" seethed Darius.

"Elena…was not half…nor I…that makes you…"

"Oh so now you're coming to terms with it! Now, you'll admit to **me **that I'm a full angel rather than half so I won't get involved with this…Catherine. News flash, I'm not interested in her anyway. I can't believe you're finally going to admit that an angel can act like a demon."

Francis gritted his teeth.

"I bet that was hard for you to tell me," Darius snarled. "Why didn't you just say it in the first place?" he yelled. "Well, I'll tell you what I think. You think you are so above the others…that you didn't want to admit that you have the same evil tendencies as they do. I'm proof!"

"Look, let's drop this and focus on them," whispered Francis.

"I am! Gracen never should have stopped being her watcher. If he had stayed in the shadows, then she and Grissom would be living a normal life…with Matthew…not like this," he agonized as he pointed into the other room.

"Matthew is sick and we can't help him. If they were human…without our blood, they could take him to a hospital!"

"We have no power...except prayer," admitted Francis.

"Prayers from fallen angels," agonized Darius.

Despite her splitting headache, she rocked Matthew, refusing to place him in the crib as he slept in her arms.

Francis seemed odd as he stood near the doorway, watching her intently as Darius paced the floor.

Matthew had gotten crankier and his cries were unraveling Darius minute by minute.

She caught Darius looking at Francis, mumbling something she couldn't make out.

She thought she would cry out in relief when Grissom appeared taking the child from her arms.

She stepped into the bathroom, splashing water over her face as she listened to Grissom's voice try to console the baby.

Softly he told him a story about a young woman who had come to Vegas at the request of a very lonely man.

She listened as he talked about his love for this woman, his need to end the loneliness in his life.

It was getting too difficult to love her from afar.

He then spoke of a chance he had been given to take the woman as his wife in order to save her but in essence she was saving him.

"I've never believed in destiny but I do believe that sometimes two souls are so closely intertwined that one cannot exist without the other. They are two halves yearning to become one. One is desolate without the other."

He gently kissed Matthew. "Sara and I are those two souls."

A sob escaped Grissom lips, letting his fear finally slip through his voice as he whispered, "Call Doc. Tell him to hurry."

Darius was already on the phone while Sara sank to her knees. "He's getting worse, isn't he?"

"We have to take him to the hospital, Sara. There is no other way."

Fear gripped her at the thought of going to the hospital.

She tried to take the baby from Grissom but he refused to let her.

"Doc said he will meet us there. He said we need to hurry," emphasized Darius.

"Wait! Gracen said we couldn't go to the hospitals because they would find out…what if they run tests and discover…"

"Sara, we have to go now," choked Grissom.

She nodded, feeling them rush her down the stairs, not even feeling her feet touch the floor.

"I'm wearing my nightgown," she heard herself say.

One minute they were getting into the car and then the next she was standing in a waiting room, not sure when they whisked the baby away.

No one seemed to notice that she was still in her gown.

Grissom sat in a chair with his head in his hands.

Catherine was trying to comfort him. "Gil, you should rest. The doctors are not going to like you staying here like this."

"We just got here," whispered Sara as she noticed the others in the waiting room. "How did they get here so fast?"

Greg was off sitting in a corner while Brass spoke on the phone.

"There was a change today. They said she would probably wake. I need to be here," he said wearily.

"She? Where is Matthew?" she choked.

"Sir, they are finished with their tests. You can go back into the room now," announced the nurse.

Grissom flew out of the chair as Sara followed along.

He stepped into a room, oblivious that she was just a step behind him.

She gasped when she saw her lifeless body lying in a bed.

"She's showing signs of waking…it might still be awhile," stated the nurse.

Grissom nodded as he sat down, taking her hand.

"This is a dream," she said over and over.

Sara stepped away from the bed too horror stricken by the sight.

The noisy machines became erratic.

Sara watched as her heart rate began to slow.

"Sara!" Grissom begged.

Sara stepped toward him, needing for him to acknowledge that she was standing there on the other side of the bed.

The heart monitor picked up with each step that she took bringing her closer to the bed.

"That's it, honey. Please come back," he urged.

"That's not me, Gil. I'm right here. Look at me," insisted Sara.

"This is not me! I'm right here in front of you!" she cried. "This is some cruel joke that Lucifer is playing. We need to find Matthew and get out of here!" She grabbed the lifeless hand and held it up. "This….is…not….me!"

She felt herself falling as she cried out. Any second she expected to feel the hard concrete floor but instead she turned her head to the sound of machines blaring.

A bright light flashed in her eyes and she struggled to get away from it.

"Ms. Sidle, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand," came a voice.

She squeezed the hand causing a flurry of activity in the room.

**Five hours later:**

She woke for brief periods, hearing the sound of familiar voices each time. Nothing made sense as she struggled to remain wake long enough to ask about Matthew.

_My head hurt…._

_Maybe I got sick and was admitted…_

_Where is Matthew?_

The blinding light reappeared and she smacked it away, causing a few chuckles from others nearby.

"Stop!" she croaked.

"Sara, you have to stay awake."

The voice was stern this time.

She opened her eyes, but everything seemed to be out of focus.

"Give your eyes a few minutes to adjust," instructed the voice.

Finally, she saw an unfamiliar face standing over her.

"Welcome back," her doctor announced.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"Hospital."

"Why?"

"You were injured," he explained.

Someone took her hand and she turned toward the warmth.

It was Nick. "Hey, Sunshine! How are you feeling?"

"Gil," she croaked.

"He's here. The one time we force him to take a break, you wake up. He's coming," assured Nick.

_But he was just here…_

"Sara, we've been trying to wake you for several hours now," explained the doctor.

"Matthew? Where is Matthew?" she asked.

Nick glanced at Doctor Roberts.

"Do you know Matthew?" he asked in a whisper.

Nick shook his head.

"Nicky…what happened?" she begged

"We were ambushed in the warehouse. We were shot…you've been out for quite awhile," he choked.

"Warehouse?"

"We were working a case," began Nick.

"Lumber," she said. "Lumber fell on us."

"That's right, honey. We were trapped under the lumber. Grissom shot the assailant…but he got off one last shot. It hit both of you."

"Both of us?" she asked suddenly.

"Grissom covered you. It passed through him…into you. Both of you have been critical. Grissom was released a week ago."

"A week ago? How long…how long have I been here?" she asked.

"Three weeks," answered Nick.

Sara shook her head. "Can't be."

"You were the most critical. Head injury…along with gunshot wound near the heart. We didn't think you were going to make it out of surgery and then there was an infection. They induced the coma to give your body time to heal from the head injury. They started bringing you out a few days ago."

Brass appeared along with Grissom by his side.

"Hey kiddo," smiled Brass.

Her eyes locked with Grissom.

Sofia and Catherine appeared along with Greg and Warrick.

"Matthew," she choked.

The others grew silent.

Nick whispered to Grissom. "She's been asking for Matthew? Do you know him?"

Grissom shook his head. "She has a brother…maybe it's him," offered Grissom.

Sofia took Grissom by the hand and pulled him away from the bed. "Gil, we can cover the shift tonight. Maybe you should stay here with Sara."

"I have to meet with the undersheriff…but thank you, I'd like to come back here."

Sofia smiled as she hugged him. "We told you it was going to be alright."

Grissom returned the embrace not able to speak. He'd prayed too often for this moment and now he felt wiped out, exhausted from all of the upheaval of dealing with her injuries.

Sara turned away from the spectacle. She felt a huge whole that threatened to engulf her as she struggled with her emotions.

"Hey," whispered Nick as he caught the slight sob that escaped her lips. "It's going to be alright."

He sat down on the bed as he held her.

"I didn't want to wake," she cried. "I don't want to be awake."

His arms tightened around her as he felt her struggling to maintain control. Nick looked helplessly at the doctor, not sure what to make of her breakdown.

"I think it's best if everyone left so I can examine Ms. Sidle," informed the doctor.

The others left but she continued to cling to Nick. Grissom stood to the side, not wanting to leave but the doctor motioned for the door.

"We'll be just outside the door," whispered Nick.

She nodded, slipping back into the bed, her eyes staying clear of Grissom and the others.

Minutes passed as they hovered outside.

Doctor Roberts came out a few minutes later.

"She's going to be alright. This is not uncommon…in some coma patients."

"What?" questioned Grissom.

"She's having difficulty dealing with…all of this. She's just been told she's lost three weeks of her life, been in a coma with a serious head and heart injury. Depression is not uncommon…"

"Depression?" asked Grissom. "Sara is not weak…she's strong."

"Even the strong can become fragile Mr. Grissom. She needs time to adjust. I want to limit her visits to one person at a time."

Grissom nodded.

"She seems very upset that Matthew is not here. Can someone contact him?"

"We…don't know who Matthew is," replied Grissom, wondering if Sara had been seeing someone without their knowledge. He immediately shook off the idea.

He'd been practically staking out her apartment for weeks, never noticing anyone by that name.

Days passed as she slept less and less.

They came individually, not sure what to make of her melancholy.

She questioned each of them about the shooting, finding no discrepancy each time she was told what happened.

_Gracen never existed…_

_Darius never existed…_

_Grissom and I…were never mated…_

_Matthew…._

Her headaches were troublesome but they told her it was part of the recovery process.

She knew that if she began talking about angels or demons she would surely get a straight jacket and a padded room.

She could not bring herself to acknowledge that Matthew was a figment of her imagination, a dream conjured up by drug induced coma.

She stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and stared at the wound on her chest. It was ugly and hideous. She would never be able to wear anything low cut but then she was never the type to flaunt her cleavage.

"Make-up can help conceal it…once it heals," stated Catherine as she stood behind her.

Sara quickly covered herself. She detested the hospital gowns and robes that itched her skin.

"I'm sorry. I knocked but you didn't answer…so I was just going to leave this for you," offered Catherine.

Sara glanced at the file in her hand.

"It's a copy of the report," explained Catherine. "I thought it might help you to remember."

"Thanks," replied Sara as she took it.

"Sara…if you tell me who this 'Matthew' is, I'll try to contact him for you," offered Catherine.

Sara shook her head. Just hearing his name made the ache return.

"The doctor says you'll be able to leave soon," stated Catherine.

"Yes," she acknowledged.

"Sara, is there anything wrong?" asked Catherine.

"No," she lied.

She knew they meant well but she cringed every time there was a tap on the door and one of them appeared.

Grissom had come a few times but his visits were the hardest.

She looked at him and could almost see him holding Matthew.

_Why can't I go back to sleep…_

_Just slip back into a coma…_

_Return to Grissom, and Matthew and Darius and Francis…._

"Sara?"

She turned and noticed Doctor Roberts standing there. "How are you feeling today?"

_Like I'm dying inside…_

"I'd like to go home," she announced.

_I'll never find my way home…_

"Do you feel you're up to it?"

"I don't like hospitals," she admitted. "I'd feel better if I was…home," she choked.

"Sara, I'm concerned about…how you're dealing with this emotionally? I know that a near death experience is hard to grasp but…"

"Near death?"

"Your heart stopped during surgery. We were able to revive you but there was a concern about brain damage."

"How long?" she asked.

"Four minutes."

"You've said my tests look good," she stated.

"They are…but there can be some emotional trauma that goes along with these kinds of injuries."

"I just want to get out. I want to go…home. Can you understand that?"

"You've asked for a person by the name of Matthew and yet no one seems to know who he is."

"Family member," she whispered.

"Is there a way to contact him?" he asked.

She shook her head. "He's gone."

She felt as if he were scrutinizing every word and gesture.

"Can I leave…today?"

He studied her for several minutes. "Is there someone going to stay with you?"

"Yes."

"I'll do the paperwork."

Greg appeared in the doorway.

"Greg, I need a favor."

Greg placed the medication bottles on the counter as he watched her roam around the apartment.

"Glad to be home?" he asked.

"Sure," she lied.

"You don't have any food in the apartment. I can…"

"There was hardly any before," she admitted. "I ordered from the café a lot or just ate out."

"You still can't drive for awhile so I'll make a run."

She gritted knowing that she would have to tolerate his presence for awhile longer.

"Not necessary…but thanks."

As soon as Greg left, he called Grissom.

"She's home…but she doesn't seem…alright," whispered Greg.

Within an hour he was back with several grocery bags.

He put them away and felt a little relieved when he noticed she had showered.

"Going to bed?" he questioned.

"Doctor orders," she said. "For a few more days."

_Good, she's following doctor orders…_

_Maybe she just needs some time at home…_

She locked the door the moment Greg left.

She went to her bedroom, noticing that Greg had turned down the bed.

_If I sleep, maybe I can dream…_

_I want to go home…_

_I want to hold Matthew…_

She tossed for over an hour, cursing that sleep would not come.

_Doctor Roberts gave me something to help me sleep…._

Her trembling hands fumbled with the medicine bottle as she stood in the bathroom.

"Open, dammit," she cursed as she struggled to get the top off.

She sat down on the edge of the bathtub, twisting the top until it finally opened, spilling the pills onto the floor but leaving a handful in her palm.

_Take them, Sara…_

_Take them and sleep will come again…_

_You'll be back with Matthew…_

She gulped in air, her hand trembling as she stared down at the pills.

"Sara?"

She looked up and found Grissom standing there.

"Sara, what are you doing?"

"I want to sleep," she choked.

He grabbed the pills from her hand. "How many did you take?" he said as he flipped open his phone. "Answer me!"

"None."

"I'm calling an ambulance," he said as he tried to ascertain how many she took by counting the pills.

She closed his phone, shoving him away. "I didn't take any!"

His hands were like vice grips on her shoulder. "How many?" he barked.

"None. I couldn't get the top off and then when I did they spilled everywhere."

He let out a gulp of air. "I'm sorry. It's just that..."

"I just want to sleep," she wept.

He pulled her into his arms as he held her. "I don't want you to sleep," he admitted. "I've been watching you sleep for weeks…I didn't think you were going to wake."

"Would it have mattered if I didn't?"

He jerked her around to face him. "Would it have mattered?" his lips crushed hers as he kissed her over and over.

"I thought I had waited until it was too late. We were getting to…know one another again…communicating," he choked.

"Communicating?'

"Emails…we hadn't done that in a long time…not since San Francisco."

"Emails?" she asked incredulously.

He pulled her gently to her feet, guiding her to the laptop that sat near the bed.

"Look," he said as he opened her email.

"How did you know…my password…access to my…"

"I have a confession…one that I think you already knew about before the shooting."

"Confession?"

"Sara, things haven't been right for a very long time. I'm to blame. I'd hoped that I wasn't too late…to do something about…us. I started sending emails."

Sara breathed in deeply as she saw the list of emails in her inbox.

"I thought if we started out slow then…the cases have been taking a toll on all of us."

"Not you," she countered. "Everyone seemed affected except you."

"An act...I was trying to set an example."

"Of how not to feel?" she spat.

"I feel Sara. I feel everything that you do. I knew you were struggling…I could see it every time I handed you an assignment."

"I didn't think you even…saw me," she whispered.

"I did! It's why I used that key you gave me to come, pour over your emails, hoping you were not planning to leave...I was also watching over you."

He made her settle into the bed, pulling the covers up as he sat beside her.

"I would come and sit with you…like this." He stroked her hair as he leaned over and kissed her. "Sometimes, when you were frightened by the nightmares, I held you, comforting you."

"I remember," she said softly.

"I wasn't sure," he said quietly. "I seem to upset you more than comfort you these days."

"Sofia," she said.

"I knew you would hear about it," he griped. "She's not taking your position, Sara. It's only until you're able to return. With the three of us out..."

"Three?"

"Nick was in the hospital for about 4 days and then he was off work for two weeks. I got out…last week…went back to work for a day or so but I needed to be with you when they decided to bring you out of the coma."

She nodded.

"Catherine and I decided to coax Sofia into filling in until the lab was back on its feet."

He caressed her cheek. "Honey, you've had me worried. They'd tried to bring you out of the coma once or twice but a complication would come up and…" he didn't finish resting his head against hers.

"I didn't want to wake," she whispered.

"Why not?"

"It was nice….where I was."

"Where were you?"

"Somewhere between heaven and hell."

"And you preferred there…to here?" he choked. "You would choose that…instead of me?"

She shook her head. "We lived in a white cottage house with a white picket fence. We had a son…his name was Matthew."

"You dreamed…we were together…had a child?"

"It was a wonderful dream and now it is gone. My sweet, sweet Matthew is gone and I don't think I can bear to live here…anymore."

"Then don't," he whispered as he kissed her tenderly on the lips, his tears mingling with hers.

He stretched out on the bed, pulling her close to him. "When you're better, we'll look for that white cottage house with the white picket fence."

"You mean it?" she choked.

"I love you, Sara. I don't want to waste anymore time. I want you. I want us. I want our dream home…with Matthew."

He closed his eyes as he pulled her closer. "Sleep my Sara. I'll watch over you."

In the shadow a slight figure drifted away, coming to land outside the apartment.

"This is the way it should have been," whispered Francis.

"It didn't because I interfered…before," sighed Gracen.

"You almost interfered again when you saw her with the pills," stated Darius.

"As did you!" replied Gracen.

"I wasn't sure what she was going to do. She was so sad about not having Matthew."

"Grissom intervened," stated Francis. "Just as he would have…before we made a mess of this."

"I took matters into my own hands. I didn't trust God to take care of her. I just wanted to protect her," grieved Gracen.

"As her watcher, you should have…but only as He permits. You acted…didn't wait for His instructions."

"I know," admitted Gracen.

"By saving Darius, she saved all of us. His prayer enabled us to go back and fix it…the way it should have been," stated Francis.

"But I don't understand," stated Gracen to Darius. "Why did you want to change it? She was with Grissom and they had Matthew and both of you were with her."

"Sara deserved a simple life…with a husband and children…not angels or demons. She didn't need to worry about angelic blood or any of that crap so I prayed for Him to forgive us for interfering and to allow us to fix it. I just didn't think it would be so painful…losing Matthew," choked Darius.

"He's not lost…just delayed," smiled Gracen. "He'll be making an appearance within the year."

Darius seemed hopeful.

"I know. He told me," assured Gracen.

Darius grinned. "Well, what do we do now?"

"I get to watch over Sara and Grissom," announced Gracen.

"I volunteered to take Brass and…Heather," smiled Francis.

"Ooooh that was a stretch of the imagination there," snorted Darius. "You still hope to save her."

"Yes, I do…and Brass is going to help me," replied Francis.

"So that leaves you, Darius. What is your assignment?"

"I get Catherine and the guys….the guys will keep me busy…at least keep my head straight while I try to handle the vixen Catherine."

"Remember, we can't screw it up this time," warned Gracen.

**Six months later:**

Grissom smiled as he felt her warm body snuggled up to his backside.

He gently rolled over, pulling up the covers she'd tossed away during the night.

Her arms were cold as ice as he rubbed them.

"Nice," she murmured.

"We need to get up," he said as he kissed her lips. "Catherine and the guys are coming over…remember….dinner?"

She groaned.

"We can cancel. You haven't been feeling well," he said as he observed her slowly getting to her feet.

"Your son likes to keep me up. I can't find a comfortable spot."

"My son…doesn't like spicy food. I warned you," he teased.

"I had a craving," she said as she yawned.

He expected her to head to the bathroom but instead, she went into the nursery.

He followed, slipping his arms around her. "Just a few more months and we'll be holding Matthew."

"He came early last time," she said.

"Sara…you know none of that really happened. It was a coma induced dream."

"Maybe…maybe not," she said as she looked out the window and saw a young man standing across the street.

She swallowed recognizing Darius. He waved at her.

"Yeah, you're probably right. It was a dream…but a wonderful dream," she said as she swiped at her eyes.

"Parts of it weren't so wonderful. Are you alright?" he asked quickly, turning her around, concerned about the tears.

"Hormones," she sniffled.

"I love you, Sara."

"I love you, too."

"I'll go down and fix us some waffles. Okay?"

"Whipped cream," she called out.

She waited until he was gone to turn toward the window once more and saw that Darius was still standing there.

He waved once more and she did the same.

Within a blink of an eye he was gone.

She caressed the small bulge. "Let's go help Daddy with those waffles."

The End.

Note from author:

Different kind of ending…but what can I say? It was a different kind of story. Thanks for those who read along and actually reviewed.

Take care.


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